Longing for Ex‐Partners out of Fear of Being Single

This research investigated whether people who fear being single have a more difficult time letting go of ex‐partners following a romantic breakup. Data were collected in a cross‐sectional study (N = 209, 64% women, M_age = 30 years old) as well as a 1‐month daily experience study of individuals who just went through a romantic breakup (N = 117, 44% women, M_age = 27 years old). Findings from both studies revealed that those with stronger fear of being single (Spielmann et al., 2013) reported greater longing for their ex‐partners. Pre‐ to post‐breakup analyses revealed that fear of being single increased after a breakup, regardless of who initiated the breakup. Within‐day analyses revealed that longing for an ex‐partner and attempts to renew the relationship were greater on days with stronger fear of being single. Lagged‐day analyses provided support for the conclusion that fear of being single increased longing and renewal attempts over time, but longing and renewal attempts did not influence fear of being single. These findings suggest that fear of being single is a particularly useful construct for understanding the romantic detachment process.     

Implicit and explicit attitudes toward ex‐partners differentially predict breakup adjustment

The present research examined the hypothesis that positive implicit attitudes toward a former romantic partner might be detrimental to well‐being as these attitudes lead to more suffering. In a cross‐sectional study (N = 144), implicit ex‐partner attitudes measured with an Affect Misattribution Procedure were negatively related to well‐being only for those participants who had not found a new partner after breakup. In contrast, positive explicit ex‐partner attitudes were related to greater well‐being, again only for those who were still alone. Contrary to the view that time will heal all wounds, the current research suggests that engaging with a new partner will make both implicit and explicit ex‐partner attitudes irrelevant.     

Maladaptive Responses to Relationship Dissolution: The Role of Relationship Contingent Self‐Worth

The present study examined responses to romantic breakup as a function of relationship contingency of self‐worth (CSW)—the degree to which individuals base self‐worth on being in a romantic relationship. Relationship CSW was hypothesized to be a vulnerability factor, exacerbating affective and behavioral responses to romantic relationship dissolution. Results of structural equation modeling (N = 312) revealed that among participants who reported a breakup over the past year, those who more strongly based self‐worth on being in a relationship reported greater emotional distress and obsessive pursuit of their ex‐partners than did those with lower relationship CSW. Specifically, emotional distress partially mediated the link between relationship CSW and obsessive pursuit. Implications of relationship CSW for interpersonal motivation and well‐being are discussed.     

Implicit attitudes towards romantic partners predict well‐being in stressful life conditions: Evidence from the antenatal maternity ward

An idiographic variant of the Implicit Association Test (IAT; Greenwald, McGhee, & Schwartz, 1998 ) was used to investigate how implicit attitudes towards romantic partners are related to explicit attitudes, relationship‐related variables such as adult attachment and relationship satisfaction, and psychological well‐being as a potential outcome of relationship quality. The validity of the Partner‐IAT was investigated using a known group approach that contrasted abused women currently living in a refuge (N = 22), women who had recently fallen in love (N = 19), women who were currently hospitalized due to pregnancy complications (N = 48), and a control group of female students (N = 52). Across the whole sample, the Partner‐IAT showed satisfactory internal consistency (α  =  .83). As expected, the analysis of group differences revealed that abused women living in a refuge showed more negative implicit and explicit attitudes toward (ex‐)partners than women belonging to the other three groups. Women in love showed the most positive partner attitudes, but the difference to the control group reached significance only for explicit but not implicit attitudes. Implicit attitudes toward partners correlated significantly with explicit attitudes, secure attachment, and psychological well‐being. To investigate whether implicit and explicit partner attitudes can predict important relationship outcomes, psychological well‐being was regressed on both variables in group‐wise hierarchical multiple regression analyses. Explicit partner attitudes were significantly related to psychological well‐being in student controls and hospitalized pregnant women. However, only in hospitalized pregnant women did implicit attitudes account for variance in well‐being over and above explicit attitudes. This pattern of results is compatible with the notion that positive implicit representations of the romantic partner can function as a genuine coping resource that effectively buffers against major stressful life circumstances.     

The role of self‐image as a predictor of psychotherapy outcome

The present study examined the relationship between self‐image and outcome in psychotherapy. Patients (n = 170) received treatment‐as‐usual at a university clinic, and met diagnostic criteria for mostly anxiety and depression related disorders. Self‐image was measured with the Structural Analysis of Social Behavior (SASB‐I) introject pre and post‐treatment. Using multiple regression analyses, higher levels of Self‐ignore and Self‐blame pre‐treatment predicted a poorer treatment outcome in terms of symptoms (SCL‐90‐R) and interpersonal problems (IIP‐64), respectively. Increase in Self‐love and decrease in Self‐blame (pre to post) predicted reduced symptoms at post‐treatment, whereas decrease in Self‐attack and Self‐control, as well as increase in Self‐affirm, predicted reduced interpersonal problems. The results suggest that self‐image improvement may be important in order to achieve a good outcome in psychotherapy.     

Trait Self‐Esteem Moderates the Effect of Initiator Status on Emotional and Cognitive Responses to Romantic Relationship Dissolution

ABSTRACT We hypothesized that the effect of initiator status on post breakup distress would vary as a function of trait self‐esteem, such that individuals with low self‐esteem would experience more distress after being rejected by their partners, whereas, among individuals with high self‐esteem, initiator status would not predict distress. We used a prospective design in which university students (N=66) were assessed for emotional responses following the dissolution of their real‐life romantic relationships, as well as a laboratory design in which students (N=190) imagined breaking up with their partners. As predicted, participants with lower trait self‐esteem exhibited greater distress after experiencing or imagining a romantic rejection than after ending or imagining themselves ending their relationships. Conversely, distress experienced by those with high trait self‐esteem did not differ as a function of who ended the relationship. Implications for understanding self‐esteem processes and the effects of romantic rejection are discussed.     

The Uncanny Self in Love: Divorced Catholic Women Remember Abortion in Romania

This essay presents an ethnographic account of two divorced Catholic women's memories of praying to the Virgin Mary while seeking illegal abortions under the Romanian socialist regime. These women's stories focused on troubling memories of being in love, reflections that were retrospectively shaped by divorce. Drawing on Sigmund Freud's notion of the uncanny, I call these recollections uncanny memories of the self in love. Uncannily remembering one's self in love combines experiential self‐examination and ethical assessment of actions. The notion of the uncanny self in love thus helps bridge the divide between experience‐ and action‐oriented approaches to lived ethics. I argue that the ethical significance of the Virgin Mary's actions depended on my acquaintances’ approach to love. For one woman seeking to stay estranged from her ex‐husband, the Virgin Mary's actions accentuated his ethical immaturity. My other acquaintance harbored more ambivalent feelings toward her ex‐husband; for her, talking about the Virgin Mary helped her relativize feelings of ethical indignation. As a core implication of this argument, I urge greater awareness of the problematic tendency to include the need for greater awareness of tendencies in theories of lived ethics to reify socially situated perspectives on love.     

The contemptuous separation: Facial expressions of emotion and breakups in young adulthood

The importance of studying specific and expressed emotions after a stressful life event is well known, yet few studies have moved beyond assessing self‐reported emotional responses to a romantic breakup. This study examined associations between computer‐recognized facial expressions and self‐reported breakup‐related distress among recently separated college‐aged young adults (N = 135; 37 men) on four visits across 9 weeks. Participants' facial expressions were coded using the Computer Expression Recognition Toolbox while participants spoke about their breakups. Of the seven expressed emotions studied, only Contempt showed a unique association with breakup‐related distress over time. At baseline, greater Contempt was associated with less breakup‐related distress; however, over time, greater Contempt was associated with greater breakup‐related distress.     

Works of Love in a World of Violence: Kierkegaard,Feminism, and the Limits of Self‐Sacrifice

Feminist scholars adopt wide‐ranging views of self‐sacrifice: their critiques claim that women are inordinately affected by Christianity's valorization of self‐sacrifice and that this traditional Christian value is inherently misogynistic and necrophilic. Although Søren Kierkegaard's Works of Love deems Christian love essentially sacrificial, love, in his view, sets significant limits on the role of self‐sacrifice in human life. Through his proposed response to one who requests forgiveness, “Do you now truly love me?” Kierkegaard offers a model of forgiveness that subverts traditional ideals of the self‐sacrificing and submissive woman while keeping love central. The question asserts self‐love, involves redoubling and double danger, and expresses a refusal to imitate Christ's suffering. I propose a reading in keeping with Grace Jantzen's vision for a feminist philosophy of religion, which reads against the grain and “seeks to break through to new ways of thinking that may open up divine horizons.” My reading is further supported by Kierkegaard's contention that everything essentially Christian bears a double meaning. In light of the subversive potential found in the discrepancy between apparent love and actual love, as well as the duty to name the sin of one who has behaved in an unloving manner, I argue that Kierkegaard's philosophy of love resists simplistic understandings of self‐sacrificing love.     

Blurring the Dichotomy of Good and Evil: The Idiosyncratic Helping Strategies Associated with Unmitigated‐Agentic and Unmitigated‐Communal Personalities

We theorized that unmitigated‐agentic personality constructs (UAPs)—prioritizing 'getting ahead’ over 'getting along’—and unmitigated‐communal personality constructs (UCPs)—prioritizing getting along over getting ahead—are associated with distinct affect‐regulatory helping strategies. In Study 1 (N = 179), UAPs, on average, related to greater negative‐affect versus positive‐affect induction helping tactics. In two experiments, UAPs, on average, related to a greater likelihood of selecting anger‐inducing versus love‐inducing or sadness‐inducing songs to help a target overcome a breakup (Study 2; N = 313) and greater selection of anger‐inducing and hubris‐inducing messages versus authentic‐pride‐inducing and love‐inducing messages to help a teammate struggling in a game (Study 3; N = 246). UCPs manifested the opposite patterns. Generally, these associations corresponded with helping‐strategy utility beliefs and were robust to moderators of helping target (self or other; Study 2) or altruistic versus selfish motives (Study 3). Study 4 (N = 205) provided some evidence of ecological validity in contexts of recalled everyday helping. Associations between personality constructs and relative helping strategies were about moderate in size (rs ~ .20) across these four studies. Findings suggest that UAPs are associated with helping strategies believed to promote ‘contemptuous’ self‐enhancement relative to ‘innocuous’ self‐enhancement and self‐transcendence, and vice versa for UCPs. © 2019 European Association of Personality Psychology     

Hide and seek: the effects of revealing one's personal interests in intra‐ and intergroup negotiations

The present research examined the effects of information sharing about self‐interest and group membership of the negotiation partner on negotiation cognitions, behaviors and outcomes. Study 1 (n = 77) showed that in anticipation of the negotiation, participants placed more trust in an in‐group member, and were more willing to exchange information with a negotiation partner who revealed his/her self‐interest. Study 2 (n = 80) examined how these effects influenced the development of attitudes and behavior during and after the negotiation. Results showed that negotiations with in‐group members were more cooperative when they shared, rather than not shared, information about underlying self‐interest. By contrast, negotiations with out‐group members were more cooperative when they did not share, rather than shared, information about their underlying self‐interest. Copyright © 2006 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

Perfectionistic Concerns,Social Negativity,and Subjective Well‐Being: A Test of the Social Disconnection Model

Partner‐specific perfectionistic concerns (PC) include concern over mistakes, self‐criticism, and socially prescribed perfectionism as it pertains to one's partner. The social disconnection model proposes that PC influences well‐being indirectly through interpersonal problems. Thus, we hypothesized that social negativity (expressed anger, hostility, and rejection) would mediate the relationship between dyadic PC and subjective well‐being. Data from 203 romantic dyads (92.1% heterosexual) were collected using self‐report surveys and a four‐wave, 4‐week longitudinal design. Participants were predominantly female (53.1%), young (M = 22.69 years), and Caucasian (82.3%). Data were analyzed using an actor‐partner interdependence model with multilevel structural equation modeling. There were significant actor effects at the between‐subjects and within‐subjects levels, and significant partner effects for the relationship between PC and social negativity at the within‐subject level. Social negativity mediated the relationships between PC and both negative affect and life satisfaction. However, positive affect was more weakly related to PC and social negativity. The social disconnection model was supported. PC was positively associated with one's own social negativity and evoked hostile behaviors from one's partner. Hostile, rejecting behaviors reduced the well‐being of the actor, but not the partner. Results suggest perfectionism may be best understood within an interpersonal context.     

Unforgiving motivations among divorced parents: Moderation of contact intention and contact frequency

This research tests the prediction that unforgiving motivations (feelings of revenge and distance) toward the ex‐spouse are associated with less reported well‐being of divorced parents and their children when the intent to maintain contact with the ex‐partner is high rather than low. It is also predicted that unforgiving motivations are associated with more reported conflict with the ex‐partner and subsequently with less reported well‐being of their children when the actual contact frequency with the ex‐partner is high rather than low. Results from an Internet sample of Dutch divorced parents (N = 108) largely support these predictions. It is concluded that unforgiving motivations can have both intrapersonal and interpersonal negative effects for divorced parents, but only when contact is frequent or intended.     

AQUINAS'S ARGUMENT AGAINST SELF-HATRED

Aquinas's argument against the possibility of genuine self‐hatred runs counter to modern intuitions about self‐hatred as an explanatorily central notion in psychology, and as an effect of alienation. Aquinas's argument does not deny that persons experience hatred for themselves. It can be read either as the claim that the self‐hater mistakes what she feels toward herself as hatred, or that, though she hates what she believes is her “self,” she actually hates only traits of herself. I argue that the argument fails on both readings. The first reading entails that all passions are really self‐love, and so is incompatible with Aquinas's own “cognitivist” view of what it is that distinguishes specific passions in experience. The second reading entails that persons have no phenomenal access to “self,” rendering self‐reference—how it is that the self can be an intentional object of conscious mental states—a mystery. Augustine's claim, which Aquinas accepts on authority, that all sin originates in inordinate self‐love seems to entail the impossibility of genuine self‐hatred because both thinkers fail to distinguish between two distinct forms of self‐love: amor concupiscentiae and amor benevolentiae.     

Ratings of physical attractiveness within young,romantically engaged couples in Malaysia

This study examined the matching hypothesis, the positive illusions effect and the love is blind bias in young, romantically engaged couples in Malaysia. Each member of 58 young, romantically engaged heterosexual couples completed the Body Esteem Scale and items assessing physical attractiveness in relation to themselves and their partner. In support of the matching hypothesis, partners' perceptions of their own and their partner's facial and bodily attractiveness were significantly correlated. The positive illusions effect and the love is blind bias were also evident, with participants' ratings of partners being greater than both their own self‐ratings and their partner's self‐ratings of physical attractiveness. Although our findings suggest that these phenomena related to perceptions of physical attractiveness are evident across cultures, further studies are required.     

The importance of body satisfaction to physical self‐concept and body mass index in Spanish adolescents

This research examines the association between measured body mass index (BMI) and the perception of BMI by young students. Moreover, this research tests the importance of BMI and self‐concept, in order to predict body dissatisfaction in high school students. The sample consisted of 2087 individuals from different high schools in Extremadura, Spain, both males (n = 1046) and females (n = 1041), ranging in age from 15 to 17 years old (M = 15.42; SD = 0.86). Initially, participants' BMIs were assessed through anthropometry. Later, all individuals were asked about their weight and height, and their self‐reported BMI was calculated. Participants also answered a questionnaire about their perception of self‐concept, as well as completed a test about body image perception using Stunkard images. Outcomes revealed that factors concerning self‐concept and perceived BMI explained body dissatisfaction. Finally, results are discussed with the aim of improving knowledge in body dissatisfaction context.     

The reciprocal cycle of self‐concealment and trust in romantic relationships

We propose that perceived partner concealment, self‐concealment from one's partner (i.e., keeping secrets from one's partner), and trust in one's partner form a reciprocal cycle in romantic relationships. In Study 1, participants in a romantic relationship (N = 94) completed a two‐time point survey within a span of 8 to 10 weeks. Results revealed that perceived partner concealment was associated with a loss of trust in partner, and low trust in partner was associated with an increase in self‐concealment from one's partner. Furthermore, the association between perceived partner concealment and self‐concealment from one's partner was mediated by trust. In Study 2, couples (N = 50) completed daily records for 14 consecutive days. Multilevel analyses indicated that on the days the individuals reported more self‐concealment, their partners reported lower trust in them. Moreover, on the days the partners reported lower trust, the partners also reported higher self‐concealment. These findings suggest that self‐concealment in romantic relationships can create a reciprocal cycle that involves loss of trust and more self‐concealment between partners, which would slowly deteriorate the relationship well‐being. Copyright © 2012 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

“I changed and hid my old ways”: How social rejection and social identities shape well‐being among ex‐prisoners

Being a member of a rejected group negatively affects well‐being but can also increase group identification, which can have positive effects on well‐being. However, this rejection‐identification model has never been investigated among the highly stigmatized group of ex‐prisoners. Furthermore, the potential buffering role of multiple group memberships has never been investigated within the rejection‐identification model. We conduct a novel investigation of a combined rejection‐identification and social cure model of group‐based rejection among ex‐prisoners. A survey of 199 ex‐prisoners found that experiencing group‐based rejection was associated with poorer well‐being and increased ex‐prisoner identification. However, identification as an ex‐prisoner magnified, rather than buffered, the relationship between rejection and reduced well‐being. Furthermore, the negative relationship between rejection and well‐being was particularly pronounced among ex‐prisoners with a higher number of group memberships. Ex‐prisoners with a greater number of group memberships experienced greater levels of rejection, suggesting group memberships increase their exposure to rejection. We therefore provide evidence of a boundary condition for the social cure properties of groups. Among members of strongly rejected social groups, multiple group memberships can be a social curse rather than social cure.     

Perceived discrimination is associated with poorer health and well‐being outcomes among Pacific peoples in New Zealand

Our study investigated the association between perceived discrimination and outcomes related to health and well‐being for Pacific adults in New Zealand. We examined personal and group discrimination from the 2013 wave of the New Zealand Attitudes and Values Study (n = 429 women and 196 men). Personal discrimination was associated with poorer health and well‐being outcomes (higher psychological distress and lower self‐esteem, subjective evaluation of health, satisfaction with life and personal well‐being). Group discrimination, in contrast, was associated with poorer well‐being but not health outcomes (lower subjective evaluation of health and personal well‐being). These findings corroborate previous research and highlight the corrosive effect of discrimination towards health and well‐being among Pacific communities in New Zealand.     

Staying friends with ex‐romantic partners: Predictors,reasons, and outcomes

In two studies, we identified predictors of staying friends with an ex‐partner, developed and validated a measure for reasons to stay friends with exes, and examined the outcomes of staying friends. We identified four reasons to stay friends with exes: Security, Practical, Civility, and Unresolved Romantic Desires. Sex, sexual orientation, attachment styles, personality traits, time since breakup, and reasons for breakup all predicted staying friends. Staying friends due to Unresolved Romantic Desires resulted in negative outcomes, whereas staying friends due to Security and Practical reasons resulted in more positive outcomes. Staying friends due to Practical or Civility reasons resulted in the friendship being less likely to last in the long term. Implications for future research and clinical work are discussed.