Love in Action: An Integrative Approach to Last Chance Couple Therapy

This article presents an integrative approach to the special challenges of therapy with couples on the brink of dissolution or divorce—who often describe this therapy as their “last chance.” In some, one partner is considering ending the relationship, and in others, both partners are considering ending it. Often, these couples have had prior dissatisfying experiences in couple therapy. Four types of last chance couples are described: high‐conflict couples; couples in which partners have differing goals for their lives or different timelines for reaching shared goals; couples in which one or both partners have acted in a manner that violates the values, expectations, emotional comfort, or safety of the other; and couples in which there has been a gradual loss of intimacy. The Therapeutic Palette, a multiperspectival, theoretically eclectic integrative approach, is enlisted as a general framework for selecting and sequencing use of particular theories and their associated practices, based on the three “primary colors” of couple therapy: time frame/focus, level of directiveness, and change entry point. An additional complementary framework, the creative relational movement approach, is proposed to provide an integrative frame encompassing both language‐based and action‐based practices, suggesting that meaning is held and expressed as much through interaction or “relational motion” as it is through language. Principles of change are described. Due to the couple's level of crisis and desire for immediate evidence of possible improvement, priority is given to action‐based interventions in early stages of therapy, by engaging couples in “experiments in possibility.” Typical action approaches are described. An extended vignette follows.     

Framing divorce reform: media, morality, and the politics of family

No-fault statutes changed divorce from an adversarial system pitting victims against victimizers, with the state acting as enforcer of marital norms, to a private decision between unhappily married but legally blameless partners. Divorce reform following no-fault primarily focused on making divorce more fair for the parties involved. Over the last several decades, divorce reform has transitioned from making divorce better to making marriage healthier. The good divorce has slipped from policy attention, elevating the potential for restigmatization of divorced couples and their children. We trace the trajectory of media framing of divorce reform discourse in three general circulation newspapers from the start of the no-fault revolution, noting how media framing parallels and naturalizes the transition in divorce reform policy. We conclude by observing the prevalence of divorce and the related need for therapists to be cognizant of this naturalization process, thereby keeping the good divorce as a goal for those who desire to end their marriages.     

The origins of modern divorce

High rates of marital dissolution and easy access to divorce are not unprecedented, historically or cross-culturally. But contemporary divorce in North America and Western Europe has different origins and features than divorce in previous cultures. The origins of modern divorce patterns date back more than 200 years, to the invention of the historically unprecedented idea that marriage should be based on love and mutual affection. Ironically, then, the fragility of modern marriage stems from the same values that have elevated the marital relationship above all other personal and familial commitments: the concentration of emotion, passion, personal identity, and self-validation in the couple relationship and the attenuation of emotional attachments and obligations beyond the conjugal unit. The immediate causes of divorce may range from factors as diverse as the personal psychological characteristics of one or both spouses to the stresses of economic hardship and community disintegration. But in a larger perspective, the role of divorce in modern societies and its relatively high occurrence both flow from the same complex of factors that have made good marriages so much more central to people's happiness than through most of the past, and deterioration of a marital relationship so much more traumatic.     

Effects of the Dads for Life intervention on interparental conflict and coparenting in the two years after divorce

The ability of parents to forge harmonious coparenting relationships following divorce is an important predictor of their children's long-term well-being. However, there is no convincing evidence that this relationship can be modified through intervention. A preventive intervention that we developed, Dads for Life (DFL), which targeted noncustodial parents as participants, has previously been shown in a randomized field trial to favorably impact child well-being. We explore here whether it also has an impact on mothers' and fathers' perceptions of coparenting and interparental conflict in the 2 years following divorce. Results of the latent growth curve models we evaluated showed that both mothers and fathers reported less conflict when the father participated in DFL as compared with controls. For the fathers, perceptions of coparenting did not change over time in either the DFL or control conditions. Alternatively, mothers' perceptions of support declined over time in the control group, whereas those whose ex-husbands participated in the DFL program reported significant positive growth change toward healthier coparenting. The positive findings for mothers' reports are particularly compelling because mothers were not the participants, and thus common alternative explanations are ruled out. The DFL intervention, then, offers courts a promising program to improve families' functioning after divorce.     

Links between parental psychological violence, other family disturbances, and children's adjustment

In a sample of 143 parent-child dyads from two-parent and separated families, this investigation documented the links between parental psychological violence and separation or divorce, severity of parental conflict, triangulation of the child in this conflict, and polarized parent-child alliances. The unique and combined contributions of all these variables to children's behavior problems were also assessed. Participants were parents, mostly mothers, and their 10-12-year-old child. They were recruited through schools, community organizations, and newspapers. Questionnaires were administered at home. Findings suggest that separated families undergo more relational disturbances than two-parent families (more severe conflicts, more triangulation, stronger parent-child alliances), but the amount of parental psychological violence was similar in both groups. Psychological violence was associated with the severity of parental conflict, especially in two-parent families. Triangulation of the child in parental conflict was another correlate of psychological violence. Once all variables were controlled for, psychological violence remained the only significant correlate of children's externalized behavior problems. These findings raise the importance of preventing psychological violence toward children, especially in families plagued with severe parental conflicts.     

Children's living arrangements following separation and divorce: insights from empirical and clinical research

When parents separate, children typically enter into new living arrangements with each parent in a pattern determined most often by one or both parents or, failing private agreement, as a result of recommendations and decisions by lawyers, therapists, custody evaluators, or family courts. Most of these decisions have been based on cultural traditions and beliefs regarding postseparation parenting plans, visitation guidelines adopted within jurisdictions, unsubstantiated theory, and strongly held personal values and professional opinions, and have resulted since the 1960s in children spending most of their time with one residential parent and limited time with nonresident, or "visiting," parents. A large body of social science and child development research generated over the past three decades has identified factors associated with risk and resiliency of children after divorce. Such research remains largely unknown and untapped by parents and professionals making these crucial decisions about children's living arrangements. This article highlights empirical and clinical research that is relevant to the shape of children's living arrangements after separation, focusing first on what is known about living arrangements following divorce, what factors influence living arrangements for separated and divorced children, children's views about their living arrangements, and living arrangements associated with children's adjustment following divorce. Based on this research, it is argued that traditional visiting patterns and guidelines are, for the majority of children, outdated, unnecessarily rigid, and restrictive, and fail in both the short and long term to address their best interests. Research-based parenting plan models offering multiple options for living arrangements following separation and divorce more appropriately serve children's diverse developmental and psychological needs.