To please or to neglect your partner? Attachment avoidance and relationship‐driven self‐improvement

Self‐improvement is a potential resource in sustaining relationships. A series of 2 studies with Hong Kong Chinese college samples sought to examine whether attribute‐specific, reflected regard from the partner determines self‐improvement efforts on those attributes and whether attachment avoidance moderates the association. These studies measured self‐improvement effort by retrospective self‐report (Study 1) and evaluation of objects pertinent to attribute‐specific self‐improvement goals (i.e., related self‐help books; Study 2). In general, the results showed that individuals improved their personal qualities when they perceived these qualities as relatively less favorably regarded by their partner. Moreover, attachment avoidance weakened such an association. The role of attachment avoidance in relationship‐driven self‐improvement seems to reflect strategic preference rather than a downplaying of relationship importance.     

Calibrating Use of Emotion Regulation Strategies to the Relationship Context: An Attachment Perspective

This research tested whether adult attachment orientations predict use of emotion regulation strategies in theoretically consistent ways, and whether associations among attachment orientations and emotion regulatory strategies are moderated by critical features of the relationship context. Ninety‐six couples (192 individuals) reported on their attachment orientations, habitual use of emotion regulation strategies (cognitive reappraisal, expressive suppression, negative emotion expressivity), and perceptions of relationship closeness and negative partner behaviors. Highly secure individuals reported greater use of cognitive reappraisal, especially when they felt closer to their partners, and engaged in less suppression when their partners behaved more negatively toward them. Highly avoidant individuals reported greater use of suppression, especially when they perceived more negative partner behaviors, and when their partners were more avoidant. Highly anxious individuals also used more suppression when their partners were more avoidant, but they expressed more negative emotions when they were paired with less avoidant partners. Fearful‐avoidant individuals' emotion regulation patterns resembled those of both highly secure and dismissive‐avoidant individuals. This study illustrates how attending to moderating effects within specific relationships and testing joint effects of both partners' personality characteristics can help identify contextual boundaries of emotion regulation strategies and clarify emotional response patterns in couples.     

Whose personality is better,mine or my partner's? Self‐enhancement bias in relationships

Previous research has documented self‐enhancement and relationship partner‐enhancement motivations, but not examined whether individuals view themselves or their partners more favorably, overall. The authors conducted three studies that revealed a general tendency to favor oneself over one's partner in direct self–partner personality comparisons. This illustrated a motivational precedence of self‐enhancement over partner‐enhancement goals. In Study 1, participants rated self‐only traits more favorably than partner‐only traits. In Studies 2 and 3, participants rated desirable traits as more characteristic of themselves than their partner, particularly when traits were more relevant to personal than relationship success. The authors also found that this self‐favoring bias was weaker (typically nonexistent) among those with higher relationship satisfaction, lower self‐esteem, or lower self‐deceptive tendencies. The authors discuss practical, theoretical, and methodological implications.     

The reciprocal cycle of self‐concealment and trust in romantic relationships

We propose that perceived partner concealment, self‐concealment from one's partner (i.e., keeping secrets from one's partner), and trust in one's partner form a reciprocal cycle in romantic relationships. In Study 1, participants in a romantic relationship (N = 94) completed a two‐time point survey within a span of 8 to 10 weeks. Results revealed that perceived partner concealment was associated with a loss of trust in partner, and low trust in partner was associated with an increase in self‐concealment from one's partner. Furthermore, the association between perceived partner concealment and self‐concealment from one's partner was mediated by trust. In Study 2, couples (N = 50) completed daily records for 14 consecutive days. Multilevel analyses indicated that on the days the individuals reported more self‐concealment, their partners reported lower trust in them. Moreover, on the days the partners reported lower trust, the partners also reported higher self‐concealment. These findings suggest that self‐concealment in romantic relationships can create a reciprocal cycle that involves loss of trust and more self‐concealment between partners, which would slowly deteriorate the relationship well‐being. Copyright © 2012 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

Perceiving regulation from intimate partners: Reflected appraisal and self‐regulation processes in close relationships

Cross‐sectional (N = 202) and longitudinal analyses over a 6‐month period (N = 155) assessed the consequences of perceiving regulation attempts from romantic partners. Greater perceived regulation from the partner was associated with more negative inferences regarding how closely individuals matched their partner's ideal standards in the targeted domain (inferred ideal consistency). Lower inferred ideal consistency, in turn, was associated with poorer relationship evaluations and predicted more negative perceptions of targeted self‐attributes. Individuals also directly responded to their partner's regulation efforts with attempts to change targeted features. Finally, perceiving more negative regulation strategies produced lower inferred ideal consistency, relationship evaluations, and self‐regulation efforts, whereas perceiving more positive strategies predicted greater inferred ideal consistency across time. The operation of reflected appraisal and self‐regulation processes within romantic relationships is discussed.     

Regulatory Focus and the Interpersonal Dynamics of Romantic Partners’ Personal Goal Discussions

Guided by regulatory focus theory, we examined how romantic partners’ chronic concerns with promotion (advancement) and prevention (security) shape the interpersonal dynamics of couples’ conversations about different types of personal goals. Members of 95 couples (N = 190) first completed chronic regulatory focus measures and then engaged in videotaped discussions of two types of goals that were differentially relevant to promotion and prevention concerns. Participants also completed measures of goal‐ and partner‐relevant perceptions. Independent observers rated the discussions for support‐related behaviors. Highly promotion‐focused people approached their partners more, perceived greater partner responsiveness, and received more support when discussing goals that were promotion‐relevant and that they perceived as less attainable. When partners’ responsiveness to promotion‐relevant goals was low, highly promotion‐focused people reported greater self‐efficacy regarding these goals. Highly prevention‐focused people perceived more responsiveness when partners were less distancing during discussions of their prevention‐relevant goals, and greater responsiveness perceptions reassured them that these goals are less disruptive to the relationship. These findings suggest that chronic concerns with promotion and prevention orient people to their relationship environment in ways that are consistent with these distinct motivational needs, especially when discussing goals that increase the salience of these needs.     

Depressive symptoms and attribute type moderate effects of partner feedback among college couples

Previous findings on the effects of partner feedback (about the self) have been mixed, potentially due to moderating roles of individuals' prior well‐being and the type of attributes appraised. This experimental study of 118 college‐student couples examined whether depressive symptoms moderated responses to partner feedback that was either enhancing or verifying of either social (communion‐related) or personal (agency‐related) attributes. Results showed that individuals with fewer depressive symptoms reported higher relationship quality after receiving partner feedback (particularly when it was enhancing) on their personal (vs. social) attributes. Conversely, individuals with more depressive symptoms reported higher relationship quality after receiving social partner feedback (particularly when it was enhancing). Thus, individuals' prior well‐being and communion‐related versus agency‐related attributes should be considered in studies of interpersonal feedback.     

Attachment styles and relationship quality: Actual,perceived, and ideal partner matching

Attachment dimension matching in dating relationships and how matching relates to relationship quality were investigated. Across 2 studies, individuals preferred similar but more secure partners (lower anxiety and lower avoidance) as reflected by their ideals. In Study 1, greater similarity between the self and perceptions of the partner's anxiety predicted more positive relationship outcomes (e.g., relationship satisfaction, trust). Similar results were found for ideal–perceived partner avoidance similarity, whereas ideal–perceived partner anxiety similarity was less important. Study 2 involved both partners in the relationship and indicated that relationship outcomes were predicted by the actor's and partner's attachment dimensions as well as by ideal–perceived partner similarity and self–perceived partner similarity.     

The individual and relational risks of providing support to an inconsolable partner

The two studies in this article examined how perceptions of partner inconsolability are associated with the self‐esteem and relationship satisfaction of the caregiver. Study 1 documented a negative correlation between perceptions of partner inconsolability and relationship satisfaction, particularly among those high in rejection sensitivity. This association held even when controlling for both self‐ and partner‐reported levels of caregiving, as well as individual characteristics of both partners that may bias perceptions of inconsolability. In Study 2, participants who recalled a time when their partner was inconsolable reported lower state self‐esteem, and among individuals high in rejection sensitivity, lower relationship satisfaction.     

Individual and dyadic associations among relational self‐expansion potential,affect, and perceived health

A growing body of literature suggests that specific markers of relationship quality are meaningfully linked to health outcomes. We tested whether relational self‐expansion potential might be one of these markers in cross‐sectional samples of individuals and romantic couples. Study 1 found that greater self‐expansion potential was linked to better perceived physical health via both higher positive affect (PA) and lower negative affect (NA). Study 2 replicated these findings for PA (but not NA) and revealed both actor and partner effects of self‐expansion potential. Results remained robust when statistically accounting for gender, age, body mass index, agreeableness, neuroticism, and perceived partner responsiveness. These findings identify a new relationship‐level “active ingredient” associated with health and have implications for future physical health studies.     

Perceived responses to capitalization attempts are influenced by self‐esteem and relationship threat

Discussing good news builds strength in relationships. In particular, perceiving a close other as enthusiastic about good fortune can help individuals maintain relational strength when relationship security is threatened. In an experiment and a daily diary study, how self‐esteem moderates perceptions of a partner's response to these capitalization attempts following relationship threats were examined. After having been primed with relationship threat (Study 1) or on days following relationship conflict (Study 2), low‐self‐esteem persons perceived less partner enthusiasm about their good news, but high‐self‐esteem persons perceived more partner enthusiasm. Self‐esteem had no effect after a neutral prime or no‐conflict days. These results indicate that capitalization as a strategy for repairing relationships may depend on the partners' self‐esteem.     

The attraction–similarity model and dating couples: Projection,perceived similarity,and psychological benefits

According to the attraction–similarity model, relationship quality leads to perceptions of partner–self similarity. Relationship quality and perceived similarity then provide psychological benefits for the perceiver. Across 3 studies, relationship quality positively predicted perceptions of similarity. Study 1 indicated that for moderate, but not low, relationship‐relevant traits, individuals projected the self onto the dating partner as a way of perceiving similarities. In Study 2, priming high, as opposed to low, relationship quality led to greater perceived similarity on the moderately relevant traits. Study 3 indicated greater perceived similarity between self and dating partner than between self and average same‐gender student on the moderately relevant traits. Relationship quality and perceived similarity with the dating partner on the moderately relevant traits also predicted psychological benefits.     

Subjective Social Standing and Conflict Tactics Among Young Kenyan Men

Efforts to reduce intimate partner violence in sub‐Saharan Africa generally approach the issue through the lens of women's empowerment. These efforts include foci on women's relative power in the relationship, educational background, and earning potential. The social status of men has largely been ignored, reducing the potential to involve them in efforts to demote intimate partner violence. In this study we consider whether a man's perceived social status predicts conflict tactics, and whether these tactics are mediated by loneliness and collective self‐esteem from a community‐based sample in semi‐rural Kenya (n = 263). We find that men who reported lower perceived social status also reported significantly more frequent violent conflicts with their intimate partners. This association was significantly, and completely, mediated by lower collective self‐esteem and higher loneliness. There was no direct association between subjective social status and negotiation‐based conflict tactics, although there was an indirect association. Men with higher perceived social status reported higher collective self‐esteem, and men with higher collective self‐esteem reported more negotiation‐based conflict tactics. These findings inform efforts to reduce intimate partner violence by involving men, showing potential to reduce violence by building self‐esteem among men—particularly those with lower perceived social status.     

A multimethod investigation of depressive symptoms,perceived understanding,and relationship quality

This research examines whether people who are experiencing more depressive symptoms perceive their partners as less able to understand their thoughts and feelings. Results showed that depressive symptoms (Studies 1 and 3) and depressive mood (Study 2) were negatively associated with perceived understanding in general (Study 1), in daily life (Study 2), and during a conflict conversation (Study 3). Partners of people who were more depressed actually were less empathically accurate during the conflict conversation in Study 3, although they did not recognize that they were being less understanding. Moreover, perceived understanding helped explain the link between depressive symptoms and relationship quality in all three studies, and these effects held when controlling for self‐reported understanding and perceived partner hostility.     

How sweet it is to be loved by you: the role of perceived regard in the terror management of close relationships

Drawing from terror management theory, the present research examined whether people turn to close relationships to manage the awareness of mortality because they serve as a source of perceived regard. Studies 1 and 2 demonstrated that mortality salience (MS) leads people to exaggerate how positively their romantic partners see them and demonstrated that people are more committed to their partners to the extent that their romantic partners serve as a source of perceived regard after MS (Study 3). Study 4 revealed that activating thoughts of perceived regard from a partner in response to MS reduced death-thought accessibility. Studies 5 and 6 demonstrated that MS led high relationship contingent self-esteem individuals to exaggerate perceived regard from a partner, and this heightened regard led to greater commitment to one's partner. Study 7 examined attachment style differences and found that after MS, anxious individuals exaggerated how positively their parents see them, whereas secure individuals exaggerated how positively their romantic partners see them. Together, the present results suggest that perceptions of regard play an important role in why people pursue close relationships in the face of existential concerns.     

How partner‐satisfying decisions benefit relationships: An experience sampling study

Sometimes, individuals must choose between acting in a way that satisfies their own desire or acting in a way that satisfies their partner's desire. What are the consequences of choosing one over the other for individuals' well‐being and relationship? Using experience sampling data (934 reports by 106 participants) that assessed daily decision conflicts in relationships, we examined consequences of partner‐satisfying decisions. A higher proportion of partner‐satisfying decisions predicted more perceived needs fulfillment and marginally higher perceived relationship quality over the course of a week. Additionally, immediately after the partner‐satisfying decision, participants reported feeling closer to their partner, and reported more positive and less negative affect, even when controlling for the quality of the relationship.     

The role of attachment in influencing reactions to manipulated feedback from romantic partners

A study of 80 couples (mean age 24) examined the impact of attachment patterns on reactions to manipulated positive or negative feedback, ostensibly from partners. As expected, individuals high in attachment anxiety reported more negative mood and the least indifference to partner feedback. In addition, those high in attachment anxiety reported more negative reactions to negative feedback compared to those low in anxiety. Those high in attachment anxiety reported lower self‐competence after receiving negative feedback than those low in anxiety. Further, reactions to manipulated feedback mediated the relationship between attachment anxiety and self‐competence. Attachment models play a role in determining reactions to partner feedback and moderate how feedback is used to maintain self‐views. Copyright © 2006 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

The virtue of problem‐solving: Perceived partner virtues as predictors of problem‐solving efficacy

Three studies involving dating relationships and friendships tested the hypothesis that higher perceived partner virtues (or personal strengths enacted in the context of relationships) are related to greater relationship problem‐solving efficacy. Studies 1 and 2 showed that higher perceived partner virtues were related to more relationship problem‐solving efficacy concurrently and longitudinally. Study 3 showed that perceiving one's partner as more virtuous predicted increased turning toward one's partner for assistance, which, in turn, predicted increased problem‐solving efficacy. All 3 studies showed that higher perceived partner virtues were related to greater relationship problem‐solving efficacy.     

Negative self‐imagery in social anxiety contaminates social interactions

Patients with social phobia report experiencing negative images of themselves performing poorly when in feared social situations. The present study investigates whether such negative self‐imagery (based on memory of past social situations) contaminates social interactions. High socially anxious volunteers participated in two conversations with another volunteer (conversational partner). During one conversation, the socially anxious volunteers held in mind a negative self‐image, and during the other they held in mind a less negative (control) self‐image. As predicted, when holding the negative image the socially anxious volunteers felt more anxious, reported using more safety behaviours, believed that they performed more poorly, and showed greater overestimation of how poorly they came across (relative to ratings by the conversational partner). Conversational partners rated the socially anxious volunteers' performance as poorer in the negative image condition. Furthermore, the conversation was contaminated since both groups of participants rated its quality as poorer in the negative image condition.     

Body image disturbance and relationship satisfaction among college students

Two hundred and eighty-two college undergraduate and graduate students, including 81 males and 201 females, responded to an on-line survey measuring relationship satisfaction, body image distortion and body dissatisfaction, self esteem, and thoughts about weight loss. A modified Kansas Marital Satisfaction Scale (KMSS) queried respondents about their relationship satisfaction as well as their perception of their partner’s satisfaction with the relationship. Respondents checked one of 17 figural drawings indicating their perceived and ideal size as well as judgments of perceived and ideal size of their partner. Females had greater body image size distortion and body dissatisfaction, lower self esteem, and more frequent thoughts about weight loss. Males were more dissatisfied with their partner’s size. Respondent’s body size distortion predicted perceived partner relationship satisfaction, with greater size distortion predicting less perceived partner relationship satisfaction. Greater perceived partner relationship satisfaction predicted increased respondents’ relationship satisfaction. Perceived partner’s dissatisfaction with respondent’s body size only approached significance as a predictor of respondent’s relationship satisfaction. However, the strength of this variable as a predictor warrants further examination of its potential role in relationship satisfaction.