The Times We Sizzle,and the Times We Sigh: The Multiple Erotics of Arousal,Anticipation, and Release

This paper explores the perspective that an optimal degree of sexual frustration is an absolutely necessary and irreducible dimension of sexual excitement and pleasure. The pleasure, in fact, is predicated on actual enjoyment of the frustration, of being able to tolerate mounting bodily arousal, excitement, and tension without any guarantee of immediate satisfaction and release. The author explores the particular object relational implications of this unique aspect of sexual experience, elaborating a model that suggests two different interacting but separate subsystems of erotic fantasy, in interaction with very different self/ other configurations. The first of these self/other organizations is organized and defined by moments of sexual arousal and yearning, whereas the second occurs around those defined by satisfaction, pleasure, and release. An extended clinical example is provided.     

Strategies and Techniques to Maintain Sexual Desire

The new mantra in sex therapy is desire, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction. There is growing acceptance that the prime sexual factor influencing the couple’s relationship is sexual desire. This conceptual/clinical paper explores two core concepts for maintaining sexual desire in committed, long-term relationships: (1) Establishing a comfortable, functional couple sexual style which balances each person’s sexual autonomy with being an intimate, erotic team and (2) adopting the Good Enough Sex model which promotes a variable, flexible sexual repertoire and recognizes the value of both mutual (synchronous) and asynchronous sexual experiences.     

Local erotic songs and chants among rural Nigerian adolescent males

This paper investigates local erotic songs and chants circulating among adolescent males in Nigeria. The purpose is to assess the critical themes which these erotic verses evoke and their potentials in the discursive construction of adolescent sexual identities and definition of the (erotic) spaces and meanings on the basis of which young Nigerian males constitute their sexual conducts. Data indicate high level of awareness and knowledge of local erotic songs and chants among adolescent males. The songs and chants were reportedly used to learn about gender and sex roles, the body, and sexuality, and for recreation. Themes in local boys’ erotic songs and chants are primarily male privileging and penis advantaging, and celebrate male sexual activity, desire, violence, ruthlessness, and risk-taking as well as male control and subordination of women and their body. The songs and chants depict feminity and female sexuality as inferior to masculinity and male sexuality and tend to objectify women’s body as a facility for male sexual pleasure. The paper argues that while erotic verses circulating among adolescent Nigerian males help relieve them of the difficulties caused by the cultural relegation of sex and sexuality to the realm of the unspoken, they contain very disturbing and potentially dangerous images that provide little space for male responsibility and respect for women. Local erotic verses circulating among adolescents present an under-explored resource in sexuality education and a critical entry point for current efforts to understand and help young people extricate themselves from the sea of half-truths, myths, and prejudices about sex and sexuality.     

“Was It Good for You?”: Reply to Commentaries

In many ways, psychoanalysis revolutionized attitudes about sexuality. Yet by undertheorizing female erotic passion and downplaying the role of the clitoris, psychoanalysis perpetuated a long historical tradition of denying essential aspects of women's sexual experience. Psychoanalysis has at times contributed to women perceiving their own bodily erotic excitement as frightening, dangerous, and out of control. In this reply to the commentaries, the authors continue to explore the ways in which women and women's experience, especially their embodied sexual experience, are so often rendered invisible.     

Listening to the Erotic Commentary on Paper by Eric Sherman

In this commentary I examine homoerotic countertransference within the context of the analyst's erotic countertransference experience. Discussing male analysts' difficulties receiving and experiencing homoerotic feelings as a function of their dominant erotic desires (along gender lines), I propose both cognitive and affective explanations to illuminate their defenses. I suggest that Sherman's erotic countertransference is best understood when viewed as a product of both induced feelings emanating from his patient's dissociated sexual abuse and also his anxiety and shame in response to particular relational configurations with his patient that arouse him. Finally, I point to the site of the transgressive as integral to the construction of erotic desire and suggest shifts that need to occur in the erotic subjectivity of this dyad so that the treatment can move forward.     

Gender differences in beliefs about the causes of male and female sexual desire

Little is known about the beliefs men and women have about the causes of sexual desire, despite the interpersonal and individual significance of those beliefs. Participants in this study received a definition of sexual desire and answered a set of free-response questions exploring their beliefs about the causal antecedents of male and female sexual desire. The results indicated that more women than men view female (and male) sexual desire as caused by external factors. In addition, both men and women believe that male and female sexual desire have different causes: intraindividual and erotic environmental factors are believed to cause male sexual desire, but interpersonal and romantic environmental factors are believed to cause female sexual desire. Although both men and women view physical attractiveness and overall personality as sexually desirable male and female characteristics, women, but not men, view femininity as a sexually desirable female characteristic, and men, but not women, view social and financial power or status as a sexually desirable male attribute.     

When insecurity dampens desire: Attachment anxiety in men amplifies the decline in sexual desire during the early years of romantic relationships

Sexual desire is typically high during early relationship stages and decreases gradually over time. In the present research, we adopted an attachment-theoretical perspective to investigate why sexual desire for romantic partners erodes more rapidly for some people than others. We employed two samples of developing relationships (dating couples, N = 62; and newlyweds, N = 175) and examined the effects of attachment insecurities on sexual desire in prospective longitudinal designs. Results showed that attachment anxiety moderated the trajectory of men's sexual desire, such that over time, highly anxious men declined in desiring their partner, whereas less anxious men's desire did not drop. Attachment avoidance also predicted lower levels of initial desire in both sexes. These findings suggest that avoidance generally interferes with relationship initiation for both sexes, whereas anxiety in men interferes with the maintenance of desire over time, possibly because of sensitivity to increasing interdependence.     

The Rub: Sexual Interplay as a Nexus of Lust,Romantic Love,and Emotional Attachment

Sexual interplay and intercourse itself involve not just an erotic impulse, but a web of mating drives that coincide and diverge. Affectionate, romantic, and companionate feelings color the sexual experience to varying degrees in conjunction with lust itself. The rhythmic cadence of each of these mating urges during sexual interplay is just as important as the orgasmic goal. The role of the “rub”—a kind of constructive friction, of healthful pushing against, of a vital opposition between self and other—creates a dynamic excitement that has hitherto been underappreciated by our focus on orgasm itself. The experience of opposing another and being opposed promotes psychic growth and change.     

Sexual Peak: Socially Shared Cognitions About Desire,Frequency, and Satisfaction in Men and Women

Is a man’s sexual peak earlier than a woman’s? Three studies were conducted to examine (a) whether the perception that men achieve their sexual peak at a younger age than do women is shared across individuals of different ages and sexes, (b) whether sexual peak is defined differently for men and women, and (c) whether differences between definitions contribute to differences in the age at which men and women are perceived to reach sexual peak. Study 1 suggested that participants believed that females reach their sexual peak at an older age than do males. Study 2 indicated that the defining feature of sexual peak for males was sexual desire and for females was sexual satisfaction. Study 3 suggested that predictions of male sexual peak coincided with participants’ predictions of male age of highest desire and frequency, but not satisfaction, and that female sexual peak coincided with participants' predictions of female age of highest satisfaction but not frequency or desire. Discussion focuses on potential reasons for differences between the perception of male and female sexuality, as well as the social and evolutionary importance of each of the dimensions of sexuality for both males and females.     

“The Flow of Her Cum”: On a Recent Semantic Shift in an Erotic Word

Recently there has been a semantic shift in the pornographic word ‘cum.’ Traditionally, the word, as a noun, is used to designate semen. However, ‘cum’ is now used to designate also female fluids during sexual activity. The concept of ‘female cum’ is discussed in relation to examples from a corpus of two hundred erotic short stories collected from the Internet, and to the physiological realities of female fluids during sex. In order to show how the innovation of ‘female cum’ is useful in written erotic narrative, a comparison is made with filmed pornography and drawn erotic comics. Finally, I argue that ‘cum’ in this new context is used as a device to arouse sexual excitement.     

Normalisation Versus Medicalisation of Sexual Disturbances During Menopause: A Qualitative Research in the Italian Context

Past research has found consistent correlations between menopause and increase in sexual disturbances, but very little research has inquired into the attribution of meanings to this change from the womens’ own perspectives and the role of the negotiating between sexes in the social-construction of the problem. This study aims to investigate how professionals, women diagnosed with hypoactive sexual desire disorder and ordinary people, both men and women, signify this phenomenon in the Italian context. Interviews were conducted by asking participants whether or not they considered the decrease in sexual desire to be a problem, and what this was dependent on. The analysis of the 146 participants’ answers revealed that women with sexual deficit emphasized the need for treating the biological changes of menopause; specialists considered both the gynecological and the psychological components, while ordinary people seemed to ‘normalise’ the problem, encoding it as the effect of menopause; they did not seem to be inclined to turn the situation into a call for help, suggesting the importance of sharing the problem within the relationship and underestimating the organic level of the question. The negotiation between sexes seems to transform a sexual problem into normality.     

Is it all about intimacy? Age,menopausal status,and women’s sexuality

Two studies examined the contribution of aging to various aspects of sexual functioning. Study 1 examined the association between age and sexual response among 289 women. Results showed that aging and relationship length were associated with relatively low sexual desire, excitement, and intimacy, with sexual intimacy mediating the association between relationship length and sexual excitement. Furthermore, the negative association between aging and sexual desire was particularly pronounced among women experiencing lower sexual intimacy. In Study 2, 93 women were classified according to menopausal status. Findings paralleled those of Study 1, indicating that postmenopausal state was negatively associated with sexual desire, mainly among women who experienced low sexual intimacy. Implications for the understanding of sexuality of women at midlife are discussed.     

Emerging Perspectives on Distinctions Between Romantic Love and Sexual Desire

Abstract— Although sexual desire and romantic love are often experienced in concert, they are fundamentally distinct subjective experiences with distinct neurobiological substrates. The basis for these distinctions is the evolutionary origin of each type of experience. The processes underlying sexual desire evolved in the context of sexual mating, whereas the processes underlying romantic love—or pair bonding—originally evolved in the context of infant-caregiver attachment. Consequently, not only can humans experience these feelings separately, but an individual's sexual predisposition for the same sex, the other sex, or both sexes may not circumscribe his or her capacity to fall in love with partners of either gender. Also, the role of oxytocin in both love and desire may contribute to the widely observed phenomenon that women report experiencing greater interconnections between love and desire than do men. Because most research on the neurobiological substrates of sexual desire and affectional bonding has been conducted with animals, a key priority for future research is systematic investigation of the coordinated biological, behavioral, cognitive, and emotional processes that shape experiences of love and desire in humans.     

Enfleshing the Erotic

Abstract

An embodied theological ethic of human sexuality must engage two specific tasks: (1) articulate a theological explanation of the body that can frame critical reflection on the right ordering of relationships at the macro, social-relational level and (2) celebrate the erotic as an essential, creative contour of human sexual experience at the micro, interpersonal level. This essay is divided into two sections. In the first section, I explore the significance of the body in theological and ethical reflection in an attempt to distill an embodied theological ethic of human sexuality that can level a critique against the sinful social realities of heterosexism and sexism. In the second part, I develop the ethic further so as to carry moral weight within sexual practices. I celebrate the erotic as the creative dimension of human sexuality that encompasses desire and pleasure. I reflect on desire and pleasure individually in light of embodied experience and ground each within an ethic of mutuality to ensure goodness, rightness, and the doing of justice in all sexual relationships.     

Love and Lust Revisited: intentionality, homosexuality and moral education

ABSTRACT In his book Sexual Desire , Roger Scruton wrongly maintains that human sexual experience is essentially intentional. His thesis depends on his highly revisionary definitions of 'sexual arousal' and 'sexual desire', the artificial nature of which I expose and criticise.
He admits that homosexual desire is capable of the same kind of intentionality as heterosexual desire, and is therefore not intrinsically obscene or perverted, but he advances reasons why homosexuality is morally different from heterosexuality and is therefore an object of disapproval. His arguments presuppose 'an impassable moral divide' between the sexes and are, on his own admission, not very cogent.
Since he allows that homosexual desire is a natural and spontaneous phenomenon and also proposes that moral education should guide us towards a state in which our sexuality is entirely integrated within a life of personal affection and responsibility, consistency requires that he adopt a sexual ideology which does not discriminate against homosexuality. For homosexuals are unlikely to achieve the 'sexual integrity' which Scruton advocates (and which I endorse) if they are constantly encouraged to disparage their own sexual nature and if social institutions make no positive provision for them.     

"Back-fire to lust": G. Stanley Hall, sex-segregated schooling, and the engine of sublimation

G. Stanley Hall was an advocate of sex-segregated schooling long after most Americans had accepted coeducation. His position was based in part on personal experience: observations of his father and mother, a repressed and guilt-ridden boyhood sexuality, and his conviction that his own career success was a product of sublimated sexual desire, of erotic energy converted into mental energy. Hall theorized that coeducation put sublimation at risk, and that sex-segregated schools, by contributing to proper gendered development and by prolonging and sublimating the sexual tensions of adolescence, would produce social progress.     

Braving the erotic field in the treatment of adolescents*

Abstract

The psychoanalytic literature on erotic transference and countertransference in adolescence is notably sparse, despite the centrality of the developing sexual body/mind. Erotic feelings in the consulting room with an adolescent can feel taboo, causing the analyst to avoid the immediacy of these feelings. Excessive timidity on the part of the analyst can limit the growth of the capacity for containment of sexual feelings and yield what I term ‘erotic insufficiency’ in our work with adolescents. I offer clinical material from a period of erotic transference and countertransference with a 12-year-old boy to consider these ideas. Further, I suggest that the very terms ‘erotic transference’ and ‘erotic countertransference’ can feel defensively remote and antiseptic. I suggest that ‘erotic field’ better captures the subtle, nuanced interplay of feelings.     

Why perversion?: False love and the perverse pact1

In this paper, the author works with the awareness that perversion is a socially, historically and theologically loaded term, at the same time as it may be the latest frontier in psychoanalysis, both clinically, and in relation to contemporary art and culture which emphasize the perverse. Positioning itself against tendencies to deny the existence of a category of perversion or, inversely, to abuse it for the power that accrues from the act of diagnosing, she also points to other liabilities in the history of the treatment of this term, such as the narrowing down of perversion to the exclusively sexual domain, or, alternatively, the overextension of it to polymorphously erotic practices that enhance sexual excitement. The paradoxes of perversion and the difficulties of distinguishing the perverse from the non‐perverse are addressed. The case is also made that, in order to understand perversion, one must unlink it from the narrow notion of sexual practice and see what is involved on a deeper level an approach initiated when psychoanalysis turned to perversion as a defense against psychotic anxieties, and began considering the necessary place of perversion in the transference countertransference. Two features common to both sexual and non‐sexual perverse relations are the seductive and bribing aspects of perversion, and its means‐ends reversal. Perversion is a haven for the disguising of hatred and suspicion as excitement and (false) love. Displaced child and beating father, entitled child and seductive mother, are both prototypes of psychoanalytic refiection on parents who excite, deceive and corrupt their children and establish perverse pacts with them. The notion of the perverse pact is foregrounded in Alice's analysis, where first the resurrection and then the dismantling of such a pact were effected through various analytic means.