Keeping fathers in mind

This paper focuses on keeping fathers in mind – in the mind of the mother and the mind of the therapist – as a symbol and as an actual person so that he can become a healthy presence in the mind of the child. Through its myths and laws, mainstream Indian culture constantly reinforces the idea that the child belongs first to the man who places ownership over a womb. This paper will focus on the importance of the father as a parent and not only as a sexual partner or keeper of the mother. It will illustrate that the actual presence of the father qualitatively enhances the child’s capacities and that the father’s absence or disengagement deeply and painfully affect a young boy. Through an account of some clinical work with young boys at a community-based psychotherapy clinic, the paper aims to illustrate the need of the boy for a good enough father, the reluctance of fathers to be involved in the parenting of their children, and the role of the mother in drawing in the father to be actively paternal.