Regulatory focus and the Michelangelo Phenomenon: How close partners promote one another's ideal selves

This work examines the consequences of regulatory focus in the context of the Michelangelo phenomenon, a process whereby interaction partners shape one another's goal pursuits. We advanced predictions regarding the intrapersonal and interpersonal consequences of target and partner promotion orientation using the concepts of target-goal congruence, partner-goal congruence, and interpersonal match. We used data from four complementary measurement methods—self-report questionnaires, daily diary records, partners' ratings of ideal-relevant interaction behaviors, and coders' ratings of interaction behaviors—and using both target- and partner-reports of model criteria. Consistent with predictions, (a) target promotion orientation is associated with the elicitation of partner affirmation, (b) partner promotion orientation is associated with the display of partner affirmation, and (c) partner affirmation partially mediates the associations of target and partner promotion orientation with target movement toward the ideal self. We also examine the motivational, cognitive, and behavioral mechanisms that account for these associations.     

With a little help from my friends: Understanding how social networks influence the pursuit of the ideal self

The present investigation examined how people utilize their social networks when pursuing the ideal self. Participants who spent time with social partners who possessed their desired ideal self characteristic experienced movement toward their ideal self when the partner provided behavioral affirmation (eliciting behaviors consistent with the ideal self), but experienced movement away from their ideal self when the partner provided perceptual affirmation (perceiving them as if they already possessed the desired characteristic). High self-esteem participants were especially likely to seek out social partners of the latter type, who saw them as their ideal selves, but did not offer behavioral assistance. This research highlights the importance of social networks for understanding the conditions in which social partners promote vs. hinder ideal self progress.     

The Michelangelo phenomenon and personal well-being

Previous research has demonstrated that when a close romantic partner views you and behaves toward you in a manner that is congruent with your ideal self, you experience movement toward your ideal self (termed the "Michelangelo phenomenon"; Drigotas, Rusbult, Wieselquist, & Whitton, 1999). The present research represents an attempt demonstrate the phenomenon's link to personal well-being. Results of a cross-sectional study of individuals in dating relationships, with a 2-month follow-up assessing breakup, replicated previous findings regarding relationship well-being and revealed strong links between the model and personal well-being, even when accounting for level of relationship satisfaction. Such results provide further evidence for the social construction of the self and personal well-being.     

Projection of responsiveness to needs and the construction of satisfying communal relationships

This research tested a social projection model of perceived partner responsiveness to needs. According to this model, people project their own care and supportiveness for a partner onto their perceptions of their partner's caring and supportiveness. In 2 dyadic marriage studies, participants' self-reported responsiveness to the needs of a spouse predicted perceptions of the spouse's responsiveness to the self more strongly than did the spouse's self-reported responsiveness. These projected perceptions of responsiveness, in turn, appeared to promote perceivers' relationship satisfaction. These effects were independent of individual differences in attachment, self-esteem, depression, and communal orientation. A daily-diary component suggested that people projected their own chronic responsiveness as well as their daily enacted support onto perceptions of the specific benefits received from their spouses. A 3rd study found that experimentally manipulated feelings of difficulty in recalling examples of own support provision reduced perceptions of partner responsiveness. Results suggest that projection of own responsiveness is an important determinant of perceived social support and is a means by which caring perceivers maintain satisfying and subjectively communal relationships.     

Attachment-related affective dynamics: differential reactivity to others' interpersonal behavior

We examined the influences of attachment orientations on within-person changes in affect as a function of perceptions of the interaction partner's agreeable behavior in interactions involving a romantic partner and other kinds of partners. Working adults reported affect, perceptions of the other person's behavior, and the relationship with the other in interpersonal events during 20 days. As expected, the within-person association between perceived partner's agreeable behavior and negative affect was stronger for individuals higher on attachment anxiety and was weaker for individuals higher on attachment avoidance. These effects were more pronounced in interactions with a romantic partner than with other persons. Findings demonstrate that attachment orientations are associated with differing within-person processes and that these processes are sensitive to kind of interaction partner.     

How the head liberates the heart: projection of communal responsiveness guides relationship promotion

In 5 studies, the authors tested predictions that (a) people project their own felt communal responsiveness onto partners, perceiving partners to be just as caring and supportive as they are, and (b) projected perceptions guide perceivers' orientation toward further promotion of communal relationships. In Study 1, a manipulation of felt communal responsiveness toward a partner affected perceptions of the partner's responsiveness to the self, which in turn predicted evaluation of the partner. In Study 2, a manipulation of responsiveness toward a new acquaintance biased perceptions of the acquaintance's responsiveness to the self, which in turn predicted attraction and warmth toward the new acquaintance. In Studies 3 and 5, participants' own felt communal responsiveness toward a friend appeared to bias their perceptions of the friend's communal responsiveness, which in turn predicted self-disclosure, evaluation of the friend (Studies 3 and 5), and support provision (Study 5). Initial projected perceptions of a friend's (Study 3) and of a spouse's (Study 4) communal responsiveness also predicted longitudinal changes in perceivers' communal responsiveness. Results suggest that those who care for partners often project that care and that this projection guides their relationship promotion.     

Putting the partner within reach: a dyadic perspective on felt security in close relationships

The authors argue that felt insecurity in a partner's positive regard and caring stems from a specifically dyadic perception--the perception that a partner is out of one's league. A cross-sectional sample of dating couples revealed that people with low self-esteem feel inferior to their partner and that such feelings of relative inferiority undermine felt security in the partner's regard. Three experiments examined the consequences of reducing such perceived discrepancies by pointing to either strengths in the self or flaws in the partner. Low, but not high, self-esteem participants reacted to new strengths in the self or faults in the partner by reporting greater felt security in their specific partner's positive regard and commitment and more positive, general feelings about their own interpersonal worth. Thus, putting the partner more within the psychological grasp of low self-esteem people may effectively increase felt security in the partner's regard.     

Attachment styles and relationship quality: Actual,perceived, and ideal partner matching

Attachment dimension matching in dating relationships and how matching relates to relationship quality were investigated. Across 2 studies, individuals preferred similar but more secure partners (lower anxiety and lower avoidance) as reflected by their ideals. In Study 1, greater similarity between the self and perceptions of the partner's anxiety predicted more positive relationship outcomes (e.g., relationship satisfaction, trust). Similar results were found for ideal–perceived partner avoidance similarity, whereas ideal–perceived partner anxiety similarity was less important. Study 2 involved both partners in the relationship and indicated that relationship outcomes were predicted by the actor's and partner's attachment dimensions as well as by ideal–perceived partner similarity and self–perceived partner similarity.     

Ideal mate personality concepts and compatibility in close relationships: a longitudinal analysis

How 2 personalities may be best combined in a couple has often been answered in terms of similarity in partner's personality characteristics. However, results have been inconsistent. The present study proposed that relationship outcomes should depend more on the similarity between individuals' ideal mate personality concepts (IMPCs) and their partner's personality as both perceived by the self and self-reported by the partner. Study 1 introduces a new Q-sort to assess IMPCs and provides evidence for the interindividual variability and the short-term consistency of IMPC. By following nonmarried couples over a 9-month period, Study 2 replicated findings from Study 1 and demonstrated that, overall, the current concept of congruence predicts relationship outcomes better than both personality similarity and the partner's individual personality traits.     

Attachment Insecurity and Perceived Partner Suffering as Predictors of Personal Distress

This study examined the extent to which perceptions of partner suffering mediate the association between attachment insecurity (anxiety and avoidance) and personal distress among spouses of older adults with osteoarthritis. Fifty-three spouses watched two videos of targets (their partner and an opposite sex stranger) perform a pain-eliciting household task, and spouses were asked to rate their own distress and perceptions of the targets' pain. Spouses also completed self-report measures of trait attachment. Results revealed that attachment anxiety was associated with greater personal distress in reaction to the partner's suffering, and heightened perceptions of partner pain mediated this association. Avoidant attachment was associated with less distress in reaction to the partner's suffering, but not with less perceived pain. The results of this study identify an important mechanism linking attachment insecurity and heightened distress responses when observing the suffering of a significant other.     

Individual Differences in Commitment to Value‐Based Beliefs and the Amplification of Perceived Belief Dissimilarity Effects

The commitment to beliefs (CTB) framework (Maxwell‐Smith & Esses, 2012) proposes that there are individual differences in the extent to which people generally follow beliefs that are a reflection of their values. The current research hypothesized that CTB would amplify the effects of perceived belief dissimilarity or incompatibility, such that individuals higher in CTB would display more pronounced reactions to belief‐relevant groups, events, or individuals seen as incompatible with their value‐based beliefs. We tested our hypothesis in three studies that assessed participants' CTB and their perceptions of belief dissimilarity or incompatibility with regard to other religious groups (Study 1), political parties during a national election (Study 2), and their romantic partner (Study 3). CTB amplified the effects of perceived belief dissimilarity or incompatibility on people's biases toward other religious groups, voting intentions and behavior in a national election, and their evaluative and behavioral responses toward their romantic partner. These results collectively suggest that perceptions of belief dissimilarity or incompatibility are particularly important cues for individuals with higher levels of CTB as they encounter other people or events that are relevant to their beliefs.     

Commitment, pro-relationship behavior, and trust in close relationships

The present work advances and tests an interdependence-based model of the associations among commitment, pro-relationship behavior, and trust. Findings from two longitudinal studies revealed good support for model predictions. Commitment-inspired acts such as accommodation and willingness to sacrifice provide diagnostic information regarding a partner's pro-relationship motives. Individuals come to trust their partners when they perceive that their partners have enacted pro-relationship behaviors, departing from their direct self-interest for the good of the relationship. The results of mediation analyses are consistent with a model of mutual cyclical growth in which (a) dependence promotes strong commitment, (b) commitment promotes pro-relationship acts, (c) pro-relationship acts are perceived by the partner, (d) the perception of pro-relationship acts enhances the partner's trust, and (e) trust increases the partner's willingness to become dependent on the relationship. Auxiliary analyses revealed that self-reported attachment style does not account for substantial variance beyond the features of interdependence that form the basis for the present model.     

Gender differences in the value of contributions to intimate relationships: Egalitarian relationships are not always perceived to be equitable

Little research has directly addressed the role of gender in perceptions of self vs. partner's contributions to a relationship, despite the fact that partners in heterosexual relationships often disagree about whether their relative contributions result in an equitable relationship [N. W. VanYperen and B. P. Buunk (1990), A Longitudinal Study of Equity and Satisfaction in Intimate Relationships, European Journal of Social Psychology,Vol. 20, pp. 287–309]. The primary purpose of this investigation was to systematically examine the association between gender and the perceived value of several different types of contributions made by each partner to a committed relationship. We considered both the gender of the perceiver and the source of the contributions (self vs. partner). A sample of 212 men and 348 women (most of whom were college students; 87% white) were asked to judge the value of their own and their partner's hypothetical contributions to a marital or long-term cohabiting relationship. The results indicated that men and women generally agreed about the value of the contributions made by themselves and their partners. However, gender differences in the perceived value of many contributions depended on whether the contribution was made by self or partner (e.g., men attributed more worth to their partner's sexual faithfulness than to their own, whereas women believed that both partners should receive equal value for this contribution). These perceptual differences suggest that at times it may be difficult for partners to agree about the equity of their ongoing relationships. Special gratitude goes to Pepper Schwartz for her contributions to an earlier draft of the paper. The authors also wish to thank Elaine Hatfield and Alicia Thompson for their comments on an earlier draft of the paper and Dennis Johnson who contributed to the idea for the study.     

The attraction–similarity model and dating couples: Projection,perceived similarity,and psychological benefits

According to the attraction–similarity model, relationship quality leads to perceptions of partner–self similarity. Relationship quality and perceived similarity then provide psychological benefits for the perceiver. Across 3 studies, relationship quality positively predicted perceptions of similarity. Study 1 indicated that for moderate, but not low, relationship‐relevant traits, individuals projected the self onto the dating partner as a way of perceiving similarities. In Study 2, priming high, as opposed to low, relationship quality led to greater perceived similarity on the moderately relevant traits. Study 3 indicated greater perceived similarity between self and dating partner than between self and average same‐gender student on the moderately relevant traits. Relationship quality and perceived similarity with the dating partner on the moderately relevant traits also predicted psychological benefits.     

When rejection stings: how self-esteem constrains relationship-enhancement processes

Three experiments examined how needs for acceptance might constrain low versus high self-esteem people's capacity to protect their relationships in the face of difficulties. The authors led participants to believe that their partner perceived a problem in their relationship. They then measured perceptions of the partner's acceptance, partner enhancement, and closeness. Low but not high self-esteem participants read too much into problems, seeing them as a sign that their partner's affections and commitment might be waning. They then derogated their partner and reduced closeness. Being less sensitive to rejection, however, high self-esteem participants affirmed their partner in the face of threat. Ironically, chronic needs for acceptance may result in low self-esteem people seeing signs of rejection where none exist, needlessly weakening attachments.     

A dyadic personality perspective on the Michelangelo phenomenon: How personality traits relate to people’s ideal selves and their personal growth in romantic relationships

Personality matters for romantic relationships. In this study, we investigated personal growth in couples (the Michelangelo phenomenon) and targeted questions of personality effects. We explored whether traits intrapersonally predict ideal selves as well as whether traits intra- and interpersonally account for why some people are more likely to benefit from the Michelangelo phenomenon than others. We used data from a 4-year study of 163 couples (M_age = 50.72 years). Logistic regressions indicate complementarity effects for men, in that those high in neuroticism were likely to wish to be emotionally stable. Actor–partner interdependence models revealed positive actor effects of emotional stability, extraversion, and agreeableness, while few partner effects emerged. We discuss dyadic personal growth in view of individual trait differences.     

Parasocial relationships and self‐discrepancies: Faux relationships have benefits for low self‐esteem individuals

The current research proposes that low self‐esteem people can use parasocial relationships to experience movement toward the ideal self, a benefit they may miss in real relationships. In Study 1, low self‐esteem undergraduate psychology students at a public university in the United States felt closest to celebrities who were similar to their ideal self. In Study 2, low self‐esteem college students primed with their favorite celebrity became more similar to their ideal selves. In Study 3, low self‐esteem college students primed with their favorite celebrity, but not a close relationship partner, became more similar to their ideal selves. Results are discussed in terms of the implications for parasocial relationships, self‐esteem, and the flexibility of the need to belong.     

Social Interdependence and Orientation Toward Life and Work1

The relationship between social interdependence and orientation toward life and work was investigated in this study. Participants were 135 dyads of Chinese employees from 4 companies. Cooperativeness was significantly related to positive indexes of orientation toward life and work, competitiveness was related to a positive orientation toward life, and a predisposition to act individualistically was related to general measures but very few of the work‐specific measures. Coworkers' ratings indicate that cooperators were perceived as being very positive and productive employees, while competitors and individualists were perceived negatively in terms of work productivity and relationships with others. The discrepancy between self‐perceptions and perceptions of coworkers indicate that competitors especially may have a self‐beneficial delusion about the effectiveness of their behavior.     

Perceiving regulation from intimate partners: Reflected appraisal and self‐regulation processes in close relationships

Cross‐sectional (N = 202) and longitudinal analyses over a 6‐month period (N = 155) assessed the consequences of perceiving regulation attempts from romantic partners. Greater perceived regulation from the partner was associated with more negative inferences regarding how closely individuals matched their partner's ideal standards in the targeted domain (inferred ideal consistency). Lower inferred ideal consistency, in turn, was associated with poorer relationship evaluations and predicted more negative perceptions of targeted self‐attributes. Individuals also directly responded to their partner's regulation efforts with attempts to change targeted features. Finally, perceiving more negative regulation strategies produced lower inferred ideal consistency, relationship evaluations, and self‐regulation efforts, whereas perceiving more positive strategies predicted greater inferred ideal consistency across time. The operation of reflected appraisal and self‐regulation processes within romantic relationships is discussed.     

When Do Personality and Emotion Predict Destructive Behavior During Relationship Conflict? The Role of Perceived Commitment Asymmetry

The current research examined whether perceived asymmetries in relationship commitment moderate the associations of personality traits and emotional states with enactment of hostile behavior during relationship conflicts. Participants included both members of 53 heterosexual romantic couples (M_age = 25.5 years). Participants completed questionnaire measures assessing personality traits, emotional states, relationship commitment, and perceptions of their partner's commitment. Participants then had an observed conflict discussion with their partner, which was rated by a panel of objective observers for hostile behavior. When participants perceived that they were less committed than their partners, their enactment of hostile behavior was predicted by traits and states that are associated with antisocial and pro‐social orientations (i.e., agreeableness, trait anger, chronic jealousy, and state negative emotion). In contrast, participants who perceived that they were more committed than their partners tended to refrain from hostile behavior, despite traits or states that may suggest hostile inclinations. These results suggest that perceiving that one is less committed than one's partner promotes behavioral expression of interpersonal dispositions and emotions, whereas perceiving that one is more committed than one's partner motivates inhibition of hostile behavior.