The vulnerability cycle: working with impasses in couple therapy

In this article, we propose the vulnerability cycle as a construct for understanding and working with couples' impasses. We expand the interactional concept of couples' reciprocal patterns to include behavioral and subjective dimensions, and articulate specific processes that trigger and maintain couples' entanglements. We consider the vulnerability cycle as a nexus of integration in which "vulnerabilities" and "survival positions" are key ideas that bring together interactional, sociocultural, intrapsychic, and intergenerational levels of meaning and process. The vulnerability cycle diagram is presented as a tool for organizing information. We suggest a therapeutic approach for deconstructing couples' impasses and facilitating new patterns through deliberate modes of questioning, a freeze-frame technique, stimulation of calmness and reflection, separating present from past, and elicitation of alternative meanings, behaviors, empathy, and choice. This approach encourages the therapist and couple to work collaboratively in promoting change and resilience.     

Facilitating relational empowerment in couple therapy

Couples in distressed relationships often get caught up in power struggles, "Power Over" interactions that are informed by both neurobiology (e.g., the fight-flight reaction) and by cultural assumptions (e.g., competition, individualism, and patriarchy). This article seeks to widen the discourse about power by highlighting "Power To" and "Power With." Power To includes the ability to self-regulate, to read and manage one's own emotions, and to have voice while respecting the other's voice. Power With reflects the couple's commitment to conurture the relationship through empathy, respect, and generosity. Power To and Power With are proposed to constitute relational empowerment, the ability to navigate one's inner world and the interpersonal realm. The neurobiology of both couples' reactivity and relational empowerment are considered. Techniques are offered to facilitate Power To and Power With, interventions that interrupt couples' cycles of reactivity and allow them to make more thoughtful choices. Emotion regulation and empathy are particularly important skills of relational empowerment, and examples are offered to increase these capacities in couple therapy. The therapeutic perspective offered in this article challenges cultural practices and assumptions that keep intimate partners polarized in power struggles, and explores how relational empowerment can foster an egalitarian, mutually respectful relationship.     

Healing Intergenerational Wounds: An Integrative Relational–Neurobiological Approach

Old resentments and unfinished business from the family of origin can constrain adults in current relationships with parents or siblings and negatively affect relationships with partners or children. This article explores how old wounds get reactivated in current relationships and contribute to the intergenerational transmission of painful legacies and trauma. Building on intergenerational family theory and interpersonal neurobiology, the dynamics of reactivity and pathways for growth are explored. While much of the time the human brain is on autopilot, driven by habits and emotional reactivity, we are capable of bringing prefrontal thoughtfulness and choice to close relationships. Rather than being victims of parents or our past, we can become authors of our own relational life. Interventions are offered to help adult clients “wake from the spell of childhood,” heal intergenerational wounds, and “grow up” relationships with family of origin. The damage caused by parent‐blaming in therapy is explored and contrasted with Ivan Boszormenyi‐Nagy's emphasis on rejunctive action and cultivating resources of trustworthiness in intergenerational relationships. The family is considered both in its cultural context—including stressors and resources for resilience—and in its life cycle context. Aging in the intergenerational family is discussed, focusing on ways adult children and their parents can grow and flourish with the challenges at this time of life. Throughout, the theme of relational ethics—how we can live according to our values and “reach for our best self” in intergenerational relationships—informs the discussion.     

Relational narratives of the self.

The prevailing view of the self in contemporary Western culture is of the autonomous, separate individual. This article considers shifts toward a more relational view in thinking about the self, in developmental psychology and in therapy, especially family therapy. From diverse perspectives this relational narrative of the self is explored, highlighting relational formulations about autonomy, power, and connection/disconnection. Therapeutic approaches that are grounded in a relational narrative are considered. Finally, this article explores, through clinical vignettes, the impact on individuals and their significant others when they shift to a more relational view of the self in their own lives.     

A CHARIOT FOR THE SHEKHINAH: Identity and the Ideal Life in Sixteenth-Century Kabbalah

In this paper, I seek to present the range of issues involved in the efforts of sixteenth-century kabbalists to understand the nature of selfhood, and the paths prescribed for the formation of an ideal life. I reflect on the mystical writings of Moshe Cordovero, Eliyahu de Vidas, and     ayyim Vital—probing their conceptions of core identity, the polarity between body and soul, and the ethical guidance for a life well lived. In so doing, I consider the following additional themes, and their relation to the matrix of self-formation and religious identity: reincarnation and rebirth; the virtue of humility and self-effacement; the cultivation of wisdom; ideals of piety and prophetic experience; asceticism; and the spiritual transcendence of desire. In presenting this wide range of constituent themes, I argue that sixteenth-century kabbalists understood the soul to be the ultimate marker of personal identity (nuanced and complicated by the doctrine of reincarnation), and that they formulated a vision of an ideal ethics in which the human being functions as an earthly vessel for the divine presence. What is more, the preparation of that vessel required a degree of humility so extreme that the attainment of ideal personhood ultimately involved the effacement of that very identity.