Facilitating relational empowerment in couple therapy

Couples in distressed relationships often get caught up in power struggles, "Power Over" interactions that are informed by both neurobiology (e.g., the fight-flight reaction) and by cultural assumptions (e.g., competition, individualism, and patriarchy). This article seeks to widen the discourse about power by highlighting "Power To" and "Power With." Power To includes the ability to self-regulate, to read and manage one's own emotions, and to have voice while respecting the other's voice. Power With reflects the couple's commitment to conurture the relationship through empathy, respect, and generosity. Power To and Power With are proposed to constitute relational empowerment, the ability to navigate one's inner world and the interpersonal realm. The neurobiology of both couples' reactivity and relational empowerment are considered. Techniques are offered to facilitate Power To and Power With, interventions that interrupt couples' cycles of reactivity and allow them to make more thoughtful choices. Emotion regulation and empathy are particularly important skills of relational empowerment, and examples are offered to increase these capacities in couple therapy. The therapeutic perspective offered in this article challenges cultural practices and assumptions that keep intimate partners polarized in power struggles, and explores how relational empowerment can foster an egalitarian, mutually respectful relationship.