The Great Mother and the Terrible Mother: mimesis,alterity and attachment in adolescence

This paper discusses attachment, the longing for familiarity and sameness (mimesis), the search for difference and separateness (alterity) and the problem with the Other¹ seen through the lens ofthe individuation process in adolescence. These are explored with reference to relational aspects and Levinas and Girard's divergent views of the Other. The relational space, which in Phillip Bromberg's (2003) words is ‘uniquely relational, but still uniquely individual’ and in which analyst and patient ‘stand together in the space between realities’, might under exceptional circumstances be transformed into ‘a twilight space where the impossible becomes possible’ (p. 573). I will sketch a developmental trajectory starting from primitive states, in which the presence of the Other,as a separate entity cannot be tolerated and where the patient strives for total mimesis. Should the analyst prematurely shatter this illusion, she becomes an alien ‘Other’; a wolf in sheep's clothing. I trace the current psychoanalytic paradigm shift to an emphasis on the co‐creation of meaning in the interpersonal space and explore what alterity consists of and how much of the other's unknowability can be tolerated and respected without a translation into one's own idiom. The clinical vignettes illustrate aspects of therapy which normally lie outside the analytical remit and are culled from an inpatient setting and private practice.