Agreeable fancy or disagreeable truth? Reconciling self-enhancement and self-verification

Three studies asked why people sometimes seek positive feedback (self-enhance) and sometimes seek subjectively accurate feedback (self-verify). Consistent with self-enhancement theory, people with low self-esteem as well as those with high self-esteem indicated that they preferred feedback pertaining to their positive rather than negative self-views. Consistent with self-verification theory, the very people who sought favorable feedback pertaining to their positive self-conceptions sought unfavorable feedback pertaining to their negative self-views, regardless of their level of global self-esteem. Apparently, although all people prefer to seek feedback regarding their positive self-views, when they seek feedback regarding their negative self-views, they seek unfavorable feedback. Whether people self-enhance or self-verify thus seems to be determined by the positivity of the relevant self-conceptions rather than their level of self-esteem or the type of person they are.     

Allure of negative feedback: self-verification strivings among depressed persons.

We propose that people with negative self-views are rejected because they gravitate to partners who view them unfavorably. In relation to nondepressed college students (n = 28), depressives (n = 13) preferred interaction partners who evaluated them unfavorably (Study 1). Similarly, in relation to nondepressives (n = 106), depressives (n = 10) preferred friends or dating partners who evaluated them unfavorably (Study 2). Dysphorics (n = 6) were more inclined to seek unfavorable feedback from their roommates than were nondepressives (n = 16); feedback-seeking activities of dysphorics were also associated with later rejection (Study 3). Finally, people with negative self-views (n = 37) preferentially solicited unfavorable feedback, although receiving such feedback made them unhappy, in comparison with people with positive self-views (n = 42; Study 4). It seems a desire for self-verification compels people with negative self-views to seek unfavorable appraisals.     

Outcasts in a white-lie society: the enigmatic worlds of people with negative self-conceptions.

Although people with negative self-views want to be liked at some level, they repeatedly enact behaviors that alienate their relationship partners. Why? One possibility is that such persons reside in social environments that offer them little insight into what they are doing wrong. Although persons who had negative self-views elicited unfavorable reactions, they did not appreciate this fact because their interaction partners concealed their aversion behind a facade of kind words. To be sure, the interaction partners of people with negative self-views tended to leak their disdain nonverbally. These negative nonverbal messages proved to be uninformative, however, because people with negative self-views overlooked them. These data imply that people with negative self-views may live in social worlds in which they are deprived of corrective feedback that could allow them to improve themselves.     

Appearance feedback in intimate relationships: The role of self-verification and self-enhancement

To better understand how body image operates within the context of intimate relationships, we investigated women's responses to appearance feedback from an intimate partner. Participants (N = 192) imagined receiving feedback from their partner that was either consistent with their own appearance self-view (i.e., self-verifying), more positive (i.e., self-enhancing), or less positive (i.e., devaluing), and then provided their affective and cognitive reactions. As expected, women's perceptions of their own appearance moderated their reactions. Women with more negative self-views felt happier with enhancing feedback, but thought that it meant their partner understood them less well. They also felt less happy when they received verifying feedback, but felt more understood by their partners. Thus, women with body image dissatisfaction may find themselves stuck in the “cognitive-affective crossfire” reacting ambivalently whether their partner enhances their appearance or confirms their negative self-views. Further examination of partners’ actual feedback is needed.     

Seeking self-evaluative feedback: the interactive role of global self-esteem and specific self-views

People who verify a negative self-view expose themselves to criticism and rejection. Because people with low global self-esteem are hurt more by negative feedback than are people with high global self-esteem, the authors predicted that they would be less apt to verify a negative self-view in a more specific domain. Three investigations found support for this hypothesis. In all 3 investigations, high self-esteem participants sought (or tended to seek) self-verifying feedback, even if it was negative, but low self-esteem participants sought (or tended to seek) positive feedback, even if it was nonself-verifying. These findings show that low self-esteem people are especially concerned with self-protection and that global self-esteem and specific self-views interact to guide people's responses to self-evaluative feedback.     

The unique and combined benefits of accuracy and positive bias in relationships

An experiment investigated the independent and combined effects of receiving feedback from romantic partners that varied in both accuracy (i.e., profile agreement) and positive bias, as compared with one's self‐perceptions. Both members of 55 romantically involved couples were randomly assigned to receive either high or low levels of accurate or positively biased feedback ostensibly created from a comparison between their self‐ratings and their partner's appraisals. After receiving this feedback, participants rated how positive and intimate they felt in their relationships. As expected, both accuracy and positive bias in partner feedback had independent positive effects. Importantly, positive bias and accuracy were found to operate additively; participants who received feedback that was simultaneously positively biased and accurate rated their relationships particularly positively.     

Reciprocity of Dyadic Trust in Close Male-Female Relationships

Abstract

A nonrecursive structural model specified 11 effects on trust in one's partner for 20 engaged, 67 married, and 11 divorced male-female dyads. According to the model, trust between partners is a reciprocally reinforced outcome, and 10 exogenous variables affect trust. The results showed that, for both sexes, there was a reciprocal effect for trust in one's partner, the perception of a partner's desire to control others had a negative effect on trust, and self-esteem had a positive effect on trust. Marital status and the perception of a partner's desire to be controlled had no effect on men's trust in their partners but highly significant negative effects on women's trust in their partners.     

Did I do that? Self–esteem–related differences in reactions to romantic partners’ moods

This study examined the relation between self–esteem and responses to a romantic partner's moods. College students in dating relationships imagined one scenario in which their romantic partners were in a positive mood and one in which their partners were in a negative mood. A probable source of each mood was suggested to half the participants. Participants reported their cognitive, affective, behavioral, and attributional responses to each scenario. When the partner's mood was negative and ambiguous in cause, participants with low self–esteem felt more responsible for the mood, more rejected, and more hostile than did those with high self–esteem. A mediational analysis suggested a dependency regulation explanation of the results, such that low self–esteem people perceived self–directed negativity in their partners’ bad moods and in turn responded with more negativity toward their partners.     

Olfactory Comfort: Smelling a Partner's Clothing During Periods of Separation1

We demonstrate for the first time that most women, and some men, deliberately smell their partners' clothing when they are apart. We asked undergraduate men and women who were, or who had ever been, in a committed heterosexual relationship if they had ever slept with an article of a partner's clothing or deliberately smelled a partner's clothing during periods of separation. Both men and women reported that smelling an absent partner's clothing made them feel happy, comfortable, and secure. We suggest that olfactory comfort is a significant component of attachment and is likely to involve family members other than partners.     

THE TROUBLE WITH CHANGE:

Abstract— Past approaches to the self have emphasized people's desire for positive evaluations I suggest that this emphasis overlooks another powerful and important motive, the desire for evaluations that verify self-views. Among people with negative self-views, this desire for self-verification can override the desire for positive evaluations. For example, people with negative self-views seek relationship partners who view them negatively, elicit unfavorable evaluations from partners, and "see" more negativity in the reactions of others than is actually there Although these self-verification processes ordinarily impede progress in therapy, awareness of these processes can allow therapists to either circumvent them or actually use them in the service of fostering self-concept change.     

From self-conceptions to self-worth: on the sources and structure of global self-esteem

Three factors were identified that uniquely contribute to people's global self-esteem: (a) people's tendencies to experience positive and negative affective states, (b) people's specific self-views (i.e., their conceptions of their strengths and weaknesses), and (c) the way people frame their self-views. Framing factors included the relative certainty and importance of people's positive versus negative self-views and the discrepancy between people's actual and ideal self-views. The contribution of importance to people's self-esteem, however, was qualified in 2 ways. First, importance contributed only to the self-esteem of those who perceived that they had relatively few talents. Second, individuals who saw their positive self-views as important were especially likely to be high in self-esteem when they were also highly certain of these positive self-views. The theoretical and therapeutic implications of these findings are discussed.     

Why people self-verify.

Why do people choose interaction partners who see them as they see themselves? Self-verification theorists propose that a desire to bolster perceptions of predictability and control underlies such activities. In contrast, advocates of positivity strivings argue that people choose such interaction partners in the hope of making themselves feel good. Two studies tested these competing explanations by examining the spontaneous verbalizations of participants as they chose interaction partners. The results suggested that positivity as well as self-verification strivings caused participants with positive self-views to choose partners who appraised them favorably. The epistemic considerations underlying self-verification processes, however, best explained why people with negative self-views chose partners who appraised them unfavorably.     

Couples' Concurrent Cognitions The Influence of Relational Satisfaction on the Thoughts Couples Have as They Converse

Studies of cognition in relationships show that people's thoughts about their partners shape and reflect the quality of relationships. Some research further suggests that women's cognitions are more relationship-centered than men's. The data supporting these arguments, however, often are based on partners' retrospective reports or responses to hypothetical scenarios. This study examined partners' concurrent cognitions—the thoughts they have during the course of interaction. Data were collected using a modification of “protocol analysis.” Partners conversed over networked computers and also voiced what they were thinking. Results indicated that those who were dissatisfied with their relationship expressed significantly more negative thoughts about their partner, fewer positive thoughts about their partner, and fewer positive thoughts about their relationship than did those who were satisfied. Dissatisfied men vocalized fewer negative thoughts about themselves than did those who were satisfied. ‘Women's thoughts were not more focused on relationship-oriented issues than were men's; men expressed more negative cognitions about relationships. The findings confirm that there are distinctions between the concurrent cognitions of satisfied and dissatisfied partners. Researchers should continue questioning the influence of gender on the ways partners evaluate their relationships.     

Shifting toward cooperative tendencies and forgiveness: How partner‐focused prayer transforms motivation

Several studies tested whether partner‐focused prayer shifts individuals toward cooperative tendencies and forgiveness. In Studies 1 and 2, participants who prayed more frequently for their partner were rated by objective coders as less vengeful. Study 3 showed that, compared to partners of targets in the positive partner thought condition, the romantic partners of targets assigned to pray reported a positive change in their partner's forgiveness. In Study 4, participants who prayed following a partner's “hurtful behavior” were more cooperative with their partners in a mixed‐motive game compared to participants who engaged in positive thoughts about their partner. In Study 5, participants who prayed for a close relationship partner reported higher levels of cooperative tendencies and forgiveness.     

PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE, SELF-ESTEEM, AND WOMEN'S DATING RELATIONSHIP OUTCOMES

Self-verification theory implies that people with negative self-views may be drawn to abusive partners who mistreat them. However, abusive partner behavior differs from the types of partner feedback typically examined within a self-verification framework, which could render generalization to abuse problematic. We propose that self-enhancement theory better accounts for the effects of abuse on relationship outcomes. Self-enhancement theory suggests that people are drawn to others who treat them favorably, regardless of people's own self-views. We investigated the effects of abusive feedback from dating partners, relative to women's Self-esteem levels, on relationship intimacy and stability. Predictions based on both self-verification and self-enhancement theories were tested cross-sectionally and with a subsample of women 6 weeks after the initial assessment. Results were most consistent with self-enhancement theory; partner abuse was related to lesser relationship stability and intimacy. More limited support was obtained for self-verification theory. Importantly, women with lower self-esteem did not endorse greater stability or intimacy as a function of receiving psychological abuse. We conclude that self-enhancement theory better explains the link between psychological abuse and relationship outcomes, although self-verification theory may account for reactions to other types of partner behavior.     

Low intimacy as a mediator between depression and clinic couple relationship satisfaction

This study examined low intimacy as a mediator between partners' depression symptoms and low relationship satisfaction in a sample of 82 heterosexual couples who sought therapy at an outpatient clinic. Both the amount of intimate behavior that partners enact and the level of pleasure they experience from each other's intimate acts were assessed. Using an actor–partner interdependence model approach, path model analysis simultaneously included both partners' scores on measures of depression, intimate behavior, pleasure from partner's intimate behavior, and relationship satisfaction. Overall, female depression symptoms had a greater impact than male depression symptoms on the couple relationship. Male depression had little effect on intimacy, whereas the female partner's depression affected her pleasure from the male's intimate behavior and both partners' enactment of intimate behavior. The results indicate the importance of examining reciprocal influences between partners' functioning to understand and treat intimacy problems.     

Examining gender differences in received,provided, and invisible social control: an application of the dual-effects model

The dual-effects model of social control not only assumes that social control leads to better health practices but also arouses psychological distress. However, findings are inconsistent. The present study advances the current literature by examining social control from a dyadic perspective in the context of smoking. In addition, the study examines whether control, continuous smoking abstinence, and affect are differentially related for men and women. Before and three weeks after a self-set quit attempt, we examined 106 smokers (77 men, mean age: 40.67, average number of cigarettes smoked per day: 16.59 [SD = 8.52, range = 1–40] at baseline and 5.27 [SD = 6.97, range = 0–40] at follow-up) and their nonsmoking heterosexual partners, assessing received and provided control, continuous abstinence, and affect. With regard to smoker's affective reactions, partner's provided control was related to an increase in positive and to a decrease in negative affect, but only for female smokers. Moreover, the greater the discrepancy between smoker received and partner's provided control was the more positive affect increased and the more negative affect decreased, but again only for female smokers. These findings demonstrate that female smokers' well-being was raised over time if they were not aware of the control attempts of their nonsmoking partners, indicating positive effects of invisible social control. This study's results emphasize the importance of applying a dyadic perspective and taking gender differences in the dual-effects model of social control into account.     

Approach and avoidance relationship goals and couples’ nonverbal communication during conflict

Approach relationship goals are pursued in order to achieve desirable outcomes, whereas avoidance relationship goals are pursued to prevent undesirable outcomes in relationships. We investigated how partners’ approach and avoidance relationship goals are related to their nonverbal communication during conflict. A sequential analysis of observational data from 365 couples (28,470 observations) revealed that individuals with more (vs. fewer) approach goals displayed more positive involvement (e.g., head nods, smiles) and less avoidant withdrawal (e.g., shaking head, folded arms). The reverse pattern emerged for avoidance goals. Furthermore, women (but not men) matched their partner's positive involvement to a greater extent the more approach goals and the fewer avoidance goals they pursued. In contrast, approach/avoidance relationship goals were not associated with how much individuals matched their partner's avoidant withdrawal. Results suggest that relationship goals are related to partners’ nonverbal communication and the extent to which women match their partner's positive involvement during conflict.     

A fiery conflict: Attachment orientations and the effects of relational conflict on sexual motivation

This study examined the effects of relational conflict on sexual motivation. Sixty‐one couples were videotaped while discussing either a major relationship problem or their daily routine. Both partners then completed measures of sexual motives and rated their romantic partner's sexual attractiveness. Results showed that conflict discussion inhibited relationship‐based motives and had an adverse effect on women's perceptions of partner's attractiveness, but a beneficial effect on men's perceptions. Conflict discussion also inhibited self‐serving sexual motives such as having sex to obtain relief from stress among people with avoidant partners, suggesting that people are unlikely to turn to avoidant partners for sexual consolation. Implications for understanding the role of the sexual system in regulating reactions to relationship distressful events are discussed.     

Collaboration inflation: Egocentric source monitoring errors following collaborative remembering

Following collaborative remembering, people may adopt their partner's contributions as their own memory. In two studies, we asked people to study partially overlapping lists of words. During collaborative remembering, dyads either worked to include all words no matter who studied them or limited recall to only words studied by both dyad members. This differential focus on source information during collaborative recall impacted performance on a later source memory test. Nonetheless we found frequent source monitoring errors that displayed an egocentric bias. People were more likely to claim their partner's contributions as their own memories than attribute their memories to their partners. In collaborative remembering, people work to construct an agreed upon version of the past that quickly becomes each individual's memory.