We‐ness and the Cultivation of Wisdom in Couple Therapy

Wisdom has played a key role in the attempt to understand the positive nature of human behavior since the time of Aristotle. In the past decade, psychology and related fields have experienced an expanding interest in the empirical and theoretical pursuit of wisdom. The relational dimension of wisdom has received less attention, although it may be viewed as embedded in the practice of all couple therapists. This article integrates previous work on resilience and positive functioning in committed partnerships and proposes relational wisdom to be a master virtue of relationship development, one that can be cultivated across the lifespan of the partnership. The aspects of relational wisdom such as self‐reflection, attunement to self and other, balancing conflicting partner aims, the interpretation of rules and principles in light of the uniqueness of each situation and the capacity to learn from experience point to couples therapy as an ideal context for such skill building. Wisdom is built through dialog and the resulting individual and couple stories can serve as touchstones to what is most precious and vital in the relationship as well as guides for action through challenges and conflict. A clinical case is described to illustrate selected aspects of relational wisdom and implications for therapeutic practice.