Are secret relationships hot, then not? Romantic secrecy as a function of relationship duration

Are secret romances alluring or aversive? One theory suggests that romantic secrecy increases obsessive preoccupation with romantic partners and thereby enhances romantic relationships. Another theory suggests that romantic secrecy is burdensome and thereby undermines romantic relationships. We sought to rectify these conflicting perspectives by examining romantic secrecy and relationship duration using a large, Internet-based sample (N = 564). We predicted that romantic secrecy would have a positive influence in newer romantic relationships (obsessive preoccupation theory) and a negative influence in older romantic relationships (burden theory). In contrast, the obtained results indicate that romantic secrecy is a burden to both new and old romantic relationships.     

Are Secret Relationships Hot,Then Not? Romantic Secrecy as a Function of Relationship Duration

ABSTRACT

Are secret romances alluring or aversive? One theory suggests that romantic secrecy increases obsessive preoccupation with romantic partners and thereby enhances romantic relationships. Another theory suggests that romantic secrecy is burdensome and thereby undermines romantic relationships. We sought to rectify these conflicting perspectives by examining romantic secrecy and relationship duration using a large, Internet-based sample (N = 564). We predicted that romantic secrecy would have a positive influence in newer romantic relationships (obsessive preoccupation theory) and a negative influence in older romantic relationships (burden theory). In contrast, the obtained results indicate that romantic secrecy is a burden to both new and old romantic relationships     

Ghosts from the past: an examination of romantic relationships and self-discrepancy

Researchers have previously reported a negative association between romantic involvement and the discrepancy between the actual self and the ideal self. The authors present a schema-based model of romantic involvement and self-discrepancy to help explain this association, focusing on the impact of terminated relationships--"ghosts from the past." In Study 1, participants primed with a past relationship reported increased self-discrepancy relative to participants primed with a present relationship. Study 2 indicated that this increased self-discrepancy was the result of reexperiencing emotionally negative past romantic relationships. Study 3 revealed the role of depressive affect in negative past romantic relationships. Finally, Study 4 indicated that depressive affect mediated the relation between reexperiencing negative past romantic relationships and experiencing self-discrepancy.     

How does stigma spoil relationships? Evidence that perceived discrimination harms romantic relationship quality through impaired self‐image

Research is beginning to reveal negative effects of perceived discrimination on romantic relationship quality among members of devalued groups, yet potential mechanisms driving these effects remain underexplored. In the current work, we examined the mediating role of self‐image. Data from two cross‐sectional studies with samples composed of racial minorities (Study 1) and sexual minorities (Study 2) provided support for a model, whereby the negative association between perceived discrimination and romantic relationship quality is partially mediated by impaired self‐image. As proposed, results from bootstrapping analyses revealed significant indirect effects of perceived discrimination on relationship quality through self‐image. Implications of social identity threats for the romantic relationships and families of members of stigmatized groups are discussed along with other potential mechanisms.     

Controlled by Love: The Harmful Relational Consequences of Perceived Conditional Positive Regard

Research on conditional positive regard (CPR) has shown that this seemingly benign practice has maladaptive correlates when used by parents. However, there is no research on the correlates of this practice in romantic relationships or on the processes mediating its effects. Building on self‐determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 2000 ), three studies tested the hypothesis that perceived CPR impairs relationship quality, partly because it undermines the fulfillment of the basic psychological needs for autonomy and relatedness. Study 1 (N = 125) examined perceived CPR and relationship quality across four relationship targets: mother, father, romantic partner, and best friend. Study 2, involving romantic partners (N = 142), examined whether needs fulfillment mediated the association between perceived CPR and relationship quality. Study 3, involving romantic dyads (N = 85), also included partner reports on CPR. Across the three studies, CPR was linked with poor relationship quality between relationships, between people, and between dyadic partners. Moreover, results of Study 2 and Study 3 revealed that the inverse association between perceived CPR and relationship quality was mediated by dissatisfaction of autonomy but not relatedness. Despite its seemingly benign nature, CPR is detrimental to relationship quality, partly because it thwarts the basic need for autonomy.     

THE F WORD: IS FEMINISM INCOMPATIBLE WITH BEAUTY AND ROMANCE?

Three studies examined the predictive utility of heterosexual relationship concerns vis-à-vis support for feminism. Study 1 showed that beauty is perceived to be at odds with feminism, for both genders. The stereotype that feminists are unattractive was robust, but fully accounted for by romance-related attributions. Moreover, more attractive female participants (using self-ratings) showed decreased feminist orientations, compared with less attractive counterparts. Study 2 compared romantic conflict with the lesbian feminist stereotype and found more support for romantic conflict as a negative predictor of support for feminism and women's civil rights. Study 3 showed that beliefs about an incompatibility between feminism and sexual harmony negatively predicted support for feminism and women's civil rights. In concert, the findings indicate that a marriage between research on romantic relationships and the factors underlying sexism is overdue for understanding gender inequities.     

Relationship satisfaction and depressive symptoms in emerging adults: cross-sectional associations and moderating effects of relationship characteristics

Extending research that was based on married adults, we explored associations between romantic relationship satisfaction and depressive symptoms in a sample of 484 emerging adults (ages 18-25) in nonmarital dating relationships. In addition, we investigated whether the relationship characteristics of relationship length, interdependence (i.e., investment size and quality of alternatives) and commitment moderated these associations. Overall, there was a negative association between relationship quality and depressive symptoms that was stronger for emerging adult women than men, echoing findings from married adults. The extent to which relationship characteristics moderated this association generally differed by gender. For men, the negative association between satisfaction and depressive symptoms was moderate to strong in relationships of above-average interdependence, commitment, and length, but it was weak in shorter and less interdependent relationships and nonexistent in relatively uncommitted relationships. In contrast, for women, the association between relationship satisfaction and symptoms was moderate to strong at all levels of interdependence and commitment, although amplified at higher commitment levels. Interestingly, shorter relationship length was associated with a stronger association between satisfaction and depressive symptoms for women. In general, findings suggest the importance of romantic relationship quality to the emotional well being of emerging adults, particularly young women, and highlight gender differences in relationship processes during this life period.     

Finding meaning in us: The role of meaning in life in romantic relationships

The present research tested a model of relationship functioning that incorporates meaning in life (MIL), proposing that MIL plays an important role in individuals’ motivations and perceived quality of romantic relationships. Study 1 employed a weekly diary methodology (N = 121 individuals in romantic relationships) and found that both within- and between-person relationship MIL are associated with internalized motivational states (i.e. intrinsic motivation, harmonious passion) and relationship quality (i.e. satisfaction, commitment). Study 2 was a dyadic study that examined both members of romantic couples (N = 238 dyads). Results found that both one’s own and one’s partner’s MIL predict motivation and relationship quality. Further, we also found evidence of a hierarchical model of MIL, such that relationship-specific experiences of MIL mediate associations between general MIL and relationship motivation and quality. Taken together, this research provides consistent and compelling evidence regarding the importance of MIL in romantic relationships.     

“Date nights” take two: The maintenance function of shared relationship activities

One‐hundred and ninety‐six individuals (Study 1) and 83 couples (Study 2) reported on their shared relationship activities—activities that individuals engage in with their partner to facilitate closeness in their romantic relationships. Couples also reported on the quality of their shared activities and relationships 3 months later (Study 2). Results indicated that shared activities help to sustain relationships, and do so beyond threat‐based maintenance strategies (i.e., accommodation). Activities that were satisfying, stress‐free, and increased closeness predicted greater relationship quality concurrently and longitudinally. However, positive activity and relationship outcomes depended on the degree to which partners were dedicated to the activity, indicating that shared activities sustain relationship quality only when partners are responsive and want to share relationship activities.     

Relationship Formation and Early Risk Exposure: Diverging Associations with Romantic Self-Concept and Attachment

Early risk exposure reportedly influences romantic relationship formation via an increase in sexualized reproductive strategies and attachment insecurity. Because these are risk adaptations that predict differing interactions in romantic relationships and are complexly related to gender, two studies focused on these features in relation to relationship formation in emerging adulthood. Beyond confirming that self-reported early risk exposure was associated with a more sexualized romantic self-concept, greater numbers of relationships, and greater attachment insecurity, “Study 1” confirmed a hypothesized four-way interaction between gender, early risk, romantic self-concept, and attachment style. “Study 2” clarified the interaction through a regression model predicting a sexualized romantic self-concept differently for men and women. A structural equation model including all the study variables confirmed the hypothesis that pathways for men primarily predicted unrestricted sexuality (i.e., numbers of casual relationships), whereas the pathways for women included direct effects from risk and indicators of committed relationships.     

Sweetheart, you really make me happy: romantic relationship quality and personality as predictors of happiness among emerging adults

Two studies investigated the predictive ability of romantic relationship quality in happiness above and beyond the influence of personality (Big Five) among emerging adults. Study 1 (n = 221) showed that global romantic relationship quality accounted for 3% of the variance in happiness while controlling for personality. Study 2 (n = 187) replicated this finding by assessing happiness and relationship quality with different scales. Second study also extended the first study in two ways. First, emotional security and companionship emerged as the strongest features of romantic relationship quality that predicted happiness. Second, identity formation moderated the relationship between relationship quality and happiness such that emerging adults were happier when they experienced high quality relationships at high levels of identity formation. Findings across the two studies were discussed in the light of the literature and suggestions for future research were made.     

Thinking about commitment: Accessibility of commitment and prediction of relationship persistence,accommodation, and willingness to sacrifice

Research has demonstrated that more accessible cognitive constructs (e.g., attitudes, stereotypes) are more likely to influence thoughts and behaviors. The current research applies a social cognition framework to the prediction of romantic relationship persistence (i.e., “stay‐leave” behavior), accommodation, and willingness to sacrifice. Conceptualizing commitment as a partially cognitive construct and following from social cognition and attitudinal research, we hypothesized that the accessibility of commitment will moderate the association between commitment and relationship persistence, accommodative responses, and willingness to sacrifice. In Study 1, participants in romantic relationships responded to statements derived from the commitment subscale of the Investment Model Scale. Reaction times to these statements were used as a measure of accessibility of commitment. In addition, participants completed measures of their commitment level. Seven months later, participants were contacted and relationship persistence was assessed. Accessibility of commitment significantly moderated the association between commitment and relationship persistence. Study 2 expanded on the results of the first study by demonstrating that accessibility of commitment also significantly moderated the association between commitment and accommodation and willingness to sacrifice. Taken together, these two studies highlight the usefulness of applying social cognitive concepts to understand close relationships.     

The surprising effect of partner flaws and qualities on romantic affect

We examined whether the intensity of romantic affect is a function of deterrence to that affect (i.e., a reason for not feeling the affect) and explored the effect of deterrents that are relevant to the stimulus instigating the emotion. In line with the Emotional Intensity Theory, we found that positive affect toward the romantic partner was reduced by a minor salient partner flaw, was maintained intense by a moderately important flaw, and was reduced by a very important partner flaw. Study 2 replicated the results of Study 1. In Study 3, romantic negative affect in the form of anger at the romantic partner was a nonmonotonic function of the importance of a salient positive partner characteristic. Anger was reduced by a minor partner quality, was maintained intense by a moderately important quality, and was reduced by a very important partner quality. Theoretical and practical implications for romantic relationships are discussed.     

Romantic love versus reproduction opportunities: Disentangling the contributions of different anxiety buffers under conditions of existential threat

Romantic relationships and offspring are discussed as anxiety buffers in terror management processes. We examined the relationship between these possible buffers and tested whether romantic relationships reduce existential threat due to reproduction opportunities or if they represent a distinct anxiety buffer. Contrary to our initial expectations, thinking about a positive romantic relationship without (vs. with) own children increased partner affect (Study 1) and commitment (Study 2) and decreased punishment intentions (Study 2) after mortality salience. These effects were mediated by participants' desire for romantic love. Furthermore, thinking about positive nonparental (vs. parental) romantic relationships lowered death‐thought accessibility (Study 3). Together, these findings suggest that romantic relationships form a distinct anxiety buffer that is only effective when the cultural (romance) instead of the biological (having children) nature of the relationship is highlighted. We discuss the role of anxiety buffer salience for determining whether offspring concerns buffer or increase existential threat.     

When sex is more than just sex: attachment orientations, sexual experience, and relationship quality

The authors explored the contribution of individual differences in attachment orientations to the experience of sexual intercourse and its association with relationship quality. In Study 1, 500 participants completed self-report scales of attachment orientations and sexual experience. The findings indicated that whereas attachment anxiety was associated with an ambivalent construal of sexual experience, attachment avoidance was associated with more aversive sexual feelings and cognitions. In Study 2, 41 couples reported on their attachment orientations and provided daily diary measures of sexual experiences and relationship interactions for a period of 42 days. Results showed that attachment anxiety amplified the effects of positive and negative sexual experiences on relationship interactions. In contrast, attachment avoidance inhibited the positive relational effect of having sex and the detrimental relational effects of negative sexual interactions. The authors discuss the possibility that attachment orientations are associated with different sex-related strategies and goals within romantic relationships.     

Do we look happy? Perceptions of romantic relationship quality on Facebook

Does the information that people share about their romantic relationships on Facebook influence how other people perceive their relationship quality? Across 2 studies, people's accuracy at inferring others' relationship quality based on their Facebook profiles and how Facebook profiles influenced others' judgments of people's relationship quality and likability were investigated. Perceived relationship quality corresponded to self‐reported relationship quality (Study 1), and people with more visible relationships were perceived as having greater relationship satisfaction and commitment (Studies 1 and 2) and being more likable (Study 2). High disclosure about the relationship predicted greater perceived relationship quality but lower likability (Study 2). These findings illuminate how sharing information about one's relationship influences other people's impressions of the individual and the relationship.     

Implicit theories of relationships: moderators of the link between conflict and commitment

In two studies, implicit theories of relationships were examined as moderators of the association between experienced conflict and commitment. Study 1 involved 128 individuals in heterosexual romantic relationships and employed an event-contingent diary procedure in which disagreements were recorded throughout a 10-day period. Study 2 was conducted in the laboratory and involved 75 heterosexual couples who discussed problems in their relationship, with commitment measured before and after discussion. Multilevel random coefficient models revealed that conflict was generally associated with lower commitment but less so with growth belief. Also, growth belief was most beneficial under negative relationship conditions, such as when one possessed a less favorable view of the partner to begin with and when the issue remained unresolved after discussion.     

The secrets that you keep: Secrets and relationship quality

Research indicates that preoccupation with secrets takes a toll on mental health. There is also some evidence to suggest that keeping secrets from one's romantic partner may harm the relationship as it implies a lack of trust that one's partner will be supportive. Two 4-wave longitudinal surveys of 609 adults (34.3% men, 65.4% women; M_age = 36.4) keeping a secret from their romantic partner was used to assess the lagged effect of preoccupation with the secret on subsequent relationship satisfaction, trust, and emotional intimacy as well as the reverse. Cross-lagged panel modeling with random intercepts indicated that whereas individuals in poorer relationships were more preoccupied with their secrets, there was no evidence for cross-lagged effects. The findings suggest that secrecy may be a symptom—not a cause—of a dissatisfying, distrustful and distant relationship.     

Dancing with passion: A look at interpersonal relationships

Drawing from the dualistic model of passion for activities (Vallerand et al., 2003), this research investigated the role of passion for social partnered dancing in relationships quality with other dancers as well as outside of the dance community, in a romantic relationship. Study 1 showed that harmonious passion (HP) was related to enjoyment while dancing with a novice partner, whereas obsessive passion (OP) was associated with negative interactions with an incompetent partner. Study 2 showed that HP was positively related to relationship quality with a preferred dance partner and the dance community through mastery-approach and social connection goals, whereas the opposite effect characterized OP. Also, OP was negatively related to relationship quality with both a dance partner and a romantic partner through conflict, whereas the reverse trend characterized HP. This research identified mechanisms through which passion may affect relationships within and outside a passionate activity such as dance.     

Attachment‐related differences in secrecy and rumination in romantic relationships

The study examined attachment‐related predispositions and patterns of cognition and emotion that contribute to different secret‐keeping experiences. Participants (n = 380) reported on their secret keeping, rumination, attachment anxiety, and attachment avoidance via online questionnaires. Results showed that both anxiety and avoidance were positively associated with keeping a secret from a romantic partner, while only avoidance was associated with a greater total number of secrets kept. The association between avoidance and rumination was partially mediated by perceptions of a partner's ownership rights to the secret and guilt for keeping the secret, such that those who were highly avoidant were less likely to perceive a partner's ownership rights. Finally, highly anxious participants reported higher levels of rumination, which were mediated by feelings of guilt for keeping a secret. The study extends research on the link between secrecy and rumination by offering a theoretical account based on attachment for why some people are more likely to ruminate about their secrecy than others.