The Rub: Sexual Interplay as a Nexus of Lust,Romantic Love,and Emotional Attachment

Sexual interplay and intercourse itself involve not just an erotic impulse, but a web of mating drives that coincide and diverge. Affectionate, romantic, and companionate feelings color the sexual experience to varying degrees in conjunction with lust itself. The rhythmic cadence of each of these mating urges during sexual interplay is just as important as the orgasmic goal. The role of the “rub”—a kind of constructive friction, of healthful pushing against, of a vital opposition between self and other—creates a dynamic excitement that has hitherto been underappreciated by our focus on orgasm itself. The experience of opposing another and being opposed promotes psychic growth and change.