Comments on “Shame and Shame Dynamics” Special Issue,Edited by Benjamin Kilborne

The American Journal of Psychoanalysis -     

A Lover’s Shame

Shame is one of the more painful consequences of loving someone; my beloved’s doing something immoral can cause me to be ashamed of her. The guiding thought behind this paper is that explaining this phenomenon can tell us something about what it means to love. The phenomenon of beloved-induced shame has been largely neglected by philosophers working on shame, most of whom conceive of shame as being a reflexive attitude. Bennett Helm has recently suggested that in order to account for beloved-induced shame, we should deny the reflexivity of shame. After arguing that Helm’s account is inadequate, I proceed to develop an account of beloved-induced shame that rightly preserves its reflexivity. A familiar feature of love is that it involves an evaluative dependence; when I love someone, my well-being depends upon her life’s going well. I argue that loving someone also involves a persistent tendency to believe that her life is going well, in the sense that she is a good person, that she is not prone to wickedness. Lovers are inclined, more strongly than they otherwise would be, to give their beloveds the moral benefit of the doubt. These two features of loving—an evaluative dependence and a persistent tendency to believe in the beloved’s moral goodness—provide the conditions for a lover to experience shame when he discovers that his beloved has morally transgressed.     

Marital Breakdown,Shame, and Suicidality in Men: A Direct Link?

The influence of feelings of shame originating from marital breakdown on suicidality is examined. The role of mental health problems as probable mediating factors is also considered. Internalized shame, state (related to separation) shame, and mental health problems were significantly correlated with the score for suicidality during separation in both genders. Tested structural equation model indicated that internalized shame was not directly linked to suicidality, but was mediated either by state shame or mental health problems in males in the context of separation. Our findings seem to indicate that separated males are more vulnerable to the experience of state shame in the context of separation, which might lead to the development of suicidality.     

On Shame – In Response to Dan Zahavi,Self and Other

Abstract

In chapter 14 of Zahavi’s recent book, Self and Other, the notion of shame is discussed. In feeling shame one experiences oneself as experienced by others. For Sartre, that experience in itself is sufficient for shame, as one experiences oneself as determined in the experience of others and hence as shamefully not self-determining. But Zahavi introduces an extra condition for shame, which is a ‘global decrease in self-esteem’. This paper questions the need for this condition and argues that seeing oneself as shameful in the eyes of others needs to be spelt out in a pragmatist way in terms of certain shame-involving practices rather than in a purely phenomenological way.     

Unwanted Identities: A Key Variable in Shame–Anger Links and Gender Differences in Shame

The present study examined the role that unwanted identities play in accounting for extant findings concerning gender differences in shame-proneness. The construct of unwanted identities was also used to explain why powerful associations have been found between shame and anger. College students (48 men, 84 women) rated their feelings of shame, guilt, anger, and unwanted identities in response to the TOSCA-2 scenarios, known to yield robust gender differences in shame, and to new scenarios, meant to be more threatening to men's than women's identities. Even after accounting for shared variance between shame and guilt, evidence supported the conclusion that women's greater shame-proneness than men's could be an artifact, reflecting the more threatening nature of previous situations to women's identities. Mediational analyses also confirmed that unwanted identities elicit shame, which, in turn, is a powerful instigator of anger. Discussion focuses on inconsistencies between the present results and expectations based on previous theory and research.     

Guilt,Shame, Disobedience: Social Regulatory Mechanisms and the “Inner Normative System”

The author, a criminologist, describes a metadisciplinary guilt conception that combines elements of psychoanalysis, psychology of moral judgment, and evolutionary psychology.     

“Abyss Calls Out to Abyss”: Oedipal Shame,Invisibility, and Broken Identity

The article derives from the experience of a double self or double reality. The abysses are often those of contradictory values and ideals, and with that opposite contents of shame or guilt, or the conflict between the sense of a deep inner hell that often is unspeakable and unnamable and that of a hollow and empty appearance. Absoluteness of judgment and its correlate, soulblindness toward the other, are the opposite to the empathy into the inner reality of the other. Soulblindness by the others creates massive shame in us. These dynamics are presented in a detailed case study.     

Are You Looking at Me,or Am I? Anger,Aggression, Shame and Self-worth in Violent Individuals

Conclusions about the relationship between anger and violence have been drawn from research that largely uses non-clinically angry, non-violent participants. The present study assessed cognitive correlates of anger by comparing mentally disordered violent offenders (n = 22) and violent prisoners (n = 22) in their irrational beliefs, self-esteem, internalised shame, and the experience and expression of anger. Findings showed there to be no significant difference between the two groups on all of the scales used. Low self-worth, high shame and self-downing irrational beliefs were found across the whole population. Cluster analysis revealed two distinct clusters with anger as the main factor separating them. One cluster could be categorised as anger disordered and had significantly higher shame, lower self-worth and more self- and other-downing irrational beliefs than the second cluster where levels of unhealthy anger were lower. It was concluded that high levels of unhealthy anger may serve as an attempt to protect against shame and low self-worth.     

Shame and violence in ‘Starred Up’

Shame plays a powerful role in triggering violence, sometimes with fatal consequences. It is fundamentally important to understand and treat the roots of this aggression and its links to an internal sense of shame. In this paper, I will discuss the contribution of forensic psychotherapy to this project and link it to the excellent depiction of violence, shame and the development of insight and impulse control through psychotherapeutic work in the powerful film, ‘Starred Up’, written by Jonathan Asser and directed by David Mackenzie. At the 2015 Birkbeck summer conference, I was asked to speak to the themes of the film and relate them to my work with violent male offenders and their psychotherapeutic treatment. As a clinical and forensic psychologist and forensic psychotherapist, I have been heavily involved in assessing and treating men and women with violent histories in prisons, mental health services and community settings over the past 25 years. I see the film through the lens of forensic psychotherapy, filtered by my own clinical encounters. I discuss its main themes in relation to the challenges and possibilities of the therapists who work with men with entrenched violence and the underlying issues at stake for the men themselves.     

How Does One Know What Shame Is? Epistemology,Emotions, and Forms of Life in Juxtaposition

Do women conceptualize—understand, know about, and react to—shame differently from the way men do? Does the experience and knowledge of shame have a gender-specificity, and along what lines could it be analyzed? By introducing a distinction between life or enduring experiences, “Erfahrung,” and episodic or occurrent experiences, “Erlebnis,” andby juxtaposing this distinction with the Rylean notion that knowledge is dispositional this paper argues for the plausibility of a gender-specificivy.     

Treating Patients with Symptoms—and Symptoms with Patience: Reflections on Shame,Dissociation, and Eating Disorders

I offer the view that the symptom picture found in most patients with eating disorders, as well as in the symptomatology of many other so-called difficult patients, is the end result of prolonged necessity in infancy to control traumatic dysregulation of affect. I propose that the central issue for an eating-disordered patient is that she is at the mercy of her own physiologic and affective states because she lacks an experience of human relatedness and its potential for reparation that mediates self-regulation. She is enslaved by her felt inability to contain desire as a regulatable affect and is thus unable to hold desire long enough to make choices without the loss of the thing not chosen leading to a dread of self-annihilation. Trauma compromises trust in the reparability of relationship, and for symptoms to be surrendered, trust in reparability must be simultaneously restored. Because felt desire is the mortal enemy of an eating-disordered patient, this fact becomes a central dynamic in the analytic field, leading analyst and patient into a struggle over who shall hold the desire and whether the issue of control over food is allowed to become a subject for negotiation. I discuss the inevitability of the analyst's own dissociative reactions in response to the patient's internal war over desire and control, and the different types of interpersonal enactments into which an analyst is drawn. In this tension, as illustrated through clinical vignettes, analyst and patient slip in and out of a constantly shifting array of self-states and thereby have an opportunity to coconstruct a transitional reality within which the patient's impaired faith in the reliability of human relatedness can be restored, and eating can become linked to appetite rather than to self-protection.     

Evidence for an Evolutionary Cheater Strategy—Relationships Between Primary and Secondary Psychopathy,Parenting, and Shame and Guilt

In the present study, shame and guilt proneness were investigated in relation to primary and secondary psychopathy, looking at parental care as a possible mediator. A sample of 388 volunteers participated in an on-line study, completing several self-report measurements. Primary psychopathy, robust to parental care and sex of the participant, was associated with lower guilt proneness after a private transgression and lower negative self-evaluations after a public transgression. Secondary psychopathy was not associated with guilt or shame proneness. Paternal care played a mediating role between primary psychopathy and guilt, but only in male participants. High paternal care was associated with lower guilt repair in high psychopathy males, suggesting that a positive father-son relationship might be essential for development of exploitive strategies in primary psychopathy. The results highlight the fundamental differences between primary and secondary psychopathy, and provide support for the idea that primary psychopathy is an evolutionary cheater-strategy.     

The Subtle Violations—Abuse and the Projection of Shame

The more covert, subtle violations of sexual abuse are considered, especially the projection of shame (projective identification) routinely committed by perpetrators. James Nelson's concepts of spiritual dualism and sexist dualism are used to understand the deeper dynamics of such shaming and their societal roots. The pastoral counseling relationship can help heal the shame of those who have been abused.     

“Shame: The Misplaced Debt of Structural Sin”

Although sexual violence and economic distress are often understood and responded to as individual problems, they are rooted in and must be understood within the social systems of patriarchy and advanced global capitalism, both of which normalize these traumas. The problem is that social systems divert guilt for structural sin onto individuals in the form of shame, which I argue is the misplaced debt of structural sin. Through narrative and analysis, I demonstrate the problems of silence, judgement, and death associated with the misplaced debt of shame in structural sin. Preliminarily, I suggest that the theology of the cross enables Christians to name structural sin for what it actually is; judge who or what is truly guilty; and remove shame and guilt from survivors to foster flourishing.     

Shame in Physician–Patient Interactions: Patient Perspectives

This study estimated the extent to which shame is elicited in physician–patient interactions and examined the emotional and behavioral reactions of patients to such interactions. A large adult sample (N = 915) reported on their shame-provoking experiences in interactions with physicians through an anonymous survey. Half of all respondents (n = 456) recalled one or more interactions with a physician that left them feeling ashamed, with significantly more women (59%) than men (39%) reporting this. Forty-five percent of those reporting such experiences stated they terminated treatment with, avoided, or lied to their physician to avoid experiencing further shame. However, 33% believed the shame-provoking interaction provoked useful behavioral changes, and 46% were, on balance, grateful to the physician. Women, relative to men, reported that the interaction led to more negative emotional and behavioral consequences. The type of health issue involved in the interaction also was associated with differential outcomes. Thus, it appears that inducing shame in medical contexts is widespread and may well have both positive and negative effects.     

Are Gay Men in Worse Mental Health than Heterosexual Men? The Role of Age, Shame and Guilt, and Coming-Out

Previous studies reporting that gay individuals are in worse mental health than heterosexuals have typically employed young or mixed-age samples, ignoring the role of age. Mental health problems may show greater age-related improvement among gay than heterosexual men as indicated by the findings of the present study. In this study, the following indices of mental health are examined, and found to be comparable, among 86 heterosexual and 81 gay men aged 18–48: depression, suicidality, anger, anxiety, negative self-esteem, emotional instability, and lack of emotional responsiveness. Most indices show age-related effects among gay men, with less severe symptoms reported by older individuals. Among heterosexual men, effects of age are less widespread, although older men do report fewer symptoms of anger. Chronic shame and chronic guilt are related to mental health problems and a lessening in shame accounted, in part, for the age-related decline in depression among gay men. Different approaches to disclosing/concealing sexual identity are also linked with shame, guilt, and mental health among gay men.     

Dignity in Context,and Out: Discussion of Lynne Jacobs’ “On Dignity,a Sense of Dignity,and Inspirational Shame”

ABSTRACT

Dr. Lynne Jacobs’ “On Dignity, a Sense of Dignity, and Inspirational Shame” is an interdisciplinary integration of a priori ethics and a phenomenology of dignity. She contends that the human person’s engagement with other people—writ large in the therapeutic encounter—is inherently ethically situated. Moreover, she avers an inherent content to this ethics, namely, mutual respect for distinctively human value—dignity—between and among people. Her ethics of dignity informs her psychoanalytic exploration of experiences of dignity, indignity, and her notion of inspirational shame, among others. I join in Jacobs’ advocacy for therapeutic facilitation of a person’s sense of inherent worth, as well as her opposition to relational contexts of devaluation and degradation. However, the primordiality Jacobs grants to her ethics of dignity often obscures the constitutively cultural, familial, and personal contextuality of, first, her—and in my view, any—ethical conviction; second, what she describes as the experience of being human; third, the alleged indignity of human vulnerability; and finally, the claim that shame is the natural reaction to one’s failure to live up to personal ideals. In the end, and subject to certain clinical concerns, Jacobs’ article integrates into psychoanalysis primordial ethical duties that she and others claim inhere in us as human beings.     

The Experiences of Guilt and Shame: A Phenomenological–Psychological Study

This study aims at discovering the essential constituents involved in the experiences of guilt and shame. Guilt concerns a subject’s action or omission of action and has a clear temporal unfolding entailing a moment in which the subject lives in a care-free way. Afterwards, this moment undergoes a reconstruction, in the moment of guilt, which constitutes the moment of negligence. The reconstruction is a comprehensive transformation of one’s attitude with respect to one’s ego; one’s action; the object of guilt and the temporal-existential experience. The main constituents concerning shame are its anchorage in the situation to which it refers; its public side involving the experience of being perceptually objectified; the exclusion of social community; the bodily experience; the revelation of an undesired self; and the genesis of shame in terms of a history of frozen now-ness. The article ends with a comparison between guilt and shame.     

Shame and Depressive Symptoms: Self-compassion and Contingent Self-worth as Mediators?

Research has identified the experience of shame as a relevant predictor of depressive symptoms. Building upon resilience theory, this is the first study to investigate if self-compassion and/or contingent self-worth (i.e., family support and God’s love) mediate the link between shame and depressive symptoms. Participants were 109 African Americans, within the age range of 18 and 64, who sought service following a suicide attempt from a public hospital that serves mostly low-income patients. Findings suggest that shame was related to depressive symptoms through self-compassion but not through contingent self-worth, underscoring the significant role that self-compassion plays in ameliorating the aggravating effect of shame on depressive symptoms. Results highlight the value of incorporating self-compassion training into interventions for suicidal African Americans in an effort to reduce the impact of shame on their depressive symptoms and ultimately their suicidal behavior and as a result enhance their capacity for resilience.     

Absorbing Society’s Influence: Body Image Self-Discrepancy and Internalized Shame

In this study, we examined how injunctive cultural norms concerning body image are perceived by women, assessed the degree of body shame that occurs when an individual sees herself as differing from the cultural standard, and measured the extent to which the internalization of this standard as a personal ideal may influence the experience of body-related shame. Female college students (N = 687) completed measures of body shame and two types of body image self-discrepancy—actual:own ideal (AI) and actual:societal ought (ASO). Self-discrepancies were determined by subtracting participants' ideal and ought estimates from their actual body shape perception. AI was found to mediate the relationship between ASO and shame, which suggests that the internalization of body ideals may be an important antecedent to emotional consequences from cultural norms.