Going Too Far: Relational Heroines and Relational Excess

I consider the evolution of our relational ideal—its implications for our therapeutic goals, our patients, and for ourselves. Who do we aim to be in the consulting room? How do we view our patient—her potential and her limitations? What are the clinical goals of a relational analysis? What might those goals occlude? In this context I address the historical excesses of our ideal and the ways we may have gone too far.     

The soul of psychoanalysis in the modern world reflections on the work of Christopher Bollas

The paper begins with the claim that psychoanalysis faces a dilemma in locating itself in a contemporary world that devalues experiences of interiority, depth, and embeddedness in personal history. Psychoanalysis's coming to terms with this modern world—reflected in contemporary relational paradigms and emphases on interaction, authority, and epistemology—is essential yet tends to replace an outdated conformity with an updated one, in which what is offered to analysands may become limited and the soul of psychoanalysis lost.

Bollas's work attempts to reinspire psychoanalysis. This paper explores his contributions and the tensions within them and develops several points about how psychoanalysis can maintain a worthwhile self—for itself and for its analysands—in the modern world. Among the issues discussed are the sense in which an endogenous motivational core associated with an emphasis on interiority may be compatible with a relational paradigm and how the notion of personal idiom is a rich and fruitful one, but that the cultural field deserves a more fundamental place than it is given by Bollas. The problem of authority and exploitation, within and outside the consulting room, is also taken up, and it is argued that psychoanalysis should be conceived as a moral discourse in which the analyst's self‐subverting (but not diminished) authority is essential.     

Does Truth Matter? Introduction to Papers by Jody Davies,Shlomit Gadot,and Donnel Stern

Each of these three essays touches on the universal meaning and relevance of truth. Yet all are dealing with the relational truths that survive and hold us after the 2016 election amounted to a loss of certain assumed truths of everyday life.

Donnel Stern asks, If relational truth is constructed, dialogical, multiple, how does this belief survive when we find ourselves outraged, by what seem like cavalier untruths—lies, some kind of runaway, twittered, subjective truth? He argues that a credible, measurable, objectivity about certain truths indeed survives perfectly well within our overall relational worldview.

Shlomit Gadot adds that truth, relational truth, does and can exist most stably in our essential recognition of the multiplicity of (often relationally shaped) premises, frameworks, perspectives on truth. What “matters” when truth becomes threatened with serious shattering (here in a clash with love) is that she begins with an effort at genuine openness to the truth of the other.

Jody Davies implies that relational truth at virtually in all levels is embedded with the trauma narrative of truth, its meanings, and motivated hiding as we know it clinically. Truth survives its subjective shattering by recognizing that within the sociopolitical realm, we are being abused and traumatized by political authority and an abusive father.

The complexity of relational truth may involve creatively grieving certain certainties about truth that we may have experienced as lost. Truth in these three essays may lie in our overall effort to be equal to the full complexity of that loss and, paradoxically, to become expanded and more deeply connected through that experience.     

Destructive Criticism Revisited: Appraisals,Task Outcomes,and the Moderating Role of Competitiveness

Destructive criticism is negative feedback that is inconsiderate in style and content, which exists at the intersection of performance feedback and interpersonal mistreatment. The current research integrates these literatures with an investigation of the effects of destructive versus constructive criticism from a co‐worker on recipients' relational appraisals, emotions, and task outcomes. Drawing from theorising about cognitive appraisals after personal affronts, we first propose that those who experience destructive criticism are more likely than those who experience constructive criticism to (a) perceive that the feedback‐giver intended to harm them, (b) blame the feedback‐giver, (c) distrust the feedback‐giver, and (d) feel anger. Second, with regard to task‐related outcomes, we extend research on trait moderators of feedback responses to the study of destructive criticism. We draw from feedback intervention theory ( Kluger & DeNisi, 1996 ) regarding how feedback may alter the locus of attention to be either self‐ or task‐focused, and investigate a trait that may shift one's attention to the self after destructive criticism. Specifically, we proposed that trait competitiveness—i.e. a desire to win over others—interacts with type of criticism to predict task‐related outcomes. The results of two experiments—a scenario study and a behavioral experiment—provide support for our arguments.     

Location,Location, Location: Applying Spatial Statistics to the Relationship Landscape

The desire to understand relationships is a passion shared by professionals in research, clinical, and educational settings. Questionnaires are frequently used in each of these settings for a multitude of purposes—such as screening, assessment, program evaluation, or establishing therapeutic effectiveness. However, clinical issues arise when a couple's answers on questionnaires do not match clinical judgment or lack clinical utility, while statistical problems arise when data from both partners are put into analyses. This article introduces the use of geospatial statistics to analyze couple data plotted on a two‐dimensional “relational map.” Relationship maps can increase assessment sensitivity, track treatment progress, and remove statistical issues typically associated with couple data. This article briefly introduces core assumptions of spatial models, illustrates the use of spatial models in creating a relational landscape of divorce, offers suggestions for the use of relational maps in a clinical setting, and explores future research ideas.     

Being “Done For” in Analysis: Commentary on Paper by Stuart A. Pizer

Stuart A. Pizer's fascinating article explores through a relational lens analytic impasse, and its manifestation through transference and countertransference love. How this love is demonstrated (or not) and the ways in which we provide for our patients will have profound effect on the process (and progress) of any treatment. But, too often, reluctance to “do for” our patients compromises our ability to provide what may be needed in any given moment. Perhaps an expansion of the “doer—done to” dyadic paradigm into a “doer—done for” model might allow more analytic leeway and more possibility of growth within our patients.     

Introduction

This introduction presents the work of three colleagues—Stephen H. Cooper, Ken Corbett, and Stephen Seligman—writing on the importance of reverie, silence, internal work in and by the analyst as a crucial interface with relational and intersubjective analytic work. All three consider their work an engaged critique of the focus on action and interaction in relational accounts of process. The panel includes commentary by Anthony Bass and Donnel B. Stern and a collective response to the discussions by Cooper, Corbett, and Seligman. This introduction considered the potential for internal critique within a relational community, considers the group process in which critique may be produced, and encourages the development of ways of exploring difference.     

Relational Trouble: Reply to Commentaries

This reply to the commentaries by Corbett, Hansell, and Stern explores whether Lacan's concept of the real can—or should—be translated into more readily recognizable terms. It extends our previous discussion of impossibility by arguing that not all ideas and experiences can be brought within the realm of the known and familiar. We suggest that impossibilities of meaning should not be understood primarily in phenomenological terms, and we demur from the assessment that our concept of impossibility offers nothing for clinical work. Claiming that what resists meaning also impedes relationality, we encourage relational theorists to address the nonrelational processes that subtend relationality, including the relation between analyst and patient. We acknowledge that the theory of impossibility—or what we now call “negative mediation”—raises a fundamental challenge to relational theory, but we insist that disruptions of relationality need not be considered pathological. Taking into account the nonrelational may enhance rather than impoverish relational psychoanalysis.     

Counseling in a Complex World: Advancing Relational Well-Being

In a globalized world, people's attempts at living a good life interfere with one another in complex ways. In particular, tension and conflict are inevitable. This confronts counselors/therapists with the ethical question of how to take into account (global) interdependence and relational complexity. In this article, I explore what moral visions—assumptions of what a person is and should be—help counselors shift their focus from individual to relational well-being. First, I examine the moral vision of narrative therapy, as an alternative to more traditional, individualistic moral visions. Then, I construct a moral vision of relational being, based on the relational being perspective of Kenneth Gergen. This vision represents an ethical stance that may, using work by philosopher Judith Butler, be understood as an ethic of recognition and nonviolence. Finally, implications of the moral vision of relational being for counseling/therapeutic practice are explored.     

Sexual well-being and perceived stress in couples transitioning to parenthood: A dyadic analysis

Background/ObjectiveThe transition to parenthood encompasses several psychological and relational changes that might contribute to couples’ high levels of stress postpartum. Although common across the postpartum, couples’ sexual changes are frequently overlooked.MethodWe surveyed 255 mixed-sex new parent couples to examine the associations between sexual well-being—sexual satisfaction, desire, and postpartum sexual concerns—and perceived stress postpartum. Couples completed self-report questionnaires assessing perceived stress and sexual well-being.ResultsFor both mothers and fathers, greater sexual satisfaction was associated with their partners’ lower perceived stress and, for fathers, this was also associated with their own lower perceived stress. For mothers, greater partner-focused sexual desire was associated with their own lower perceived stress whereas, for fathers, greater partner-focused sexual desire was associated with their partners’ higher perceived stress. In addition, greater solitary sexual desire and postpartum sexual concerns were associated with both parents’ own higher perceived stress.ConclusionsThis study highlights the association between sexual well-being and couples’ postpartum stress, suggesting that more positive sexual experiences are linked to lower perceptions of stress across this vulnerable period. Couples’ sexual well-being may be an important target for interventions aimed at helping postpartum couples cope with stress.     

RELATIONAL SCHEMATA

One key task of research in relational communication is to understand how relational knowledge guides communicative processes. A necessary step in that direction is to determine what form of relational knowledge guides the cognitive processes involved in producing and comprehending messages. Based on tests of other forms of social knowledge, the best unobtrusive indicator of relational knowledge was determined to be systematic distortions in memory. Three forms of relational knowledge—general dimensional knowledge, situation-specific knowledge, and behavior-specific knowledge—were contrasted for their ability to account for biases in memory for relational implications of remarks in conversations. Two sets of results were noteworthy. First, very strong effects on both accuracy and direction of memory were found, indicating that some form of relational knowledge guided memory for conversations. Second, when the three forms of relational knowledge were contrasted, only one—behavior-specific knowledge—accounted for a significant proportion of those memory effects (83% for accuracy and 85% for errors). The findings challenge the validity of well-established dimension- and situation-based approaches to relational knowledge and suggest alternative approaches that may be more compatible with the uses to which relational knowledge is put in communication.     

The Philosophical Personality

The authors adopt a critico‐sociological methodology to investigate the current state of the philosophical profession. According to them, the question concerning the status of philosophy (“What is philosophy?”) cannot be answered from within the precinct of philosophical reason alone, since philosophy—understood primarily as a profession—is marked by a constitutive type of self‐ignorance that prevents it from reflecting upon its own sociological conditions of actuality. This ignorance, which is both cause and effect of the organization and investment of philosophical desire, causes philosophers to lose themselves in an ideological myth (“the philosopher as idea(l)”) according to which philosophers are unaffected by the material conditions in which they exist. This myth prevents philosophers from noticing the extent to which their activity is influenced by extra‐philosophical determinants that shape, empirically, who becomes a professional philosopher (“the philosopher as imago”) and who doesn't. This article explores the relationship between philosophy's “idea(l)” and its “imago” as a way of shedding light on some of the mechanisms that make philosophy inhospitable for so many women, people of color, and economic minorities.     

Relationship quality promotes the desire for closeness among distressed avoidantly attached individuals

Individuals who experience attachment avoidance tend to desire less closeness in their romantic relationships than others, especially when experiencing distress. However, emerging research suggests that avoidant individuals value social closeness and are more comfortable with it when they perceive that seeking closeness is welcomed. Thus, this research examined the relationship characteristics that might predict avoidant individuals seeking more closeness than they would otherwise. We investigated whether perceiving their relationship to be high quality would predict avoidant individuals desiring more closeness when distressed. We hypothesized that avoidant individuals who perceived their relationship to be high quality would desire greater closeness with their partners when distressed—counteracting their tendency to eschew relational closeness. A study of dating couples supported this hypothesis.     

Having the will,finding the ways,and wishes for the future: A model of relational hope and well-being

Hope is a ubiquitous experience in daily life and acts as a force to help individuals attain desired future outcomes. In the current paper, we review existing research on hope and its benefits. Building on this work, we propose a new model of hope in romantic relationships. Our model seeks to expand the study of hope, addressing limitations of past research by bringing hope into the interpersonal domain and adding a future-oriented perspective. More specifically, we argue that relational hope encompasses three facets, including relational agency, relational pathways, and relational aspirations, or what we call the wills, ways, and wishes people have in their relationship. We outline specific ways that these three facets may promote well-being in romantic relationships. First, we propose that relational agency—the motivation to achieve relational goals—fuels approach-motivated goals, which in turn promotes higher quality relationships. Additionally, we posit that relational pathways—the perception of sufficient strategies to pursue relational goals—enhance self-regulation to support effective communication and conflict management with a romantic partner. Finally, we propose that relational aspirations—the positive emotions felt in anticipation of future relationship outcomes—foster growth beliefs which in turn promote relationship maintenance and commitment over time. While our model posits that relational hope has many potential benefits for relationships, we also discuss key contexts in which hope may undermine relationships and well-being. Overall, our proposed model of relational hope offers a new area of insight into how hope may shape well-being in romantic relationships.     

The Primary Maternal Oedipal Situation and Female Homoerotic Desire

In this paper, I closely examine classical psychoanalytic theory on the female oedipal complex in order to shed light on same-sex object choice. Given that the mother is the first love object for the girl as well as for the boy, the girl's object relational constellation centrally involves the experience of homoeroticism as well as heteroeroticism. Yet, it remains a question as to whether a mother can see her daughter as a sexual subject; can mother–daughter homoerotic desire be experienced and validated by the mother? That a girl desires her mother is generally not seen or registered by the mother; it remains an unrecognized desire.

I suggest that the obscuring of female desire has to do centrally with the fate of eroticism in the early mother–daughter relationship. I propose relabeling the “negative oedipal complex” in girls as “the primary maternal oedipal situation.” Issues involving invisibility or stigmatization of one's erotic desire likely pose a significant challenge to the self–esteem of many lesbians. It is important in clinical work with lesbian patients to be open to a complex interweaving of developmental experiences, varying with each individual, some of which may have been damaging to, and others strengthening of, female sexuality.     

Altruism as Reparation of Mismatch or Disruption in the Self

ABSTRACT

After giving a brief summary of the scientific literature on altruism and empathy—a capacity necessary for altruism—I focus on a scientific paradigm, the face-to-face still face, and what insights it might offer psychoanalysts in their understanding of altruism. The face-to-face still face provides data about the communication of intentions and affect between infant and caregiver and demonstrates the procedure of mutual regulation, the foundation of self-regulation and empathy. Both infant and caregiver are highly motivated to repair mismatches or disruptions in the affective connection between them and this desire to repair disruptions can also be recognized in adulthood—both in relationships between individuals and within an individual in terms of disconnections with the self. The subjective experience of the altruist may derive from this domain of human experience—the repair of disruption. I thus suggest that altruism is not merely sublimation of inner conflict, but it is an adaptive, evolutionarily beneficial, attitude and behavior that is growth enhancing in that it expands the individual’s repertoire for repairing mismatches within the self.     

Young Women's Dating Behavior: Why/Why Not Date a Nice Guy?

The purpose of this study was to investigate why some women report a desire to date nice guys but prefer dating jerks. Specifically, young women's dating choices based on their reasons for dating in general and the attractive/unattractive traits that they perceive that a man possesses were explored. Popular texts offer evidence that young women may/may not select nice guys as dating partners because nice guys may/may not be able to provide them with what they want from their dating experiences. Scholarly texts offer evidence that the answer may lie in how the young woman perceives the nice guy—does he possess attractive or unattractive personality traits? The results of the present study suggest that reasons for dating (i.e., not wanting physical contact, wanting stimulating conversation, and wanting an exclusive relationship) and perceived personality traits (i.e., sweet/nice and physically attractive) influence a young woman's desire to date a nice guy, and that perceived personality traits are better predictors of her choice of a man to date than are reasons for dating.     

Contexts,Polarities, and Pluralism. Discussion of Slochower’s “Going Too Far: Relational Heroines and Relational Excess”

In her searching paper “Going Too Far: Relational Heroines and Relational Excess,” (this issue) Slochower finds the potential for excess as inherent in any psychoanalytic theory. I argue that context is key in understanding this phenomenon within relational psychoanalysis; what she describes may not be the case for other theories. The beginnings of relational theory as a movement, generational and radical, could lead to therapeutic overconfidence or certainty around countertransference insights and disclosures. Slochower sees an abundance of certainty in this stance, as well as pressure for premature mutuality. As a complement or balance to this intense mode of interpersonal engagement, Slochower elaborates her own work on holding, wherein the analyst “brackets” her experience and respects the patient’s need for privacy and nonimpingement. Uncertainty is an affirmative stance in letting the patient’s inner life come into being. There are a number of polarities in Slochower’s paper—between mutuality and privacy, certainty and uncertainty, and in the origin story of relational psychoanalysis between relational and classical theories. I argue that pluralism offers a path forward from polarities to a rich complex world of multiple possibilities and recognition of different minds and theories.     

When is Topic Avoidance Unsatisfying?

Despite theoretical arguments that avoiding certain topics can be functional, there is consistent evidence that avoiding topics tends to be associated with dissatisfying relationships. This disparity between theory and empirical findings suggests a need to understand better the connection between topic avoidance and relational dissatisfaction. The current study, which is grounded in communication privacy management theory (Petronio, 2002), examines this issue by investigating moderators of the connection between avoidance and dissatisfaction. Data were gathered from 114 parent–child dyads and 100 heterosexual dating couples. Results suggested that the associations between topic avoidance and relational dissatisfaction were moderated by individuals’ motivations for avoidance and by personal and relational characteristics that are conceptually linked to such motivations. These findings are consistent with theoretical arguments that topic avoidance can be benign—and even helpful—in some relational circumstances.