Calibrating the sociometer: the relational contingencies of self-esteem

A longitudinal daily diary study examined how chronic perceptions of a partner's regard for oneself might affect the day-to-day relational contingencies of self-esteem. Married partners each completed a diary for 21 days, and completed measures of satisfaction twice over the year. Multilevel analyses revealed that people who chronically felt more positively regarded compensated for one day's acute self-doubts by perceiving greater acceptance and love from their partner on subsequent days. In contrast, people who chronically felt less positively regarded by their partner internalized acute experiences of rejection, feeling worse about themselves on days after they feared their partner's disaffection. Over the year, such self-esteem sensitivity to rejection predicted declines in the partner's satisfaction.     

Putting the partner within reach: a dyadic perspective on felt security in close relationships

The authors argue that felt insecurity in a partner's positive regard and caring stems from a specifically dyadic perception--the perception that a partner is out of one's league. A cross-sectional sample of dating couples revealed that people with low self-esteem feel inferior to their partner and that such feelings of relative inferiority undermine felt security in the partner's regard. Three experiments examined the consequences of reducing such perceived discrepancies by pointing to either strengths in the self or flaws in the partner. Low, but not high, self-esteem participants reacted to new strengths in the self or faults in the partner by reporting greater felt security in their specific partner's positive regard and commitment and more positive, general feelings about their own interpersonal worth. Thus, putting the partner more within the psychological grasp of low self-esteem people may effectively increase felt security in the partner's regard.     

Perceived regard explains self- esteem differences in expressivity

Baumeister, Tice, and Hutton proposed that individuals with low self-esteem (LSEs) adopt a more cautious, self-protective self-presentational style than individuals with high self-esteem (HSEs). The authors predicted that LSEs' self-protectiveness leads them to be less expressive-less revealing of their thoughts and feelings-with others than HSEs, and that this self-esteem difference is mediated by their perceptions of the interaction partner's regard for them. Two correlational studies supported these predictions (Studies 1 and 2). Moreover, LSEs became more expressive when their perceived regard was experimentally heightened-when they imagined speaking to someone who was unconditionally accepting rather than judgmental (Study 3) and when their perceptions of regard were increased through Marigold, Holmes, and Ross's compliment-reframing task (Study 4). These findings suggest that LSEs' expressiveness can be heightened through interventions that reduce their concerns about social acceptance.     

The relationship between interpersonal perception and post-traumatic stress disorder-related functional impairment: a social relations model analysis

This study used Kenny's social relations model to examine the relationship between Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder-related impairment and interpersonal perceptions. Participants were 124 students who had previously completed the Post-traumatic Stress Diagnostic Scale as part of a larger study. After engaging in brief dyadic conversations with 3 other students, participants recorded perceptions of personality traits for themselves, their interaction partners and how they believed their partners saw them (metaperceptions). Results indicated that those with more severe post-traumatic stress disorder-related impairment saw themselves negatively and believed their interaction partners also viewed them negatively. However, these individuals were not seen differently by others, except that they were rated as less dependable. Our findings suggest that post-traumatic stress disorder is associated with negative beliefs about the self that may influence self-esteem and interpersonal relationships.     

How sweet it is to be loved by you: the role of perceived regard in the terror management of close relationships

Drawing from terror management theory, the present research examined whether people turn to close relationships to manage the awareness of mortality because they serve as a source of perceived regard. Studies 1 and 2 demonstrated that mortality salience (MS) leads people to exaggerate how positively their romantic partners see them and demonstrated that people are more committed to their partners to the extent that their romantic partners serve as a source of perceived regard after MS (Study 3). Study 4 revealed that activating thoughts of perceived regard from a partner in response to MS reduced death-thought accessibility. Studies 5 and 6 demonstrated that MS led high relationship contingent self-esteem individuals to exaggerate perceived regard from a partner, and this heightened regard led to greater commitment to one's partner. Study 7 examined attachment style differences and found that after MS, anxious individuals exaggerated how positively their parents see them, whereas secure individuals exaggerated how positively their romantic partners see them. Together, the present results suggest that perceptions of regard play an important role in why people pursue close relationships in the face of existential concerns.     

When bias and insecurity promote accuracy: mean-level bias and tracking accuracy in couples' conflict discussions

Heterosexual couples (N = 57) discussed features about each other they wanted to change. During a review of their recorded discussions, for each 30 s of interaction, perceivers provided judgments of their partner's regard, and partners reported their actual regard for the perceiver. The authors simultaneously assessed the extent to which perceivers' over- or underestimated their partner's regard (mean-level bias) and tracked their partner's changing regard across the discussion (tracking accuracy). Perceivers on average tended to underestimate their partner's regard (negative mean-level bias) but exhibited substantial tracking accuracy. Bias and accuracy were related; perceivers that were more negatively biased more accurately tracked changes in their partner's regard. Women who were more insecure about their partner's continued regard demonstrated more negative mean-level bias and greater tracking accuracy, whereas more secure women demonstrated more positive bias and lower accuracy. The results indicate that bias and accuracy are shaped by context-relevant goals and motives.     

Responses to verifying and enhancing appraisals from romantic partners: the role of trait importance and trait visibility

An experiment assessed when people respond more positively to verifying and enhancing appraisals from romantic partners. Two‐hundred and fifty‐eight individuals comprising 129 dating couples participated in this research. Couples privately rated their self‐concept on traits that were either high or low on trait visibility, rated how important each trait was to them, and rated their partners. A computer program ostensibly compared their self‐ratings with appraisals from their partners on traits they selected as being high or low in personal importance, and participants received either verifying or enhancing feedback. Confirming predictions, people believed their partners understood them more when they received verifying feedback, but felt their partners saw the best in them when they received enhancing feedback. Additionally, people responded more positively to verifying appraisals on important, less visible traits, and enhancing appraisals on important, highly visible traits. Results are discussed in terms of preferences for enhancing and verifying feedback in romantic relationships. Copyright © 2005 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

For better or worse? Self-esteem and the contingencies of acceptance in marriage

A longitudinal daily diary study examined the origins and consequences of perceiving a partner's acceptance and love as contingent on professional success. Both members of 154 couples completed a diary for 21 days. Multilevel analyses revealed that low self-esteem men and women felt more accepted and loved by their partner on days when their professional lives were marked by success, and low self-esteem women felt less accepted and loved on days when their professional lives were marked by failure. No such spillover effects between people's professional and relationship lives emerged for people high in chronic selfesteem. A 1-year longitudinal follow-up revealed that people who initially felt less accepted across days reported decreased satisfaction. Men also became especially distressed when their wives felt less accepted initially and (incorrectly) perceived their husbands' regard as contingent.     

Do You Know What I Feel? Partners' Predictions and Judgments of Each Other's Emotional Reactions to Emotion-Eliciting Situations

The goal of the present study was to investigate empathic accuracy in couples, specifically the partners' ability to predict each other's emotional reactions to social situations. For this, 36 French Canadian couples aged from 18 to 34 years predicted their own reactions as well as their partner's reactions to a series of emotional situations. They then role-played these emotional situations while being videotaped. At a later time, the taped role-play segments were rated by the role-play actors themselves, by their partners, and by 5 individuals who did not know the actors. Results revealed high levels of empathic accuracy when we compared the partners' predictions of each other's reactions. However, when these predictions were compared with the participants' self-evaluations of their role-plays or with evaluations by individuals who did not know the actors, partners showed a positive bias in that they predicted more appropriate and fewer inappropriate reactions to the social situations for their partners than were self-rated by the partners themselves or rated by individuals who did not know the actors. Finally, the existence of couple-specific private meaning systems could not be confirmed in the present context as the evaluations of emotional expressions by unknown others, the actors' partners, and the actors themselves were largely congruent.     

Self-esteem agreement in the marital relationship.

With the use of the circular-causal model of relationship development, this study examined the convergence of the self-esteem of marriage partners over four martial life stages. Three hundred thirty-six married couples in the United States were randomly selected and divided into four life stage groups: younger couples with a child (or children) under age 6; couples with children in school; empty nest couples, in which the wife is in the age range of 45-59 years; and retired couples. Measures of a partner's self-esteem and his or her evaluation of the spouse's self-esteem were taken. The findings demonstrated a convergence of the partners' self-esteem across life stages.     

When accuracy hurts, and when it helps: a test of the empathic accuracy model in marital interactions

This study tested predictions from W. Ickes and J. A. Simpson's (1997, 2001) empathic accuracy model. Married couples were videotaped as they tried to resolve a problem in their marriage. Both spouses then viewed a videotape of the interaction, recorded the thoughts and feelings they had at specific time points, and tried to infer their partner's thoughts and feelings. Consistent with the model, when the partner's thoughts and feelings were relationship-threatening (as rated by both the partners and by trained observers), greater empathic accuracy on the part of the perceiver was associated with pre-to-posttest declines in the perceiver's feelings of subjective closeness. The reverse was true when the partner's thoughts and feelings were nonthreatening. Exploratory analyses revealed that these effects were partially mediated through observer ratings of the degree to which partners tried to avoid the discussion issue.     

The invalidity of disclaimers about the effects of social feedback on self-esteem

Despite the fact that several theories suggest that people's self-esteem is affected by social approval and disapproval, many individuals steadfastly maintain that how other people regard them has no effect on how they feel about themselves. To examine the validity of these beliefs, two experiments compared the effects of social approval and disapproval on participants who had indicated either that their self-esteem is affected by how other people evaluate them or that their self-esteem is unaffected by interpersonal evaluation. Results of both studies converged to show that approval and disapproval clearly affected the self-esteem of even those individuals who denied that social evaluations affected their feelings about themselves.     

Positive illusions about one's partner's physical attractiveness

This study examined couples’ ratings of self and partner physical attractiveness. On the basis of the theory of positive illusions, it was expected that individuals would rate their partners as more attractive than their partners would rate themselves. Both members of 93 heterosexual couples, with a mean relationship length of about 14 years, provided ratings of both their own and their partner's physical attractiveness. Results support the theory that individuals hold positive illusions about their partner's physical attractiveness. Implications of these results in terms of relationship-enhancing biases are discussed.     

When is being known or adored by romantic partners most beneficial? Self-perceptions, relationship length, and responses to partner's verifying and enhancing appraisals

An experiment tested the hypothesis that relationship length moderates preferences for both verifying and enhancing appraisals from romantic partners, particularly for people with negative self-perceptions. One hundred and three romantically involved couples participated in this research. Participants with both negative and positive self-perceptions were randomly assigned to receive either verifying or enhancing feedback ostensibly created through comparison of their self-ratings and their partner's appraisals. The critical test was for those with negative self-ratings who received verifying feedback. For these participants, results revealed that those in longer relationships felt their partners were seeing the best in them more than did those in shorter relationships, whereas the opposite pattern of results was observed for those who were enhanced. Individuals with negative self-ratings who were verified also reported greater feelings of intimacy in the relationship when in long-term relationships. The importance of relationship length in moderating responses to partner's appraisals is discussed.     

The relationship between interpersonal perception and post‐traumatic stress disorder‐related functional impairment: a social relations model analysis

This study used Kenny's social relations model to examine the relationship between Post‐Traumatic Stress Disorder‐related impairment and interpersonal perceptions. Participants were 124 students who had previously completed the Post‐traumatic Stress Diagnostic Scale as part of a larger study. After engaging in brief dyadic conversations with 3 other students, participants recorded perceptions of personality traits for themselves, their interaction partners and how they believed their partners saw them (metaperceptions). Results indicated that those with more severe post‐traumatic stress disorder‐related impairment saw themselves negatively and believed their interaction partners also viewed them negatively. However, these individuals were not seen differently by others, except that they were rated as less dependable. Our findings suggest that post‐traumatic stress disorder is associated with negative beliefs about the self that may influence self‐esteem and interpersonal relationships.     

CORRELATES OF RELATIONSHIP SATISFACTION IN LESBIAN COUPLES

This study broadens the construct of intimate relationships to include the experience of lesbian couples. Various psychological variables were assessed in both partners of 275 lesbian couples who considered themselves to be dual career. Because of the paucity of information on lesbian relationships in the literature, considerable attention is first given to describing this sizable sample. Individual and couple scores on each variable were correlated with relationship satisfaction scores. Among individuals, role conflict and personal autonomy were found to correlate negatively with relationship satisfaction, whereas dyadic attachment, power, intimacy, self-esteem, and life satisfaction were all positively correlated with relationship Satisfaction. Although career commitment was not correlated with relationship satisfaction among individuals, differences between partners'levels of career commitment correlated negatively with each partner's relationship satisfaction. The findings counter extant stereotypes regarding lesbian relationships and provide a more accurate basis for developing an heuristic model of intimate relationships among women.     

Optimizing assurance: the risk regulation system in relationships

A model of risk regulation is proposed to explain how people balance the goal of seeking closeness to a romantic partner against the opposing goal of minimizing the likelihood and pain of rejection. The central premise is that confidence in a partner's positive regard and caring allows people to risk seeking dependence and connectedness. The risk regulation system consists of 3 interconnected "if--then" contingency rules, 1 cognitive, 1 affective, and 1 behavioral. The authors describe how general perceptions of a partner's regard structure the sensitivity of these 3 "if--then" rules in risky relationship situations. The authors then describe the consequences of such situated "if--then" rules for relationship well-being and conclude by integrating other theoretical perspectives and outlining future research directions.     

A secure base: responsive support of goal strivings and exploration in adult intimate relationships

A theoretical framework is proposed for examining the interpersonal processes involved in the support of a relationship partner's goal strivings, personal growth, and exploratory behavior, and for examining consequences of receiving either responsive or unresponsive support in this domain. These processes were examined using both observational and experimental methods. In Phase 1, couples were videotaped as they discussed personal goals for the future. In Phase 2, support behavior was experimentally manipulated to examine immediate effects on the recipient. Results indicated that responsive (nonintrusive) support of a relationship partner's goal strivings and explorations have important implications for the recipient's happiness, self-esteem, and perceived likelihood of achieving specific goals. The importance of research examining this type of support is discussed.     

With a little help from my friends: Understanding how social networks influence the pursuit of the ideal self

The present investigation examined how people utilize their social networks when pursuing the ideal self. Participants who spent time with social partners who possessed their desired ideal self characteristic experienced movement toward their ideal self when the partner provided behavioral affirmation (eliciting behaviors consistent with the ideal self), but experienced movement away from their ideal self when the partner provided perceptual affirmation (perceiving them as if they already possessed the desired characteristic). High self-esteem participants were especially likely to seek out social partners of the latter type, who saw them as their ideal selves, but did not offer behavioral assistance. This research highlights the importance of social networks for understanding the conditions in which social partners promote vs. hinder ideal self progress.     

Self-esteem is a shared relationship resource: Additive effects of dating partners’ self-esteem levels predict relationship quality

Though self-esteem is known to positively impact individuals’ romantic relationship outcomes and those of their partners, the interactive nature of both partners’ self-esteem levels has not been systematically investigated. Using actor-partner interdependence model analyses we estimated actor, partner, and four types of dyadic effects of self-esteem on relationship quality in a sample of over 500 heterosexual dating couples. Lower self-esteem individuals and their partners reported lower satisfaction and commitment to their relationships than did higher self-esteem individuals and their partners. An additive effect whereby both partners’ self-esteem levels combine to predict relationship quality best described the dyadic effects. Results highlight the importance of considering the interactive nature of individual characteristics in dyadic research.