The dark side of forgiveness: the tendency to forgive predicts continued psychological and physical aggression in marriage

Despite a burgeoning literature that documents numerous positive implications of forgiveness, scholars know very little about the potential negative implications of forgiveness. In particular, the tendency to express forgiveness may lead offenders to feel free to offend again by removing unwanted consequences for their behavior (e.g., anger, criticism, rejection, loneliness) that would otherwise discourage reoffending. Consistent with this possibility, the current longitudinal study of newlywed couples revealed a positive association between spouses' reports of their tendencies to express forgiveness to their partners and those partners' reports of psychological and physical aggression. Specifically, although spouses who reported being relatively more forgiving experienced psychological and physical aggression that remained stable over the first 4 years of marriage, spouses who reported being relatively less forgiving experienced declines in both forms of aggression over time. These findings join just a few others in demonstrating that forgiveness is not a panacea.     

Forgiveness and Suicidal Behavior: Cynicism and Psychache as Serial Mediators

Research is burgeoning regarding the beneficial association of forgiveness with numerous health-related outcomes; however, its particular relationship to suicidal behavior has received relatively little attention. Both cynicism and psychache, or agonizing psychological pain, have displayed deleterious associations with suicidal behavior, but have rarely been incorporated into more comprehensive models of suicidal behavior. Consistent with the recent development of a theoretical model regarding the forgiveness–suicidal behavior association, the present study utilized an undergraduate sample of college students (N = 312) to test a mediation-based model of the cross-sectional association of forgiveness with suicidal behavior, as serially mediated by cynicism and psychache. Dispositional forgiveness of self and forgiveness of uncontrollable situations were each indirectly associated with less suicidal behavior via less psychache. Also, dispositional forgiveness of others was indirectly associated with less suicidal behavior via less cynicism and less psychache, in a serial fashion. The present results are consistent with the extent literature on the forgiveness–suicidal behavior association, cynicism, and psychache, and pending future studies, may be utilized to inform further treatment efforts for individuals at a high risk of attempting suicide.     

Interpersonal Forgiveness Within the Helping Professions: An Attempt to Resolve Differences of Opinion

Lakatos's (1978) philosophy of science is used as a guide for resolving published authors' differences of opinion about interpersonal forgiveness. We first review the ancient writings and current philosophical works regarding interpersonal forgiveness. With these ideas as a foundation we then critique six published papers on forgiveness, all of which have counseling implications. It is suggested that the works are not yet grounded in the foundational writings on forgiveness. The works, thus, may need some refinement in the area of definition, or proposed consequences for a forgiver, or in the processes used to bring about forgiveness in clients. A process model of interpersonal forgiveness then is described. Implications for the use of interpersonal forgiveness within counseling are drawn.     

Religiously or spiritually-motivated forgiveness and subsequent health and well-being among young adults: An outcome-wide analysis

ABSTRACT

This study performs an outcome-wide analysis to prospectively examine the associations of forgiveness (including forgiveness of others, self-forgiveness and divine forgiveness) with a range of psychosocial, mental, behavioral and physical health outcomes. Data from the Nurses’ Health Study II and the Growing Up Today Study (Ns ranged from 5,246 to 6,994, depending on forgiveness type and outcome) with 3 or 6 years of follow-up were analyzed using generalized estimating equations. Bonferroni correction was used to correct for multiple testing. All models controlled for sociodemographic characteristics, prior religious service attendance, prior maternal attachment and prior values of the outcome variables. All forgiveness measures were positively associated with all psychosocial well-being outcomes, and inversely associated with depressive and anxiety symptoms. There was little association between forgiveness and behavioral or physical health outcomes. Forgiveness may be understood as a good itself, and may also lead to better psychosocial well-being and mental health.     

Strategies for Coping With Interpersonal Hurt: Preliminary Evidence for the Relationship Between Coping and Forgiveness

This study provides a preliminary empirical test suggesting a coping framework that describes the behavioral, cognitive, and emotion‐focused activities related to the process that may lead to forgiveness. Among 170 participants, the study explored the coping strategies people use when they respond to an interpersonal hurt and also the general use of coping strategies. After controlling for dispositional forgiveness, results indicated that people use similar coping techniques both for general stressors and for interpersonal hurt. They prefer avoidance coping strategies early in the forgiveness process and approach strategies in the middle and later stages. Applied implications are discussed.     

Attitudinal ambivalence, rumination, and forgiveness of partner transgressions in marriage

Although positive and negative attitudes toward a transgressor are related to increased and decreased forgiveness, respectively, prior research has failed to investigate forgiveness among those who feel both positively and negatively toward a transgressor. Therefore, the authors examined such ambivalence and its relationship to forgiveness. It was hypothesized that spouses with ambivalent attitudes toward their partner will be less forgiving of a partner transgression because such an event is likely to prime the negative component of their ambivalence. Because ruminating about a transgression also has the potential to prime the negative component of one's ambivalence, an interaction between rumination and ambivalence was predicted. Data from 87 married couples showed that greater attitudinal ambivalence toward the partner was associated with decreased forgiveness only when husbands and wives thought about the transgression frequently; ambivalence was not related to forgiveness in the absence of rumination. The implications of these findings for understanding forgiveness in marriage and for increasing forgiveness among married couples are discussed.     

Forgiveness in the context of developmental guidance: implementation and evaluation

This study examined the implementation of forgiveness as a guidance programme with Hong Kong Chinese adolescents in the classroom setting. The forgiveness programme was based on Enright's process model of forgiveness. The effectiveness of the programme was evaluated, using both quantitative and qualitative methods. Findings showed that it is viable to promote forgiveness as a classroom guidance programme. Though no significant improvement in participants' self-esteem and hope was found, participants showed a better understanding of forgiveness, had a more positive attitude towards their offenders, and were more willing to apply forgiveness as a strategy. They also evaluated the forgiveness programme positively, specifically the use of an experiential approach. The implications of this study for student guidance and counselling were discussed.     

Justice sensitivity and forgiveness in close interpersonal relationships: the mediating role of mistrustful, legitimizing, and pro-relationship cognitions

The purpose of the present investigation was to explore and better understand the relationship between justice sensitivity from a victim's perspective (JS‐victim) and interpersonal forgiveness. In particular, we aimed to identify the cognitive mechanisms mediating this relationship and test the moderating influence of post‐transgression perpetrator behavior. We used data from a questionnaire study employing a Swiss community sample (N = 450) and 2 scenario‐based studies employing German online samples, in the context of romantic (N = 242) and friendship relationships (N = 974). We consistently found JS‐victim to be negatively related to dispositional (Study 1) and situational forgiveness (Studies 2 and 3). Study 2 demonstrated the relationship between JS‐victim and reduced forgiveness to be partly mediated by mistrustful interpretations of the partner's post‐transgression behavior. In Study 3, cognitions legitimizing one's own antisocial reactions and a lack of pro‐relationship cognitions were identified as further mediators. These variables mediated the negative effect of JS‐victim on forgiveness largely independent of whether the friend perpetrator displayed reconciliatory behavior or not. Findings suggest that the cognitive mechanisms mediating victim‐sensitive individuals' unforgiveness could barely be neutralized. Future research should investigate their malleability in light of qualitatively different perpetrator behaviors as well as their broader relational implications.     

Forgiveness as a mediator of the relationship between PTSD and hostility in survivors of childhood abuse

It was hypothesised that forgiveness mediates the relationship between PTSD and hostility within a population of adult childhood abuse survivors. Of the three components of forgiveness-self, other, and situation-self and situation forgiveness were posited as potent mediators of the PTSD and hostility relationship. No differences in the mediational role of forgiveness in sexual versus physical abuse and female versus male abuse survivors were hypothesised. As posited, overall forgiveness mediated the PTSD-hostility relationship and the forgiveness of self and situation were strong mediators. The theoretical and applied implications of these findings are discussed.     

Issues relating to the use of forgiveness in counselling and psychotherapy

This paper explores forgiveness, which is a key component of spiritual pastoral care. Encouraging forgiveness is also one of the spiritual interventions most frequently used by psychotherapists. However, although forgiveness has been explored as an element in psychotherapy, the models generated have had little impact on research and practice. Recent research into forgiveness in therapy is considered, including several models put forward for its use. Some of the implications of the use of forgiveness in therapeutic practice are examined and guidelines for the use of forgiveness in psychotherapy are put forward based on the work of the Forgiveness Project at the University of Manchester.     

A study of posttraumatic spiritual transformation and forgiveness among victims of significant interpersonal offences

Forgiveness and spiritual transformation, both gain and decline, may follow being victimised. The purpose of this study was to investigate the role of forgiveness in posttraumatic spiritual transformation following interpersonal offences. One hundred forty-six participants who had been “significantly wronged” by another person completed measures of event-related distress, forgiveness, and spiritual transformation. Results showed that spiritual growth was positively related to the personal importance of religion. Event-related distress and unforgiveness were positively correlated with spiritual decline. Regression analyses revealed that forgiveness did not uniquely account for a significant amount of the variance in spiritual growth after controlling for demographic variables, religious and spiritual importance, and event-related distress. Rather, religious and spiritual importance accounted for a significant amount of variance in spiritual growth. Unforgiveness uniquely predicted spiritual decline. This study suggests a complex relationship between spiritual transformation and forgiveness. Results are discussed within the context of implications for clinicians and researchers alike.     

Thinking Relationally About Forgiveness: Commentary on Paper by Stephen Wangh

This author examines the concept of forgiveness as a psychological construct. He argues that it is an error to conceive of the capacity to forgive in exclusively intrapsychic terms, pointing to the mutual influence of psychic and interpersonal experience in the struggle to forgive. He suggests that we can meaningfully consider the psychic challenges involved in any instance of forgiving only when we can fully understand the relational context in which the wrongdoing has taken place. The author then considers the concept of forgiveness when applied to hate crimes in general and Matthew Shepard's murder in particular, exploring some psychic alternatives to forgiveness that may be useful in thinking about the human struggle to resolve the mental anguish and desire for revenge that can threaten to undo us. He argues against an agenda-based approach to psychotherapeutic treatment that is biased toward encouraging forgiveness and seeing it as an indispensable component of psychological health. If forgiveness is to function as a viable psychological construct with real healing potential in human relationships, psychoanalysts must work to free it from its moralistic and religious moorings.     

Reply to Griswold, <Emphasis Type="Italic">Forgiveness: A Philosophical Exploration</Emphasis>

This paper replies to the account of forgiveness developed in Griswold’s Forgiveness: A Philosophical Exploration. It defends the idea that “unilateral” forgiveness is the paradigm case of the virtue of forgiveness, rejecting Griswold’s claims that forgiveness is essentially a “dyadic” virtue, and that reconciliation of the wronged party with the wrongdoer is a defining element of forgiveness. Forgiveness is fundamentally a matter of being reconciled to the persistence of human wrongdoing, as expressed in particular instances. Reconciliation may well be essential to some attempts at “political apology” for wide-scale wrongdoing. But then, contrary to some of Griswold’s claims, forgiveness will be central to many national projects of bringing about civic reconciliation. The paper also distinguishes between the project of seeking moral reconciliation from the project of seeking and granting political recognition for those who have been denied civic status. Contrary to Griswold’s view, the Vietnam Veterans War Memorial is best understood as a project of seeking and granting recognition, not as an attempt to produce civic reconciliation in response to the Vietnam War.     

Forgiveness: A Philosophical Exploration. By Charles L. Griswold

Although demanding and hard to grant, forgiveness has been treasured for centuries because it has the power to heal emotional wounds, restore human relationships and break the chain of violence. Some writers, though, have asserted that forgiveness found its boundaries in Auschwitz; the Nazi crimes against humanity reached the pinnacle there and cannot be forgiven. While discussing forgiveness in the context of the Holocaust and outside of it, this article pursues the following issues: Does forgiveness have limits? What would be the implications of being unable to forgive? Can punishment of the perpetrator help the process of forgiveness? Does the offended party forgive his or her hurt only?     

Forgiveness in marriage: The role of relationship quality,attributions, and empathy

Italian husbands (n= 79) and wives (n= 92) from long‐term marriages provided data on the role of marital quality, affective reactions, and attributions for hypothetical partner transgressions in promoting forgiveness. Structural equation modeling revealed that, as hypothesized, positive marital quality was predictive of more benign attributions that, in turn, facilitated forgiveness both directly and indirectly via affective reactions and emotional empathy. Unexpectedly, marital quality did not account for unique variance in forgiveness. Compared to husbands, wives’ responsibility attributions were more predictive of forgiveness, whereas empathy was a better predictor of forgiveness in husbands than in wives. The findings are discussed in terms of their implications for the burgeoning therapeutic literature on forgiveness.     

Cordelia, Lear, and forgiveness

Painful human interactions are often followed by urges to forgive, be forgiving, or seek forgiveness. The insight analysands develop into their transferences highlights their finding gratification in constantly reenacting painful interactions. Their new understanding can make forgiveness seem irrelevant; waiving the question of forgiveness might then seem the wiser course to follow. Also thrown into question is whether total forgiveness of self and others can ever be achieved. Shakespeare's The Tragedy of King Lear raises these questions. There we encounter, first, the painful interaction of Cordelia and Lear and, finally, Cordelia's response, "No cause, no cause," to a dying Lear's begging her forgiveness for having initially treated her cruelly. Cordelia's response seems to be waiving the question of guilt and forgiveness, but could it be wholehearted? In a search for answers, a reading of Cordelia's and Lear's lines is interwoven with interpretations of unconscious conflict that might be considered were one to encounter clinically a "Cordelia" abused by an aging and failing father at a turning point in her womanly development. Unconsciously, it is concluded, unforgivingness persists alongside the loving, insightful waiving of forgiveness made possible by higher-level ego functioning. Methodological reflections on reading and interpretation are included.     

Forgiveness and defense style

Within the literature on the psychology of forgiveness, researchers have hypothesized that the 1st stage in the process of being able to forgive is the role of psychological defense. To examine such a hypothesis, the authors explored the relationship between forgiveness and defense style. The 304 respondents (151 men, 153 women) completed measures of forgiveness (likelihood, presence of positive forgiveness, absence of negative forgiveness) and defense style. Among respondents, all measures of forgiveness shared a significant negative association with a neurotic defense style. The finding is discussed within the context of the consequences for those who may be experiencing barriers to forgiveness when dealing with conflict resolution in interpersonal situations.     

Self-forgiveness and well-being: Does divine forgiveness matter?

ABSTRACT

A reliable association exists between self-forgiveness and well-being. But self-forgiveness and its correlates will not be fully understood without considering forgiveness by God or divine forgiveness, especially in light of the fact that the majority of the population identifies as religious. This study therefore examined the role of divine forgiveness in understanding the association between self-forgiveness and well-being using data collected from 435 young adults. Because well-being is not the absence of distress, this study examined whether self-forgiveness and divine forgiveness relate to psychological well-being and distress in the same way. Self-forgiveness and divine forgiveness were independently related to psychological well-being and distress even with religiosity statistically controlled. Divine forgiveness also moderated the relationship between self-forgiveness and psychological distress in that perceived forgiveness by God was associated with fewer depressive symptoms at lower but not higher levels of self-forgiveness. The implications for future research are outlined.     

Forgiveness in Marriage: Implications for Psychological Aggression and Constructive Communication

Two studies examined whether forgiveness in married couples predicted partner reports of psychological aggression and constructive communication. Study 1 found that forgiveness of hypothetical acts of psychological aggression predicted partner reports of psychological aggression. Study 2 examined actual transgressions and found two underlying dimensions of forgiveness (positive and negative). The negative dimension predicted partner reports of psychological aggression, and, for husbands, the positive dimension predicted partner reports of constructive communication. All findings were independent of both spouses’ marital satisfaction. The implications for understanding marital interaction and future research on forgiveness are discussed.     

Apology with and Without a Request for Forgiveness

The offender who desires to restore or maintain a relationship after a conflict apologises to his or her victim. Not only an individual but also a group can make apology. Groups do it through their representatives who are recognised as such by both sides. Sometimes offenders acknowledge wrongdoing and express regret for it. At other times while apologising, they may also ask for forgiveness. Does apology without a request for forgiveness mean the same as apology with such a request? Are there any cases where apology may be appropriate, but not a request for forgiveness? Do those who apologise without asking for forgiveness really not want to be forgiven? This article answers these questions by exploring the notion of apology and its relation to forgiveness.