Unrequited love: The role of prior commitment,motivation to remain friends,and friendship maintenance

ABSTRACT

This study tested a moderated mediation model that commitment prior to an unrequited love episode will be related to higher levels of friendship maintenance behaviors after the episode and that this relationship will be mediated by the individual’s motivations to remain friends with the rejecter. We predicted that rejection distress would weaken the mediational model among those reporting high distress. Participants wrote about an unrequited love experience as a pursuer and completed measures of pre-unrequited love commitment, rejection distress, motivations to remain friends, and friendship maintenance behaviors. Our results confirmed the moderated mediation model when the motivations to remain friends measure overall score, the interpersonal connection motivation, or the social connections motivation was the mediator. When covariates were added, only the model with the overall motivations score as mediator was supported. These data can help laypersons and mental health professionals understand and potentially repair friendships following an unrequited love episode.     

Self-Coherence and Mutuality in the Analytic Dyad: Commentary on Michael Shoshani (Rosenbaum's) Dare to be Human

Michael Shoshani (Rosenbaum's) book Dare to be Human lays bare Michael's emotional relationship with his patient Daniel. Initially, Michael's early childhood relational behavioral patterns are evoked by Daniel's extreme emotional detachment and rejection of Michael as a person. Both analytic partners experienced extreme boundary violations as children in the form of violent beatings, Michael by his father and Daniel by his mother. Michael's mother was overbearing like Daniel's. Both, highly sensitized to intrusions and perceived slights by the other, remain locked in a doer/done to dynamic until Michael successfully breaks through the enactment by learning to stay with Daniel's distress, contain and regulate his own hurt feelings, and provide more space in the relationship by shifting to four times a week and moving Daniel to the couch. Through this process both analytic partners feel safer with each other, deepen their understanding of their own internal object world, and feel intimately engaged with each other. Daniel's life outside the analysis parallels his success in the analytic relationship.     

Relationships Between Physical Symptoms,Emotional Distress,and Pain Appraisal in Fibromyalgia: The Moderator Effect of Alexithymia

Alexithymia is a personality construct that is frequently identified in fibromyalgia (FM). Previous studies have explored the relationship between alexithymia and emotional distress in this disease. Yet, the additional link with factors of pain appraisal is unknown. This study examined the moderating effect of alexithymia in the relationship between emotional distress and pain appraisal in 97 FM women. A control group of 100 healthy women also participated in the study. All participants completed several self-reports about pain experience, sleep quality, impairment, emotional distress, pain appraisal, and alexithymia. FM women showed significantly more difficulty in identifying and describing feelings, but less externally oriented thinking than healthy women. In the clinical group, difficulty in identifying feelings and difficulty in describing feelings significantly correlated with lower sleep quality, higher anxiety and depression, and increased pain catastrophizing and fear of pain. Difficulty in describing feelings significantly correlated with higher pain experience and vigilance to pain. Externally oriented thinking was not correlated with any of the clinical variables. Difficulty in identifying feelings moderated the relationship between anxiety and pain catastrophizing, and difficulty in describing feelings moderated the relationship between anxiety and fear of pain. Implications of the findings for the optimization of care of FM patients are discussed.     

Confirming Gender Stereotypes: A Social Role Perspective

In this research we examined whether emotional vulnerability leads women and men to confirm gender stereotypes. Emotional vulnerability is a state where one is open to having one's feelings hurt or to experiencing rejection. Drawing on the tenets of social role theory and research related to normative expectations, we propose that emotional vulnerability leads to stereotype confirmation, as normative expectations are less risky and easier to enact than nonnormative behavior. Fifty-nine dating couples were randomly assigned to a high emotional vulnerability or low emotional vulnerability discussion with their partners. When the degree of emotional vulnerability was high men confirmed gender-stereotypes. Women's behavior, on the other hand, was not significantly affected by condition. We discuss these findings in terms of the domain in which gender-typed behaviors occur and the social pressures to act in accordance with gender norms.     

An empirical investigation of Shneidman's formulations regarding suicide

This study of suicide notes involved the deduction of 50 protocol sentences that reflected important aspects of Shneidman's formulations regarding suicide. Independent judges noted the incidence of contents corresponding to the protocol sentences in 33 genuine and 33 simulated notes. Statements that were found significantly and more frequently in genuine notes included the following: the experience of adult trauma such as a calamitous relationship; a rejection; the withdrawal of a significant person resulting in despair; perceiving another as dooming one to the suicide; expressions of ambivalence; feelings of love, hate and other emotions; feelings of helplessness, pessimism and emotional confusion; appearing to be intoxicated by one's overpowering emotions and constricted perceptions; and the communications appearing to have unconscious implications. Statements of "egression" and more logical reasoning were more characteristic of the simulated notes. A frequency count in the genuine notes indicated that many protocol sentences were also very predictive of the content. Implications of the results are discussed.     

The Social Pain Posit

Although discussion of social pain has become popular among researchers in psychology and behavioural neuroscience, the philosophical community has yet to pay it any direct attention. Social pain is characterized as the emotional reaction to the perception of the loss or devaluation of desired relationships. These are argued to comprise a pain type and are explicitly intended to include the everyday sub-types grief, jealousy, heartbreak, rejection, and hurt feelings. Social pain is accordingly posited as a nested type of pain encompassing multiple emotional sub-types. Call this the social pain posit. This article focuses on whether we should endorse the social pain posit and, in particular, whether social pain is pain. I present the four lines of evidence for the social pain posit that are currently offered in the literature and I argue that each provides only inadequate support, taken either individually or together. I close by considering the significance of the presented argument for philosophical theorizing about the nature and the moral significance of affective experiences in particular and mental taxonomizing more generally.     

Reflections on hidden existential guilt

Abstract

Most personal, social and environmental stress results from our estrangement from nature's wise unconditional love within and about us. A new integrated ecology training program uniquely addresses this great challenge to the psychological community. Counseling students in natural areas over a thirty year period has produced ninety‐seven unique nature‐connecting activities that renew over forty‐nine inherent sensory fulfillments. These ecopsychology activities reduce our estrangement, its pain and adverse effects. Natural inborn feelings of love and understanding express themselves. They catalyze responsible relationships that fill the emotional voids which fuel our destructive habits, dependencies and abandonment feelings. They give natural areas added value as rejuvenators of our biological and spiritual integrity.     

Does any aspect of mind survive brain damage that typically leads to a persistent vegetative state? Ethical considerations

Recent neuroscientific evidence brings into question the conclusion that all aspects of consciousness are gone in patients who have descended into a persistent vegetative state (PVS). Here we summarize the evidence from human brain imaging as well as neurological damage in animals and humans suggesting that some form of consciousness can survive brain damage that commonly causes PVS. We also raise the issue that neuroscientific evidence indicates that raw emotional feelings (primary-process affects) can exist without any cognitive awareness of those feelings. Likewise, the basic brain mechanisms for thirst and hunger exist in brain regions typically not damaged by PVS. If affective feelings can exist without cognitive awareness of those feelings, then it is possible that the instinctual emotional actions and pain "reflexes" often exhibited by PVS patients may indicate some level of mentality remaining in PVS patients. Indeed, it is possible such raw affective feelings are intensified when PVS patients are removed from life-supports. They may still experience a variety of primary-process affective states that could constitute forms of suffering. If so, withdrawal of life-support may violate the principle of nonmaleficence and be tantamount to inflicting inadvertent "cruel and unusual punishment" on patients whose potential distress, during the process of dying, needs to be considered in ethical decision-making about how such individuals should be treated, especially when their lives are ended by termination of life-supports. Medical wisdom may dictate the use of more rapid pharmacological forms of euthanasia that minimize distress than the de facto euthanasia of life-support termination that may lead to excruciating feelings of pure thirst and other negative affective feelings in the absence of any reflective awareness.     

Applications of rational-emotive therapy (RET) to love problems

Rational-emotive therapy (RET) can be particularly applied to individuals with serious love problems, such as people possessed by super-romantic love, limerents who are mired in obsessive-compulsive feelings, insensately jealous and possessive lovers, people who needlessly interfere with their encountering suitable partners, and those who suffer anguish and depression when they lose love. It also has important things to teach about keeping alive and enhancing normal love feelings. This paper outlines the RET theory of love and applies it to various amative difficulties.This article is to appear as a chapter inClinical applications of Rational-Emotive Therapy, edited by Albert Ellis and Michael Bernard, New York: Plenum, 1985.     

Aggression and love in the relationship of the couple

In this paper I examine the interplay of love and aggression in a couple's emotional relationship. I explore the activation of dominant repressed or dissociated object relations with the parental figures, and the unconscious collusion of both partners to enact these past relationships in the present. I then examine the couple's relationship as determined by differences in male and female development, as well as the counterpart of these differences--unconscious moves toward "twinship" and complementarity. Unresolved oedipal conflicts are explored as a major cause of invasion of the couple's sexual boundaries, and a vehicle for the expression of dissociated aggression from many sources. Perversity--the "recruitment of love at the service of aggression"--as a threat to the basic fabric of a couple's love life is one alternative to the normal channels for elaboration of aggression in their relationship. Protective functions of the couple's interaction with their social network are examined in the context of their elaborating and integrating aggression with love.     

Passionate love and anxiety in young adolescents

Two studies tested the hypothesis that young adolescents who experience a great deal of anxiety will be more likely to experience passionate love as well. In the first study, 24 boys and 17 girls, ranging in age from 12 to 14, were given the Child Anxiety Scale (which measures trait anxiety) and the Juvenile Love Scale (JLS). In the second study, 32 adolescent girls and 32 adolescent boys, ranging in age from 13 to 16, were given the State-Trait Anxiety Inventory for Children (which measures both trait and state anxiety) and the JLS. The studies found significant correlations between anxiety (both state and trait) and JLS scores in these young adolescents.As you might guess, it is extremely difficult to secure permission to interview children and adolescents about their feelings of passionate love. Thus, we would like to thank Dr. Mark Silzer, Principal of Our Redeemer Lutheran Elementary School, for his help on this project.     

To know you is to love you: the implications of global adoration and specific accuracy for marital relationships

Despite the strong positive feelings that characterize newlyweds, many marriages end in disappointment. To understand this shift, the authors argue that although newlyweds' global relationship evaluations may be uniformly positive, not all spouses base their global adoration on an accurate perception of their partner's specific qualities. Two longitudinal studies confirmed that whereas most newlyweds enhanced their partners at the level of their global perceptions, spouses varied significantly in their perceptions of their partners' specific qualities. For wives, but not for husbands, more accurate specific perceptions were associated with their supportive behaviors, feelings of control in the marriage, and whether or not the marriage ended in divorce. Thus, love grounded in specific accuracy appears to be stronger than love absent accuracy.     

From countertransference to "passion"

Bion's ideas may be extended to describe an emotional phenomenology of the analyst's subjectivity and a methodology which helps differentiate countertransference enactments from fuller emotional participation. Bion called the process of integrating and utilizing one's most basic and important emotions to make meaning, "passion." The analyst's primal feelings--of love, hate, and curiosity--serve as a central organizer of meaning in the analytic interaction. These feelings involve pain, and to the extent the analyst unconsciously decides to evade or foreclose the evolution of the feelings, such that they remain unintegrated in the thinking process, the analyst is liable to become mired in repetitive transference-countertransference experiences without establishing fresh meaning. A case example illustrates the relevance of "passion" to contemporary relational theory and practice.     

What I Felt Like Doing, but did Not Do When I Felt Hurt: An REBT-Based Investigation of Action Tendencies that are Not Acted On

In this questionnaire-based study, we investigated the action tendencies that 100 people reported having, but did not act on, in specific situations in which they felt hurt. An awareness of these types of unacted-on tendencies will help rational emotive behavior therapy therapists to be alert to the possible presence of hurt feelings and hurt-related motivational states that clients do not readily report experiencing in ABC analyses of hurt-related emotional episodes.     

The effects of dispositional empathy on emotional reactions and helping: A multidimensional approach

Recent research indicates that an affective state termed empathic emotion, and characterized by feelings of sympathy and compassion for another, is associated with altruistic responding. That is, persons experiencing high levels of empathic emotion offer help to another even when escape from the situation is easy. Persons experiencing high levels of another emotional state—personal distress—help much less when escape from the situation is easy. A study was conducted to test two related hypotheses. The first was that individual differences in empathy can influence empathic emotion and personal distress, above and beyond the influence of situational factors. The second hypothesis was that this effect of individual differences is due to variation in emotional and not cognitive empathy. The results provide support for both hypotheses. Regarding hypothesis 1, a significantly greater proportion of the variance in emotional reactions was accounted for when individual difference factors were included as predictors. Hypothesis 2 was also supported: It was found that a dispositional measure of emotional empathy was clearly related, and a dispositional measure of cognitive empathy was clearly unrelated, to these emotional reactions. The results provide support for a multidimensional view of empathy.     

La gestion des émotions et ses déficits,chez les personnes atteintes de douleur chronique : une revue systématisée des études relatives à l’alexithymie, à l’intelligence émotionnelle, à la régulation émotionnelle et au coping

The goal of this review is to synthesize the data of scientific literature on emotional management and its deficits in chronic pain. We used terms referenced in databases and MesH terms (of the United States National Library of Medicine) to perform a literature search in a powerful online search engine (EBSCOhost research databases). Four hundred and forty-nine papers, taken from international reviews and published of 1994 (because it is in the middle of the 1990s that this theme begins to be handle) to the end of January, 2015, are identified by a total 5 electronic databases with predefined keywords about emotions and chronic pain. Forty-six of which met the inclusion criteria, according to their title, their summary and their complete text. The findings suggest that some emotional management strategies and its deficits can maintain a vicious circle of negative emotional states with physiological and psychopathological consequences. Several studies show that alexithymia, emotional ambivalence and emotional suppression have a deleterious impact on pain, emotional distress (depression, anxiety) and disability. In spite of some contradictions concerning the nature of this effect (sensory or affective pain intensity or even duration of pain), it seems that alexithymia is a major variable implied in chronic pain. Inversely, experiential acceptance has a beneficial effect on psychological distress (depression, anxiety and stress). Emotional disclosure (of stressful or traumatic events) can decrease pain intensity but not disability and mental health. Likewise, emotional expression in daily life seems beneficial, but when the expression of the positive and negative feelings are distinguished, emotional expression of negative feelings increases pain, disability and distress. The whole of these findings emphasize the need to further research about emotional management in chronic non-cancer pain. It is necessary to identify and control the source of potential bias. Some hypotheses have been proposed to explain these findings. In the future, it would be interesting to use a multifactorial approach to investigate the interactions between various processes of emotional management in chronic pain patients.     

When soft voices die: auditory verbal hallucinations and a four letter word (love)

Understandings of auditory verbal hallucinations (also referred to as “hearing voices”), and help for people distressed by them, are dominated by a biomedical framework. Yet, many people who have sought help for the distress and/or impairment caused by hearing voices express dissatisfaction with treatment solely within this framework, highlighting the need for a more rounded, biopsychosocial-spiritual approach. This paper examines the neglected role of a fundamental part of human experience, love, in the experience of hearing voices. First, we argue a lack of love is likely to play a causal role in voice-hearing experiences. Second, we demonstrate that a lack of love is central to the distress and dysfunction often caused by hearing voices. Finally, we show that love plays a core role in recovery. Given this centrality of love, we argue that an interdisciplinary approach to hearing voices involving the mind sciences and theology/religion may be fruitful. The relevance of this for psychotherapeutic interventions for people who hear voices is discussed.     

The Meaning of Black Music

Donald Byrd is an internationally acclaimed jazz musician and has recorded over twenty albums. In this article he clearly states that Black music is an expression of the Black experience or the reality of Black life. Counseling, a process that engages the experience of the person(s) counseled, ignores an important expressive outlet Blacks have used in their struggle for survival. Dr. Byrd's article also outlines the dimensions of the Black aesthetic inherent in Black music. Black music is a manifestation of Black people, and if counselors are to understand Black people and facilitate their growth, they must listen to and understand the love, hurt, joy, despair, loneliness, pride, anger, and consciousness in Black music.     

Healing elements of therapeutic conversation: dialogue as an embodiment of love

From our Bakhtinian perspective, understanding requires an active process of talking and listening. Dialogue is a precondition for positive change in any form of therapy. Using the perspectives of dialogism and neurobiological development, we analyze the basic elements of dialogue, seeking to understand why dialogue becomes a healing experience in a network meeting. From the perspective of therapist as dialogical partner, we examine actions that support dialogue in conversation, shared emotional experience, creation of community, and creation of new shared language. We describe how feelings of love, manifesting powerful mutual emotional attunement in the conversation, signal moments of therapeutic change.