Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: how perceived regard regulates attachment processes

The authors proposed that personal feelings of self-esteem foster the level of confidence in a partner's regard critical for satisfying attachments. Dating and married couples described themselves, their partners, how they thought their partners saw them, and how they wanted their partners to see them on a variety of interpersonal qualities. The results revealed that low self-esteem individuals dramatically underestimated how positively their partners saw them. Such unwarranted and unwanted insecurities were associated with less generous perceptions of partners and lower relationship well-being. The converse was true for high self-esteem individuals. A longitudinal examination of the dating couples revealed that the vulnerabilities of lows were only exacerbated over time. A dependency regulation model is proposed, wherein felt security in a partner's perceived regard is suggested as a prime mechanism linking self-esteem to relational well-being.     

Distress and aggression during dating conflict: A test of the coercion hypothesis

Research with clinically depressed and maritally discordant couples suggests that women's distressed behaviors function to suppress their partners' subsequent aggressive responses. We applied this coercion hypothesis to a nonclinical sample of dating couples (N = 288). We further examined whether these effects were gender‐specific, and whether distressed and aggressive behaviors differ within physically violent versus nonviolent relationships. Women but not men reported engaging in elevated rates of distress in response to partner aggression during past dating conflicts. However, both women and men expected distressed behavior to suppress partner aggression during future conflicts. Expectations about the functional effects of distressed behavior did not differ for participants with physically violent partners versus nonviolent partners. However, participants in violent relationships reported enacting more distressed behaviors and had greater expectations for partner verbal aggression during future conflicts than did participants in nonviolent relationships. Future research may identify the early onset of dysfunctional interaction patterns in couples and concomitant psychological distress.     

Love at the cultural crossroads: Intimacy and commitment in Chinese Canadian relationships

The role of culture in romantic relationships has largely been investigated by examining variation between groups, rather than within groups. This study took a within‐group approach to examine the influence of Canadian and Chinese cultural identification on gender role egalitarianism, intimacy, and commitment in 60 Chinese Canadian dating couples. Results revealed that men's identification with mainstream Canadian culture was associated with their own and with their partner's greater intimacy, at least in part because of their greater egalitarianism. Conversely, women's identification with mainstream Canadian culture was associated with their partners' lower intimacy. Finally, women's identification with Chinese heritage culture was associated with their greater commitment, and some evidence suggested that this was because of their greater gender role traditionalism.     

Two of a kind: Perceptions of own and partner's attachment characteristics

Because it is universally relevant, and because it is formed in infancy, giving it a strong preconscious quality, attachment was chosen for a study of Allport's (1924) construct of social projection. Individuals in 301 dating couples rated themselves and their partners on each of four continuous attachment dimensions (i.e., security, dismissiveness, preoccupation, fearfulness). The individual's own rating on a particular dimension significantly predicted the individual's perception of how the partner rated on the dimension, after controlling for the partner's self-rating on the dimension. Thus people perceived their partners to be more similar to themselves than they really were, demonstrating social projection. In general, the higher the degree of emotional intimacy was, the more social projection was demonstrated.     

“Some days are much holier than others”: Relational uncertainty and partner influence in Christian dating couples' sexual intimacy negotiation

When intrafaith couples' religion strictly prohibits premarital sexual intercourse, negotiating sexual intimacy can become a multilayered process of identity negotiation that compounds the difficulty of sexual communication. Through the lens of relational turbulence theory, this study explored how devout Christian couples negotiate sexual intimacy by reanalyzing qualitative interview data the first author collected in 2017 from 16 self-identified Christians (8 heterosexual couples). Seven themes revealed how relational uncertainty, partner interference, and partner facilitation manifested in the context of sexual intimacy negotiation. Themes of relational uncertainty experience and prevention included assumption of shared values, relationship talk, and sexual behaviors as an uncertainty catalyst. Partner facilitation and interference emerged as themes of sexual escalation and de-escalation including snowball effect, pinpointing underlying motivations for boundary violations, gatekeeping sexual temptation, and drawing from shared values of sacrifice and prayer. These interpretive findings advance the literature on relational turbulence theory and provide Christian dating couples with practical advice for how to negotiate sexual intimacy in committed premarital relationships.     

Forgiveness,its factors,and unforgivable acts in romantic relationships: A mixed-methods study

Using a mixed-methods approach, this study investigates forgiveness, the factors of forgiveness, and unforgivable acts, and analyzes relational and gender differences in participants' qualitative answers. Open-ended questions were answered by 649 participants from Slovakia (532 dating, 117 married; 517 women, 132 men). Responses were analyzed qualitatively using the Consensual Qualitative Research-Modified method, then transformed into quantitative data in order to statistically compare the groups. The results showed that dating individuals tended to see forgiveness as working on the relationship, whereas married individuals viewed forgiveness as an emotional process. Married individuals were more likely to report that shared commitments helped them to forgive. Dating partners tended to look at the situational context. Men were more likely to report that forgiveness was key to the relationship. When forgiving their partner, men focused on internal factors, whereas women needed an apology and acts of love. Infidelity was the most common unforgivable transgression. Therapists may benefit from a more nuanced understanding of forgiveness in dating and married individuals.     

Reassuring sex: Can sexual desire and intimacy reduce relationship‐specific attachment insecurities?

Past research has shown that attachment orientations shape sexual processes within relationships. Yet, little has been done to explore the opposite direction. In the present research, we examined whether sexual desire and emotional intimacy reduce attachment insecurities over time in emerging relationships. In an 8‐month longitudinal study, we followed 62 newly dating couples across three measurement waves. At Time 1, romantic partners discussed sexual aspects of their relationship and judges coded their displays of sexual desire and intimacy. Participants also completed measures of relationship‐specific attachment anxiety and avoidance in each wave. The results indicated that men's displays of desire predicted a decline in their own and their partner's relationship‐specific insecurities. Conversely, women's displays of desire inhibited the decline in their partner's relationship‐specific insecurities, whereas women's displays of intimacy predicted a decline in their partner's relationship‐specific insecurities. These findings suggest that different sex‐related processes underlie attachment formation in men and women.     

The Contextual Role of Depression within Couples Experiencing Partner Violence

Despite previous research suggesting a link between intimate partner violence (IPV) and depression within romantic relationships, few studies have examined the role of depression in couples experiencing violence. Using dyadic data of 129 heterosexual couples seeking couples therapy for high conflict including physical IPV, depressive symptoms were evaluated as a moderator in the association between psychological and physical IPV. Results indicated that moderate and high reports of women's depressive symptoms provided a context, while men's psychological abuse toward them moved from low to high, for women to be more physically abusive toward their partners. Further, low reports of women's depressive symptoms provided a context, while men's psychological abuse toward them moved from low to high, for women to be less physically abusive toward their partners. Better understanding the role of depression and how it may offer a context for physical violence assists helping professionals in holistically addressing violence within romantic relationships.     

Do episodic self- and partner-uncertainty mediate the association between attachment orientations and emotional responses to relationship-threatening events in dating couples?

This study examined relational-uncertainty perceptions (a form of cognitive appraisal) to investigate how partners in 272 heterosexual couples responded emotionally to a relationship-challenging event. Participants rated themselves on attachment anxiety and avoidance. Then, after listing a challenging event, they rated how uncertain it made them about their own and their partner's continued involvement in the relationship. Participants also rated how angry and fearful the event made them. An Actor-Partner Interdependence Model yielded three sets of results. First, actor effects from insecure attachment orientations to episodic relational uncertainty emerged. Second, proposed mediation between attachment orientations and emotional reactions by uncertainty was partially supported (perceived partner-uncertainty partially mediated the positive association of anxious attachment and fear, and self-uncertainty partially mediated the positive relation between avoidant attachment and anger). Finally, a partner effect was found between one couple member's avoidant attachment and the other's perceived partner uncertainty. Men and women exhibited similar findings.     

A fiery conflict: Attachment orientations and the effects of relational conflict on sexual motivation

This study examined the effects of relational conflict on sexual motivation. Sixty‐one couples were videotaped while discussing either a major relationship problem or their daily routine. Both partners then completed measures of sexual motives and rated their romantic partner's sexual attractiveness. Results showed that conflict discussion inhibited relationship‐based motives and had an adverse effect on women's perceptions of partner's attractiveness, but a beneficial effect on men's perceptions. Conflict discussion also inhibited self‐serving sexual motives such as having sex to obtain relief from stress among people with avoidant partners, suggesting that people are unlikely to turn to avoidant partners for sexual consolation. Implications for understanding the role of the sexual system in regulating reactions to relationship distressful events are discussed.     

Is it harmful to me or to us? A dyadic analysis of Chinese young adults' dysfunctional individuation and romantic relationship satisfaction

This study aimed at examining how romantically involved Chinese young adults' dysfunctional individuation was associated with their and their partners' perceptions of romantic relationship satisfaction. We recruited 296 Chinese couples who were currently in heterosexual romantic relationships at the university. The couples completed self-report measures of their dysfunctional individuation and relationship satisfaction. Results from the cross-sectional actor–partner interdependence model (APIM) indicated that (a) for both genders, actor effects existed: Chinese young adults' dysfunctional individuation was negatively associated with their romantic relationship satisfaction; (b) in terms of partners' effects, women's dysfunctional individuation was negatively associated with men's perceptions of relationship satisfaction; but (c) men's dysfunctional individuation was not significantly associated with women's perceptions of relationship satisfaction. The findings were the first to reveal the actor and partner effects of dysfunctional individuation on romantic relationship satisfaction. The study results provided practical implications regarding how young adults can have satisfying romantic relationships.     

Family-of-Origin Experiences and Conflict Resolution Behaviors of Young Adult Dating Couples

This study was conducted to explore the relationship among retrospective reports of family-of-origin functioning, reported perceptions of a laboratory-based conflict resolution discussion, and outsiders' ratings of communication behaviors between young adult dating couples, with a special focus on predicted gender differences. Sixty-three couples aged 18 to 24 participated in this study. A Revealed Differences task was used to elicit discussion about an issue identified as discordant for the couple on a Relationship Issue Questionnaire. Family-of-origin variables were related to both men's and women's perceptions of the conflict, as well as outsiders' ratings of their conflict resolution behaviors. However, the conflict resolution behaviors and perceptions of men and women were associated with distinctly different aspects of functioning in their families of origin. Further, women's families-of-origin factors were more prominent for the couples' communication behaviors because they indicated a greater number of significant correlations between the women's families of origin and: 1) perceptions of the conflict resolution discussion by both the men and women, and 2) the observed conflict resolution behaviors of both men and women. These findings are discussed in the context of both the relevant research and important social-political influences.     

Appearance feedback in intimate relationships: The role of self-verification and self-enhancement

To better understand how body image operates within the context of intimate relationships, we investigated women's responses to appearance feedback from an intimate partner. Participants (N = 192) imagined receiving feedback from their partner that was either consistent with their own appearance self-view (i.e., self-verifying), more positive (i.e., self-enhancing), or less positive (i.e., devaluing), and then provided their affective and cognitive reactions. As expected, women's perceptions of their own appearance moderated their reactions. Women with more negative self-views felt happier with enhancing feedback, but thought that it meant their partner understood them less well. They also felt less happy when they received verifying feedback, but felt more understood by their partners. Thus, women with body image dissatisfaction may find themselves stuck in the “cognitive-affective crossfire” reacting ambivalently whether their partner enhances their appearance or confirms their negative self-views. Further examination of partners’ actual feedback is needed.     

Sexual media use and relational satisfaction in heterosexual couples

This study assessed how sexual media use by one or both members of a romantic dyad relates to relationship and sexual satisfaction. A total of 217 heterosexual couples completed an Internet survey that assessed sexual media use, relationship and sexual satisfaction, and demographic variables. Results revealed that a higher frequency of men's sexual media use related to negative satisfaction in men, while a higher frequency of women's sexual media use related to positive satisfaction in male partners. Reasons for sexual media use differed by gender: Men reported primarily using sexual media for masturbation, while women reported primarily using sexual media as part of lovemaking with their partners. Shared sexual media use was associated with higher relational satisfaction compared to solitary sexual media use.     

Perceived involvement of network members in courtships: A test of the relational turbulence model

We seek to understand how the climate of courtship predicts people’s appraisals of the behavior of close friends and family members. To that end, we employ the relational turbulence model to examine the associations among intimacy, relational uncertainty, interference and facilitation from partners, and perceived network involvement. We conducted a cross‐sectional study in which 260 participants reported their perceptions of how much network members help and hinder their courtships. As we hypothesized, people perceived the least helpfulness and the most hindrance from network members at moderate levels of intimacy. Relationship uncertainty mediated the concave curvilinear association between intimacy and perceived helpfulness from network members, but interference from partners mediated the convex curvilinear association between intimacy and perceived hindrance from network members. We discuss how our findings (a) contribute to the literature on perceived network involvement, (b) illuminate nuances in perceived hindrance from network members, (c) extend the relational turbulence model, and (d) suggest the utility of educating people about how the climate of courtship may color their views of network members.     

Attachment experience and cortisol recovery from romantic conflict among young Chinese couples: A dyadic analysis

Using a sample of young adults, the present study investigated how the participants' attachment to romantic partners was related to that with their parents and peers and how this specific attachment experience was associated with their physiological stress response. We examined 121 pairs of young Chinese (N = 242) heterosexual couples (men's age: 22.26 ± 2.40; women's age: 21.62 ± 2.22) and their attachment to parents, peers, and romantic partners as well as their cortisol recovery from romantic conflict. Robust actor–partner interdependence mediation models showed that women's insecure parental and peer attachment was associated with blunted cortisol recovery from romantic stress through their fearful attachment with romantic partners, whereas men's insecure parental and peer attachment was associated with their partners' adaptive cortisol recovery from romantic stress through their fearful romantic attachment. These findings suggested that women's hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal-axis functioning seemed to be more strongly associated with their own and their partners' attachment relationships compared to men.     

A Model of the Perceived Competence of Conflict Strategies

This study examines how strategic communication is linked to specific relational features. We hypothesize that perceptions of a communicator's competence mediate the effects of conflict strategies on the relational outcomes measured by trust, control mutuality, intimacy, and satisfaction. The components of competence were specific and general appropriateness, effectiveness, and global competence; these were included in LISREL analyses to investigate How the variables conflict, competence, and relational outcomes were linked. Participants reported on their partners’ conflict strategies, their own perceptions of the partner's competence, and relational variables. The results reveal that integrative strategies were positively linked to competence, whereas distributive and avoidant strategies were negatively linked to competence. The results support the view that competence perceptions mediate the link between conflict messages and relational outcomes.     

The importance of similarity and understanding of partners' marital ideals to relationship satisfaction

This article extends earlier work on the association between relationship partners' similarity and understanding about marital ideals and relationship satisfaction by controlling for individual differences in stereotype endorsement or typical responding. For heterosexual couples we separated a measure of understanding into the general understanding of partners and understanding that is unique to the specific relationship partner. The measures of similarity and understanding were also separated into general similarity and understanding and into those that are unique between partners. We examined the contribution of each type of similarity and understanding to relationship satisfaction in 238 dating and married couples. Findings indicate that the more satisfied individuals believe that the partner endorses a “female” stereotype. Understanding does not relate to length of the relationship or satisfaction, but similarity in values does There is some indication that marital discord decreases with an increase in the male partners' understanding of their female partners.     

Cross Racial Identity Scale (CRIS) Scores: Stability and Relationships With Psychological Adjustment

A humor test composed of cartoons, comic strips, and jokes was administered to 30 college couples (26 single, 4 married) who rated them for humor. Subjects also stated how much they loved and liked their partner, their probability of marrying the partner, and filled out Rubin's Liking and Love Scales. The hypotheses were that similarity of rating of the humorous stimuli would be associated with loving, liking, and predisposition to marry. Hypotheses were confirmed.     

Demand and withdraw behaviors in couples with a history of infidelity

Although relationship distress and dissolution are common consequences of sexual involvement outside a committed relationship, there is little empirical information regarding communication behaviors of couples who have experienced extradyadic involvement (EDI). This study examined male and female demand and withdraw behaviors in videotaped conflict discussions among 170 married or seriously dating couples categorized into 3 groups: those without a history of sexual EDI, those with a history of sexual EDI that was known to the other partner, and those with a history of "unknown" (undisclosed or undiscovered) sexual EDI. Both men and women in a relationship where there was at least one unknown EDI demonstrated the highest levels of demand behaviors. Furthermore, demand behaviors were higher for participating partners (those engaging in an outside sexual relationship) in relationships with an unknown EDI compared with participating partners in relationships with a known EDI. Conversely, demand behaviors were higher among nonparticipating partners in relationships with known EDI, compared to with nonparticipating partners in relationships with unknown EDI. Withdraw behaviors demonstrated a less pronounced and less consistent pattern of elevation by EDI group, and role within EDI, compared with demand behaviors. Clinical and relational implications for these findings are discussed.