The Powerless Therapist and the Helpless Borderline: Acceptance,Aloneness, and Dyadic Joining

The encounter between therapist and borderline patient brings with it a humbling experience of powerlessness. The therapist or helping agent must confront her or his own feelings of inability to change anything in the patient's mental or material life. With this comes a corresponding reality that the locus of therapeutic action remains very circumscribed indeed. Many therapists, particularly new ones to the field, may feel overwhelmed by anxiety, grief, guilt, and fear, tempting them to jump precipitously into interpretations or thinly veiled advice-giving—or, alternatively, to deflect emotion with hollow “empathic” mirroring. By actively getting in touch with and using his or her experience of powerlessness, however, the therapist can find a way forward that relies on dyadic joining and a more useful conception of the therapist/patient system (whose dynamics, as we will see, are also increasingly clarified thanks to emergent neuroscience findings). Central aspects of this approach have been present since borderline first appeared in the literature, continuing through more recent contributions, notably those of Marsha Linehan and the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) school.