Victim and offender accounts of interpersonal conflict: autobiographical narratives of forgiveness and unforgiveness

Participants wrote 2 narratives that described an incident in which they angered or hurt someone (offender) or in which someone angered or hurt them (victim) and the offense was forgiven or not forgiven. Victims portrayed the offense as continuing (open), and offenders portrayed the offense as over (closed). Forgiveness narratives portrayed offenses as closed and with positive outcomes; however, for some victims, forgiveness coincided with continued anger, suggesting incomplete forgiveness. Dispositional empathy was associated with more benign interpretations of offenses, and situational empathy (e.g., for the offender) was associated with victims' forgiveness. In contrast, offenders' empathy for victims was associated with less self-forgiveness. Thus, both victim or offender role and forgiveness must be considered to understand narratives of interpersonal offenses.     

Forgiveness: The Victim’s Prerogative

Abstract

This article explores and offers a qualified defence of the claim that the entitlement to forgive a wrongdoer belongs to the victim of the wrong. A summary account of forgiveness is given, followed by arguments in favor of the victim’s prerogative to forgive. Primary, or direct victims are then distinguished from secondary and tertiary ones, which point to a plurality of prerogatives to forgive. In cases of conflicts between these prerogatives it is emphasized that special care should be taken to protect the primary victim’s entitlement, without giving an absolute and exclusive status to the latter prerogative. Grounds for limiting the primary victim’s prerogative regarding forgiveness include (a) cases where harm to secondary and/or tertiary victims are greater than the harm resulting from the original wrong committed against the primary victim, (b) the social dimensions of the elements of forgiveness, and (c) the need for self-forgiveness when a repentant wrongdoer is not forgiven by any of the victims. The practical significance of these arguments are illustrated by considering the criticism that the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission have forgiven perpetrators in ways that inappropriately pre-empted the primary victims’ entitlement to forgive.     

A Plea against Apologies

What, if anything, gives us the right to ask the victim of our wrongdoing for forgiveness? After some conceptual clarifications, I attempt to lay open a paradoxical structure in apologies. Apologies are made in a spirit of humility: if the offender recognizes his guilt, he will see the victim?s negative emotions towards him as proper and justified. Nevertheless, by begging for forgiveness, he tries to change the victim?s negative feelings towards him. Thus, by apologizing, the offender tries to bring about a state of affairs which, if genuinely repentant and remorseful, he has no reason to want to bring about. In what follows, I examine various attempts to dissolve this paradox. These include offering reasons for apologies that are independent of our wish to alter the victim?s feeling of resentment and construing apologies as expressive or as mixed speech acts. All of these attempts, or so I argue, fail. Some of them fail to provide justificatory reasons for asking for forgiveness, others fall short of explaining why apologies can be accepted or rejected, still others cannot give a convincing account of the relation between remorse and asking for forgiveness or fail to distinguish between redressing a harm and redressing a moral wrong. The upshot of the argument is that an offender who recognizes his own guilt has no rational reason for asking for forgiveness. In many cases, not offering one?s apologies is a sign of taking guilt seriously.     

自我宽恕的概念、测量及其与其他心理变量的关系

自我宽恕是指当自己是侵犯者时,发生于自己内部的,对待自己的动机由报复转向善待的变化。自我宽恕的概念在其对象、过程、实质和价值方面都存在着争议,即自己与他人、给予与寻求、特质与情境、积极与消极的争论。自我宽恕与人际宽恕在其对象、影响因素与后果等诸多方面也存在区别。对自我宽恕的测量现有宽恕自我（FS）量表、Heartland宽恕量表（HFS）以及状态自我宽恕量表（SSFS）3种工具。有关自我宽恕的相关研究显示,自我宽恕与人格特质的关系还待探讨,而自我宽恕与心理健康水平有相关。未来的研究应深化自我宽恕的界定、拓展其研究方法、扩大其研究内容。     

Transforming or restraining rumination: The impact of compassionate reappraisal versus emotion suppression on empathy,forgiveness, and affective psychophysiology

We tested the effects of practicing compassionate reappraisal vs. emotional suppression as direct coping responses to victims’ ruminations about a past interpersonal offense. Participants (32 females, 32 males) were randomly assigned to learn one coping strategy which immediately followed three of six offense rumination trials (counterbalanced). For both strategy types, coping (vs. offense ruminating) reduced ratings of negative emotion, decreased the use of negative emotion language, and reduced tension at the brow muscle (corrugator EMG). Only compassionate reappraisal coping (vs. offense rumination) immediately prompted greater empathy and emotional forgiveness toward the offender. Empathy ratings for the first coping trial mediated the relationship between strategy type and empathy ratings for the final rumination trial. Compassionate reappraisal strategy participants increased their empathy toward the offender while ruminating at the end of the study. Compassionate reappraisal participants (vs. emotional suppression) described coping (vs. rumination) with more positive language, and also had calmer cardiac pre-ejection period responses.     

The benefits of self-forgiveness on mental health: Evidence from correlational and experimental research

Previous research on self-forgiveness is mixed. Some argue self-forgiveness may have a salutary influence on mental health problems following an offense, whereas others suggest it may provide an excuse to reoffend. In two studies, we provide correlational and experimental evidence for the salutary effects of self-forgiveness following an offense. In Study 1 (N = 100), self-forgiveness was associated with lower levels of disordered eating behavior. In Study 2 (N = 462), participants recalled a drinking-related transgression, and were randomly assigned to a self-forgiveness or neutral priming condition. Results revealed that participants in the self-forgiveness condition reported significantly more self-forgiving beliefs and fewer feelings of remorse and self-condemnation than participants in the neutral priming condition to the degree that participants believed their drinking was the cause of the offense. These findings highlight the salutary effects of self-forgiveness.     

Third-party forgiveness: (not) forgiving your close other's betrayer

Building on attribution and interdependence theories, two experiments tested the hypothesis that close friends of victims (third parties) are less forgiving than the victims themselves (first parties). In Experiment 1, individuals imagined a scenario in which either their romantic partner or the romantic partner of a close friend committed the identical relationship offense. Third parties were less forgiving than first parties, a phenomenon we termed the third-party forgiveness effect. This effect was mediated by attributions about the perpetrator's intentions and responsibility for the offense. In Experiment 2, first and third parties reported an actual offense and their subsequent unforgiving motivations. The third-party forgiveness effect was replicated and was mediated by commitment to the perpetrator. Perpetrator apology or amends to the victim increased third-party forgiveness. Future third-party research can expand interpersonal forgiveness research beyond the victim-perpetrator dyad.     

Tipping the scales: Conciliatory behavior and the morality of self-forgiveness

Two studies examined whether conciliatory behavior aids self-forgiveness and whether it does so in part by making it seem more morally appropriate. Participants in Study 1 (n?=?269) completed an offense-recall procedure; participants in Study 2 (n?=?208) imagined a social transgression under conciliatory behavior (yes, no) and receipt of forgiveness (no, ambiguous, yes) conditions. Conciliatory behavior predicted (Study 1) and caused (Study 2) elevated self-forgiveness and increased perceptions of the moral appropriateness of self-forgiveness. Perceived morality consistently mediated the effect of conciliatory behavior on self-forgiveness. Received forgiveness and guilt were considered as additional mechanisms, but received mixed support. Results suggest that conciliatory behavior may influence self-forgiveness in part by satisfying moral prerequisites for self-forgiveness.     

Attitudinal ambivalence, rumination, and forgiveness of partner transgressions in marriage

Although positive and negative attitudes toward a transgressor are related to increased and decreased forgiveness, respectively, prior research has failed to investigate forgiveness among those who feel both positively and negatively toward a transgressor. Therefore, the authors examined such ambivalence and its relationship to forgiveness. It was hypothesized that spouses with ambivalent attitudes toward their partner will be less forgiving of a partner transgression because such an event is likely to prime the negative component of their ambivalence. Because ruminating about a transgression also has the potential to prime the negative component of one's ambivalence, an interaction between rumination and ambivalence was predicted. Data from 87 married couples showed that greater attitudinal ambivalence toward the partner was associated with decreased forgiveness only when husbands and wives thought about the transgression frequently; ambivalence was not related to forgiveness in the absence of rumination. The implications of these findings for understanding forgiveness in marriage and for increasing forgiveness among married couples are discussed.     

Self-forgiveness and well-being: Does divine forgiveness matter?

ABSTRACT

A reliable association exists between self-forgiveness and well-being. But self-forgiveness and its correlates will not be fully understood without considering forgiveness by God or divine forgiveness, especially in light of the fact that the majority of the population identifies as religious. This study therefore examined the role of divine forgiveness in understanding the association between self-forgiveness and well-being using data collected from 435 young adults. Because well-being is not the absence of distress, this study examined whether self-forgiveness and divine forgiveness relate to psychological well-being and distress in the same way. Self-forgiveness and divine forgiveness were independently related to psychological well-being and distress even with religiosity statistically controlled. Divine forgiveness also moderated the relationship between self-forgiveness and psychological distress in that perceived forgiveness by God was associated with fewer depressive symptoms at lower but not higher levels of self-forgiveness. The implications for future research are outlined.     

The Duty to Forgive Repentant Wrongdoers

Abstract

The purpose of this paper is to consider the question of whether we have a duty to forgive those who repent and apologize for the wrong they have done. I shall argue that we have a pro tanto duty to forgive repentant wrongdoers, and I shall propose and consider the norm of forgiveness. This norm states that if a wrongdoer repents and apologizes to a victim, then the victim has a duty to forgive the wrongdoer, other things being equal. That someone has a pro tanto duty to forgive a repentant wrongdoer means that he or she ought to forgive unless other considerations outweigh the norm of forgiveness. Furthermore, a distinction is made between what are termed ‘general considerations’ and ‘case‐relative considerations’, and it is argued that only after all the relevant considerations have been examined can it be determined whether there is a duty to forgive, all things considered.     

Accepting Forgiveness

Forgiving wrongdoers who neither apologized, nor sought to make amends in any way, is controversial. Even defenders of the practice agree with critics that such “unilateral” forgiveness involves giving up on the meaningful redress that victims otherwise justifiably demand from their wrongdoers: apology, reparations, repentance, and so on. Against that view, I argue here that when a victim of wrongdoing sets out to grant forgiveness to her offender, and he in turn accepts her forgiveness, he thereby serves some important ends of apology and reparation, no matter what else he did—or did not do—by way of repair. Although much overlooked, the simple act of accepting forgiveness joins victim and offender in affirming and acting upon some important shared background assumptions, including many of those expressed in standard apologies. Perhaps more surprisingly, I argue that accepting forgiveness also fulfills the duty to counteract any concrete harm wrongfully inflicted. The argument helps explain some otherwise puzzling features of forgiveness, including that a victim can change her offender’s normative status, making him a less fitting target of the resentment, indignation and shunning of others, and even his own guilt pangs, simply by forgiving him.

     

The exemplary social emotion guilt: Not so relationship-oriented when another person repairs for you

Guilt is considered by many researchers to be the hallmark social emotion. Guilt theories perceive guilt to be a negative emotion with positive interpersonal consequences, and empirical research has shown guilt to motivate prosocial behaviours aimed at restoring the relationship with one's victims. The current research questions the relationship-oriented nature of this emotion. Five experiments reveal that when a person repairs the transgressor's damage caused to a victim, the transgressor's guilt feelings, reparative intentions, and prosocial behaviour decrease. These findings suggest that it is not the relationship with the victim that is important in the regulation of guilt feelings, but rather the reparative actions that have been undertaken. Implications for theory and behavioural research on guilt are discussed.     

Counseling Within the Forgiveness Triad: On Forgiving,Receiving Forgiveness,and Self-Forgiveness

The concept of the forgiveness triad—forgiving others, receiving forgiveness from others, and self-forgiveness—is introduced and discussed. Each aspect is defined, presented as philosophically rational and therefore appropriate within counseling, and described within a psychological framework of how people go about that aspect of forgiveness. The interactions of the triad are described, showing how the counseling process that employs forgiveness strategies may become quite complicated. A counselor's awareness of all 3 aspects of forgiveness may lead to greater clarity in the therapeutic encounter. Implications for the helping professions and for moral development of the client are discussed.     

The exemplary social emotion guilt: Not so relationship-oriented when another person repairs for you

Guilt is considered by many researchers to be the hallmark social emotion. Guilt theories perceive guilt to be a negative emotion with positive interpersonal consequences, and empirical research has shown guilt to motivate prosocial behaviours aimed at restoring the relationship with one's victims. The current research questions the relationship-oriented nature of this emotion. Five experiments reveal that when a person repairs the transgressor's damage caused to a victim, the transgressor's guilt feelings, reparative intentions, and prosocial behaviour decrease. These findings suggest that it is not the relationship with the victim that is important in the regulation of guilt feelings, but rather the reparative actions that have been undertaken. Implications for theory and behavioural research on guilt are discussed.     

Mediator Roles of Interpersonal Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness between Self-Esteem and Subjective well-Being

This study examined the effect of self-esteem on subjective well-being, with focus on confirmation of mediator roles of interpersonal forgiveness and self-forgiveness among a sample of 475 college students. The participants completed a questionnaire packet that includes Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, Heartland Forgiveness Scale, and Subjective Well-Being Scale. Results revealed that self-esteem, interpersonal forgiveness, and self-forgiveness were all significantly correlated with subjective well-being. Bootstrap results indicated that both interpersonal forgiveness and self-forgiveness partially mediated self-esteem to subjective well-being. Structural equation modeling analysis also revealed significant paths from self-esteem to subjective well-being through both interpersonal forgiveness and self-forgiveness.     

Influence of Internet-Based Messages and Personal Motivations on Water-Use Decisions

Terror management theory claims the quintessential indicator of cultural adherence is human self-esteem, and self-esteem is vital to suppressing death-thoughts into the unconscious to buffer against existential fear. Guilt—an emotional response to cultural-based rule violations—should therefore be an important motivation for self-forgiveness. In four studies, mortality salience, death-thought accessibility, and self-forgiveness were negligibly related, and offense severity, conciliatory behaviors, perceived forgiveness, and effort provided negligible moderation. In Study 1, results did not support the initial interactional-moderated-mediation model. In three follow-up studies, experimental-causal-chain analyses had unsupportive findings. I provide implications for theory and research.     

宽恕治疗中的几个误区及其应用展望

宽恕被界定为被冒犯者的亲社会动机的转变过程, 它有助于被冒犯者消除愤怒情绪, 提升积极的情感体验。宽恕治疗是针对被冒犯者, 并试图帮助他们放弃报复和回避等消极应对方式, 以积极的方式来处理因冒犯而造成的伤害的一种心理治疗方法。然而, 在临床应用中, 对宽恕治疗还存在一些误区, 这些误区主要表现为以下三点：(1)宽恕冒犯者就是和冒犯者和解; (2)宽恕治疗会导致道德化和宗教化的倾向; (3)宽恕只是治疗的工具, 不是治疗的目标。在对这些误区加以澄清的基础上, 提出宽恕治疗在理论、研究和实践方面的应用与展望。     

Training Parents in Forgiving and Reconciling

Teaching parents how to forgive transgressions of parenting partners may reduce negative emotions, increase positive emotions, and, thus, decrease parenting stress. We implemented a waiting-list design to investigate the efficacy of a 9-hour psychoeducational group intervention, Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Experiencing Empathy (FREE), presented to 27 parents and caregivers of children 0–9 years old. Participants receiving FREE exhibited increased forgiveness of a target offense by the parenting partner and increased forgiveness of all parenting offenses. This study offers initial evidence that an intervention to promote forgiveness and reconciliation in parents could be beneficial and might improve parenting relations.     

Positive reappraisals after an offense: Event-related potentials and emotional effects of benefit-finding and compassion*

Using a within-subjects design, three emotion regulation strategies (compassion-focused reappraisal, benefit-focused reappraisal, and offense rumination) were tested for their effects on forgiveness, well-being, and event-related potentials. Participants (N = 37) recalled a recent interpersonal offense as the context for each emotion regulation strategy. Both decisional and emotional forgiveness increased significantly for the two reappraisal strategies compared to offense rumination. Compassion-focused reappraisal prompted the greatest increase in both decisional and emotional forgiveness. Furthermore, both reappraisal strategies increased positively oriented well-being measures (e.g. joy, gratitude) compared to offense rumination, with compassion-focused reappraisal demonstrating the largest effect on empathy. Late positive potential (LPP) amplitudes in response to unpleasant affect words were larger following the benefit-focused reappraisal strategy, indicating frontal LPP augmentation due to affective incongruence of the unpleasant stimuli with the positive, silver-lining orientation of the benefit-focused reappraisal emotion regulation strategy.