Lesbians, gay men, and their parents: family therapy for the coming-out crisis

It is considered psychologically healthy for lesbians and gay men to come out and live outside of the closet. However, parents tend to react with shock, disappointment, and shame when they learn of a son's or daughter's gay sexual orientation. Disclosure often precipitates a painful family crisis, which can lead to cutoffs between members. This article describes family therapy theories and interventions that can aid therapists in sheparding families through the initial stages of the coming-out crisis. Family therapists are advised to acknowledge and address the distinct emotional needs of coming-out individuals and their parents. Parents must grieve and obtain accurate information about gay lifestyles. Lesbians and gay men need support as they struggle to cope with their parents' negative reactions. Family members should be coached to maintain non-combative communication following the disclosure, even if contacts are initially brief and superficial. Case examples, drawn from the author's clinical work, will demonstrate how to address the separate needs of lesbians, gay men, and their parents while maintaining (or rebuilding) family relationships and ultimately guiding families toward successful resolution of this crisis.