The Unseen Spouse: Pitfalls and Possibilities for the Individual Therapist

Individual therapists often hear a great deal about our patients' spouses or partners, and naturally develop ideas and beliefs about that unseen other and about the causes of any relationship difficulties the patient reports. Not uncommonly, therapists can lose touch with the fact that their impressions of an unseen spouse are constructions that have emerged from the transference/countertransference field, based on only partial or limited information—not veridical truths. They can then talk with the patient about his or her partner or relationship issues in ways that can ultimately do both patient and spouse a significant disservice and perhaps distract from the patient's own issues and analytic goals. This paper discusses several factors that seem to contribute to the development of this problematic dynamic, including various qualities of the transference/countertransference field, and offers suggestions for avoiding or reducing it. Clinical material is used to illustrate key points.