You do not only hurt the one you love: Self-protective responses to attractive relationship alternatives

Committed romantic relationships confer important benefits to psychological health and well-being. However, to effectively maintain these relationships, individuals must avoid threats posed by the temptation of attractive relationship alternatives. Previous work has demonstrated that individuals in committed relationships consciously downplay the allure of romantic alternatives. The current work tested the hypothesis that attractive relationship alternatives evoke an automatic self-protective response at an early stage of cognition. The current study employed a computer simulation that recorded automatic, split-second assessments of threat elicited by social targets that varied in their gender and level of attractiveness. Consistent with hypotheses, attractive opposite-sex targets evoked automatic self-protective responses from participants in committed heterosexual relationships. Moreover, these responses seemed to be particularly pronounced among the male participants in committed relationships. These findings have implications for the maintenance of long-term close relationships.     

The implicit cognition of relationship maintenance: Inattention to attractive alternatives

The temptation of alternative mating partners can threaten satisfaction with and commitment to an existing romantic relationship. Consequently, people exhibit cognitive processes that help protect their relationship when faced with desirable relationship alternatives. Previous studies have focused primarily on processes that involve explicit, higher-order cognitive mechanisms such as overt judgments and choices (e.g., judging the alternative as less attractive). The current studies, in contrast, examined automatic, early-stage attentional processes that may help protect against threats posed by exposure to alternative mating partners. Whereas single participants responded to implicit mating primes by increasing early-stage attention to physically attractive opposite sex targets, participants in a committed romantic relationship were inattentive to those attractive alternatives. This research provides a novel approach for studying implicit cognitive mechanisms involved in maintaining close relationships.     

The role of self-regulation in derogating attractive alternatives

The present research addresses the question of how romantically involved individuals are able to shield their ongoing romantic relationship from the temptation of attractive alternative partners. Specifically, two studies examined, and supported, the prediction that self-regulation promotes romantically involved individuals’ tendency to derogate attractive others as potential partners. Heterosexual participants responded to pictures of attractive and unattractive opposite-sex others by indicating their interest in these others as potential partners. In both studies the possibility for self-regulation exertion was manipulated (by means of self-regulation depletion in Study 1, and time-pressure in Study 2). When self-regulatory resources were relatively high, romantically involved participants exhibited less interest in attractive opposite-sex others than non-involved participants. However, when self-regulatory resources were low, interest in attractive opposite-sex others did not differ between romantically involved and non-involved participants.     

The young adult love lives of happy teenagers: The role of adolescent affect in adult romantic relationship functioning

This study assessed early adolescent positive and negative affect as long-term predictors of romantic conflict, anxious and avoidant attachment, romantic and social competence, and relationship satisfaction in adulthood utilizing a longitudinal, multi-informant study of 166 participants assessed annually at ages 14–17, and again at ages 23–25. Positive affect in adolescence predicted greater self-rated social competence during late adolescence and greater self-rated romantic competence and less partner-reported hostile conflict almost a decade later. Negative affect predicted lower social and romantic competence. Results generally remained significant after controlling for personality traits, providing greater support for the hypothesis that affect has a robust, direct relation to romantic development over time.     

Sex drive, attachment style, relationship status and previous infidelity as predictors of sex differences in romantic jealousy

Recent research examining sex differences in jealousy suggests that more men than women tend to be distressed by sexual infidelity, and that more women than men tend to be distressed by emotional infidelity. The primary explanation for these findings is that evolution has shaped men’s and women’s responses to enhance their chances of reproductive success. However, within-sex differences are also found in terms of relative level of distress at sexual or emotional infidelity. This study examined the effect of alternative variables, particularly those associated with attachment and sexual motivations, on both between- and within-sex differences in relative distress at sexual and emotional infidelity. A community sample of 437 adults provided data using a self-report questionnaire. The results showed that sex drive was a significant predictor of distress at jealousy for both men and women, while attachment avoidance and previously being the victim of a sexual infidelity were significant predictors for men only, and relationship status was a significant predictor for women only. Overall, these findings support the evolutionary model of jealousy, and suggest that sex-specific evolved psychological mechanisms underpinning jealousy are influenced by attachment and sexual motivations.     

Hormonal contraceptive congruency: Implications for relationship jealousy

Research shows that women who use hormonal contraceptives (HCs) differ in their mate preferences from women who have regular cycles. It has been proposed that when a partnered woman either begins to use or ceases to use HCs, she may experience changes in her relationship since her preferences become incongruent with those prevalent at the time of her partner choice. This has not yet been directly tested. Here, in doing this, we aim to specifically test whether current and past HC use contributes to present levels of relationship jealousy. We find a significant interaction in levels of jealousy based on current HC use and HC use at the start of the relationship. When current HC use is incongruent with that at the start of the relationship, women report significantly higher levels of jealousy. Results are among the first to suggest that both current and past HC use may influence relationship dynamics.     

I only have eyes for you: Ovulation redirects attention (but not memory) to attractive men

A number of studies have found a disjunction between women’s attention to, and memory for, handsome men. Although women pay initial attention to handsome men, they do not remember those men later. The present study examines how ovulation might differentially affect these attentional and memory processes. We found that women near ovulation increased their visual attention to attractive men. However, this increased visual attention did not translate into better memory. Discussion focuses on possible explanations, in the context of an emerging body of findings on disjunctions between attention to, and memory for, other people.     

When love is not blind: Rumination impairs implicit affect regulation in response to romantic relationship threat

The present research examined how rumination influences implicit affect regulation in response to romantic relationship threat. In three studies, the disposition to ruminate impaired the ability to maintain positive feelings about the romantic partner in the face of explicit or implicit reminders of relationship threatening events. In Study 1, a high disposition to ruminate was correlated with impaired down-regulation of negative feelings toward the partner in response to a hurtful relationship incident. Two follow-up studies manipulated relationship threat explicitly through an experiential recall procedure (Study 2) or implicitly through a subliminal evaluative-conditioning procedure (Study 3). In both studies only individuals with low disposition to ruminate were able to ward off negative feelings and maintain positive feelings toward the partner. These findings illuminate the role of implicit affect regulation in the context of relationship threat—and how it is inextricably connected with the processes underlying rumination.     

Sexual arousal and the pursuit of attractive mating opportunities

From an evolutionary perspective, sexual arousal may function, in part, to motivate the pursuit of attractive mating opportunities. We designed a study to test three aspects of this hypothesis. Several hundred heterosexual men and women completed a short survey about sexual arousal in response to a casual sex mating opportunity. We replicated previous research documenting that men report greater sexual arousal than women in response to a short-term mating opportunity. We argue that it is unlikely that a “downplaying of alternatives” psychology evolved, whereby mated individuals rate opposite-sex targets as less attractive than do unmated individuals, but instead that men and women have a relationship-seeking psychology, motivating them to pursue attractive mating opportunities. The results supported this relationship-seeking psychology rather than a downplaying alternatives psychology. Discussion addresses directions for future research on the motivational properties of sexual arousal.     

Effects of global and contextualized personality on relationship satisfaction

Researchers have made great strides in conceptualizing and assessing contextualized personality—how people’s personalities vary across different contexts (e.g., among friends, co-workers, and relationship partners). We investigated how global and contextualized personality traits are linked to relationship satisfaction. In Study 1, longitudinal associations between global and contextualized personality and relationship satisfaction were examined in a sample of adults in committed dating relationships. Study 2 investigated actor and partner effects of global and contextualized personality on relationship satisfaction in undergraduate couples. Study 3 used observer ratings of contextualized personality traits expressed in couples’ daily Instant Messages (IMs). These results demonstrate that contextualized personality—in particular neuroticism—is linked to the quality of both current and future romantic relationships.     

Romantic relationship status biases memory of faces of attractive opposite-sex others: evidence from a reverse-correlation paradigm

Previous research has demonstrated that, presumably as a way to protect one’s current romantic relationship, individuals involved in a heterosexual romantic relationship tend to give lower attractiveness ratings to attractive opposite-sex others as compared to uninvolved individuals (i.e., the derogation effect). The present study importantly extends this research by examining whether romantic relationship status actually biases memory for the facial appearance of attractive (vs. unattractive) mates. To address this issue, we used a reverse-correlation technique (Mangini & Biederman, 2004), originally developed to get a visual approximation of an individual’s internal representation of a target category or person. In line with the derogation effect, results demonstrated that romantically involved (vs. uninvolved) individuals indeed held a less attractive memory of a previously encountered attractive mate’s face. Interestingly, they also held a more attractive memory of an unattractive mate’s face as compared to uninvolved individuals. This latter finding may suggest that romantically involved (as compared to uninvolved) individuals differentiate opposite-sex others along the attractiveness dimension less.     

Reducing defensive distancing: Self-affirmation and risk regulation in response to relationship threats

The risk regulation model proposes that people with low self-esteem, but not those with high self-esteem, react to relationship-based self-threats by defensively distancing from their partner. In the present study, we hypothesized that a self-affirmation manipulation, by restoring self-worth and integrity for people with low self-esteem, would attenuate this defensive distancing behavior. Participants were exposed to either a relationship-based self-threat or no such threat, and then completed a self-affirmation or a control task. As predicted, when presented with a self-threat, individuals with low self-esteem distanced from their partner. This effect was attenuated if they were given the opportunity to self-affirm. By contrast, the threat and self-affirmation manipulations had no effect for those with high self-esteem. Results are discussed in terms of their implications for risk regulation theory and self-affirmation theory.     

Conflict with friends,relationship blindness,and the pathway to adult disagreeableness

The ability to form and maintain relationships with friends and romantic partners is a major developmental task for adolescents. Disagreeable youth are likely to struggle with this task, yet little is known about how they maintain their oppositional style from adolescence to adulthood. The current study examines the long-term implications of disagreeableness in a diverse sample of 164 adolescents assessed repeatedly across a 10-year period along with their friends and romantic partners. Disagreeableness at age 14 and 15 was assessed in observation with friends. Disagreeableness was then examined as a predictor of both future relationship quality with friends at age 16 and romantic relationships at age 21. The results indicate that although disagreeable youth do not report any relationship struggles, both their friends and romantic partners see their relationships as being low in quality. Findings suggest a developmental process by which disagreeable adolescents maintain their oppositional style through a mechanism of relationship blindness, as they simply are unable to see the relationship issues that their friends and partners clearly perceive.     

The unique contributions of motivations to maintain a relationship and motivations toward relational activities to relationship well-being

People experience autonomy when they perceive their behaviour to be volitional rather than driven by external controls. Previous research has studied autonomy in relationships at a general level, focusing on people’s motivations to maintain their romantic relationships, as measured by the Couple Motivation Questionnaire (CMQ; Blais et al., J Personal Soc Psychol 59:1021–1031, 1990). To supplement the CMQ, we developed the Motivations for Relational Activities (MRA) scale, which assesses the extent to which people feel autonomous and controlled in a variety of specific relational activities. The purpose of this study is to examine the unique contributions of general motivations to maintain a relationship (CMQ) and motivations toward specific relational activities (MRA) in the prediction of relationship well-being. Results showed that the MRA and CMQ both independently and significantly contributed to the prediction of relationship well-being (i.e., commitment, intimacy, satisfaction, and vitality within the relationship) and were differentiated by their associations to dimensions of personality and attachment.

Past and present,day by day: Communication with former romantic partners,relationship-contingent self-esteem,and current relationship outcomes

In an effort to illuminate factors delineating when communication with former romantic partners can be beneficial versus detrimental, this work examines how communication affects both the current and former relationships, and whether these associations vary as a function of one’s self-worth being tied to the relationship (i.e., relationship-contingent self-esteem, RCSE). Over three weeks, undergraduates in relationships who regularly communicated with a former partner (N = 46) completed nightly measures of former partner communication and satisfaction with current and former relationships. Results indicated that among those higher in RCSE, communication with former partners undermined current relationship satisfaction and bolstered former relationship satisfaction, patterns not evident among those lower in RCSE. For some, communication with former partners can be problematic for the current relationship.     

Adult playfulness and relationship satisfaction: An APIM analysis of romantic couples

Previous research has shown that adult playfulness contributes to relationship satisfaction (RS). Using 211 heterosexual romantic couples we test the association between four facets of playfulness (Other-directed, Lighthearted, Intellectual, and Whimsical; OLIW) and indicators of RS in an Actor-Partner Interdependence Model (APIM)-design. The four OLIW components are differentially associated with indicators of RS. Out of the OLIW facets, predominantly Other-directed and Intellectual playfulness were associated with high RS. Couple similarity was unrelated to RS. Overall, the findings support the notion that distinguishing between the facets of playfulness and those of RS is needed for a comprehensive understanding of their association. We discuss the findings with respect to theoretical and practical implications.     

Exploitative male mating strategies: Personality, mating orientation, and relationship status

Previous research suggests men are sexually attracted to women displaying cues to sexual exploitability. During human evolutionary history, men’s agreeableness, orientation towards casual sex, and relationship status may have been recurrently associated with greater net benefits of pursuing a sexually exploitative strategy. We hypothesized these three individual differences would predict men’s perceptions of women’s sexual exploitability. Seventy-two men viewed photographs of women and rated their sexual exploitability. Men’s agreeableness, sociosexual orientation, and current relationship status interacted to predict their perceptions of women’s sexual exploitability; among unmated men, the combination of low agreeableness and an orientation toward uncommitted sex was associated with higher perceptions of women’s sexual exploitability. This suggests mechanisms motivating sexually exploitative strategies may depend on an interaction between personality characteristics and situational variables.     

Associations between young adult romantic relationship quality and problem behaviors: An examination of personality–environment interactions

This longitudinal study examined person–environment interplay by testing interaction effects between adolescent personality type (i.e., overcontrollers, undercontrollers, and resilients) and young adult romantic relationship quality on young adult delinquency and anxiety. The study employed six waves of longitudinal questionnaire data collected across 10 years from Dutch youths. Results showed that support from romantic partner was related to a relatively stronger decrease in anxiety in young adulthood for overcontrollers than for resilients. Moreover, higher negative interaction with romantic partner was related to a relative increase in delinquent behaviors for undercontrollers, while no such links emerged for overcontrollers and resilients. This study highlights the importance of considering the interplay between personality characteristics and environmental–relational factors when examining young adults’ developmental outcomes.     

Young women with and without non-suicidal self-injury: A comparison of romantic relationship functioning

IntroductionThe interpersonal context of an individual struggling with non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) is of critical importance.ObjectiveThe purpose of the current study is to offer, through a dyadic perspective, a unique portrait of the relevant indicators of romantic relationship functioning (i.e., romantic attachment, dyadic trust, dyadic coping, relationship satisfaction, and caregiving) that distinguish young women who have engaged in NSSI from those who have not.MethodParticipants consisted of 20 women who indicated having engaged in NSSI in the past six months and 20 women who indicated having never engaged in NSSI, along with their respective partner.ResultsResults revealed that women who engaged in NSSI were more likely to report subjective distress in the form of attachment anxiety and distrust, as well as lower relationship satisfaction and adaptive dyadic coping strategies, compared to women who had never engaged in NSSI. Findings also showed that partners of women who engaged in self-injury reported more attachment anxiety than partners of women who do not engage in NSSI.ConclusionThese results highlight the importance of romantic relationship dynamics and the potential associations with engagement in self-injurious behaviors, which has implications for the development of effective prevention and intervention strategies.     

A systematic review of relationship maintenance: Reflecting back and looking to the future

Relationship maintenance processes include a wide range of activities and cognitions that romantic partners engage in to sustain or enhance their relationships. In this article, we review literature from the past two decades (2002–2021). We focus on key definitional and conceptual issues in the study of relational maintenance. Guided by a lens of intersectionality, we then perform a theoretically-driven review of the empirical articles published over the last 20 years paying careful attention to the nature of the samples, methods, and privileged research questions. We conclude by offering a reflection on the current state of this literature and provide suggestions for future research.