You must leave before you can cleave: A family systems approach to premarital pastoral work

We advocate the use of a family systems approach to premarital pastoral work, involving exploration of the families of origin of the intended spouses. Family systems theory argues that a marriage is like a merger of two corporations, each having its own stockholders; thus, adequate preparation for marriage involves coming to terms with the realities of one's family of origin and that of one's intended spouse. Exploratory techniques include genograms, house tours, family photo albums, and discussions of the rules and rituals in the respective families. Leaving father and mother is the central prerequisite to marriage.Dr. Mitchell is Professor of Pastoral Care and Theology, Eden Theological Seminary, 475 E. Lockwood Ave., Webster Groves, Missouri 63119. Dr. Anderson is Associate Professor of Pastoral Theology, Wartburg Theological Seminary, 333 Wartburg Place, Dubuque, Iowa 52001.