Gender and the Construction of Intimacy among Committed Couples with Children

This study began with curiosity regarding how long‐term couples with children manage their relationships in view of changing societal demands and ideals. Couples interviewed for this study described the intersection of time and intimacy as a core issue. Thus, this analysis focused on how couples construct intimacy in shared time. The diverse sample included 17 heterosexual working and professional class couples in the United States who had been committed for at least 10 years and whose oldest child was aged 6–16. Analysis identified four types of shared time experiences: gender divided, elusive, growing, and emotionally connected. Four factors influenced these types: (a) negotiated gendered differences, (b) intentionality, (c) mutual attending, and (d) dyadic friendship. The most emotionally connected couples reported that time together reinforced satisfaction and pleasure from their relationships. Results help explain different ways couples successfully negotiate changing expectations for heterosexual relationships and why some couples struggle. Findings suggest that therapists help couples intentionally develop habits of friendship and mutual attending.     

The CARE System in Its Importance in Dealing with Today's Crises1

The CARE system is a gift from Mother Nature, we have it in our biological heritage; it enables us humans—as a basic gift—to help each other in a large, life-serving context, and thus also to counterbalance destruction. It is about a basic human ability, linked to typical behaviour, but also about a basic human need for connectedness. In this paper, I would like to show how the CARE system can be activated as a collective attitude. The CARE system is strengthened by positive emotions. We are currently being affected by many crises and this triggers fear. How can we deal with this better? Fear is countered with hope and the associated positive emotions such as joy, awe, kama muta and others. These emotions and feelings can be consciously encouraged and placed alongside the feelings of fear. But also, when we share the feelings of grief with each other, it triggers an attitude of CARE. We can grieve together for the various experiences of loss that we go through—but we can also imagine together how we envisage a future that is worth living for everyone. An attitude in the sense of CARING has been practised in friendship for thousands of years. It would therefore be possible to move away from an attitude of competing and outdoing, to an attitude not only of recognition, care, and solidarity in human interaction, but also in our connection with nature.