Discovering forgiveness through empathy: implications for couple and family therapy

This article explores the concept of forgiveness in the context of couple and family therapy. Forgiveness is described as a complex psychological and relational process that is more a discovery via understanding and empathy than an act of will. Empathy is related to emotional intelligence, and the developmental and relational benefits of both are discussed. A rationale for viewing forgiveness in a contextual (family of origin), historical and relational attachment paradigm is offered. Relevant clinical cases illustrate the process of forgiveness as discovery in the context of an empathic relational environment where ambivalence is anticipated and respected.     

Relational ethics in the novels of Charles Williams

In the novels of Charles Williams, characters are faced with the mundane but profound choice between "charity and selfishness," the City and Infamy. Williams' "way of exchange" and "doctrine of substitution" have direct parallels in contextual family therapy. In Descent Into Hell, he explores the long-term effects of legacy and the balancing of the relational ledger through the process of "substituted" love. In All Hallows' Eve, the focus is on forgiveness and the opportunity to correct relational mistakes while one is in a purgatorial state. Both novels include parallel processes of relational stagnation/disjunction and rejunction, illustrating the fact that our simple, everyday choices have ultimate significance.     

The Politics of Apology and Forgiveness

The politics of apologies and forgiveness is present in individual pastoral care and psychotherapy as well as in the broader context of the world in which we live. Forgiveness is a process that names harm and injustices while also offering possibilities for change, ultimately providing individuals, families, and communities with deeper and more profound ways of imagining relational justice. Such a perspective illuminates the ways in which harm and damage can be individual and systemic in nature, as well as how struggles over meaningful forgiveness are part of larger political realities. As one part of this process, apologies that account for the multiple ways power functions can assist individuals and communities in creating more justice-oriented forgiveness processes. Pastoral care specialists are wise to recognize that apologies and forgiveness always engage social, relational, political, and theological realities.     

Forgiveness and Cohesion in Familial Perceptions of Alcohol Misuse

The authors examine the relationships between forgiveness, family cohesion, and alcohol. In Study 1 (N= 190), participants reported lower levels of trust and forgiveness for family members who misuse alcohol. In Study 2 (N= 141), the authors present a model demonstrating family cohesion and trait forgiveness related to state forgiveness of an alcohol‐misusing family member. State forgiveness was related to trust in that family member and, subsequently, higher levels of perceived misuser drinking refusal efficacy.     

The Therapeutic Use of Forgiveness in Healing Intergenerational Pain

The author discusses the therapeutic use of forgiveness in healing intergenerational pain. Forgiveness is conceptualized as a 4‐station process that is used to break unhealthy developmental and relational patterns and to promote healing. These stations can help the client gain insight and understand the intergenerational pain, provide an opportunity for compensation, and empower the client to act on the forgiveness. A case example of an adolescent is presented to illustrate the therapeutic value of encouraging exoneration and then forgiveness.     

Writing About Upsetting Family Events: A Therapy Analog Study

This therapy analog study investigated whether a writing intervention based on contextual therapy would have positive effects on physical, mental, and relational health. One-hundred-and-three college students were randomly assigned to write about either an upsetting family event/issue from childhood or a trivial event during a four-day period. As anticipated, relative to the control participants, those in the experimental condition reported an increase in negative mood and physical symptoms immediately after writing each day. Also as anticipated, the experimental participants also reported feeling better about themselves and their topics at post-test. Unexpectedly, there were either no significant differences or differences in the unpredicted direction between the control and experimental groups in physical, psychological, and relational functioning at posttest and follow-up. However, post-hoc analyses revealed differential changes within the experimental group as a function of the personal relevance and the degree of previous disclosure of the topics. Limitations of written expression as a therapeutic tool are discussed.     

Strengthening Connectedness in Close Relationships: A Model for Applying Contextual Therapy

This article presents a model for conducting contextual therapy with the aim of contributing to the further development of contextual therapy. Its founder, Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy, introduced the core of this approach, relational ethics, as a new paradigm for family therapy, which has been received well. The authors presume that the training of (upcoming) contextual therapists and conducting contextual therapy itself can benefit from more concrete guidelines and a phased structure. It can also enhance the further development, research, and accountability of this approach. Therefore, using a design-oriented method, the authors developed a model that helps to shape a contextual therapy process and the applicable contextual interventions. It is based on strengthening connectedness in close relationships, using relational ethics as its compass. The framework of the model consists of three phases: exploring connectedness in close relationships, modifying connectedness in close relationships, and reinforcing connectedness in close relationships, whereby the goals of each of these phases are defined as process elements and expanded into guidelines for 19 interventions. The ingredients for these interventions are derived from two recent studies on the practice of Nagy and on the practice of current contextual therapists. The model is explained and substantiated based on contextual theory and therapy. Final remarks are presented in the conclusion.     

In the wake of transgressions: Examining forgiveness communication in personal relationships

This study evaluated several structural equation models testing the relations between forgiveness communication styles, offense and offender variables, and relational characteristics. Results suggest partners' style of forgiveness (i.e., direct, indirect, and conditional) is shaped by offense and offender variables. Specifically, offender remorse positively predicted both direct and conditional forgiveness, offense severity negatively predicted indirect forgiveness, and blameworthiness positively predicted conditional forgiveness. Results also demonstrated that whereas direct forgiving following transgressions improved relationships (i.e., decreased relational damage and increased satisfaction), conditional forgiving detracted from relationships (i.e., increased relational damage). Indirect forgiveness, in contrast to the other styles, was unrelated to relational damage. These and other findings are discussed in light of research/theorizing on interpersonal forgiveness, relational maintenance, facework, and communication accommodation.     

The influence of personal,relational, and contextual factors on forgiveness communication following transgressions

The way that individuals adapt to stress in their romantic relationships plays a major role in determining relational satisfaction. This study used the Vulnerability‐Stress‐Adaptation Model as a framework to examine how individuals adapt to a relational transgression in their romantic relationships. This study examined individuals' attachment dimensions and perceived relational equity as factors that influenced how they used forgiveness strategies following a relational transgression. The results revealed that both attachment dimensions and perceptions of relational equity inform our understanding of the strategies that individuals use to communicate forgiveness to a romantic relationship partner. Furthermore, the results suggest that the communication of forgiveness has important implications for relational satisfaction.     

Examining Religious Disaffiliation Through a Family Systems Lens: Implications for Treatment

Religious disaffiliation can be emotionally and relationally challenging. Research indicates that people who disaffiliate can experience grief, emotional distress, and even posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms. Research also indicates that disaffiliation can put strain on family relationships, yet exactly how this impacts the family system as a whole is much less understood. This qualitative study, using grounded theory analytic procedures, fills a gap in the literature by utilizing a systemic approach to explore the impact of religious disaffiliation on family units. Twelve participants from five different families representing five different religions were interviewed. At least one disaffiliated member and one affiliated member were interviewed from each family system. Results offered a deeper understanding of (a) the relational impact of religious disaffiliation and (b) the relational challenges of navigating interactions after disaffiliation. Six clinical implications are offered with the goal of helping family members understand their unique experience of this transitional time, process their emotions, enhance distress tolerance skills, and effectively communicate with one another in a spirit of kindness and respect to prevent relational wounds, expedite the healing process, and protect family bonds.     

Can't Shake It Off? Attachment Moderates the Link Between Hostility and Forgiveness

ABSTRACT

Although previous research has indicated that forgiveness is an essential part of relationships that thrive, forgiveness tends to become increasingly difficult as the intensity and duration of hostility rises. Understanding conditions that help make forgiveness more possible, as well as those that actually make forgiveness more difficult, then becomes an important asset for clinicians promoting healthier relational dynamics and longevity. Using data from 257 participants across two time points, we measured the association between hostility and forgiveness to test the moderating role of attachment. Greater hostility was linked with less benevolent forgiveness and more resentment. Moreover, anxious attachment moderated the association between hostile interactions and resentment—the inability to forgive. Implications for helping professionals and clinicians are discussed.     

Intentional Forgiving as a Counseling Intervention

Forgiveness has been represented in counseling literature as an effective means of promoting personal and relational development. Despite this, a concise set of guidelines to direct counselors in the use of forgiveness has yet to be proposed. The author presents theological and counseling understandings of forgiveness and delineates contexts in which counselors have promoted forgiveness in clients. Drawing on the increasing base of counseling-related literature concerning the importance of forgiveness, the author defines and proposes guidelines for a counseling approach called “intentional forgiving,” an intervention in which clients are directed to forgive someone who has wounded them.     

Forgiveness,its factors,and unforgivable acts in romantic relationships: A mixed-methods study

Using a mixed-methods approach, this study investigates forgiveness, the factors of forgiveness, and unforgivable acts, and analyzes relational and gender differences in participants' qualitative answers. Open-ended questions were answered by 649 participants from Slovakia (532 dating, 117 married; 517 women, 132 men). Responses were analyzed qualitatively using the Consensual Qualitative Research-Modified method, then transformed into quantitative data in order to statistically compare the groups. The results showed that dating individuals tended to see forgiveness as working on the relationship, whereas married individuals viewed forgiveness as an emotional process. Married individuals were more likely to report that shared commitments helped them to forgive. Dating partners tended to look at the situational context. Men were more likely to report that forgiveness was key to the relationship. When forgiving their partner, men focused on internal factors, whereas women needed an apology and acts of love. Infidelity was the most common unforgivable transgression. Therapists may benefit from a more nuanced understanding of forgiveness in dating and married individuals.     

Relationship Conflict and Restoration Model: A Preliminary Exploration of Concepts and Therapeutic Utility

The article examines preliminary results of the reconciliation cycle presented as part of the Relationship Conflict and Restoration Model (RCRM). This model is an integration of attachment theory, contextual family therapy, and narrative approaches. The model was implemented in a workshop format with 5 couples. Implications from this workshop are presented regarding the relationship between the primary constructs of the reconciliation cycle. Initial impressions indicate that the constructs of justice, empathy, trust, forgiveness, and grace are related to a couple’s overall experience of intimacy, offering support for the model. Implications of the RCRM are discussed.     

The function and role of forgiveness in working with couples and families: clearing the ground

Until recently, forgiveness has been a neglected concept in the family therapy literature. This is puzzling since conflict and its therapeutic management as it occurs in families and within couple relationships has been much discussed. On the other hand, forgiveness has been a foundational construct within religious and theological thought. This paper examines some of the dilemmas for the therapist about using forgiveness as a tool in family therapy. Definitions and meanings of forgiveness are discussed; a typology of different kinds of forgiveness is offered, and this is linked to an understanding of families in terms of their developmental progress as systems through a life cycle.     

Availability to peer group treatment in residential care as a function of relational ethics

Forty-five adolescent boys from abusive and depriving homes were not doing well in positive peer culture residential care. Despite their backgrounds, given a modified form of the Relational Ethics Scale, they indicated that their relational life with their families of origin was trustworthy, fair, and worthy of continued devotion. In contrast, on the Firo-B these same boys demonstrated distrust of others outside of their families and an unwillingness to get involved. These results support the inference from contextual family theory that peer group interventions cannot bypass identification and resolution of the injustices that took place in the family of origin.This project was fully supported by Teen Ranch, Inc., Marlette, MI 48453.     

Emotions as ecosystemic adaptations

Despite Gregory Bateson's interest in emotion and culture, the potential for understanding emotion systemically and culturally was lost very early in the mainstream development of family therapy, partly as a reaction to the dominant psychiatric‐psychoanalytic paradigm of North America at the time. In those pioneering years, to take emotion seriously was to risk appearing stuck in a one‐person psychology. In an interesting paradox, it is relational psychoanalysts and parent–infant researchers such as Beatrice Beebe and Frank Lachmann who have recently turned to systems theory to give a fuller account of emotions and emotional regulation in self and relationships. The author draws on their ideas together with the work of Peter Fonagy, Patricia Crittenden, Jessica Benjamin, Britt Krause and others to sketch briefly an ecosystemic theory of emotional expression. This sketch is used to give contextual meaning to two contrasting clinical topics in relation to anger: self‐harm and conduct ‘disorder’.     

Unraveling the role of forgiveness in family relationships

Testing the idea that the process of forgiveness is intrinsically different across diverse relationships, this study examined the role of forgiveness in different family relationships. In 2 laboratory sessions 1 year apart, 114 families (each including 2 parents and 1 child) completed a new measure of family forgiveness and many individual-level, relationship-level, and family-level variables that have been previously linked with forgiveness. After validating the measure of family forgiveness in cross-sectional analyses, investigators performed longitudinal analyses to examine the role of forgiveness in each family relationship over the 1-year interval. Results indicated many important positive consequences of forgiveness on individual traits, aspects of each family relationship, and general family environment. However, there were also important asymmetries in associates of forgiveness across parent-child and parent-parent relationships, demonstrating the relationship-bound nature of forgiveness.     

Learning from within: Therapists' actions in daily clinical practice

The integration of theories and techniques is part of family therapists' daily practice, raising the need to understand which resources are used in this professional's clinical actions. Our aim is to reflect on the use of theoretical and technical resources by family therapists in their daily practice. We developed an inquiry process inspired by collaborative action research and social constructionism. Couple and family therapy sessions were conducted by two family therapists, and we developed subsequent dialogs with them focused on describing theoretical and technical inspirations for their actions. Next, we named four categories of actions in this process: exploratory actions, actions for the construction of relational visions, actions for the construction of communication, and actions for family orientation. The therapists-participants referred to many theoretical and technical resources that inspired their practice. For them, the choice of using one or another resource was based on the demands of the interactive moment, which involves their relational and embodied responses to what was experienced in the sessions. We argue that epistemological coherence is not something that guides the therapist's practice a priori, but something that can be achieved by talking about and reflecting on their actions. This article can contribute to clinical practice and training in family therapy by presenting an interesting reflexive process that can be useful to enhance practice in couple and family therapy (FAPESP, Process n. 2015/21316–1).