I DON'T KNOW WHO TO BLAME: HIV-POSITIVE SOUTH AFRICAN WOMEN NAVIGATING HETEROSEXUAL INFECTION

Women who become HIV infected through heterosexual transmission are faced with the task of making sense of how they became infected. This paper presents a qualitative analysis based on interviews with 35 HIV-positive South African Black women. A specific theme, that blame of a male partner was avoided or disavowed in interviews, is explored in relation to broader contexts concerning gender and HIV. It is suggested that the repeated phrase I don't know who to blame expresses gender-differentiated speaking rights. It also protects women from voicing their own anger, guilt and internalization of badness as a result of an HIV-positive diagnosis. Further, it protects women from exposure to male destructiveness and from confronting the possibility that they themselves are implicated in the infection of others. Analysis offers opportunities for exploring how women both resist and repeat dominant discourses and dominant fears related to HIV-infected womanhood.