Love and the commitment problem in romantic relations and friendship

On the basis of the proposition that love promotes commitment, the authors predicted that love would motivate approach, have a distinct signal, and correlate with commitment-enhancing processes when relationships are threatened. The authors studied romantic partners and adolescent opposite-sex friends during interactions that elicited love and threatened the bond. As expected, the experience of love correlated with approach-related states (desire, sympathy). Providing evidence for a nonverbal display of love, four affiliation cues (head nods, Duchenne smiles, gesticulation, forward leans) correlated with self-reports and partner estimates of love. Finally, the experience and display of love correlated with commitment-enhancing processes (e.g., constructive conflict resolution, perceived trust) when the relationship was threatened. Discussion focused on love, positive emotion, and relationships.     

Emerging Perspectives on Distinctions Between Romantic Love and Sexual Desire

Abstract— Although sexual desire and romantic love are often experienced in concert, they are fundamentally distinct subjective experiences with distinct neurobiological substrates. The basis for these distinctions is the evolutionary origin of each type of experience. The processes underlying sexual desire evolved in the context of sexual mating, whereas the processes underlying romantic love—or pair bonding—originally evolved in the context of infant-caregiver attachment. Consequently, not only can humans experience these feelings separately, but an individual's sexual predisposition for the same sex, the other sex, or both sexes may not circumscribe his or her capacity to fall in love with partners of either gender. Also, the role of oxytocin in both love and desire may contribute to the widely observed phenomenon that women report experiencing greater interconnections between love and desire than do men. Because most research on the neurobiological substrates of sexual desire and affectional bonding has been conducted with animals, a key priority for future research is systematic investigation of the coordinated biological, behavioral, cognitive, and emotional processes that shape experiences of love and desire in humans.     

Of lust and love: Beliefs about the role of sexual desire in romantic relationships

Little is known about the beliefs that men and women have about the role of sexual desire in romantic relationships, despite the interpersonal and individual significance of those beliefs. Three experiments conducted with students from a university in the midwestern United States examined both the perceived consequences of sexual desire for romantic relationships and beliefs about the association between sexual desire and romantic love. Men and women believed that dating partners who desire each other sexually are more likely to experience romantic love and other “positive” interpersonal events and less likely to experience “negative” events than partners who do not desire each other sexually, regardless of their level of sexual activity (Experiment 1). Similarly, partners who are romantically in love were viewed as more likely to desire each other than were partners who love or who like one another, and desire was perceived as equally likely to occur in loving and liking relationships; that is, sexual desire did not differentiate these two affective syndromes (Experiment 2). In couples with a mismatched sexual desire pattern, the high-desire partner was perceived as more likely than the sexually uninterested partner to be in love, satisfied, committed, happy, and jealous, whereas the low-desire partner was viewed as more likely to terminate the relationship and to be unfaithful (Experiment 3). These results suggest that sexual desire is viewed as an important feature of romantic love, and that its presence or absence in a dating relationship is believed to have implications for the emotional tenor and interpersonal dynamics of that relationship.     

Desire in the face of death: Terror management,attachment, and sexual motivation

Four studies examined the impact of mortality salience (MS) on sexual motivation. In Studies 1–3, participants were primed with death‐related thoughts and then rated their desire to engage in sex in different contexts. Study 4 included an assessment of reasons for engaging in sex. Results showed that MS increased the desire for romantic sex, regardless of gender, and the desire for casual sex among more avoidant men. Sexual desire was fueled by distinct patterns of motives among highly anxious and avoidant people. These findings suggest that the variety of meanings sexual behavior has for different people may explain why, in some cases, sexual behavior may function as a defense against mortality concerns, whereas in other cases, it may exacerbate threat.     

Romantic love versus reproduction opportunities: Disentangling the contributions of different anxiety buffers under conditions of existential threat

Romantic relationships and offspring are discussed as anxiety buffers in terror management processes. We examined the relationship between these possible buffers and tested whether romantic relationships reduce existential threat due to reproduction opportunities or if they represent a distinct anxiety buffer. Contrary to our initial expectations, thinking about a positive romantic relationship without (vs. with) own children increased partner affect (Study 1) and commitment (Study 2) and decreased punishment intentions (Study 2) after mortality salience. These effects were mediated by participants' desire for romantic love. Furthermore, thinking about positive nonparental (vs. parental) romantic relationships lowered death‐thought accessibility (Study 3). Together, these findings suggest that romantic relationships form a distinct anxiety buffer that is only effective when the cultural (romance) instead of the biological (having children) nature of the relationship is highlighted. We discuss the role of anxiety buffer salience for determining whether offspring concerns buffer or increase existential threat.     

What does sexual orientation orient? A biobehavioral model distinguishing romantic love and sexual desire

Although it is typically presumed that heterosexual individuals only fall in love with other-gender partners and gay-lesbian individuals only fall in love with same-gender partners, this is not always so. The author develops a biobehavioral model of love and desire to explain why. The model specifies that (a) the evolved processes underlying sexual desire and affectional bonding are functionally independent; (b) the processes underlying affectional bonding are not intrinsically oriented toward other-gender or same-gender partners: (c) the biobehavioral links between love and desire are bidirectional, particularly among women. These claims are supported by social-psychological, historical, and cross-cultural research on human love and sexuality as well as by evidence regarding the evolved biobehavioral mechanisms underlying mammalian mating and social bonding.     

The effect of relationship status on communicating emotions through touch

Research into emotional communication to date has largely focused on facial and vocal expressions. In contrast, recent studies by Hertenstein, Keltner, App, Bulleit, and Jaskolka (2006) and Hertenstein, Holmes, McCullough, and Keltner (2009) exploring nonverbal communication of emotion discovered that people could identify anger, disgust, fear, gratitude, happiness, love, sadness and sympathy from the experience of being touched on either the arm or body by a stranger, without seeing the touch. The study showed that strangers were unable to communicate the self-focused emotions embarrassment, envy and pride, or the universal emotion surprise. Literature relating to touch indicates that the interpretation of a tactile experience is significantly influenced by the relationship between the touchers (Coan, Schaefer, & Davidson, 2006). The present study compared the ability of romantic couples and strangers to communicate emotions solely via touch. Results showed that both strangers and romantic couples were able to communicate universal and prosocial emotions, whereas only romantic couples were able to communicate the self-focused emotions envy and pride.     

The attachment system in fledgling relationships: an activating role for attachment anxiety

Is it sensible to study attachment dynamics between potential romantic partners before they share a full-fledged attachment bond? The present data indicate that such an approach may reveal novel insights about initial attraction processes. Four studies suggest that the state-like experience of attachment anxiety has functional implications within fledgling (i.e., desired or undeveloped) romantic relationships, well before the formation of an attachment bond. Studies 1 and 3 reveal that attachment anxiety directed toward a particular romantic interest is elevated before (in comparison with after) participants report being in an established relationship. Studies 2 and 3 demonstrate that such partner-specific attachment anxiety predicts attachment-relevant outcomes in fledgling relationships, including proximity seeking, safe haven, secure base, passionate love, and other approach behaviors. These associations were reliable above and beyond (and were typically as strong as or stronger than) the effect of sexual desire. Finally, Study 4 presents evidence that partner-specific attachment anxiety may cause several of these attachment-relevant outcomes. Attachment anxiety seems to be a normative experience and may signal the activation of the attachment system during the earliest stages of romantic relationships.     

How love and sex can influence recognition of faces and words: A processing model account

A link between romantic love and face recognition and sexual desire and verbal recognition is suggested. When in love, people typically focus on a long‐term perspective which enhances global perception, whereas when experiencing sexual encounters they focus on the present which enhances a perception of details. Because people automatically activate these processing styles when in love or sex, subtle reminders of love versus sex should suffice to change ways of perception. Global processing should further enhance face recognition, whereas local processing should enhance recognition of verbal information. In two studies participants were primed with concepts and thoughts of love versus sex. Compared to control groups, recognition of verbal material was enhanced after sex priming, whereas face recognition was enhanced after love priming. In Experiment 2 it was demonstrated that differences in global versus local perception mediated these effects. However, there was no indication for mood as a mediator. Copyright © 2009 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

When First Comes Love (or Lust): How Romantic and Sexual Cues Bias First Impressions in Online Social Networking

Three experimental studies (N = 286) tested how priming the concepts of sex or romance influence the way people perceive other social media users. Participants first completed a word-search task containing sexual (intercourse, lust), romantic (love, heart), or control words. Participants then evaluated a target’s sexual qualities and romantic qualities based on social media profiles, as well as rated their acceptance of the priming stimuli. Results suggested that sex primes led participants to judge targets as being more alluring, racy, and provocative, whereas romance primes led participants to judge targets as being more tender, sentimental, and kind. Both men and women found all primes to be equally acceptable content; women were not averse to these mainstream, non-explicit sexual stimuli. Findings are discussed in terms of viewing sex and romance as distinct, yet related networks of concepts and the need to disentangle sex, romance, and sexualized views of romance.     

What's sex got to do with it? Attachment,love schemas,and sexuality

This study measured the effects of adult attachment styles on sexual behavior using Hatfield and Rapson's unified love schema theory. According to this theory, there are six love schemas, or adult attachment types. Four types parallel other four-category adult attachment schemas, and two types not measured in previous research are uninterested in romantic relationships. Clear differences were found in sexual desires and behaviors of people possessing five of the love schemas. The results suggest the importance of pursuing the effects of attachment style on sexual behavior, as well as the utility of an attachment schema that allows individuals to classify themselves as disinterested in romantic relationships.     

Perceived benefits and costs of romantic relationships for women and men: Implications for exchange theory

This investigation examined the perceived benefits and costs of romantic (i.e., reciprocal dating) relationships. In Study 1, subjects provided open-ended reports regarding the benefits and costs associated with romantic involvement. Different groups of subjects ranked (Study 2) and rated (Study 3) these benefits and costs for importance. Companionship, happiness, and feeling loved or loving another were among the most important benefits accompanying romantic involvement. The most serious costs included stress and worry about the relationship, social and nonsocial sacrifices, and increased dependence on the partner. Compared to males, females regarded intimacy, self-growth, self-understanding, and positive self-esteem as more important benefits, and regarded loss of identity and innocence about relationships and love as more important costs Alternatively, males regarded sexual gratification as a more important benefit, and monetary losses as a more serious cost than did females Implications for exchange theory are highlighted.     

Preschoolers' attention and emotion in an achievement and an effect game: A longitudinal study

Understanding positive emotions' shared and differentiating features can yield valuable insight into the structure of positive emotion space and identify emotion states, or aspects of emotion states, that are most relevant for particular psychological processes and outcomes. We report two studies that examined core relational themes (Study 1) and expressive displays (Study 2) for eight positive emotion constructs—amusement, awe, contentment, gratitude, interest, joy, love, and pride. Across studies, all eight emotions shared one quality: high positive valence. Distinctive core relational theme and expressive display patterns were found for four emotions—amusement, awe, interest, and pride. Gratitude was associated with a distinct core relational theme but not an expressive display. Joy and love were each associated with a distinct expressive display but their core relational themes also characterised pride and gratitude, respectively. Contentment was associated with a distinct expressive display but not a core relational theme. The implications of this work for the study of positive emotion are discussed.     

Flustered and faithful: embarrassment as a signal of prosociality

Although individuals experience embarrassment as an unpleasant, negative emotion, the authors argue that expressions of embarrassment serve vital social functions, signaling the embarrassed individual's prosociality and fostering trust. Extending past research on embarrassment as a nonverbal apology and appeasement gesture, the authors demonstrate that observers recognize the expression of embarrassment as a signal of prosociality and commitment to social relationships. In turn, observers respond with affiliative behaviors toward the signaler, including greater trust and desire to affiliate with the embarrassed individual. Five studies tested these hypotheses and ruled out alternative explanations. Study 1 demonstrated that individuals who are more embarrassable also reported greater prosociality and behaved more generously than their less embarrassable counterparts. Results of Studies 2-5 revealed that observers rated embarrassed targets as being more prosocial and less antisocial relative to targets who displayed either a different emotion or no emotion. In addition, observers were more willing to give resources and express a desire to affiliate with these targets, and these effects were mediated by perceptions of the targets as prosocial.     

Prototype-based assessment of laypeople's views of love

Empirical work on love has focused mainly on romantic/passionate love. Recent research suggests that other kinds of love, such as friendship love and familial love, may be more salient to laypeople (Fehr & Russell, 1991). One purpose of this research was to offer a more complete picture of how laypeople conceptualize love by exploring a broad range of types of love. The other major purpose was to develop a methodology for studying laypeople's conceptions of different kinds of love. Four studies were conducted. In Study 1, dating couples were presented with prototypes of 15 different types of love. They were asked to rate how similar the conception of love depicted in each prototype was to their own view of love. Study 2 was a replication of Study 1 with subjects who were not dating one another. In Study 3, the validity of the prototype measures was explored by asking subjects to determine the kind of love depicted in each prototype. Study 4 investigated the relation between the prototypes of love and existing love scales and therefore addressed issues of convergent and discriminant validity. These prototype-based measures showed considerable promise as valid, reliable instruments for assessing people's views of love. They revealed that laypeople regard friendship love and familial kinds of love as closest to their own view. Passionate kinds of love (e.g., passionate, infatuation, puppy love) received the lowest ratings. The measures also proved useful in elucidating the relation between laypeople's and experts' conceptions of romantic and passionate love.     

The evolved function of the oedipal conflict

Freud based his oedipal theory on three clinical observations of adult romantic relationships: (1) Adults tend to split love and lust; (2) There tend to be sex differences in the ways that men and women split love and lust; (3) Adult romantic relationships are unconsciously structured by the dynamics of love triangles in which dramas of seduction and betrayal unfold. Freud believed that these aspects of adult romantic relationships were derivative expressions of a childhood oedipal conflict that has been repressed. Recent research conducted by evolutionary psychologists supports many of Freud’s original observations and suggests that Freud’s oedipal conflict may have evolved as a sexually selected adaptation for reproductive advantage. The evolution of bi-parental care based on sexually exclusive romantic bonds made humans vulnerable to the costs of sexual infidelity, a situation of danger that seriously threatens monogamous bonds. A childhood oedipal conflict enables humans to better adapt to this longstanding evolutionary problem by providing the child with an opportunity to develop working models of love triangles. On the one hand, the oedipal conflict facilitates monogamous resolutions by creating intense anxiety about the dangers of sexual infidelity and mate poaching. On the other hand, the oedipal conflict in humans may facilitate successful cheating and mate poaching by cultivating a talent for hiding our true sexual intentions from others and even from ourselves. The oedipal conflict in humans may be disguised by evolutionary design in order to facilitate tactical deception in adult romantic relationships.     

Love and anger in romantic relationships: a discrete systems model

In a study of 124 dating couples, we tested a discrete systems model of the functions of two emotion systems in romantic relationships: love and anger/upset. This model posits that the operation of these systems reflects adaptations shaped by natural selection to solve different adaptive problems. Accordingly, we hypothesized that the love and anger/upset emotion systems would be largely independent in the classes of information they track in romantic relationships, in the psychological mechanisms that process that information, and in the resultant behavior generated. Consistent with the discrete systems model, and in contrast to a competing "crossover" model, differences across relationships in feelings of love covaried with differences in strategic facilitation but not in strategic interference by partners. Similarly, differences in feelings of anger/upset during conflict covaried with differences in strategic interference but not strategic facilitation. In turn, feelings of love predicted commitment-promoting behavior but not partner-directed aggression, whereas levels of anger/upset predicted aggression but not commitment. As also predicted by our model, the love and anger/upset emotion systems converged to predict relationship satisfaction.     

The surprising effect of partner flaws and qualities on romantic affect

We examined whether the intensity of romantic affect is a function of deterrence to that affect (i.e., a reason for not feeling the affect) and explored the effect of deterrents that are relevant to the stimulus instigating the emotion. In line with the Emotional Intensity Theory, we found that positive affect toward the romantic partner was reduced by a minor salient partner flaw, was maintained intense by a moderately important flaw, and was reduced by a very important partner flaw. Study 2 replicated the results of Study 1. In Study 3, romantic negative affect in the form of anger at the romantic partner was a nonmonotonic function of the importance of a salient positive partner characteristic. Anger was reduced by a minor partner quality, was maintained intense by a moderately important quality, and was reduced by a very important partner quality. Theoretical and practical implications for romantic relationships are discussed.     

Misperception of sexual and romantic interests in opposite‐sex friendships: Four hypotheses

Two online studies evaluated the misperception of sexual and romantic interests in established relationships and tested four hypotheses: a simple sex‐difference hypothesis, a projection hypothesis, a mate value hypothesis, and a mediation hypothesis. Two hundred thirty‐eight (Study 1) and 198 (Study 2) members of young adult opposite‐sex friendship dyads indicated their sexual and romantic interests in their friend and their perceptions of their friend’s sexual and romantic interests in them. Participants projected their own levels of sexual and romantic interests onto their opposite‐sex friend, mediating the following effects: males overperceived and females underperceived their friends’ sexual (but not romantic) interest, and participants of both sexes misperceived the sexual (but not romantic) interest of friends depending on the friends’ mate value.