Calibrating the sociometer: the relational contingencies of self-esteem

A longitudinal daily diary study examined how chronic perceptions of a partner's regard for oneself might affect the day-to-day relational contingencies of self-esteem. Married partners each completed a diary for 21 days, and completed measures of satisfaction twice over the year. Multilevel analyses revealed that people who chronically felt more positively regarded compensated for one day's acute self-doubts by perceiving greater acceptance and love from their partner on subsequent days. In contrast, people who chronically felt less positively regarded by their partner internalized acute experiences of rejection, feeling worse about themselves on days after they feared their partner's disaffection. Over the year, such self-esteem sensitivity to rejection predicted declines in the partner's satisfaction.     

For better or worse? Self-esteem and the contingencies of acceptance in marriage

A longitudinal daily diary study examined the origins and consequences of perceiving a partner's acceptance and love as contingent on professional success. Both members of 154 couples completed a diary for 21 days. Multilevel analyses revealed that low self-esteem men and women felt more accepted and loved by their partner on days when their professional lives were marked by success, and low self-esteem women felt less accepted and loved on days when their professional lives were marked by failure. No such spillover effects between people's professional and relationship lives emerged for people high in chronic selfesteem. A 1-year longitudinal follow-up revealed that people who initially felt less accepted across days reported decreased satisfaction. Men also became especially distressed when their wives felt less accepted initially and (incorrectly) perceived their husbands' regard as contingent.     

Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: how perceived regard regulates attachment processes

The authors proposed that personal feelings of self-esteem foster the level of confidence in a partner's regard critical for satisfying attachments. Dating and married couples described themselves, their partners, how they thought their partners saw them, and how they wanted their partners to see them on a variety of interpersonal qualities. The results revealed that low self-esteem individuals dramatically underestimated how positively their partners saw them. Such unwarranted and unwanted insecurities were associated with less generous perceptions of partners and lower relationship well-being. The converse was true for high self-esteem individuals. A longitudinal examination of the dating couples revealed that the vulnerabilities of lows were only exacerbated over time. A dependency regulation model is proposed, wherein felt security in a partner's perceived regard is suggested as a prime mechanism linking self-esteem to relational well-being.     

Once hurt,twice hurtful: how perceived regard regulates daily marital interactions

A daily diary study examined how chronic perceptions of a partner's regard affect how intimates interpret and respond to daily relationship stresses. Spouses each completed a diary for 21 days. Multilevel analyses revealed that people who felt less positively regarded read more into stressful events than did people who felt highly regarded, feeling more hurt on days after acute threats, such as those posed by a moody or ill-behaved partner. Intimates who felt less valued responded to feeling hurt by behaving badly toward their partner on subsequent days. In contrast, intimates who felt more valued responded to feeling hurt by drawing closer to their partner. Ironically, chronically activated needs for belongingness might lead people who are trying to find acceptance to undermine their marriage.     

Projection of responsiveness to needs and the construction of satisfying communal relationships

This research tested a social projection model of perceived partner responsiveness to needs. According to this model, people project their own care and supportiveness for a partner onto their perceptions of their partner's caring and supportiveness. In 2 dyadic marriage studies, participants' self-reported responsiveness to the needs of a spouse predicted perceptions of the spouse's responsiveness to the self more strongly than did the spouse's self-reported responsiveness. These projected perceptions of responsiveness, in turn, appeared to promote perceivers' relationship satisfaction. These effects were independent of individual differences in attachment, self-esteem, depression, and communal orientation. A daily-diary component suggested that people projected their own chronic responsiveness as well as their daily enacted support onto perceptions of the specific benefits received from their spouses. A 3rd study found that experimentally manipulated feelings of difficulty in recalling examples of own support provision reduced perceptions of partner responsiveness. Results suggest that projection of own responsiveness is an important determinant of perceived social support and is a means by which caring perceivers maintain satisfying and subjectively communal relationships.     

When rejection stings: how self-esteem constrains relationship-enhancement processes

Three experiments examined how needs for acceptance might constrain low versus high self-esteem people's capacity to protect their relationships in the face of difficulties. The authors led participants to believe that their partner perceived a problem in their relationship. They then measured perceptions of the partner's acceptance, partner enhancement, and closeness. Low but not high self-esteem participants read too much into problems, seeing them as a sign that their partner's affections and commitment might be waning. They then derogated their partner and reduced closeness. Being less sensitive to rejection, however, high self-esteem participants affirmed their partner in the face of threat. Ironically, chronic needs for acceptance may result in low self-esteem people seeing signs of rejection where none exist, needlessly weakening attachments.     

Self-esteem maintenance processes: why low self-esteem may be resistant to change

If most people desire to maximize feelings of self-worth, how do we explain the persistence of low self-esteem? Results from four studies suggest that people with low self-esteem may be less likely to accept positive feedback from themselves than from an outside source but equally likely to accept negative feedback from the self and an outsider. When the self was the source of positive feedback, people high, but not low, in self-esteem incorporated the feedback into their self-views; in contrast, when positive feedback came from a knowledgeable external source, both high and low self-esteem people accepted it. Finally, when self-generated feedback was negative, participants low in self-esteem accepted it. The authors discuss how these findings shed light on the maintenance of low self-esteem.     

Are they bothered? How the opportunity to damage a partner's reputation influences giving behavior in a trust game

Studies of reputation use in social interactions have indicated that when individuals can acquire a positive or negative reputation, they are motivated to act in a cooperative fashion. However, few researchers have examined how the opportunity to confer this reputation on a partner may influence an individual's behavior in a mixed-motive situation. In the present study, an experiment using a trust-game paradigm indicated that participants felt that they had more control over their partner's reputation when they could leave feedback regarding the outcome of their interaction with their partner. However, the participants would only donate a substantial portion of their initial endowment (i.e., over 50%) when they could leave feedback for a partner and when they felt that their partner was concerned about his or her own reputation. The author discusses these findings in regard to how they might apply to real-world reputation use and how possible future studies may further expand knowledge in this area.     

Only because I love you: why people make and why they break promises in romantic relationships

People make and break promises frequently in interpersonal relationships. In this article, we investigate the processes leading up to making promises and the processes involved in keeping them. Across 4 studies, we demonstrate that people who had the most positive relationship feelings and who were most motivated to be responsive to the partner's needs made bigger promises than did other people but were not any better at keeping them. Instead, promisers' self-regulation skills, such as trait conscientiousness, predicted the extent to which promises were kept or broken. In a causal test of our hypotheses, participants who were focused on their feelings for their partner promised more, whereas participants who generated a plan of self-regulation followed through more on their promises. Thus, people were making promises for very different reasons (positive relationship feelings, responsiveness motivation) than what made them keep these promises (self-regulation skills). Ironically, then, those who are most motivated to be responsive may be most likely to break their romantic promises, as they are making ambitious commitments they will later be unable to keep.     

The regulation of dependency in parent-child relationships

We propose that the insecurities about a close other’s regard that make it difficult for low self-esteem people to form satisfying romantic relationships also create difficulties in family relationships. Our study revealed that low self-esteem mothers and children felt less loved by one another than did high self-esteem mothers and children. These feelings of not being loved partially accounted for the tendency of low self-esteem children and mothers to be dissatisfied with their relationships. Ironically, however, low self-esteem children’s insecurities about how much their mothers loved them were not warranted by the strength of their mother’s love. Taken together, these findings suggest that the processes that regulate attachment to significant others extend to familial as well as romantic relationships.     

Enhancing relationship perceptions by reducing felt inferiority: The role of attachment style

To trust in a romantic partner’s acceptance and love, people need to believe they are just as good a person as their partner (and that their partner shares this perception). Yet, people low in attachment security may have difficulty sustaining these beliefs. Two experiments examined the consequences of reducing felt inferiority to the partner. Participants high in attachment anxiety (Experiment 1) and attachment avoidance (Experiment 2) reported greater confidence in their partner’s acceptance and love and attached greater value to their partner when led to feel (or to believe their partner saw them as) superior to their partner. Thus, reducing felt inferiority may effectively enhance relationship perceptions for people relatively low in attachment security.     

Attachment and dependence regulation within daily interactions with romantic partners

For 2 weeks, 74 New Zealand undergraduate students recorded their reactions to two components of situational dependence during interactions with their romantic partner: low personal control and high partner impact. Lower personal control predicted lower perceived regard and intimacy, greater partner derogation and withdrawal (self‐protective dependence regulation), and reduced attempts to improve interaction quality (relationship‐promotive dependence regulation). Participants also reported greater self‐protective dependence regulation the more their partner was impacting on their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As expected, more anxious individuals reported higher drops in perceived regard and greater self‐protective dependence regulation when experiencing lower control, whereas more avoidant individuals reported lower regard and reduced relationship‐promotive behavior when experiencing stronger partner impact. The links between attachment and dependence are discussed.     

Explicit thoughts of security activate implicit self‐doubt in anxiously attached participants

People high in attachment‐related anxiety experience greater anxieties and ambivalence (e.g., M. Mikulincer, P. R. Shaver, N. Bar‐On, & T. Ein‐Dor, 2010 ) when feelings of relationship security are activated. The current research suggests that anxiously attached people also experience a decrease in implicit feelings of self‐worth. Across two studies participants high (vs. low) in attachment anxiety reported more negative implicit self‐evaluations after thinking about a time they felt loved and cared for by a close other. Study 2 further revealed that more negative implicit self‐evaluations are not a function of differences in the type of events recalled by high anxiety participants. These latter results suggest that security‐enhancing thoughts automatically activate a negative association with the self that is not consciously reflected in participants' written responses.     

Attachment and information seeking in romantic relationships

Testing predictions derived from attachment theory, this research investigated how adult attachment orientations are associated with selective exposure to information about the self, one's partner, and one's relationship. The results of two studies revealed that (a) more avoidantly attached individuals have limited interest in knowing their partner's intimate thoughts and feelings, (b) more anxiously attached individuals selectively prefer information on intimate topics pertaining to their partner and relationship and focus on information that highlights their own as well as their partner's shortcomings, and (c) regardless of attachment orientation, individuals express interest in learning about the negative relationship behaviors and characteristics of their insecurely attached partners. These findings suggest that selective information seeking may have important effects on relationships and may help explain how attachment orientations affect important relationship outcomes.     

Doing good,feeling good: Values and the self 's moral center

Rarely do social psychological treatments of the self highlight its moral dimension. We expect people with prosocial values to feel better about themselves when enacting such values. Social identities situate individuals within social groups and wider social structures; successfully enacting important identities increases feelings of self-esteem. This paper looks at individual differences and demonstrates that enacting a social identity (volunteering) contributes more to feelings of self-esteem for those individuals whose values align with that identity. Volunteering may increase self-esteem in general; but for those who claim the identity and hold especially prosocial values, volunteering becomes an important route toward positive self-evaluation.     

When is being known or adored by romantic partners most beneficial? Self-perceptions, relationship length, and responses to partner's verifying and enhancing appraisals

An experiment tested the hypothesis that relationship length moderates preferences for both verifying and enhancing appraisals from romantic partners, particularly for people with negative self-perceptions. One hundred and three romantically involved couples participated in this research. Participants with both negative and positive self-perceptions were randomly assigned to receive either verifying or enhancing feedback ostensibly created through comparison of their self-ratings and their partner's appraisals. The critical test was for those with negative self-ratings who received verifying feedback. For these participants, results revealed that those in longer relationships felt their partners were seeing the best in them more than did those in shorter relationships, whereas the opposite pattern of results was observed for those who were enhanced. Individuals with negative self-ratings who were verified also reported greater feelings of intimacy in the relationship when in long-term relationships. The importance of relationship length in moderating responses to partner's appraisals is discussed.     

How the head liberates the heart: projection of communal responsiveness guides relationship promotion

In 5 studies, the authors tested predictions that (a) people project their own felt communal responsiveness onto partners, perceiving partners to be just as caring and supportive as they are, and (b) projected perceptions guide perceivers' orientation toward further promotion of communal relationships. In Study 1, a manipulation of felt communal responsiveness toward a partner affected perceptions of the partner's responsiveness to the self, which in turn predicted evaluation of the partner. In Study 2, a manipulation of responsiveness toward a new acquaintance biased perceptions of the acquaintance's responsiveness to the self, which in turn predicted attraction and warmth toward the new acquaintance. In Studies 3 and 5, participants' own felt communal responsiveness toward a friend appeared to bias their perceptions of the friend's communal responsiveness, which in turn predicted self-disclosure, evaluation of the friend (Studies 3 and 5), and support provision (Study 5). Initial projected perceptions of a friend's (Study 3) and of a spouse's (Study 4) communal responsiveness also predicted longitudinal changes in perceivers' communal responsiveness. Results suggest that those who care for partners often project that care and that this projection guides their relationship promotion.     

Inclusion-exclusion of positive and negative past selves: mood congruence as information

The current research challenges the widespread truism that recalling a positive self necessarily increases self-esteem, whereas recalling a negative self necessarily decreases self-esteem. Four experiments demonstrate that chronically happy people show a relative increase in self-esteem by recalling either a positive or a negative self. Chronically sad people, however, show a relative decrease in self-esteem by recalling either a positive or a negative self. These effects are due to divergent perceptions of mood congruence between the recalled self and the current self. Specifically, happy people perceive high mood congruence between a recalled positive self and the current self but low mood congruence between a recalled negative self and the current self. In contrast, sad people perceive high mood congruence between a recalled negative self and the current self but low mood congruence between a recalled positive self and the current self. Independent of chronic mood, mood congruence leads to perceptions of temporal recency, whereas mood incongruence leads to perceptions of temporal distance. In line with the inclusion-exclusion model of social judgment, perceived temporal recency elicits assimilation effects on self-esteem, whereas perceived temporal distance elicits contrast effects on self-esteem.     

Optimizing assurance: the risk regulation system in relationships

A model of risk regulation is proposed to explain how people balance the goal of seeking closeness to a romantic partner against the opposing goal of minimizing the likelihood and pain of rejection. The central premise is that confidence in a partner's positive regard and caring allows people to risk seeking dependence and connectedness. The risk regulation system consists of 3 interconnected "if--then" contingency rules, 1 cognitive, 1 affective, and 1 behavioral. The authors describe how general perceptions of a partner's regard structure the sensitivity of these 3 "if--then" rules in risky relationship situations. The authors then describe the consequences of such situated "if--then" rules for relationship well-being and conclude by integrating other theoretical perspectives and outlining future research directions.