The capacity to forgive: An object relations perspective

Forgiveness is commended by Christianity, as well as other religious traditions, as one of the most central of virtues, so central that the New Testament links man's very salvation to his ability to forgive. However, mental health professionals have correctly pointed out that the mandate to forgive is often used by religious patients in the service of defenses such as reaction formation, undoing, and denial. The forgiveness ideal is often misunderstood as a command not to experience aggressive feelings.It is the thesis of this paper that the capacity for genuine forgiveness is central not only to spiritual development but to psychological development as well. It is suggested that Kernberg's object relations theory provides the best model for understanding the nature and importance of forgiveness. Mature forgiveness does not involve the elimination of negative feelings toward others (or oneself) but the integration of negative and positive self-object representations and their connected affect. Anger at the offending persons must then be tempered by appreciation for their concomitant good qualities and motivations or, at the very least, empathy for the flaws which prompted them to behave destructively. The result is a more realistic and balanced view of others (and oneself), a more genuine relationship to the full range of one's own inner experience, and a greater ability to respond constructively to frustrating persons and situations.This paper was presented at the Annual Meeting of the American Psychological Association in New York in August 1987. The author wishes to thank Mark Finn, Ph.D., and David Hamblin, Ph.D., for their valuable discussions in the development of the ideas in the paper. Address requests for reprints to Dr. Gartner, Dept. of Pastoral Counseling, Loyola College, 7135 Mistrel Way, Columbia, MD 21045.     

The social supports of suicide attempters: The different roles of family and friends

The social support patterns of a sample of 101 suicide attempters were compared with the patterns of a control sample on the basis of structured interview data. Network characteristics and the extent of support in different functional categories were examined as to their absolute and relative power to discriminate between the suicide attempters and the controls. A clear separation of the functions of kin and of friends/acquaintances emerged. The crucial difference between the attempters and the controls lay in the number of friends with whom the subjects had agreeable everyday interactions and in the number of kin that provided crisis support, both psychological and instrumental. Other support differences between the two groups were of secondary importance. While there was no overall difference in the frequency of social interactions between the two groups, the size of the social network differed greatly. Consequences for the conceptualization and measurement of social support as well as for the prevention of suicidal behavior are discussed.