A Systems Approach to Sex Therapy with Gay Male Couples

SUMMARY

Sex therapy with gay male couples is difficult for many family and relationship therapists. Family therapists lack knowledge of the nature of sex therapy, gay male culture and sexuality, the dynamics of gay male couples, and the sexual issues gay male couples are likely to bring to sex therapy. Countertransference also makes sex therapy with gay male couples difficult for some family and relationship therapists. This paper addresses those issues and then explains a systems approach to sex therapy with gay male couples.     

Clinical Issues with Gay Male Couples

SUMMARY

Although gay male couples share with all couples three essential tasks of couplehood-creating boundaries in order to form a couple identity, negotiating closeness and distance, and accommodating to their individual differences-gay male couples face special complications in each task. These complications, examined herein, are largely the result of the marginalization gay men experience from living in a homophobic culture, and male gender acculturation that makes male-to-male intimacy difficult. A model of brief couple therapy for gay men is presented that is designed to honor, as well as challenge, the relationship the men have co-constructed and specifically addresses the difficulties men have in maintaining intimate bonds. A case study illustrates the treatment of clinical issues presented by male couples.     

Gender-Typed Play Behavior in Early Childhood: Adopted Children with Lesbian, Gay, and Heterosexual Parents

This study examined whether the gender-typed play of young children varies as a function of family structure. Using a sample of 126 couples (44 lesbian couples, 34 gay male couples, and 48 heterosexual couples) located throughout the United States, with an adopted child between the age of 2 and 4?years old (mean?=?2.5?years), we examined parent reports of children’s gender-typed play behavior utilizing the Pre-School Activities Inventory (PSAI; Golombok and Rust 1993). Findings revealed that the perceived play behaviors of boys and girls in same-gender parent families were more similar (i.e., less gender-stereotyped) than the perceived play behavior of boys and girls in heterosexual-parent families (which were more divergent; that is, gender-stereotyped). Sons of lesbian mothers were less masculine in their play behavior than sons of gay fathers and sons of heterosexual parents. Our findings have implications for researchers who study gender development in children and adolescents.     

The association of idealization and intimacy factors with condom use in gay male couples

The purpose of this study was to assess the relationship of idealization and three specific intimacy factors (relationship satisfaction, excitement, and closeness) to reported condom use in gay male couples. It was expected that there would be negative associations of idealization and the intimacy factors with condom use. Both members of 45 gay male couples completed a questionnaire that assessed these factors. This study found (a) idealization to have a significant negative correlation with condom use, suggesting that the more the individuals idealized each other, the less likely that condoms were used during sex; (b) a significant negative association between relationship satisfaction and condom use, implying that as the couples experienced more satisfaction within their relationships, condom use decreased; (c) a significant negative correlation between excitement and condom use, suggesting that as excitement increased, condom use decreased; and (d) no significant association between closeness and condom use.     

Why Go to Church When You Can Drink with Mary? Gaymale Clubculture as Religion without Religion against Ethics

Abstract

This paper draws upon contemporary cultural theory to identify gay male club culture as a ‘wild zone’ in contemporary Western culture, a place of regulated deregulation, tainted by ‘toxicity’ certainly but also offering an asketic way, a new way of life which addresses the problems and pains of the current one. Brant argues that gay male club culture may be characterized as ‘religion without religion’ because it is ‘impassioned by the impossible’, that is, by the desire to have gay sex understood as good. Bars have a function for the gay community as churches have for the African American community, providing places of safety, in which culture can be preserved and developed; indeed for the gay community bars have been places of safety from the Church. Brant argues that the Church cannot enter ‘the wild zone’ because it itself embodies the bifurcated gender structure that the ‘wild zone’ rejects.     

Conceptual and Application Issues: Emotionally Focused Therapy With Gay Male Couples

Therapists working with couples are likely to see gay male couples in their practice yet there is a lack of training to prepare therapists to work with gay couples. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an empirically supported approach to couples therapy and offers a clear structure and map for working with gay male couples. This article reviews some of the issues that are specific to EFT work with gay men. Given the range of minority stressors that gay men contend with EFT is particularly appropriate for work with gay male couples because of the focus on the attachment bond. Building a secure relationship is an important source of resilience that can buffer against prejudice and discrimination and provide a secure base for individual and couple exploration.     

Affective responses to non-sexual imagery depicting gay men and lesbian women

ABSTRACT

When examining negative attitudes and behaviors directed toward gay men and lesbian women (i.e., homonegativity), researchers tend to use measures that require participants to respond to belief statements. This methodology is problematic for two reasons: 1) it focuses on the social categories “gay men” and “lesbian women” and ignores the practices of relational intimacy engaged in by gay and lesbian persons (practices that, arguably, are at the crux of homonegativity); and 2) it overlooks the affective responses that sexual minorities evoke in heterosexual people. These issues were tackled in the current study. Specifically, heterosexual participants (N = 241) were asked to report their affective state using six basic emotions while viewing photos depicting male-male, female-female, and heterosexual couples. Findings demonstrated that participants, regardless of gender, reacted most negatively to images of female-female couples engaging in everyday intimacies. Theoretical explanations for these findings are explored.     

RELATIONSHIP SATISFACTION, AFFECTIVITY, AND GAY-SPECIFIC STRESSORS IN SAME-SEX COUPLES JOINED IN CIVIL UNIONS

Relationship satisfaction, affect, and stress were examined in 313 same-sex couples who had had civil unions in Vermont during the first year of this legislation. Similarity between partners on age and on positive/negative affectivity was related to relationship satisfaction whereas there was no association with similarity in income, education, and outness. Lesbian couples ( n = 199), compared to gay male couples, reported experiencing more stress related to family reaction to their sexuality, whereas gay male couples ( n = 114) reported more stress surrounding the issues of HIV/AIDS and violence/harassment than did lesbian couples. This study is the first to examine within-couple factors among same-sex couples with legalized relationships.     

What Do We Know About Gay and Lesbian Couples?

Abstract— Research on gay and lesbian couples is highlighted with regard to household labor, conflict, satisfaction, perceived social support, stability, and the variables that predict relationship quality. Relative to partners from married heterosexual couples, partners from gay and lesbian couples tend to assign household labor more fairly, resolve conflict more constructively, experience similar levels of satisfaction, and perceive less support from family members but more support from friends. The limited data available indicate that gay and lesbian couples may be less stable than married heterosexual couples. The factors that predict relationship quality tend to be the same for gay, lesbian, and heterosexual married couples. Overall, research paints a positive picture of gay and lesbian couples and indicates that they tend to be more similar to than different from heterosexual couples.     

An innovative group experience for couples expecting their first child

Abstract

This paper presents a pilot project that was developed to work with small groups of couples in which the women were pregnant with their first child. The primary purpose was to stimulate couples to become aware of their communications and support systems as the necessary building blocks for healthy family emotional development. Pregnancy can be seen as a transitional period leading to another life stage in the growth of an individual. The format, topics, evaluation and summary are presented with the hope that other mental health professionals will be motivated to develop similar groups.     

Family and couples therapy with gay and lesbian clients: acknowledging the forgotten minority

Family and couples therapy in the main concentrates on heterosexual clients, and has thus been described as limited in its outlook, or discriminatory. It is argued that family and couples therapy is at present not offered to gay and lesbian clients because of an absence of appropriate referrals, the inability of therapists to recognize the sexual orientation of their clients, a belief that skills held by therapists are not appropriate for this client group, or because of the homophobia of the therapist. It is suggested that family and couples therapy should be more readily available for gay and lesbian clients, and a number of different issues which these families might face are discussed. This includes problems associated with the gay adolescent and the gay or lesbian parent, as well as the gay or lesbian couple. It is concluded that established forms of intervention are effective with gay clients, provided that the specific needs and problems of the gay and lesbian community are addressed by the therapist.     

How Managed Care Can Help Couples Cope

ABSTRACT

This article traces how managed care became a quick fix to curb out-of-control healthcare costs rather than a real effective approach to managing care. To date, the impact has been not only a negative experience, but impediment to treating couples facing relationship and related problems. The author is optimistic about how managed care will evolve to recognize the importance of couples and family treatment as we enter the future with integrated systems of healthcare. ? The future will also require significant shifts in the thinking and practice patterns of providers and an emphasis on quality and outcomes.     

Introduction

SUMMARY

A brief discussion of balance in family systems and various forms of attachment between couples observed by Virginia Satir; “Six Ways of Making ‘Us.’” Illustrations are included.     

Student Prejudice Against Gay Male and Lesbian Lecturers

Abstract

The authors examined whether gay men and lesbians are evaluated more negatively than individuals of unspecified sexual orientation when attributional ambiguity surrounds evaluations and whether they are evaluated similarly to unspecified others when no attributional ambiguity is present. One male and one female lecturer delivered either a strong or a weak lecture to students who either (a) believed that the lecturer was a gay man or a lesbian or (b) did not receive sexual orientation information. Contrary to predictions, the quality of the lecture did not influence the ratings of known gay male and lesbian lecturers, although lecture quality strongly influenced ratings of lecturers whose sexual orientation was unspecified. After strong lectures, participants rated known gay male and lesbian lecturers more negatively than they did lecturers whose sexual orientation was unspecified. After weak lectures, participants rated known gay male and lesbian lecturers more positively than they did the others. The authors discussed the possibility that students might moderate their ratings to avoid discriminating against gay and lesbian lecturers.     

The nature and correlates of deterrents to leaving a relationship

The nature and correlates of perceived deterrents to leaving a relationship were examined in a sample of both partners (N= 314) from gay male, lesbian, and heterosexual couples. Partners rated the extent to which self‐identified features of their relationship were regarded as either attractions to the relationship or deterrents to ending that relationship. The deterrents identified included features that were also identified as attractions as well as unique features that functioned as barriers to leaving. Satisfaction with the relationship tended to be positively correlated with deterrents that were attractions but negatively correlated with deterrents that were barriers. Differences between gay male/lesbian partners and heterosexual partners were found in the kinds of deterrents identified but not in the link between deterrents and relationship satisfaction.     

Deconstructing the “Covered Bridge” - Couples Therapy with Sexual Abuse Survivors and Their Partners

SUMMARY

In accepting the editor's invitation to submit an article for this volume, I have taken the subject matter, Building Bridges, quite literally: that is, to talk about bridges as a rather compelling metaphor for couple relationships. I have chosen to focus on the covered bridge, in particular, as it informs me most graphically of the structure and therapeutic challenge presented by couples in which one partner is a child sexual abuse survivor. In my clinical work with such couples, I invariably find myself in the role of surveyor/engi-neer/builder, deconstructing the “covered bridge” and engaged in building a stronger, more open and enduring structure. The steps toward rebuilding and transforming the “covered bridge” structure for these couples are outlined and illustrated.     

From Projective Identification to Empathic Connection

SUMMARY

This article examines the challenging journey of successful coupling by understanding the marital relationship within a developmental framework. The process of Projective Identification is viewed as a useful concept found at the confluence of family systems and psycho-dynamic streams of thought, bridging the interpersonal and intrapsychic experience of couples whose individuative strivings are stalled. A map is offered for the transformation of a marriage from the stages of Idealization and Disillusionment toward the stage of Acceptance and empathic connection.     

Becoming the Men We're Ceasing to Be: A Gay Agenda for Aging in a Youth Culture

Abstract

In this wide-ranging article Long explores the spiritual problem of aging with particular reference to the gay male community. Long analyses the construction of beauty and its association with goodness and youth in contemporary (and indeed ancient Christian) culture. He rejects the transgressive gender theories that characterize queer theory, regarding modern homosexuality as a reinforcing and widening of masculinity. He argues that the process of ageing gives gay men the chance to become the men that their youthful looks declared them to be.     

Some Spiritually Significant Reasons for Gay Attraction to (Anglo-)Catholicism

Abstract

This qualitative study based on interviews with Anglican gay men suggests spiritually significant reasons for which many gay men in England, including gay Evangelicals, are attracted to Anglo-Catholicism or, more largely, to Catholic forms of spirituality. Catholic spirituality is more aware of the body and helps some of these men to make Christian sense of their sexual desires. The Catholic tradition also provides them with alternative patterns to the heteronormative ‘church family’ model of community life that Evangelical churches, in particular, like to offer. As a consequence Catholic spirituality may appear to be better equipped than its Protestant counterpart to help the interviewees re-imagine their place as gay men at the heart of the Church with a gift to offer.