Self-determined self-other overlap: Interacting effects on partners’ perceptions of support and well-being in close relationships

Self-other overlap, an important dimension of interpersonal closeness, is linked to positive interpersonal and well-being outcomes in relationships with romantic partners and friends. Three studies applied principles from self-determination theory to examine whether individual differences in self-determined motivation moderate the effects of higher self-other overlap on partner outcomes. Studies were cross-sectional and longitudinal, and examined personality and relationship-specific self-determination in friends (Study 1) and romantic partners (all studies); all were comprised of dyads to examine partner effects. Results suggested that as self-determined individuals reported greater self-other overlap, their partners also reported receiving more positive motivational support as well as enhanced commitment. On the other hand, when individuals were low in self-determination, partners did not benefit from greater self-other overlap.     

Controlled by Love: The Harmful Relational Consequences of Perceived Conditional Positive Regard

Research on conditional positive regard (CPR) has shown that this seemingly benign practice has maladaptive correlates when used by parents. However, there is no research on the correlates of this practice in romantic relationships or on the processes mediating its effects. Building on self‐determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 2000 ), three studies tested the hypothesis that perceived CPR impairs relationship quality, partly because it undermines the fulfillment of the basic psychological needs for autonomy and relatedness. Study 1 (N = 125) examined perceived CPR and relationship quality across four relationship targets: mother, father, romantic partner, and best friend. Study 2, involving romantic partners (N = 142), examined whether needs fulfillment mediated the association between perceived CPR and relationship quality. Study 3, involving romantic dyads (N = 85), also included partner reports on CPR. Across the three studies, CPR was linked with poor relationship quality between relationships, between people, and between dyadic partners. Moreover, results of Study 2 and Study 3 revealed that the inverse association between perceived CPR and relationship quality was mediated by dissatisfaction of autonomy but not relatedness. Despite its seemingly benign nature, CPR is detrimental to relationship quality, partly because it thwarts the basic need for autonomy.     

Does self-love lead to love for others? A story of narcissistic game playing

Five studies investigated the links among narcissism, self-esteem, and love. Across all studies, narcissism was associated primarily with a game-playing love style. This link was found in reports of general love styles (Study 1a) and of love in ongoing romantic relationships (Studies 1b-3, 5). Narcissists' game-playing love style was the result of a need for power and autonomy (Study 2) and was linked with greater relationship alternatives and lesser commitment (Study 3). Finally, narcissists' self-reports of game playing were confirmed by their partners in past and current relationships (Studies 4, 5). In contrast, self-esteem was negatively linked to manic love and positively linked to passionate love across studies. Implications for the understanding of narcissism in relationships are discussed.     

The complementarity of humility hypothesis: Individual,relational, and physiological effects of mutually humble partners

Abstract

We report two studies of romantic couples that examine the interactive effects of actor and partner humility on individual, relational, and physiological well-being. Using both longitudinal (Study 1) and physiological (Study 2) methods from two samples of romantic couples, we explored the interactive effects of actor and partner humility. Individuals in dyads with complementary high humility reported better mental health over time following a major life transition, the birth of their first child, in Study 1 and higher relationship satisfaction and lower physiological responses (i.e. blood pressure) following the discussion of a topic of disagreement in Study 2. These results suggest that being humble is beneficial when one has a humble partner, but being arrogant – especially within a disagreement with one’s partner – could undermine the benefits of humility. That is, the benefits of humility are greatest in dyads in which both partners are humble.     

Connecting the intrapersonal to the interpersonal: Autonomy,voice, parents,and romantic relationships in emerging adulthood

Multiple forms of adolescent autonomy (emotional autonomy, voice, and cognitive autonomy) were examined as correlates of parental and partner relationships. Measures included parental warmth and psychological control, and romantic support and negative interactions. Participants were 206 students (age 17 to 20, M _age = 18) who had romantic partners. Those who reported more emotional autonomy from parents (e.g., individuation and nondependence) reported less voice with parents and less cognitive autonomy. Adolescents reported less independence from their parents, more voice with parents and more confidence in their own choices when they reported more parental warmth. Adolescents reported less independence from their parents and less voice when their parents were more controlling. Participants reported more independence from parents and more voice when they reported more romantic partner support. The results show how necessary it is to consider multiple aspects of autonomy and relationships to understand how the intrapersonal and interpersonal are connected.     

Effects of global and contextualized personality on relationship satisfaction

Researchers have made great strides in conceptualizing and assessing contextualized personality—how people’s personalities vary across different contexts (e.g., among friends, co-workers, and relationship partners). We investigated how global and contextualized personality traits are linked to relationship satisfaction. In Study 1, longitudinal associations between global and contextualized personality and relationship satisfaction were examined in a sample of adults in committed dating relationships. Study 2 investigated actor and partner effects of global and contextualized personality on relationship satisfaction in undergraduate couples. Study 3 used observer ratings of contextualized personality traits expressed in couples’ daily Instant Messages (IMs). These results demonstrate that contextualized personality—in particular neuroticism—is linked to the quality of both current and future romantic relationships.     

Social benefits of humility: Initiating and maintaining romantic relationships

Previous research has highlighted the social nature of humility. In three studies, we provide evidence that humility facilitates the initiation and maintenance of romantic relationships. In Study 1, very humble potential dating partners, relative to less humble partners, were rated more favorably and were more likely to elicit intentions to initiate a romantic relationship. Study 2 was a conceptual replication of Study 1 that provided evidence that participants find humble potential dating partners more attractive than arrogant dating partners. In Study 3, we examined perceptions of humility in participants in proximal or long-distance relationships. We found that humility buffers against unforgiveness in long-distant relationships. Although long-distance relationships were associated with greater unforgiveness, this effect was only present when partners were viewed as having low humility. Together, these findings highlight the social benefits of humility in initiating and maintaining romantic relationships.     

Exploring the role of sexual experiences in on‐again/off‐again dating relationships

As an important dimension of romantic relationships, sexual activity has received little attention in research on on‐again/off‐again (on–off) relationships. Study 1 assessed the prevalence and perceptions of sexual experiences in on–off relationships as compared to non‐cyclical relationships (those without a history of breakups and renewals); furthermore, current and post‐dissolution (PD) relationships were assessed. Findings showed that on–off partners were four times more likely to engage in sex after breakups than non‐cyclical partners (55 vs. 13%). Results also suggested that on–off partners' perceptions of PD sexual experiences were more satisfying, more compatible, and less stressful than were non‐cyclical partners'. Using longitudinal data, Study 2 showed that PD sex was linked with reconciling the relationship. Conclusions from these findings and future directions are discussed.     

Volitional Change in Adult Attachment: Can People Who Want to Become Less Anxious and Avoidant Move Closer Towards Realizing Those Goals?

People value relationships and want to relate to both friends and romantic partners in a secure and comfortable fashion. But can individuals move towards realizing this goal of their own volition? To address this question, across three studies with a combined total of more than 4000 participants, we developed and validated a new measure of people's desires to change their attachment anxiety and avoidance. In Study 1, we created the new, 16-item Change Goals—Experiences in Close Relationships measure. In Study 2, we replicated the Change Goals—Experiences in Close Relationships' factor structure and demonstrated that it correlates in theoretically expected ways with criterion variables (e.g. people who were high in undesirable traits such as anxiety or avoidance generally wanted to change those traits; change goals were linked to dissatisfaction with relevant life domains). Finally, in Study 3, we conducted a 16-wave, weekly longitudinal study. Results indicated that goals to change attachment anxiety and avoidance predicted corresponding growth across time (e.g. people who wanted to become less anxious tended to experience declines in attachment anxiety across time). Thus, our research provides a new measure for studying changes in attachment and suggests people may be able to increase in attachment security per their own volition. © 2019 European Association of Personality Psychology     

When we hurt the ones we love: Predicting violence against women from men's mate retention

Mate retention behaviors are designed to solve several adaptive problems such as deterring a partner's infidelity and preventing defection from the mating relationship. Although many mate retention behaviors appear to be innocuous romantic gestures (e.g., displaying resources, giving flowers), some may be harbingers of violence. We investigated the associations between male mate retention and violence against women in romantic relationships. In Study 1, 461 men reported their use of mate retention behaviors and separately completed instruments designed to assess violence in their relationships. Study 2 assessed 560 women's reports of their partners’ mate retention behaviors and the degree to which their partners used violence against them. As predicted, and across both studies, men's use of particular mate retention behaviors was related positively to female‐directed violence. Study 3 secured 2 separate data sources—husbands’ reports of their mate retention and wives’ reports of their husbands’ violence in a sample of 214 individuals forming 107 couples. The results corroborated those of Studies 1 and 2, with particular male mate retention behaviors predicting violence against romantic partners. The general discussion outlines future directions for research that are likely to result in a more comprehensive understanding of partner violence against women.     

Optimism in close relationships: How seeing things in a positive light makes them so

Does expecting positive outcomes--especially in important life domains such as relationships--make these positive outcomes more likely? In a longitudinal study of dating couples, the authors tested whether optimists (who have a cognitive disposition to expect positive outcomes) and their romantic partners are more satisfied in their relationships, and if so, whether this is due to optimists perceiving greater support from their partners. In cross-sectional analyses, both optimists and their partners indicated greater relationship satisfaction, an effect that was mediated by optimists' greater perceived support. When the couples engaged in a conflict conversation, optimists and their partners saw each other as engaging more constructively during the conflict, which in turn led both partners to feel that the conflict was better resolved 1 week later. In a 1-year follow-up, men's optimism predicted relationship status. Effects of optimism were mediated by the optimists' perceived support, which appears to promote a variety of beneficial processes in romantic relationships.     

Communication with former romantic partners and current relationship outcomes among college students

This research investigates individual and contextual differences underlying postdissolution friendships by considering communication with former romantic partners among individuals in new romantic relationships. Two studies demonstrate the prevalence, determinants, and implications of former partner communication for the current relationship. Study 1 showed that approximately 40% of individuals in relationships communicate with a former partner and highlighted differences between those who communicate and those who do not. Study 2 factor analyzed reasons why people communicate with former partners and examined how the reasons are differentially associated with current relationship functioning. In general, results support the notion that under certain circumstances and for certain individuals, communication with former partners can have deleterious influences on one's current relationship.     

To have and to hold: gratitude promotes relationship maintenance in intimate bonds

This multimethod series of studies merges the literatures on gratitude and risk regulation to test a new process model of gratitude and relationship maintenance. We develop a measure of appreciation in relationships and use cross-sectional, daily experience, observational, and longitudinal methods to test our model. Across studies, we show that people who feel more appreciated by their romantic partners report being more appreciative of their partners. In turn, people who are more appreciative of their partners report being more responsive to their partners' needs (Study 1), and are more committed and more likely to remain in their relationships over time (Study 2). Appreciative partners are also rated by outside observers as relatively more responsive and committed during dyadic interactions in the laboratory, and these behavioral displays are one way in which appreciation is transmitted from one partner to the other (Study 3). These findings provide evidence that gratitude is important for the successful maintenance of intimate bonds.     

The boundaries between attachment and personality: Associations across three levels of the attachment network

This research examined the associations between measures of sociotropic and autonomous personality, romantic attachment anxiety and avoidance, and corresponding attachment ratings across a range of different specific relationships with people whom participants regularly interacted (including romantic partners, friends, family members, and colleagues). Analyses using hierarchical linear modeling showed that sociotropy and autonomy were directly associated with respective ratings of relationship-specific anxiety and avoidance within non-romantic relationships. In contrast, domain-specific romantic attachment predicted relationship-specific attachment with romantic (but not non-romantic) partners, and, as hypothesized, mediated the associations between sociotropy and autonomy and relationship-specific attachment within this domain. Implications for the operationalization of sociotropy and autonomy as broad-bandwidth (personality-level) measures that assess more global summaries of regularities in the same dual dimensions identified in the attachment literature (i.e., attachment anxiety and avoidance) are discussed.     

Perceiving and Wanting to Be Valued by Others: Implications for Cognition,Motivation, and Behavior in Romantic Relationships

Two studies examined implications of two individual differences—perception of being valued by others and desire to be valued by others—for romantic relationships. Study 1 included 171 participants involved in romantic relationships (59 males, 112 females) and examined attributions and behavioral intentions in hypothetical scenarios. Study 2 involved 160 heterosexual couples who completed daily reports and/or an observed conflict discussion. Perception of being valued by others and desire to be valued by others independently predicted more pro‐relationship responses and reduced relationship‐destructive responses, including more care, commitment, and regard for partners; more responsive and ingratiating behavior; less negative behavior; and more positive perceptions and behavioral intentions. Perceived and desired interpersonal value were related to attachment anxiety, attachment avoidance, and trait self‐esteem. However, perceived and desired interpersonal value were superior predictors of relationship outcomes, even in replications of foundational attachment studies. Individual differences in believing that one is valued by others and wanting to be valued by others independently predict relationship maintenance, and these dimensions may be at the core of many effects of attachment dimensions and self‐esteem. These individual differences appear to be important aspects of personality that guide cognition, motivation, and behavior in interpersonal relationships.     

Imitation of Goal Engagement and Disengagement Processes in Romantic Relationships

Individual differences in goal engagement and goal disengagement processes have been demonstrated to be related to goal attainment, health, and emotional well-being. However, there is a dearth of studies on the developmental conditions of individual differences in these processes. Social learning processes contribute to the formation of individual dispositions even in adulthood. As one pathway of learning, we investigated observational learning of goal regulation processes in romantic relationships in two experimental studies. Study 1 (N = 67 couples, M = 32.65 years) replicated a previous finding that observing partners imitated their partner's goal regulation processes in the same task and extended it by showing transfer effects to another task. Study 2 (N = 60 couples, M = 25.9 years) demonstrated that—given a lack of praise of the modelled actions—partners still imitated goal regulation processes but to a smaller extent. These findings lend support for observational learning as a pathway to individual differences in the application of goal regulation processes. © 2020 The Authors. European Journal of Personality published by John Wiley & Sons Ltd on behalf of European Association of Personality Psychology     

Ryff's psychological well-being inventory: factorial structure and life history correlates among Japanese university students

The theoretical model of psychological well-being that encompasses six domains (self-acceptance, positive relations with others, autonomy, environmental mastery, purpose in life, and personal growth) was tested with a Japanese university student population (N = 574) using a Japanese translation of Ryff's 1989 Psychological Well-being Inventory. A factor structure similar to Ryff's original model emerged. Both depression and anxiety correlated only moderately with scores on some subscales of the inventory, suggesting the relative independence of these dimensions of psychological well-being and negative affectivity. With negative affectivity controlled, some early life experiences were significantly linked with psychological well-being: relationships with romantic partners were linked with greater autonomy and experiences which enhance self-esteem were liked with greater personal growth. Careful psychometric work on the Japanese version is required to use the scale; then a replication and extension of the present study would be feasible.     

Desirable but not smart: preference for smarter romantic partners impairs women's STEM outcomes

Although women today excel in many areas of society, they are often underrepresented in the traditionally male‐dominated fields of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (STEM). The present research examined whether traditional romantic partner preferences—specifically, a desire to date partners who are smarter than oneself—affects women's tendency to minimize their intelligence in STEM fields when pursuing romantic goals. Women (but not men) who preferred smarter romantic partners showed worse math performance (Studies 1–2), less identification with math (Study 2), and less interest in STEM careers (Study 3) when the goal to be romantically desirable was activated. A meta‐analysis across studies supported results. This research thus demonstrates that partner preferences influence women's STEM outcomes in response to romantic goal pursuit.     

“Date nights” take two: The maintenance function of shared relationship activities

One‐hundred and ninety‐six individuals (Study 1) and 83 couples (Study 2) reported on their shared relationship activities—activities that individuals engage in with their partner to facilitate closeness in their romantic relationships. Couples also reported on the quality of their shared activities and relationships 3 months later (Study 2). Results indicated that shared activities help to sustain relationships, and do so beyond threat‐based maintenance strategies (i.e., accommodation). Activities that were satisfying, stress‐free, and increased closeness predicted greater relationship quality concurrently and longitudinally. However, positive activity and relationship outcomes depended on the degree to which partners were dedicated to the activity, indicating that shared activities sustain relationship quality only when partners are responsive and want to share relationship activities.