Behavior expectations in cross‐sex friendships,same‐sex friendships,and romantic relationships

Abstract In 2 studies, university students from the United States rated the importance of 43 behavior expectations about their cross‐sex friends, same‐sex friends and romantic partners. In Study 1, all 399 participants had a current romantic partner, whereas in Study 2, romantic partner status varied across the 165 participants. Participants always rated their expectations for romantic partners higher than for either type of friend, and expectations for behaviors promoting emotional closeness were always rated higher than expectations about behaviors promoting social companionship or relationship positivity. In Study 2, expectations for cross‐sex friends were rated lower and more similar to same‐sex friends when participants had a current romantic partner than when they did not.     

Social and emotional patterns in adulthood: support for socioemotional selectivity theory.

This investigation explored 2 hypotheses derived from socioemotional selectivity theory: (a) Selective reductions in social interaction begin in early adulthood and (b) emotional closeness to significant others increases rather than decreases in adulthood even when rate reductions occur. Transcribed interviews with 28 women and 22 men from the Child Guidance Study, conducted over 34 years, were reviewed and rated for frequency of interaction, satisfaction with the relationship, and degree of emotional closeness in 6 types of relationships. Interaction frequency with acquaintances and close friends declined from early adulthood on. Interaction frequency with spouses and siblings increased across the same time period and emotional closeness increased throughout adulthood in relationships with relatives and close friends. Findings suggest that individuals begin narrowing their range of social partners long before old age.     

Presenting Different Selves to Different People: Self-Presentation as a Function of Relationship Type and Contingent Self-Esteem

Past work has established a connection between self-esteem and self-presentation; however, research has not explored how self-esteem that is contingent on one's relationship may influence self-presentational tactics in that relationship. Across two studies, undergraduate students reported on the extent to which their self-esteem depended on their friendship and romantic relationship, as well as the extent to which they engaged in self-presentation behaviors in those relationships. The results suggest that relationship-specific contingent self-esteem predicts relationship-specific self-presentation; however, friendship-contingent self-esteem predicted self-presentation in both friendships and romantic relationships. These results suggest that individuals are keenly and differentially attuned to qualitatively different relationships, and when perceiving potential problems, they attempt to remedy those through their self-presentations. Furthermore, results indicate the possibility that self-esteem tied to a particular relationship may not be as important as self-esteem based more generally on one's relationships.     

Self-determined self-other overlap: Interacting effects on partners’ perceptions of support and well-being in close relationships

Self-other overlap, an important dimension of interpersonal closeness, is linked to positive interpersonal and well-being outcomes in relationships with romantic partners and friends. Three studies applied principles from self-determination theory to examine whether individual differences in self-determined motivation moderate the effects of higher self-other overlap on partner outcomes. Studies were cross-sectional and longitudinal, and examined personality and relationship-specific self-determination in friends (Study 1) and romantic partners (all studies); all were comprised of dyads to examine partner effects. Results suggested that as self-determined individuals reported greater self-other overlap, their partners also reported receiving more positive motivational support as well as enhanced commitment. On the other hand, when individuals were low in self-determination, partners did not benefit from greater self-other overlap.     

The reciprocal cycle of self‐concealment and trust in romantic relationships

We propose that perceived partner concealment, self‐concealment from one's partner (i.e., keeping secrets from one's partner), and trust in one's partner form a reciprocal cycle in romantic relationships. In Study 1, participants in a romantic relationship (N = 94) completed a two‐time point survey within a span of 8 to 10 weeks. Results revealed that perceived partner concealment was associated with a loss of trust in partner, and low trust in partner was associated with an increase in self‐concealment from one's partner. Furthermore, the association between perceived partner concealment and self‐concealment from one's partner was mediated by trust. In Study 2, couples (N = 50) completed daily records for 14 consecutive days. Multilevel analyses indicated that on the days the individuals reported more self‐concealment, their partners reported lower trust in them. Moreover, on the days the partners reported lower trust, the partners also reported higher self‐concealment. These findings suggest that self‐concealment in romantic relationships can create a reciprocal cycle that involves loss of trust and more self‐concealment between partners, which would slowly deteriorate the relationship well‐being. Copyright © 2012 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

“Date nights” take two: The maintenance function of shared relationship activities

One‐hundred and ninety‐six individuals (Study 1) and 83 couples (Study 2) reported on their shared relationship activities—activities that individuals engage in with their partner to facilitate closeness in their romantic relationships. Couples also reported on the quality of their shared activities and relationships 3 months later (Study 2). Results indicated that shared activities help to sustain relationships, and do so beyond threat‐based maintenance strategies (i.e., accommodation). Activities that were satisfying, stress‐free, and increased closeness predicted greater relationship quality concurrently and longitudinally. However, positive activity and relationship outcomes depended on the degree to which partners were dedicated to the activity, indicating that shared activities sustain relationship quality only when partners are responsive and want to share relationship activities.     

Working models of romantic attachment and the subjective quality of social interactions across relational contexts

Two diary studies examined the effects of domain‐specific representations of romantic relationships (assessed using the Relationship Questionnaire in Study 1 and the Revised Experiences in Close Relationships questionnaire in Study 2) on the subjective quality of social interactions across four relational contexts: those with a romantic partner, family member, platonic friend, or acquaintance/other. In both studies, domain‐specific romantic attachment, particularly attachment avoidance, was more strongly related to subjective experiences of social interactions involving a romantic partner than those with family members, platonic friends, or acquaintances/others. These results complement previous diary research using earlier categorical measures of attachment and elaborate upon the contextual effects of the attachment behavioral system in naturally occurring social interactions with different relational partners. The conditions under which working models of different relationship domains should influence interpersonal functioning are discussed, and a context‐congruence hypothesis of attachment effects, which encompasses the current findings and generates further predictions, is detailed.     

Mutual Grooming in Human Dyadic Relationships: An Ethological Perspective

Despite its widespread practice among primates writ large, social scientists have given mutual grooming among humans little attention. This research provides an important first step in describing mutual grooming among humans. A scale was developed to measure self-reported giving and receiving of grooming. In Study 1, 184 female and 94 male participants first indicated their closest emotional relationship (for example, romantic partner, best friend, etcetera). They then completed the grooming measure pertaining to that emotionally close target person. Finally, they completed indices of relationship trust, relationship satisfaction, and parental/familial affection. Individuals who focused on their romantic partners (N = 134) reported more mutual grooming than individuals who focused on other types of relationships. Relationship satisfaction, previous experience of familial affection, and trust were positively correlated with mutual grooming for romantically involved individuals. Study 2 (N = 71 heterosexual couples) explored psychological correlates of mutual grooming within romantic dyads. Individuals with more promiscuous attitudes and those who scored high on the anxiety subscale of an adult attachment style measure reported grooming their partners most frequently. Findings were consistent with several proposed functions of grooming: (a) potential parental-investment indicator, (b) developing trust, and (c) courtship/flirtation—all of which play roles in pair-bonding. At first glance, humans may not appear to groom each other with the same fervor as other primates. However, we posit that humans are, in actuality, groomers par excellence.     

Mutual Grooming in Human Dyadic Relationships: An Ethological Perspective

Despite its widespread practice among primates writ large, social scientists have given mutual grooming among humans little attention. This research provides an important first step in describing mutual grooming among humans. A scale was developed to measure self-reported giving and receiving of grooming. In Study 1, 184 female and 94 male participants first indicated their closest emotional relationship (for example, romantic partner, best friend, etcetera). They then completed the grooming measure pertaining to that emotionally close target person. Finally, they completed indices of relationship trust, relationship satisfaction, and parental/familial affection. Individuals who focused on their romantic partners (N = 134) reported more mutual grooming than individuals who focused on other types of relationships. Relationship satisfaction, previous experience of familial affection, and trust were positively correlated with mutual grooming for romantically involved individuals. Study 2 (N = 71 heterosexual couples) explored psychological correlates of mutual grooming within romantic dyads. Individuals with more promiscuous attitudes and those who scored high on the anxiety subscale of an adult attachment style measure reported grooming their partners most frequently. Findings were consistent with several proposed functions of grooming: (a) potential parental-investment indicator, (b) developing trust, and (c) courtship/flirtation—all of which play roles in pair-bonding. At first glance, humans may not appear to groom each other with the same fervor as other primates. However, we posit that humans are, in actuality, groomers par excellence.     

Conflict with friends,relationship blindness,and the pathway to adult disagreeableness

The ability to form and maintain relationships with friends and romantic partners is a major developmental task for adolescents. Disagreeable youth are likely to struggle with this task, yet little is known about how they maintain their oppositional style from adolescence to adulthood. The current study examines the long-term implications of disagreeableness in a diverse sample of 164 adolescents assessed repeatedly across a 10-year period along with their friends and romantic partners. Disagreeableness at age 14 and 15 was assessed in observation with friends. Disagreeableness was then examined as a predictor of both future relationship quality with friends at age 16 and romantic relationships at age 21. The results indicate that although disagreeable youth do not report any relationship struggles, both their friends and romantic partners see their relationships as being low in quality. Findings suggest a developmental process by which disagreeable adolescents maintain their oppositional style through a mechanism of relationship blindness, as they simply are unable to see the relationship issues that their friends and partners clearly perceive.     

Gender and relationships: Influences on agentic and communal behaviors

The present research examined the moderating influence of situations involving friends and romantic partners on gender differences in interpersonal behaviors reflecting agency and communion. Behavior was studied in three situations varying in social role and dyadic gender composition: same‐sex friendships, opposite‐sex friendships, and romantic relationships. To obtain multiple events representing each relationship situation, participants recorded information about their interpersonal interactions during a 20‐day period using an event‐contingent recording procedure. Results indicated gender differences consistent with gender stereotypes when men and women were interacting with same‐sex friends; men with men were more dominant and women with women were more agreeable. In interactions with romantic partners, gender differences in communal behavior were opposite to gender stereotypes; women were less agreeable and more quarrelsome than men with their romantic partners. Results are considered in reference to developmental socialization theory, social role theory, and studies of gender differences in marital relationships.     

The extensibility of the endowment effect to others is mediated by degree of intimacy

Recent studies have suggested that the endowment effect may actually be a type of self‐referent cognitive bias due to the mere ownership of an object. However, it is not adequately understood how the ownership of an object affects the endowment effect. The current research is the first to explore if the endowment effect could be extended to different ownerships. The results suggest that the endowment effect extends to goods owned by their mothers, romantic partners and close friends, but not acquaintances. Furthermore, the level of intimacy between individuals and mothers/romantic partners/close friends/acquaintances mediates the relationship between the effect of ownership and the extensibility of the endowment effect. These findings are consistent with the mere ownership effect that ownership increases valuation by enhancing the salience of the self.     

When we hurt the ones we love: Predicting violence against women from men's mate retention

Mate retention behaviors are designed to solve several adaptive problems such as deterring a partner's infidelity and preventing defection from the mating relationship. Although many mate retention behaviors appear to be innocuous romantic gestures (e.g., displaying resources, giving flowers), some may be harbingers of violence. We investigated the associations between male mate retention and violence against women in romantic relationships. In Study 1, 461 men reported their use of mate retention behaviors and separately completed instruments designed to assess violence in their relationships. Study 2 assessed 560 women's reports of their partners’ mate retention behaviors and the degree to which their partners used violence against them. As predicted, and across both studies, men's use of particular mate retention behaviors was related positively to female‐directed violence. Study 3 secured 2 separate data sources—husbands’ reports of their mate retention and wives’ reports of their husbands’ violence in a sample of 214 individuals forming 107 couples. The results corroborated those of Studies 1 and 2, with particular male mate retention behaviors predicting violence against romantic partners. The general discussion outlines future directions for research that are likely to result in a more comprehensive understanding of partner violence against women.     

Relationship quality promotes the desire for closeness among distressed avoidantly attached individuals

Individuals who experience attachment avoidance tend to desire less closeness in their romantic relationships than others, especially when experiencing distress. However, emerging research suggests that avoidant individuals value social closeness and are more comfortable with it when they perceive that seeking closeness is welcomed. Thus, this research examined the relationship characteristics that might predict avoidant individuals seeking more closeness than they would otherwise. We investigated whether perceiving their relationship to be high quality would predict avoidant individuals desiring more closeness when distressed. We hypothesized that avoidant individuals who perceived their relationship to be high quality would desire greater closeness with their partners when distressed—counteracting their tendency to eschew relational closeness. A study of dating couples supported this hypothesis.     

Can we be (and stay) friends? Remaining friends after dissolution of a romantic relationship

Although many individuals report being friends with their ex-romantic partners (Wilmot, Carbaugh, & Baxter, 1985), the literature regarding post-romantic friendships is very limited. We investigated whether satisfaction in the dissolved romantic relationship could predict post-romantic friendships and friendship maintenance. We found that the more satisfied individuals were during the dissolved romance, the more likely they were to remain friends and the more likely they were to engage in friendship maintenance behaviors. We also found that friendship maintenance fully mediated the association between past romantic satisfaction and current friendship satisfaction.     

Adolescents' use of affiliative and aggressive strategies during conflict with romantic partners and best-friends

Objective: Developmental theory suggests romantic relationships present unique demands when adolescents transition from the interaction patterns of same-sex friendships to cross-gender interactions. A possible response is to incorporate behaviours of the other gender: girls adopting aggressive strategies and boys adopting affiliative ones. The goal of this study is to explore this hypothesis by comparing conflict resolution among romantic couples and same-sex best friends. Method: Observational methods were employed with 37 female best friends, 22 male best friends and 37 romantic couples. Of the romantic couples, 35 also were observed with a best friend. Affiliative and aggressive behaviours were tabulated during two conflict tasks. Results: Female best friends were more affiliative than male best friends and romantic partners; these latter dyads were more aggressive than the female best friends. Within group comparisons indicated that boys and girls decreased their affiliative behaviours, especially verbal humour, and increased their aggressive behaviours, especially teasing, when observed with the romantic partner compared to the best friend. Decomposing the romantic dyad, girlfriends displayed relatively more aggressive behaviours than their boyfriends, and boyfriends exhibited more affiliative behaviours. Conclusions: Findings shed light on gendered shifts in patterns of interaction as adolescents transition from same-sex friendships to romantic relationships.     

Communication with former romantic partners and current relationship outcomes among college students

This research investigates individual and contextual differences underlying postdissolution friendships by considering communication with former romantic partners among individuals in new romantic relationships. Two studies demonstrate the prevalence, determinants, and implications of former partner communication for the current relationship. Study 1 showed that approximately 40% of individuals in relationships communicate with a former partner and highlighted differences between those who communicate and those who do not. Study 2 factor analyzed reasons why people communicate with former partners and examined how the reasons are differentially associated with current relationship functioning. In general, results support the notion that under certain circumstances and for certain individuals, communication with former partners can have deleterious influences on one's current relationship.     

Skewed autonomy-relatedness in preadolescents' conceptions of their relationships with mother, father, and best friend.

Healthy adaptation within all close relationships--whether with parents, friends, or romantic partners--involves striking a balance between connectedness to and independence from the relationship partner. For some individuals, adaptation within one or more relationships is skewed, or characterized by either an excessive concern for closeness that impedes autonomy (preoccupied stance) or an excessive concern for autonomy that inhibits closeness (avoidant stance). In this study with boys and girls aged 9-14 years, children who reported a preoccupied or avoidant stance toward their mother displayed increased social impairment in the peer group over time. There were predictable associations among children's stances toward mother, father, and best friend. Children resembled their best friend in relationship stance. The study illustrates the advantages of applying common relationship constructs (e.g., autonomy-relatedness) to the study of diverse close relationships.     

Your Face Says It All: Closeness and Perception of Emotional Expressions Among Females

The purpose of the present investigation was to assess whether interpersonal closeness facilitates earlier emotion detection as the emotional expression unfolds. Female undergraduate participants were either paired with a close friend or an acquaintance (n = 92 pairs). Participants viewed morphed movies of their partner and a stranger gradually shifting from a neutral to either a sad, angry, or happy expression. As predicted, findings indicate a closeness advantage. Close friends detected the onset of their partners’ angry and sad expressions earlier than acquaintances. Additionally, close friends were more accurate than acquaintances in identifying angry and sad expressions at the onset, particularly in non-vignette conditions when these expressions were void of context. These findings suggest that closeness does indeed facilitate emotional perception, particularly in ambiguous situations for negative emotions.     

Turning inward versus outward: Relationship work in young adults and romantic functioning

This study examined 106 romantically involved young adults to determine the frequency of disclosure of romantic problems to both partners and best friends and links to romantic functioning. Results revealed females and males did not differ in frequency of this “relationship work” (RW) with either partners or friends and both engaged in more frequent RW with partners. Simple slopes analyses indicated that discussing romantic problems often with a friend and rarely with a partner was associated with poorer romantic functioning (e.g., less happiness, commitment, love). Conversely, when engaging in frequent RW with partners, regardless of RW performed with friends, relationships flourished. Findings link the social network to romantic functioning and reinforce the importance of discussing romantic problems with one's partner.