Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory: self-esteem differences in the experience and anticipation of success

Successes--defined broadly as meeting important standards or receiving positive evaluations--are widely assumed to be enjoyed equally by people with high self-esteem (HSEs) and low self-esteem (LSEs). Three studies examined the contradictory hypothesis that HSEs react more favorably to success than do LSEs and that success brings about certain unfavorable consequences for LSEs. Undergraduate participants reacted to a laboratory-manipulated success (Studies 1 and 2) or imagined highly positive events in the future (Study 3). Self-esteem differences emerged in anxiety, thoughts about the self, and (in Study 3) thoughts about non-self-related aspects of the event. LSEs were more anxious than HSEs after succeeding, success improved HSEs' self-relevant thoughts but not LSEs', and LSEs focused more on success's negative aspects.     

When self-disclosure goes awry: Negative consequences of revealing personal failures for lower self-esteem individuals

Despite the potential benefits of self-disclosure, individuals with lower self-esteem (LSEs) tend to avoid self-revelations. The present study investigated the role of self-esteem in predicting detrimental responses to the disclosure of a personal failure. We employed a novel experimental design where all participants experienced a lab-induced stressor (failure feedback on a competence test) and half were randomly assigned to disclose this information to their dating partner. In contrast to LSEs who concealed the personal failure, LSEs who disclosed the failure reported several negative consequences that may further contribute to relationship-based distress. However, individuals higher in self-esteem (HSEs) benefitted from disclosing the personal failure in comparison to LSEs who disclosed and HSEs who concealed the failure. We discuss the consequences of disclosing personal failures to partners for HSEs and LSEs.     

Perceived regard explains self- esteem differences in expressivity

Baumeister, Tice, and Hutton proposed that individuals with low self-esteem (LSEs) adopt a more cautious, self-protective self-presentational style than individuals with high self-esteem (HSEs). The authors predicted that LSEs' self-protectiveness leads them to be less expressive-less revealing of their thoughts and feelings-with others than HSEs, and that this self-esteem difference is mediated by their perceptions of the interaction partner's regard for them. Two correlational studies supported these predictions (Studies 1 and 2). Moreover, LSEs became more expressive when their perceived regard was experimentally heightened-when they imagined speaking to someone who was unconditionally accepting rather than judgmental (Study 3) and when their perceptions of regard were increased through Marigold, Holmes, and Ross's compliment-reframing task (Study 4). These findings suggest that LSEs' expressiveness can be heightened through interventions that reduce their concerns about social acceptance.     

How sweet it is to be loved by you: the role of perceived regard in the terror management of close relationships

Drawing from terror management theory, the present research examined whether people turn to close relationships to manage the awareness of mortality because they serve as a source of perceived regard. Studies 1 and 2 demonstrated that mortality salience (MS) leads people to exaggerate how positively their romantic partners see them and demonstrated that people are more committed to their partners to the extent that their romantic partners serve as a source of perceived regard after MS (Study 3). Study 4 revealed that activating thoughts of perceived regard from a partner in response to MS reduced death-thought accessibility. Studies 5 and 6 demonstrated that MS led high relationship contingent self-esteem individuals to exaggerate perceived regard from a partner, and this heightened regard led to greater commitment to one's partner. Study 7 examined attachment style differences and found that after MS, anxious individuals exaggerated how positively their parents see them, whereas secure individuals exaggerated how positively their romantic partners see them. Together, the present results suggest that perceptions of regard play an important role in why people pursue close relationships in the face of existential concerns.     

Testing sociometer theory: Self-esteem and the importance of acceptance for social decision-making

The present study examined the sociometer’s role in guiding social behavior. The authors hypothesized that low self-esteem people (LSEs), but not high self-esteem people (HSEs), base their social decision-making on acceptance. Undergraduate participants were invited to join a social group and were led to believe that acceptance either was guaranteed, or was likely but not guaranteed. HSEs always were eager to join the group, whereas LSEs were keen to join the group only when acceptance was guaranteed. Furthermore, mediation analyses indicated that LSEs’ willingness to join the group was dependent on their anticipated social outcomes, which were contingent on acceptance from the group, whereas acceptance did not affect HSEs’ decision-making. These results support a sociometer account of social decision-making.     

Fostering relationship resilience: An intervention for low self-esteem individuals

Low self-esteem individuals (LSEs) tend to react to relationship threats with self-protective and relationship-destructive behaviors that decrease their partners’ satisfaction with the relationship over time (Murray, Bellavia, Rose, & Griffin, 2003). In the current studies, we examined the effects of a theoretically driven intervention on LSEs’ relationship-destructive responses to threats. Participants were induced to reframe their partners’ compliments in a more abstract, meaningful way (the “abstract reframing intervention” or ARI), an intervention that has been shown to increase LSEs’ security in their relationships (Marigold, Holmes, & Ross, 2007). In Study 1, the ARI prevented LSEs from exaggerating the significance of relationship threats and self-protectively derogating their relationship (reported by LSEs in a one-time experimental situation). In Study 2, the ARI reduced LSEs negative, critical behaviors towards their partners (reported by LSEs’ partners for a 2-3 week period). The findings have important implications for breaking the self-fulfilling cycle of insecurity.     

Seeing failure in your life: Imagery perspective determines whether self-esteem shapes reactions to recalled and imagined failure

The present research reveals that when it comes to recalling and imagining failure in one's life, changing how one looks at the event can change its impact on well-being; however, the nature of the effect depends on an aspect of one's self-concept, namely, self-esteem. Five studies measured or manipulated the visual perspective (internal first-person vs. external third-person) individuals used to mentally image recalled or imagined personal failures. It has been proposed that imagery perspective determines whether people's reactions to an event are shaped bottom-up by concrete features of the event (first-person) or top-down by their self-concept (third-person; L. K. Libby & R. P. Eibach, 2011b). Evidence suggests that differences in the self-concepts of individuals with low and high self-esteem (LSEs and HSEs) are responsible for self-esteem differences in reaction to failure, leading LSEs to have more negative thoughts and feelings about themselves (e.g., M. H. Kernis, J. Brockner, & B. S. Frankel, 1989). Thus, the authors predicted, and found, that low self-esteem was associated with greater overgeneralization--operationalized as negativity in accessible self-knowledge and feelings of shame--only when participants had pictured failure from the third-person perspective and not from the first-person. Further, picturing failure from the third-person, rather than first-person, perspective, increased shame and the negativity of accessible knowledge among LSEs, whereas it decreased shame among HSEs. Results help to distinguish between different theoretical accounts of how imagery perspective functions and have implications for the study of top-down and bottom-up influences on self-judgment and emotion, as well as for the role of perspective and abstraction in coping.     

Drinking to regulate negative romantic relationship interactions: The moderating role of self-esteem

A 30-day diary study examined the relations among trait self-esteem, negative romantic relationship interactions, and alcohol consumption. Multilevel analyses revealed that people with low trait self-esteem (compared with people with high trait self-esteem) drank more on days when they experienced more negative relationship interactions with their romantic partners. In addition, daily increases in state self-esteem buffered people with low trait self-esteem from the desire to drink in response to negative romantic relationship interactions. In contrast, participants with high and low self-esteem both decreased their drinking in response to negative non-romantic relationship events, but people with low self-esteem decreased their drinking less. These findings suggest that people with low trait self-esteem may drink as a way to regulate unfulfilled needs for acceptance.     

Dissimilar effects of task‐relevant and interpersonal threat on independent–interdependent self‐construal in individuals with high self‐esteem

Previous research has indicated that individuals with high trait self‐esteem (HSEs) become more independent and less interdependent after experiencing a task‐relevant threat. However, these studies have not investigated other sources of ego threats, such as interpersonal threats. Therefore, the moderating effects of the degree of trait self‐esteem on task‐relevant and interpersonal ego threats were investigated in relation to independent, or interdependent self‐construal. It was predicted that in HSEs, the level of task‐relevant stress would be positively–negatively related to their independence–interdependence, whereas the level of interpersonal stress would be negatively–positively related to their independence–interdependence. In individuals with low trait self‐esteem (LSEs), the two types of stresses and independent–interdependent self‐construal may not have a significant relationship. We conducted a questionnaire survey with undergraduates. Correlational analysis of the results indicated that in HSEs, greater task‐relevant stress was related to heightened independence, whereas greater interpersonal stress had the opposite effect, indicating lower independence and heightened interdependence. However, these stresses were not related to the self‐construal of LSEs. These findings suggest that task‐relevant and interpersonal threat could have differential effects on independent and interdependent self‐construal for HSEs, but not in LSEs.     

Responses to verifying and enhancing appraisals from romantic partners: the role of trait importance and trait visibility

An experiment assessed when people respond more positively to verifying and enhancing appraisals from romantic partners. Two‐hundred and fifty‐eight individuals comprising 129 dating couples participated in this research. Couples privately rated their self‐concept on traits that were either high or low on trait visibility, rated how important each trait was to them, and rated their partners. A computer program ostensibly compared their self‐ratings with appraisals from their partners on traits they selected as being high or low in personal importance, and participants received either verifying or enhancing feedback. Confirming predictions, people believed their partners understood them more when they received verifying feedback, but felt their partners saw the best in them when they received enhancing feedback. Additionally, people responded more positively to verifying appraisals on important, less visible traits, and enhancing appraisals on important, highly visible traits. Results are discussed in terms of preferences for enhancing and verifying feedback in romantic relationships. Copyright © 2005 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

The regulation of dependency in parent-child relationships

We propose that the insecurities about a close other’s regard that make it difficult for low self-esteem people to form satisfying romantic relationships also create difficulties in family relationships. Our study revealed that low self-esteem mothers and children felt less loved by one another than did high self-esteem mothers and children. These feelings of not being loved partially accounted for the tendency of low self-esteem children and mothers to be dissatisfied with their relationships. Ironically, however, low self-esteem children’s insecurities about how much their mothers loved them were not warranted by the strength of their mother’s love. Taken together, these findings suggest that the processes that regulate attachment to significant others extend to familial as well as romantic relationships.     

Self‐esteem moderates preferences for accepting versus rejecting interaction partners

Two experiments compared the social orientations of people with high and low self‐esteem (HSEs vs. LSEs). In Experiment 1, participants received positive or negative interpersonal feedback from an accepting or rejecting evaluator. HSEs chose to interact with a rejecting evaluator more often than LSEs did. In Experiment 2, participants received solely negative interpersonal feedback from an accepting or rejecting evaluator of high or low social status. This time, both HSEs and LSEs chose an accepting/high‐status evaluator over a rejecting/low‐status one, but only HSEs chose a rejecting/high‐status evaluator over an accepting/low‐status one. Implications are discussed. Copyright © 2006 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

Self-esteem is a shared relationship resource: Additive effects of dating partners’ self-esteem levels predict relationship quality

Though self-esteem is known to positively impact individuals’ romantic relationship outcomes and those of their partners, the interactive nature of both partners’ self-esteem levels has not been systematically investigated. Using actor-partner interdependence model analyses we estimated actor, partner, and four types of dyadic effects of self-esteem on relationship quality in a sample of over 500 heterosexual dating couples. Lower self-esteem individuals and their partners reported lower satisfaction and commitment to their relationships than did higher self-esteem individuals and their partners. An additive effect whereby both partners’ self-esteem levels combine to predict relationship quality best described the dyadic effects. Results highlight the importance of considering the interactive nature of individual characteristics in dyadic research.     

Altruism between romantic partners: Biological offspring as a genetic bridge between altruist and recipient

When the cost of altruism is low, individuals are more likely to help non-kin (i.e., friends and romantic partners) than kin. This trend is thought to reflect the fact that people tend to be emotionally closer with friends and romantic partners than kin. However, as the cost of altruism increases, altruistic preference shifts to kin. The present study highlights this phenomenon by examining altruism between siblings, romantic partners, romantic partners who have biological children together, and romantic partners who have adopted children together. Participants (n = 203) completed a questionnaire about altruism in low-, medium-, and high-cost situations. Participants gave more low-cost help to their romantic partners (regardless of whether they had a child together) than their siblings. More medium-cost help was given to romantic partners who had a child (biological and adopted) than siblings and romantic partners without children. In the high-cost condition, the estimated altruistic tendencies were stronger toward siblings and romantic partners who have a biological child than toward romantic partners with no children and partners with adopted children. Participants also believed they were more altruistic than their siblings and romantic partners.     

The Significance of Romantic Love for Marriage

In this study, 605 subjects were asked about romantic love and marriage. Married people differentiated themselves from single people with stable partners and divorced people with new partners by more frequently living together with their great love, more reciprocity in that love, and less disappointments in love relationships prior to the current relationship; but they also described themselves as less happy and satisfied than the single and divorced respondents, particularly with regard to tenderness, sex, and conversation with their partners. Independent of marital status, those who were greatly in love with their partners describe themselves as happier. Love at first sight, relative to a gradually developing love, nevertheless, did not have a worse prognosis for happiness in marriage. Being in love seems to be of greater importance for the prognosis of the marriage than marital happiness and satisfaction.     

Romantic Conflict Narratives in Emerging Adult Couples: Viewpoint and Gender Matter

Healthy romantic relationships entail understanding the needs of the self and other when interpreting conflict events. Yet how couples make meaning around specific conflicts and their capacity to reflect on their own and their partners’ unmet needs is understudied. Using narratives, we examined destructive (e.g., extreme anger and break-up anxiety) and constructive (e.g., perspective taking) interpretations of past romantic conflicts in 80 emerging adult heterosexual couples and the extent to which such interpretations varied by viewpoint and gender. Couple members were interviewed separately about two conflict episodes in which their partner did not meet their needs (victim viewpoint) and two episodes in which they did not meet their partners’ needs (perpetrator viewpoint). As anticipated, destructive interpretations were more evident in the victim viewpoint and for female couple members. In contrast, within constructive interpretations, the use of insight was greater in the perpetrator than the victim viewpoint. Although perspective taking was expected to be more common in the perpetrator viewpoint and in female narratives, this was not the case, as this type of constructive interpretation was infrequent in narratives about conflict. The findings revealed aspects of meaning making that might be useful to mental health professionals concerned with building skills to improve romantic competence in emerging adult couples.     

The role of unstable self-esteem in the appraisal of romantic relationships

The relationship appraisals of individuals with stable and unstable forms of self-esteem were examined in two studies using undergraduate participants. Study 1 (N = 166) used indicators of relationship closeness and satisfaction whereas Study 2 (N = 125) examined relationship commitment. Across both studies, men with unstable high self-esteem reported more positive views of their relationships than other individuals. We believe that the fragile nature of their feelings of self-worth may have motivated these men to appraise their relationships positively in an effort to maintain and enhance their own tenuous feelings of self-worth. These findings suggest that men with unstable high self-esteem may use their romantic relationships to regulate how they feel about themselves.     

When and why do ideal partner preferences affect the process of initiating and maintaining romantic relationships?

Three studies explored how the traits that people ideally desire in a romantic partner, or ideal partner preferences, intersect with the process of romantic relationship initiation and maintenance. Two attraction experiments in the laboratory found that, when participants evaluated a potential romantic partner's written profile, they expressed more romantic interest in a partner whose traits were manipulated to match (vs. mismatch) their idiosyncratic ideals. However, after a live interaction with the partner, the match vs. mismatch manipulation was no longer associated with romantic interest. This pattern appeared to have emerged because participants reinterpreted the meaning of the traits as they applied to the partner, a context effect predicted by classic models of person perception (S. E. Asch, 1946). Finally, a longitudinal study of middle-aged adults demonstrated that participants evaluated a current romantic partner (but not a partner who was merely desired) more positively to the extent that the partner matched their overall pattern of ideals across several traits; the match in level of ideals (i.e., high vs. low ratings) was not relevant to participants' evaluations. In general, the match between ideals and a partner's traits may predict relational outcomes when participants are learning about a partner in the abstract and when they are actually in a relationship with the partner, but not when considering potential dating partners they have met in person.