Of lust and love: Beliefs about the role of sexual desire in romantic relationships

Little is known about the beliefs that men and women have about the role of sexual desire in romantic relationships, despite the interpersonal and individual significance of those beliefs. Three experiments conducted with students from a university in the midwestern United States examined both the perceived consequences of sexual desire for romantic relationships and beliefs about the association between sexual desire and romantic love. Men and women believed that dating partners who desire each other sexually are more likely to experience romantic love and other “positive” interpersonal events and less likely to experience “negative” events than partners who do not desire each other sexually, regardless of their level of sexual activity (Experiment 1). Similarly, partners who are romantically in love were viewed as more likely to desire each other than were partners who love or who like one another, and desire was perceived as equally likely to occur in loving and liking relationships; that is, sexual desire did not differentiate these two affective syndromes (Experiment 2). In couples with a mismatched sexual desire pattern, the high-desire partner was perceived as more likely than the sexually uninterested partner to be in love, satisfied, committed, happy, and jealous, whereas the low-desire partner was viewed as more likely to terminate the relationship and to be unfaithful (Experiment 3). These results suggest that sexual desire is viewed as an important feature of romantic love, and that its presence or absence in a dating relationship is believed to have implications for the emotional tenor and interpersonal dynamics of that relationship.     

The effects of shyness on love styles and relationship status

As prior research has indicated that shyness is associated with social anxiety, inhibition, and generally less fulfilling social relationships, this study examined the possible affect of shyness on one specific type of relationship, romantic love. Participants (N = 124) completed the Revised Cheek-Buss Shyness Scale and the Love Attitudes Scale, and provided basic information about themselves and their current romantic relationships. A chi-square test showed no significant association between high or low Shyness scores and whether participants were currently involved in a romantic relationship, but there were significant positive correlations between these scores and those on two of the six love styles, Storge and Mania. In interpreting the results, the effects of shyness on relationships, social expectations, and love attitudes are discussed.     

Bindung und Liebe in den Partnerschaften von Psychotherapiepatienten

Based on attachment theory and love style typology, this study focuses on the relation between experiences in romantic relationships and mental health in a clinical sample. 117 outpatients of a psychosomatic clinic took part in the study. Self-report measures were used to assess relationship quality, attachment dimensions, love styles and correlates of mental disorders. Compared to a student sample, the patients’ reports refer to lower relationship quality. They experience more anxiety and less romantic feelings in their relationships which is especially true for women. Furthermore, anxiety, jealousy and altruism in the patients’ relationships are related to a variety of correlates of mental disorders including psychosomatic complaints. Results indicate that experiences in romantic relationships are strongly associated with general psychological well-being.     

Let's get serious: communicating commitment in romantic relationships

Are men or women more likely to confess love first in romantic relationships? And how do men and women feel when their partners say "I love you"? An evolutionary-economics perspective contends that women and men incur different potential costs and gain different potential benefits from confessing love. Across 6 studies testing current and former romantic relationships, we found that although people think that women are the first to confess love and feel happier when they receive such confessions, it is actually men who confess love first and feel happier when receiving confessions. Consistent with predictions from our model, additional studies have shown that men's and women's reactions to love confessions differ in important ways depending on whether the couple has engaged in sexual activity. These studies have demonstrated that saying and hearing "I love you" has different meanings depending on who is doing the confessing and when the confession is being made. Beyond romantic relationships, an evolutionary-economics perspective suggests that displays of commitment in other types of relationships--and reactions to these displays--will be influenced by specific, functional biases.     

Gifts of Love and Friendship: On Changing Marriage Traditions,the Meaning of Gifts,and the Value of Women in the Garhwal Himalayas

The practice of gift giving on official occasions in the Garhwal Himalayas is subject to a number of tacit rules. For example, the quality and quantity of gifts given before, during, and after a wedding ceremony are carefully recorded so that when the time arrives to reciprocate in the event of another wedding, the return gifts correspond appropriately. Giving and receiving gifts are part of the negotiations in the normative order of Garhwal through which social relationships are established. In recent years, gifts have become markers of crucial shifts in values attached to young brides and grooms while, at the same time, discourses on love and young people’s attitudes about marriage have also changed significantly. The practice of gift giving in relationships of love and friendship has become important to young Garhwali people, for whom acts of gift giving are strongly connected with ideas of romantic love. These acts are also part of new friendship networks and bonds of love between young men and women outside of marriage.     

Romantic love and sexual desire in close relationships

Drawing on recent claims in the study of relationships, attachment, and emotion, the authors hypothesized that romantic love serves a commitment-related function and sexual desire a reproduction-related function. Consistent with these claims, in Study 1, brief experiences of romantic love and sexual desire observed in a 3-min interaction between romantic partners were related to distinct feeling states, distinct nonverbal displays, and commitment- and reproductive-related relationship outcomes, respectively. In Study 2, the nonverbal display of romantic love was related to the release of oxytocin. Discussion focuses on the place of romantic love and sexual desire in the literature on emotion.     

The discourses of intimacy: adding a social constructionist and feminist view

Though most people desire intimacy in their primary relationships, it is more elusive than not. I argue that people's assumptions about intimacy interfere with their creation of it. Using a social constructionist and feminist perspective, two prevailing discourses of intimacy that shape our ideas about intimacy are identified and critiqued. Both tend to direct attention away from an assessment of particular interactions to a global assessment of the capacity of an individual or a relationship to provide intimacy. An alternative is proposed in which intimacy is conceptualized as built up from single intimate or non-intimate interactions that can produce a variety of experiences, including connection and domination. My critique of the two discourses of intimacy rests fundamentally on the belief that they obscure crucial distinctions that a discourse of intimacy as meaning-making would reveal, in particular, that there are politics nestled in the heart of intimacy.     

The Significance of Romantic Love for Marriage

In this study, 605 subjects were asked about romantic love and marriage. Married people differentiated themselves from single people with stable partners and divorced people with new partners by more frequently living together with their great love, more reciprocity in that love, and less disappointments in love relationships prior to the current relationship; but they also described themselves as less happy and satisfied than the single and divorced respondents, particularly with regard to tenderness, sex, and conversation with their partners. Independent of marital status, those who were greatly in love with their partners describe themselves as happier. Love at first sight, relative to a gradually developing love, nevertheless, did not have a worse prognosis for happiness in marriage. Being in love seems to be of greater importance for the prognosis of the marriage than marital happiness and satisfaction.     

From “I Want To Hold Your Hand” to “Promiscuous”: Sexual Stereotypes in Popular Music Lyrics, 1960–2008

Media content analyses indicate that gender-based differences in sexuality are common and consistent with gender stereotypes. Specifically, women are expected to focus on love and romantic relationships and have sexually objectified bodies, while men are expected to focus on sexual behavior. Although decades of research have documented the presence of these stereotypes in a broad variety of visual media, much less is known about the content of popular music lyrics. Relying on a database of 1250 songs across five decades (the top 50 songs from even-numbered years from 1960 through 2008), we documented the presence or absence of a dating relationship, the word “love” (and its uses), sexual activity, and sexual objectification of females and males (separately). Analyses revealed that the vast majority of songs addressed at least one of these themes, primarily dating relationships. Although female performers were proportionally more likely to address romantic relationships than male performers, raw counts reversed this pattern because male performers substantially outnumbered female performers. Males were proportionally more likely to sing about sexual behavior and to objectify both females and males. References to romantic relationships became less common over time, while references to sexual behavior and objectified bodies became more common. Content varied across genres, with rap being the least likely to reference dating and most likely to reference sexual behavior. Implications for sexual development are discussed.     

线上“秀恩爱”与旁观者主观幸福感的关系:自尊的中介作用和依恋的调节作用

随着互联网技术的普及,社交网站已经成为个体日常生活的重要部分,对个体的社会发展和社会适应产生重要影响。为探讨线上“秀恩爱”与旁观者主观幸福感的关系,以及自尊和依恋在其中的作用,本研究采用问卷法对458名成人进行了调查。结果表明：（1）被动接受“秀恩爱”程度越高,个体的主观幸福感和自尊越低。（2）自尊在被动接受“秀恩爱”程度与主观幸福感之间存在中介效应,被动接受“秀恩爱”程度越高,会引发个体自尊下降,进一步降低主观幸福感。（3）依恋焦虑在被动接受“秀恩爱”程度与自尊之间有调节效应,当依恋焦虑水平较低时,被动接受“秀恩爱”程度对自尊的削弱效应较强。     

Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process

This article explores the possibility that romantic love is an attachment process--a biosocial process by which affectional bonds are formed between adult lovers, just as affectional bonds are formed earlier in life between human infants and their parents. Key components of attachment theory, developed by Bowlby, Ainsworth, and others to explain the development of affectional bonds in infancy, were translated into terms appropriate to adult romantic love. The translation centered on the three major styles of attachment in infancy--secure, avoidant, and anxious/ambivalent--and on the notion that continuity of relationship style is due in part to mental models (Bowlby's "inner working models") of self and social life. These models, and hence a person's attachment style, are seen as determined in part by childhood relationships with parents. Two questionnaire studies indicated that relative prevalence of the three attachment styles is roughly the same in adulthood as in infancy, the three kinds of adults differ predictably in the way they experience romantic love, and attachment style is related in theoretically meaningful ways to mental models of self and social relationships and to relationship experiences with parents. Implications for theories of romantic love are discussed, as are measurement problems and other issues related to future tests of the attachment perspective.     

Transmission of ideas about love: Filial piety,love attitudes,and romantic satisfaction

This study examined the relations between filial piety, attitudes about romantic relationships (love attitudes), and satisfaction in romantic relationships in the Chinese cultural context. The following research questions were investigated: How are adult children's filial piety beliefs connected to their love attitudes, and how do these contribute to their satisfaction in romantic relationships? A total of 412 college students in Taiwan who were currently involved or had been involved in romantic relationships participated in the study. Structural equation modeling showed that filial piety contributes to satisfaction in romantic relationships through the mediating effects of love attitudes. The findings advance our understanding of filial piety and its implications for young adults' romantic relationships.     

Romantic love versus reproduction opportunities: Disentangling the contributions of different anxiety buffers under conditions of existential threat

Romantic relationships and offspring are discussed as anxiety buffers in terror management processes. We examined the relationship between these possible buffers and tested whether romantic relationships reduce existential threat due to reproduction opportunities or if they represent a distinct anxiety buffer. Contrary to our initial expectations, thinking about a positive romantic relationship without (vs. with) own children increased partner affect (Study 1) and commitment (Study 2) and decreased punishment intentions (Study 2) after mortality salience. These effects were mediated by participants' desire for romantic love. Furthermore, thinking about positive nonparental (vs. parental) romantic relationships lowered death‐thought accessibility (Study 3). Together, these findings suggest that romantic relationships form a distinct anxiety buffer that is only effective when the cultural (romance) instead of the biological (having children) nature of the relationship is highlighted. We discuss the role of anxiety buffer salience for determining whether offspring concerns buffer or increase existential threat.     

Is the Requirement of Sexual Exclusivity Consistent with Romantic Love?

In some cultures, people tend to believe that it is very important to be sexually exclusive in romantic relationships and idealise monogamous romantic relationships; but there is a tension in this ideal. Sex is generally considered to have value, and usually when we love someone we want to increase the amount of value in their lives, not restrict it without good reason. There is thus a call, not yet adequately responded to by philosophers, for greater clarity in the reasons §why it might be reasonable for a couple to adopt a policy of sexual exclusivity. This article argues that we cannot justify the demand for sexual exclusivity by a need to protect the relationship from the risk of one partner ‘trading‐up’, or by appealing to jealousy. However, sexual exclusivity can be intelligible if it supports the romantic relationship and helps to distinguish it from other relationships. Nonetheless, sexual exclusivity ought not to be the hegemonic social norm that it currently is in some societies because this diminishes the potential value it might have and gives the idea of faithfulness the wrong focus.     

The evolved function of the oedipal conflict

Freud based his oedipal theory on three clinical observations of adult romantic relationships: (1) Adults tend to split love and lust; (2) There tend to be sex differences in the ways that men and women split love and lust; (3) Adult romantic relationships are unconsciously structured by the dynamics of love triangles in which dramas of seduction and betrayal unfold. Freud believed that these aspects of adult romantic relationships were derivative expressions of a childhood oedipal conflict that has been repressed. Recent research conducted by evolutionary psychologists supports many of Freud’s original observations and suggests that Freud’s oedipal conflict may have evolved as a sexually selected adaptation for reproductive advantage. The evolution of bi-parental care based on sexually exclusive romantic bonds made humans vulnerable to the costs of sexual infidelity, a situation of danger that seriously threatens monogamous bonds. A childhood oedipal conflict enables humans to better adapt to this longstanding evolutionary problem by providing the child with an opportunity to develop working models of love triangles. On the one hand, the oedipal conflict facilitates monogamous resolutions by creating intense anxiety about the dangers of sexual infidelity and mate poaching. On the other hand, the oedipal conflict in humans may facilitate successful cheating and mate poaching by cultivating a talent for hiding our true sexual intentions from others and even from ourselves. The oedipal conflict in humans may be disguised by evolutionary design in order to facilitate tactical deception in adult romantic relationships.     

Life outcomes and relationship dispositions: The unique role of Emophilia

Emophilia (EP) predicts forming indiscriminate romantic bonds, and is associated with falling in love faster and with more people. Retrospective data examined life outcomes and relationship orientations in a large adult sample. Among both men and women, results indicated that both sociosexuality and EP were unique predictors of number of previous romantic relationships. However, among both men and women, EP was the only unique predictor of number of times being engaged to be married. Further, among women, EP was a unique predictor of younger age of first marriage engagement. Finally, high levels of both EP and unrestricted sociosexuality were associated with more pregnancies by different men. In sum, sociosexuality, anxious attachment, and EP all uniquely associated different relationship life outcomes, especially among women. Overall, the findings support and extend previous research showing that Emophilia is a critical variable in the realm of relationships.     

Gifts in a Romantic Relationship: A Survival Analysis

Employing a survival analysis approach, this study synthesizes 3 aspects of gift literature and suggests their effects on the timing of dissolution for a romantic relationship. Products or services can be consumed for the purpose of enhancing self‐attractiveness (self‐gift), expressing love to partners (other‐gift), and announcing a relationship to the outer world (joint‐gift). Results indicate that the distribution of time until dissolution for young students’ romantic relationships is more likely to first fall and then rise. Gifts can delay the timing of dissolution, but not the probability of its final destination. For female students, self‐enhancing gifts are found to delay the timing; for male students, love‐expressive gifts speed up the timing; and for both male and female students, relationship‐announcing gifts delay the timing of dissolution. Consumers, thus, are advised to use gifts to make their relationships endure, but not to attempt to alter a poor relationship into a successful one.     

Does self-love lead to love for others? A story of narcissistic game playing

Five studies investigated the links among narcissism, self-esteem, and love. Across all studies, narcissism was associated primarily with a game-playing love style. This link was found in reports of general love styles (Study 1a) and of love in ongoing romantic relationships (Studies 1b-3, 5). Narcissists' game-playing love style was the result of a need for power and autonomy (Study 2) and was linked with greater relationship alternatives and lesser commitment (Study 3). Finally, narcissists' self-reports of game playing were confirmed by their partners in past and current relationships (Studies 4, 5). In contrast, self-esteem was negatively linked to manic love and positively linked to passionate love across studies. Implications for the understanding of narcissism in relationships are discussed.     

Guys and Dolls: Relational Life in the Technological Era

This paper asserts the current age as perverse, a social paradigm facilitated by explosive technological progression that is rapidly altering the erotic and social dimensions of human relationship. The author employs psychoanalytic and evolutionary theories to explain the ease with which we humanize machines and dehumanize people. The quest and need for love, which combines both discovery and invention, is framed within Winnicott’s concept of the transitional object. A detailed case is presented of a man who lived with a high-end love doll. The case illustrates his simultaneous need to dehumanize women and humanize the doll, as well as his use of the analyst to help him transition from being with a doll to being with a human partner. Questions regarding technology’s growing impact on the future of relationships are surfaced.