Whose personality is better,mine or my partner's? Self‐enhancement bias in relationships

Previous research has documented self‐enhancement and relationship partner‐enhancement motivations, but not examined whether individuals view themselves or their partners more favorably, overall. The authors conducted three studies that revealed a general tendency to favor oneself over one's partner in direct self–partner personality comparisons. This illustrated a motivational precedence of self‐enhancement over partner‐enhancement goals. In Study 1, participants rated self‐only traits more favorably than partner‐only traits. In Studies 2 and 3, participants rated desirable traits as more characteristic of themselves than their partner, particularly when traits were more relevant to personal than relationship success. The authors also found that this self‐favoring bias was weaker (typically nonexistent) among those with higher relationship satisfaction, lower self‐esteem, or lower self‐deceptive tendencies. The authors discuss practical, theoretical, and methodological implications.     

The Predictive Validity of Ideal Partner Preferences in Relationship Formation: What We Know,What We Don't Know,and Why It Matters

A great deal of research on interpersonal attraction implicitly assumes that stated ideal partner preferences guide the mate selection, and therefore relationship formation, process. Nevertheless, recent research has yielded contradictory results. Whereas some research has failed to demonstrate that ideal partner preferences influence attraction to actual potential romantic partners, other studies have provided empirical evidence for the predictive validity of ideal partner preferences following interactions with potential romantic partners. A new meta‐analysis on the predictive validity of ideal partner preferences concluded that people may not preferentially pursue potential partners that more closely match their stated preferences. This conclusion has significant implications for several empirical literatures that have relied on self‐reported ideal partner preferences to test hypotheses. We demonstrate, however, that the majority of the research on the predictive validity of ideal partner preferences, and thus research included in this meta‐analysis, focuses on interpersonal attraction or later relationship processes and not on individuals transitioning into actual new relationships. We suggest that research that directly focuses on the transition into actual relationships is needed before firm conclusions can be made regarding the predictive validity of ideal partner preferences in the formation of new relationships.     

The link between sociotropy/autonomy and dimensions of relationship commitment: Evidence from gay and lesbian couples

The tendency to be excessively concerned about either interpersonal relationships (sociotropy) or self‐reliance (autonomy) has been regarded as increasing one's susceptibility to experience symptoms of depression. In this study, both one's own and one's partner's scores for each tendency were linked to two dimensions of one's own appraisal of relationship commitment (attractions to the relationship and constraints against leaving the relationship) in a sample of both partners from 29 gay and 35 lesbian cohabiting couples. One's own high autonomy was linked to perceiving few attractions to the relationship, whereas one's own high sociotropy was linked to perceiving many constraints to leaving the relationship under two conditions: when one's partner's sociotropy was low or when one regarded the partner as highly dependable. Findings support the view that individual differences variables may serve as either risk factors for or protective factors against difficulties in maintaining a close relationship and underscore the need to examine cross‐partner effects and moderating effects in identifying the individual differences variables linked to relationship functioning.     

Regulatory Focus and the Interpersonal Dynamics of Romantic Partners’ Personal Goal Discussions

Guided by regulatory focus theory, we examined how romantic partners’ chronic concerns with promotion (advancement) and prevention (security) shape the interpersonal dynamics of couples’ conversations about different types of personal goals. Members of 95 couples (N = 190) first completed chronic regulatory focus measures and then engaged in videotaped discussions of two types of goals that were differentially relevant to promotion and prevention concerns. Participants also completed measures of goal‐ and partner‐relevant perceptions. Independent observers rated the discussions for support‐related behaviors. Highly promotion‐focused people approached their partners more, perceived greater partner responsiveness, and received more support when discussing goals that were promotion‐relevant and that they perceived as less attainable. When partners’ responsiveness to promotion‐relevant goals was low, highly promotion‐focused people reported greater self‐efficacy regarding these goals. Highly prevention‐focused people perceived more responsiveness when partners were less distancing during discussions of their prevention‐relevant goals, and greater responsiveness perceptions reassured them that these goals are less disruptive to the relationship. These findings suggest that chronic concerns with promotion and prevention orient people to their relationship environment in ways that are consistent with these distinct motivational needs, especially when discussing goals that increase the salience of these needs.     

Facial and self‐report questionnaire measures capture different aspects of romantic partner preferences

Romantic relationship researchers often use self‐report measures of partner preferences based on verbal questionnaires. These questionnaires show that partner preferences involve an evaluation in terms of underlying factors of vitality–attractiveness, status‐resources, and warmth–trustworthiness. However, when people first encounter a potential partner, they can usually derive a wealth of impressions from their face, and little is known about the relationship between verbal self‐reports and impressions derived from faces. We conducted four studies investigating potential parallels and differences between facial impressions and verbal self‐reports. Study 1 showed that when evaluating highly variable everyday face images in a context that does not require considering them as potential partners, participants can reliably perceive the traits and factors that are related to partner preferences. However, despite being capable of these nuanced evaluations, Study 2 found that when asked to evaluate images of faces as potential romantic partners, participants’ preferences become dominated by attractiveness‐related concerns. Study 3 confirmed this dominance of facial attractiveness using morphed face‐like images. Study 4 showed that attractiveness dominates partner preferences for faces even when task instructions imply that warmth–trustworthiness or status–resources should be of primary importance. In contrast to verbal questionnaire measures of partner preferences, evaluations of faces focus heavily on attractiveness, whereas questionnaire self‐reports tend on average to prioritize warmth–trustworthiness over attractiveness. Evaluations of faces and verbal self‐report measures therefore capture different aspects of partner preferences.     

Differentiation of Self and Dyadic Adjustment in Couple Relationships: A Dyadic Analysis Using the Actor‐Partner Interdependence Model

Bowen's multigenerational theory provides an account of how the internalization of experiences within the family of origin promotes development of the ability to maintain a distinct self whilst also making intimate connections with others. Differentiated people can maintain their I‐position in intimate relationships. They can remain calm in conflictual relationships, resolve relational problems effectively, and reach compromises. Fusion with others, emotional cut‐off, and emotional reactivity instead are common reactions to relational stress in undifferentiated people. Emotional reactivity is the tendency to react to stressors with irrational and intense emotional arousal. Fusion with others is an excessive emotional involvement in significant relationships, whilst emotional cut‐off is the tendency to manage relationship anxiety through physical and emotional distance. This study is based on Bowen's theory, starting from the assumption that dyadic adjustment can be affected both by a member's differentiation of self (actor effect) and by his or her partner's differentiation of self (partner effect). We used the Actor‐Partner Interdependence Model to study the relationship between differentiation of self and dyadic adjustment in a convenience sample of 137 heterosexual Italian couples (nonindependent, dyadic data). The couples completed the Differentiation of Self Inventory and the Dyadic Adjustment Scale. Men's dyadic adjustment depended only on their personal I‐position, whereas women's dyadic adjustment was affected by their personal I‐position and emotional cut‐off as well as by their partner's I‐position and emotional cut‐off. The empirical and clinical implications of the results are discussed.     

Perceived responses to capitalization attempts are influenced by self‐esteem and relationship threat

Discussing good news builds strength in relationships. In particular, perceiving a close other as enthusiastic about good fortune can help individuals maintain relational strength when relationship security is threatened. In an experiment and a daily diary study, how self‐esteem moderates perceptions of a partner's response to these capitalization attempts following relationship threats were examined. After having been primed with relationship threat (Study 1) or on days following relationship conflict (Study 2), low‐self‐esteem persons perceived less partner enthusiasm about their good news, but high‐self‐esteem persons perceived more partner enthusiasm. Self‐esteem had no effect after a neutral prime or no‐conflict days. These results indicate that capitalization as a strategy for repairing relationships may depend on the partners' self‐esteem.     

Working with chronic and relentless self‐hatred,self‐harm and existential shame: a clinical study and reflections

This paper is the first of a two‐part series which explores some of the theoretical and experiential reference points that have emerged in my work with people whose relationship to their body and/or sense of self is dominated by self‐hatred and (what Hultberg describes as) existential shame. The first paper focuses on self‐hatred and the second paper focuses on shame. This first paper is structured around vignettes taken from a 14‐year analysis with a woman who was bulimic, self‐harmed and repeatedly described herself as ‘feeling like a piece of shit’. It draws together elements of Jung's concepts of the complex and symbol, and Laplanche's enigmatic signifier to focus on experiences of ‘inner otherness’ around which we are unconsciously organized. It also brings Jung's understanding that emotion is the chief source of consciousness into conversation with Laplanche's approach to the transference which is that by being aware that they do not ‘know’, the analyst provides a ‘hollow’ in which the patient's analytic process can evolve. These combinations of ideas are linked speculatively to emerging understandings of the neuroscience of perception and throughout the paper clinical material is used to illustrate these discussions.     

Self‐expansion and flow: The roles of challenge,skill, affect,and activation

The self‐expansion model posits that engaging in challenging activities with one's romantic partner increases the quality of that romantic relationship. Research on flow suggests that the optimal level of challenge for such experiences is determined by the skill of the individual. In a series of 5 studies spanning experimental, survey, and experience sampling methodologies, we elaborate on the self‐expansion model to describe how activity challenge effects romantic relationship quality. The results suggest that engaging in challenging activities with one's partner results in increases in relationship quality, though this effect is dependent on the skill of the individual. Changes in affect appear to fully mediate this process. We present a theoretical model combining self‐expansion and flow theories.     

The individual and relational risks of providing support to an inconsolable partner

The two studies in this article examined how perceptions of partner inconsolability are associated with the self‐esteem and relationship satisfaction of the caregiver. Study 1 documented a negative correlation between perceptions of partner inconsolability and relationship satisfaction, particularly among those high in rejection sensitivity. This association held even when controlling for both self‐ and partner‐reported levels of caregiving, as well as individual characteristics of both partners that may bias perceptions of inconsolability. In Study 2, participants who recalled a time when their partner was inconsolable reported lower state self‐esteem, and among individuals high in rejection sensitivity, lower relationship satisfaction.     

Modesty in self‐presentation: A comparison between the USA and Japan

Japanese participants in Study 1 exhibited a self‐effacing tendency when no reason for their self‐evaluation was provided. However, they exhibited a self‐enhancing tendency when they were offered a monetary reward for the correct evaluation. In Study 2, Americans, especially American men, exhibited a self‐enhancing tendency whereas Japanese exhibited a self‐effacing tendency when no reason for making the evaluation was presented. This cultural difference disappeared when participants were provided with a monetary reward for correctly evaluating their performance level. These results support the view that the modesty observed in self‐evaluation among Japanese participants is a ‘default strategy’ to avoid offending others.     

Do attributions mediate the association between attachment and negative couple communication?

This study explored whether attributions for negative partner behavior mediate the association between insecure attachment and negative couple communication, using both self‐report and observational data. A sample of 59 married and cohabiting Australian couples completed self‐report measures of attachment, attributions, and communication; were videotaped participating in two 10‐min problem‐solving discussions; and were assessed on their attributions during the discussions using video‐mediated recall. Multilevel modeling found that female attachment insecurity was the most consistent predictor of self‐reported and observed couple communication, and negative attributions mediated the association between attachment and self‐reported couple communication. These findings suggested that attachment insecurity increased the likelihood that negative attributions were generated, which, in some cases, then influenced the style of communication each partner reported.     

To please or to neglect your partner? Attachment avoidance and relationship‐driven self‐improvement

Self‐improvement is a potential resource in sustaining relationships. A series of 2 studies with Hong Kong Chinese college samples sought to examine whether attribute‐specific, reflected regard from the partner determines self‐improvement efforts on those attributes and whether attachment avoidance moderates the association. These studies measured self‐improvement effort by retrospective self‐report (Study 1) and evaluation of objects pertinent to attribute‐specific self‐improvement goals (i.e., related self‐help books; Study 2). In general, the results showed that individuals improved their personal qualities when they perceived these qualities as relatively less favorably regarded by their partner. Moreover, attachment avoidance weakened such an association. The role of attachment avoidance in relationship‐driven self‐improvement seems to reflect strategic preference rather than a downplaying of relationship importance.     

The reciprocal cycle of self‐concealment and trust in romantic relationships

We propose that perceived partner concealment, self‐concealment from one's partner (i.e., keeping secrets from one's partner), and trust in one's partner form a reciprocal cycle in romantic relationships. In Study 1, participants in a romantic relationship (N = 94) completed a two‐time point survey within a span of 8 to 10 weeks. Results revealed that perceived partner concealment was associated with a loss of trust in partner, and low trust in partner was associated with an increase in self‐concealment from one's partner. Furthermore, the association between perceived partner concealment and self‐concealment from one's partner was mediated by trust. In Study 2, couples (N = 50) completed daily records for 14 consecutive days. Multilevel analyses indicated that on the days the individuals reported more self‐concealment, their partners reported lower trust in them. Moreover, on the days the partners reported lower trust, the partners also reported higher self‐concealment. These findings suggest that self‐concealment in romantic relationships can create a reciprocal cycle that involves loss of trust and more self‐concealment between partners, which would slowly deteriorate the relationship well‐being. Copyright © 2012 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

Demand/Withdraw Patterns in Serial Arguments: Implications for Well‐Being

Serial arguing has been linked to relational difficulties. We extend this research by looking at the relationship between demand/withdraw patterns enacted during argumentative episodes and aversive reactions after the episode has ended in romantic relationships (N = 219). We found that individuals who initiated the first confrontation often reported they did so because they were very upset and they initiated a self‐demand/partner‐withdraw pattern that was repeated in subsequent episodes. The self‐demand/partner‐withdraw pattern was positively related to experiencing intrusive thoughts and feelings about the episode, attempts to avoid such thoughts and feelings, a hyperaroused state, and disruption of everyday activities. Individuals who were originally confronted by their partners report that their partners demanded they change and they withdraw, and this pattern was repeated in typical episodes. This pattern is more strongly related to stress than was self‐demand/partner‐withdraw and was equally predictive of attempts to avoid thinking about the event. However, the partner‐demand/self‐withdraw sequence was not strongly related to most of the other aversive episodic reactions.     

The Dynamic Nature of Goals and Message Production as Revealed in a Sequential Analysis of Conflict Interactions

Although message‐production theories often assume that goals behave dynamically to direct communication behavior, few studies consider the interconnectedness of goals and behavior throughout interactions. Here, the interrelationship of communication goals and tactics was examined through a sequential analysis of 47 conflict interactions between close friends or dating partners. It was posited that for both the initiators and resistors in a conflict, the importance of relational or other‐identity goals would be associated with the use of integrative tactics and the importance of instrumental or self‐identity goals would be related to the use of distributive tactics. We examined these predictions within and across partners. Analyses indicated that for both conflict initiators and resistors, the importance of a combination self/instrumental goal predicted the use of distributive tactics and the importance of an other‐identity goal lead to partner‐oriented tactics. For resistors, the importance of an instrumental goal was associated with the use of distributive tactics and the importance of a combination identity/relational goal was aligned with issue‐oriented tactics as well. Across partners, several significant patterns between one partner’s use of distributive or integrative tactics and the other partner’s goals were observed. Implications of the results for understanding conflict and message production are discussed.     

The relationship between the adult attachment and the tendency to judge others as liars

The relationship between 2 dimensions (anxiety and avoidance) of adult attachment and tendency to judge others as liars was examined in this study. We measured 308 participants' adult attachment and tendency to judge others as liars in self‐, other‐, or relationship‐oriented situations. Results supported our hypotheses by showing that (a) anxiety positively predicted the tendency to judge others as liars in self‐oriented situations and (b) avoidance moderated the relationship between anxiety and the tendency to judge others as liars in other‐ and relationship‐oriented situations. Attachment anxiety could positively predict the tendency to judge others as liars only when participants' avoidance was high. Theoretical implications and suggestions for future studies were discussed.     

Personality Traits and Relationship Satisfaction in Intimate Couples: Three Perspectives on Personality

Personality traits are important predictors of relationship satisfaction. However, the majority of previous study findings are based on self‐perceptions of personality. Thus, by means of the self‐, partner‐, and meta‐perceptions of personality, the present study focused on three different perspectives on the Big Five personality traits to examine dyadic associations with relationship satisfaction of intimate couples. The study was based on the first measurement occasion of the Swiss longitudinal study ‘Co‐Development in Personality: Longitudinal Approaches to Personality Development in Dyads across the Life Span’ and included data of 216 couples. The main analyses were based on Actor‐Partner Interdependence Model. Three general findings emerged. First, the three personality perspectives represented related, albeit distinct, constructs, and showed incremental validity with respect to relationship satisfaction. Second, neuroticism was negatively related to relationship satisfaction, whereas agreeableness and conscientiousness were positively related to relationship satisfaction across all perspectives. Third, substantial associations between e xtraversion and relationship satisfaction were exclusively evident in terms of the partner‐ and meta‐perception. The present results contribute to the literature by showing that each perspective is essential for the understanding of the role of personality for relationship satisfaction. Copyright © 2014 European Association of Personality Psychology     

Automatic accommodation: The role of personality

The current study tested whether agreeableness, conscientiousness, and attachment styles would be associated with automatic accommodation in dating relationships. Accommodation refers to the tendency to respond to a romantic partner’s potentially destructive relationship act by inhibiting one’s own negative impulses and replacing them with a relatively deliberate, relationship enhancing act. Sixty‐five young adult participants from a Canadian university participated online. Participants selected either constructive or destructive responses to hypothetical negative behaviors their partner enacted either under time pressure or normally. Results showed that the difference in level of accommodation between participants high and low in agreeableness and avoidance became even greater under time pressure, suggesting that for some people, accommodation may in fact be more automatic.     

The attraction–similarity model and dating couples: Projection,perceived similarity,and psychological benefits

According to the attraction–similarity model, relationship quality leads to perceptions of partner–self similarity. Relationship quality and perceived similarity then provide psychological benefits for the perceiver. Across 3 studies, relationship quality positively predicted perceptions of similarity. Study 1 indicated that for moderate, but not low, relationship‐relevant traits, individuals projected the self onto the dating partner as a way of perceiving similarities. In Study 2, priming high, as opposed to low, relationship quality led to greater perceived similarity on the moderately relevant traits. Study 3 indicated greater perceived similarity between self and dating partner than between self and average same‐gender student on the moderately relevant traits. Relationship quality and perceived similarity with the dating partner on the moderately relevant traits also predicted psychological benefits.