When Racism Gets Personal: Toward Relational Healing

SUMMARY

In a culture that stratifies human differences, it is inevitable that anxiety about difference would be the source of much suffering. The power distortions that lie at the root of this suffering are manifest in relationships, from the most tangential to those that are deeply intimate. Moreover, the anxieties endemic to a race-based culture have the potential to thwart our most earnest efforts to make and maintain good connection. To adopt the feminist perspective, that the personal is political, is to acknowledge that no relationship can remain unscathed when power and value are differentially accorded based on racial group membership.

Three examples from clinical practice will be used to illustrate how racial anxiety impedes movement toward authenticity, mutuality, and empowerment in intimate relationships. In these examples, three biracial women who identify as black navigate the racial stratifications that contaminate the inevitable conflicts in their relationships with parents, mentors, and lovers. Because of the multilayered anxieties stemming from living and loving in a racially stratified culture, conflicts, which might otherwise be the source of growth and deeper connection, become rigidified and immobilizing. In addition to examining the debilitating impact of racial anxiety, the presentation will highlight the relational processes that facilitate healing, resilience, and mutual empowerment.