Communication Questions for Couples

ABSTRACT

In this article, I share a series of questions to help couples, either in therapy or as a homework assignment, reflect upon various aspects of their relationship. The questions also provide the less articulate, less emotionally available partner a structured platform to share and connect. This activity gives many couples a sense of hope since it provides opportunities to practice relating more intimately and to experience the closeness that often results.     

Feminist Issues in Couple Therapy

Abstract

The authors reviewed the feminist couple therapy literature from 1995 to 2006. They summarized this large body of work into several key themes. The first revealed that feminist couples therapists are continuing to discuss and deconstruct gender issues in couple therapy. The second showed that feminists believe that therapists should be educated both academically and personally about culture and diversity so as to support couples in their therapy around their own issues of diversity as well as learning to deal with issues of social justice as a couple. In the third theme, the authors introduced readers to feminists' emphasis on connection and empathy within couple and sex therapy. And, in the fourth, the authors explored feminists' work with power in couple therapy as they applied to couple therapy in general as well as around the specific topics of: balancing family and work and therapy for familial violence.     

Commitment

SUMMARY

This article addresses the issue of commitment and its importance in developing and sustaining an enriching relationship. The author describes commitment, its dynamics, and its implications for treating couples in conflict. The author also describes the conditions in which the issue of commitment is addressed in therapy and treatment interventions that can be used to help couples resolve their differences.     

Marital virtues and their relationship to individual functioning,communication, and relationship adjustment

Extant research has documented both individual well-being and couple communication as important predictors of marital adjustment. In the recent years, researchers have looked beyond problem-based predictors, shifting the focus from pathology and communication to include positive actions and ways of being. This study used Fowers’ [(2005) Virtue and psychology: Pursuing excellence in ordinary practices. Washington, DC: APA Press] framework of virtue ethics to test additional potentially important linkages. This framework posits that characteristics, such as compassion and generosity, which are foundational to relationship adjustment. This study examined the direct and indirect links among individual functioning, marital virtues, communication, and marital adjustment. Data were collected from a sample of 422 married and cohabitating individuals using a self-report survey. Individual well-being significantly and consistently predicted virtues, communication, and relationship functioning. Marital virtues and communication were found to mediate the relationship between individual well-being and relationship adjustment. In addition, communication was found to mediate the relationship between marital virtues and relationship adjustment. Findings provide support for the notion that character strengths – enacted as marital virtues – influence communication and relationship adjustment.     

新婚夫妻接收配偶支持的情感覆盖效应研究

采用社会支持观察研究范式及问卷调查相结合的方式,对41对新婚夫妻进行提供支持、接收支持以及婚姻满意度测量,探讨提供支持与配偶接收支持之间关系的性别效应及婚姻满意度的情感覆盖效应.结果显示：①妻子提供的支持可以预测丈夫接收到的支持,但丈夫提供的支持不能预测妻子接收到的支持.②妻子接收到的支持与丈夫提供的支持之间的不一致受婚姻满意度的情感覆盖效应的调节,而丈夫则没有这种效应.结论：妻子在对丈夫的支持行为进行解码时,更多受到婚姻满意度的情感覆盖效应影响.     

Responses of Preschoolers in Two Frustrating Episodes: Emergence of Complex Strategies for Emotion Regulation

Although research on young children's abilities to organize emotional states has increased in recent years, little is known about the emergence of complex strategies for emotion regulation in preschoolers. In the present study, emotion-regulation strategies used by 52 normally developing 3- and 4-year-olds were examined. Children and their primary caregivers (50 mothers, 2 fathers) participated in 2 controlled frustration episodes that were videotaped. Four types of strategies were coded: comforting behaviors, instrumental behaviors, distraction behaviors, and cognitive reappraisals. Results indicated that 3-year-olds used proportionately more instrumental strategies than 4-year-olds, and parents of 3-year-olds showed the same pattern, whereas parents of 4-year-olds did not. Moreover, 3-year-olds used a variety of strategies when frustrated, including cognitive reappraisals. Significant positive correlations were found between the types of strategies used by the children and by the parents to help their children. It is suggested that children may be using strategies to organize their emotional states before they are able to accurately report on them.     

Trauma,perversion and marital bond

Abstract

The purpose of this article is to study in the clinic the incidence of so-called perverse phenomena in relationships, in order to find out when these phenomena depend on a perverse organization and when they are only a kind of erotic game between the couple, in both hetero- and homosexual aspects. The first difficulty was to find a definition of “perversion” shared by the authors who have carried out research on the subject and consequently to determine what characterizes a perverse marital bond. In contrast to neurosis, which can be defined by the use of the repression mechanism, the mechanism of disavowal is not exclusive for perversion since it can be found even in other psychical arrangements. Is it, then, a structure or a psychological organization? It is also considered to be a “truth” in psychoanalysis that the pervert cannot be analyzed. But is it the pervert who cannot be analyzed, or is it the analyst who cannot bear listening to him? Do the theoretical references of the analyst not give sufficient theoretical support to maintain his listening? This paper presents the hypothesis that perversion is an attempt – always a frustrated one, and for this reason indefinitely repeated – to elaborate a trauma in which the pervert, identified with the traumatic agent, touches a point equally traumatic for his partner, turning the partner into an object of enjoyment. This arrangement allows the pervert, at least in his imagination, to leave the suffered trauma behind, adopting towards the object a position of activity and domination. Identifying with the aggressor, he leaves his partner paralyzed in the traumatic point, a situation that he knows all too well.

dos Reis Filho JT, et al Trauma, Perversion und eheliche Bande

Der Artikel untersucht klinische Fällen von sogenannter Perversion in Beziehungen, mit dem Ziel herauszufinden, wann es sich um eine perverse Organisation und wann es sich lediglich um eine spezielle Art von erotischem Spiel zwischen dem Paar handelt, dies sowohl in hetero- wie in homosexuellen Beziehungen. Die erste Schwierigkeit war, eine für alle Autoren akzeptable Definition von Perversion zu finden. Alle hatten Erfahrung in Forschung in diesem Gebiet und mussten sich auf Vorstellungen einigen, wodurch eine perverse eheliche Beziehung gekennzeichnet ist. Im Gegensatz zur Neurose, gekennzeichnet ausschliesslich von Verdrängungsmechanismen, kommt Ablehnung nicht ausschliesslich bei der Perversion vor sondern auch bei anderen psychischen Strukturen. Ist Perversion demnach eine psychische Struktur oder eine psychologische Organisation? Es wird auch als erwiesen betrachtet, dass ein Perverser nicht analysiert werden kann. Aber, ist es wirklich der Perverse, der nicht analysiert werden kann? Ist es nicht vielleicht der Analytiker, der es nicht ertragen kann, dem Perversen zuzuhören? Gibt der theoretische analytische Hintergrund des Analytikers ihm möglicherweise nicht genug Unterstützung, um das Zuhören aufrechterhalten zu können? Dieser Aufsatz vertritt die Hypothese, dass die Perversion ein unaufhörlich wiederholter, immer misslingender Versuch ist, ein Trauma aufzuarbeiten. Der Perverse ist identifiziert mit dem Täter im damaligen Trauma. Er trifft einen traumatisierten Punkt beim Partner und macht aus ihm ein Objekt seiner Lusterfüllung. Dieses Arrangement erlaubt dem Perversen-wenigstens in seiner Phantasie – das von ihm erlittene Trauma hinter sich zu lassen, indem er gegenüber dem Objekt eine Position der Aktivität und Dominanz einnimmt. Identifiziert mit dem Aggressor belässt er seinen Partner gelähmt am traumatischen Punkt-eine Situation, die er nur allzu gut an sich selbst kennt.

dos Reis Filho JT et al. Trauma, perversión y el vínculo marital

El propósito del presente trabajo es estudiar en la clínica la incidencia de los cada vez más llamados fenómenos perversos en las relaciones, para descubrir cuando este fenómeno depende de una organización perversa y cuando se trata de un tipo de juego erótico en las parejas, tanto en sus aspectos homosexuales como heterosexuales. La primera dificultad fue encontrar una definición de perversión compartida por los autores estudiosos de este tema y consecuentemente determinar las características de un vínculo marital perverso. En contraste con la neurosis que puede ser definida por el uso del mecanismo de la represión, el mecanismo de la negación no es característico de la perversión únicamente sino que se puede también encontrar en otras organizaciones psíquicas. ¿Se trata entonces de una estructura o de una organización psicológica? Se considera también que en psicoanálisis, es cierto que se trata al perverso como inanalizable. Bueno, ¿es el perverso el que no es analizable o es el psicoanalista que no puede soportar escucharlo? Acaso las referencias teóricas del analista no ofrecen suficientes soportes teóricos para mantener la escucha? Este trabajo presenta la hipótesis de que la perversión es un intento – siempre frustrado, y por lo mismo indefinidamente repetido- para elaborar un trauma en el que el perverso está identificado con el agente traumático, tocando un punto igualmente traumático en su pareja, convirtiendo a su pareja en objeto de su disfrute. Este arreglo permite al perverso, al menos en su imaginación, dejar atrás el trauma sufrido, adoptando con su objeto una posición de actividad y dominación. Identificándose con el agresor, deja a su pareja paralizada en el punto traumático, situación que el perverso sabe muy bien.     

Depression,anxiety and social support in rheumatoid arthritic women without and with a spouse

Abstract

A comparison was made of income and physical, social and psychological aspects of health between 22 female patients who had never married, 127 patients living with a spouse and 53 patients who were widowed or divorced. No significant differences were found between never married patients and patients living with a spouse. The widowed or divorced patients however had a lower income, reported less potential support, more depression and anxiety than the patients who were never married and those living with a spouse. The relationship of social support to depression and anxiety was investigated in spouseless patients (n=75) and in those living with a spouse (n=127). In both groups of patients, less potential support was found to be related to more anxiety. In addition, pain was found to contribute significantly to depression and to anxiety only in the patients living with a spouse. With regard to the latter, it is suggested that the debilitating influence of pain on the relationship with the partner might have been the mediating factor.     

Moderating Effect of Marital Status on the Association Between Combat Exposure and Post-Deployment Mental Health in Canadian Military Personnel

For military personnel, there are positive and negative aspects of marriage, which may contribute to mental health during times of high stress. The present study investigated the relationship of marital status with three mental health outcomes (general mental health, posttraumatic stress disorder [PTSD], depression) among 14,624 Canadian military personnel recently deployed in support of the mission in Afghanistan. Greater combat exposure was associated with poorer postdeployment mental health, but marital status was, on its own, only slightly associated with PTSD. Marital status significantly moderated the relationship between combat exposure and mental health: For both single and married participants, mental health declined as combat exposure increased, but this association was stronger for married members. This association could be due to the additional familial demands that married personnel may face upon their return from deployment or to the stresses associated with poor marital satisfaction. Overall, results suggest that the relationship between marital status and mental health after deployment is complex and may vary according to other factors.     

Relational aggression in marriage

Drawing from developmental theories of relational aggression, this article reports on a study designed to identify if spouses use relationally aggressive tactics when dealing with conflict in their marriage and the association of these behaviors with marital outcomes. Using a sample of 336 married couples (672 spouses), results revealed that the majority of couples reported that relationally aggressive behaviors, such as social sabotage and love withdrawal, were a part of their marital dynamics, at least to some degree. Gender comparisons of partner reports of their spouse's behavior revealed that wives were significantly more likely to be relationally aggressive than husbands. Structural equation modeling demonstrated that relational aggression is associated with lower levels of marital quality and greater marital instability for both husbands and wives. Implications are drawn for the use of relational aggression theory in the future study of couple conflict and marital aggression Aggr. Behav. 36:315–329, 2010. © 2010 Wiley‐Liss, Inc.