Co-Authoring “We-ness” and Stories of Intimacy

Drawing from narrative ideas and practices, we consider how individuals, couples, and couples with therapists co-author and co-edit stories of “we-ness,” a kind of relational consciousness, and intimacy in the context of research interviews. Adapting the “small story” narrative approach of Michael Bamberg, and recognizing researcher reflexivity, we present details from two separate studies into: (1) how cohabitating couples co-authored stories of “we-ness” in and beyond a research interview; and (2) how young married couples co-authored stories of “we-ness” by describing how they made significant decisions together through difficult yet successful conversations. Inviting such stories of “we-ness” can talk this intimacy into being. We relate the processes and outcomes of these studies to using a narrative approach to help individuals and couples with concerns about intimacy within the context of therapy.     

Save the young--the elderly have lived their lives: ageism in marriage and family therapy

The paucity of literature addressing mental health issues concerning geriatric populations represents the perpetuation of ageist practices and beliefs in the field of marriage and family therapy. The purpose of this study was to assess whether client age and clinical training relate to the evaluation of couples who present for conjoint therapy. Written vignettes describing two couples, one older and one younger, who report issues involving the absence of sexual intimacy, increased frequency of arguments, and increased use of alcohol were evaluated by practicing marriage and family therapists, therapists-in-training, and individuals with no clinical background. It was hypothesized that respondents' views would vary in connection with the age of the couple and with the three levels of participant training. Results indicate that client age and participant training are associated with perceptions of individual and couple functioning. Our findings suggest that the relational and mental health concerns experienced by elder couples are not perceived as seriously as are identical concerns experienced by younger couples. Contrary to our expectations the observed differences between views of the two age conditions did not significantly differ between levels of participant training. Training and experience in marriage and family therapy may not significantly mitigate vulnerability to age-discrepant views.     

A Tale of Two Standards: An Examination of Young Adults�� Endorsement of Gendered and Ageist Sexual Double Standards

Current North American sexual standards allow women to be sexual within committed relationships but may still restrict women??s sexuality to a greater extent than men??s. We investigated whether these gender double standards interact with an age double standard that describes the elderly as less sexual than the young, to create particularly limiting sexual standards for older women. 305 Canadian undergraduates completed a 2 (target age) × 2 (target gender) × 2 (participant gender) within-subjects study measuring perceptions of younger (own age) and older (over 65 years old) men??s and women??s interest in traditional sex (e.g., cuddling, intercourse with main partner) and experimental sex (e.g., extra-relationship sex, viewing erotic materials). ANCOVAs controlling for ageist and sexist beliefs revealed the ageist double standard; the elderly were perceived to be less interested in sex overall than the young. There was also a sexual double standard; women were perceived to be more interested in traditional sex than men, and men more interested in experimental sex than women. For traditional sex, women perceived younger targets as more interested than the older targets, and women targets as more interested than men. For experimental sex, a three-way interaction showed the interplay between the sexual and ageist double standards. Elderly female targets were perceived as least interested, and young male targets as most interested. Results reinforce that the current sexual standards distinguish between sex for intimacy and sex for other reasons (e.g., pleasure) and that the standards are particularly restrictive for older women.     

The Impact of Depressive Symptoms and Health on Sexual Satisfaction for Older Couples: Implications for Clinicians

This study of 535 older married couples examined the relationship between depression and health and sexual satisfaction directly and when mediated by communication. The sample included 535 older couples who completed a survey questionnaire known as Project Couple Retire. Among the items in the questionnaire were measures of depression, health, perception of sexual intimacy, communication and other demographic information. Results from Structural Equation Modeling indicated that for women, health was a significant predictor of sexual satisfaction. For both genders, the results suggest that depression, when mediated by communication, is a predictor of sexual satisfaction among older couples. Implications for clinicians are discussed.     

“Some days are much holier than others”: Relational uncertainty and partner influence in Christian dating couples' sexual intimacy negotiation

When intrafaith couples' religion strictly prohibits premarital sexual intercourse, negotiating sexual intimacy can become a multilayered process of identity negotiation that compounds the difficulty of sexual communication. Through the lens of relational turbulence theory, this study explored how devout Christian couples negotiate sexual intimacy by reanalyzing qualitative interview data the first author collected in 2017 from 16 self-identified Christians (8 heterosexual couples). Seven themes revealed how relational uncertainty, partner interference, and partner facilitation manifested in the context of sexual intimacy negotiation. Themes of relational uncertainty experience and prevention included assumption of shared values, relationship talk, and sexual behaviors as an uncertainty catalyst. Partner facilitation and interference emerged as themes of sexual escalation and de-escalation including snowball effect, pinpointing underlying motivations for boundary violations, gatekeeping sexual temptation, and drawing from shared values of sacrifice and prayer. These interpretive findings advance the literature on relational turbulence theory and provide Christian dating couples with practical advice for how to negotiate sexual intimacy in committed premarital relationships.     

Using Dreams in Treating Couples' Sexual Issues

The authors demonstrate use of couples' dreams in couple therapy for problems with intimacy, sexuality, and fidelity. Condensation, symbolization, and projective identification are mechanisms that result in the conversion of emotional and relational pain into sexual symptomatology. Dreams use similar processes to hide and at the same time convey emotional issues, and so dream analysis with couples is particularly useful in exploring and treating dysfunctional sexual relationships. As in individual psychoanalysis and psychotherapy, dreams in couple therapy express the transference. The authors show how dream analysis renders the couple's shared transference for resolution in the treatment process.     

Negotiating an Open Marriage in Couple Therapy

Open marriages as arrangements between married couples to explore sexual and emotional intimacy with partners outside the marriage have been documented in research in other countries. This paper focuses on two case examples of couples seen in therapy to negotiate an open marriage. This is a new therapeutic trend in India, driven by various social and cultural changes. The therapeutic processes and the key challenges in working with couples in open marriages are outlined. Implications for couple therapy practice in the Indian socio-cultural context are explored.     

The paradox of trust for male couples: When risking is a part of loving

Among gay men, there is evidence to suggest that serious, committed male couples practice especially risky sex. To understand the reasons why male couples might take such risks, 92 participants (46 long-term couples) were asked to complete a survey in which they independently indicated their sexual practices, why they engaged in them, and their attitudes toward relationships. Three sets of findings suggest a paradoxical relationship between emotional intimacy and sexual risk: (1) love, trust, and commitment were used more often to explain riskier than safer sex; (2) those more dependent upon their relationships and who desired a stable and lasting relationship practiced riskier sex; and (3) requesting safer sex had negative connotations (e.g., suspicion of extrarelationship sexual contacts). Of those who practiced safer sex (i.e., protected anal sex), 94% indicated that they did so because of their “fear of AIDS.” Implications of these findings for developing HIV interventions for male couples are discussed.     

EMDR and Emotionally Oriented Couples Therapy

When reviewing past and current research on the role of emotion in couples therapy, there appeared to be a lack of articulation concerning how emotional expressions and relational dynamics are affected by emotional trauma that has not been accessed. The authors demonstrate how emotionally and experientially oriented therapy with couples can be enhanced by accessing stored trauma through the use of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). This approach is called Eye Movement Relationship Enhancement (EMRE) therapy and includes key clinical areas such as accessing and tolerating previously disowned emotion, reprocessing emotional experiences, and amplifying couple intimacy. These key areas are discussed and illustrated with case examples.     

Male Emotional Intimacy: How Therapeutic Men's Groups Can Enhance Couples Therapy

Men's difficulty with emotional intimacy is a problem that therapists regularly encounter in working with heterosexual couples in therapy. The first part of this article describes historical and cultural factors that contribute to this dilemma in men's marriages and same-sex friendships. Therapeutic men's groups can provide a corrective experience for men, helping them to develop emotional intimacy skills while augmenting their work in couples therapy. A model for such groups is presented, including guidelines for referral, screening, and collaboration with other therapists. Our therapeutic approach encourages relationship-based learning through direct emotional expression and supportive feedback. We emphasize the development of friendship skills , core attributes of friendship ( connection, communication, commitment, and cooperation ) that contribute to emotional intimacy in men's relationships. Case examples are included to illustrate how this model works in clinical practice, as well as specific suggestions for further study that could lead to a more evidence-based practice.     

Integrating Sex Therapy Interventions with Couple Therapy

This conceptual/clinical paper presents a couple, integrative, psychobiosocial model of assessment, treatment, and relapse prevention for common sexual dysfunctions. The goal is to encourage couple therapists to integrate sexual permission-giving, scientifically and clinically relevant sexual information and guidelines, and specific sexual suggestions/interventions into their couple work. The artificial barriers between couple and sex therapy is to the detriment of couples who need to address intimacy and sexuality problems.     

Couples Therapy with Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivors (CSA) and their Partners: Establishing a Context for Witnessing

This article proposes a clinical practice for therapy with couples in which one partner suffered sexual abuse in childhood. Such couples often encounter unique difficulties with physical contact, intimacy, sexuality, communication, and trust, and their relationship dynamic may be marked by reenactments of past traumatic relational patterns. This clinical practice is founded on the assumption that establishing the witnessing lacking during the traumatic event in childhood can break the traumatic reenactments in adulthood, and spur recovery. The suggested practice may facilitate twofold witnessing: the couple's therapist witnesses the reenactments of the trauma in the couple's relationship; and the survivor's partner witnesses the trauma's effect on the survivor's personal life and relationship. Twofold witnessing can help break the cycle of traumatic reenactment and help the survivor integrate the events of her life into a more coherent, continuous narrative. The partner's presence also facilitates acknowledgement of what happened to the survivor, and helps the survivor elaborate on her stories of resistance, survival, and strength. Finally, each of the partners is able to appear more wholly and fully, and together to tell the preferred stories of their life as a couple, replete with the multiple relational patterns they wish to live, which may contradict the characteristics of the original trauma.     

A Multifaceted and Dyadic Examination of Intimate Relationship Quality during Pregnancy: Implications for Global Relationship Satisfaction

Understanding how couples navigate and negotiate the challenges and demands of pregnancy has important implications for family health. The aim of this study was to apply a multidimensional model of intimate relationship quality in a sample of 154 pregnant, cohabitating couples, to investigate the association between a range of intimate relationship processes (i.e., emotional intimacy, conflict management, sexual quality, received respect and acceptance, and received support) and the global relationship satisfaction of each partner. Semistructured clinical interviews were administered to each partner assessing multiple qualities of the relationship, and participants completed home surveys of global relationship satisfaction each day for 14 days. Results demonstrated that multiple dimensions of the intimate relationship were associated with greater relationship satisfaction. Some processes (e.g., degree of emotional intimacy and closeness, conflict management) had larger effects on relationship satisfaction than others (e.g., quality of the sexual relationship). Furthermore, some processes were more important for maternal than paternal satisfaction (e.g., emotional intimacy, support, respect). Finally, results varied, to some degree, as a function of whether parents were transitioning to parenthood for the first time. We discuss the implications of adopting a multidimensional approach to studying the specific relationship processes associated with global relationship satisfaction and present implications for clinicians working with couples navigating the transition into parenthood.     

Attachment,sexual experience,and sexual pressure in romantic relationships: A dyadic approach

The goal of this research was to extend the previously documented associations between attachment style and sexual experiences in samples of adolescents and college students to adult couples in committed romantic relationships. A sample of 273 French‐Canadian heterosexual couples aged 18–35 years completed measures of attachment‐related anxiety and avoidance, sexual coercion, and sexual experiences in their relationships. Avoidant attachment was related to two strategies for limiting intimacy in sexual relationships: avoidance of sexual encounters and avoidance of sexual fantasies about one’s partner (the latter for women only). Anxious attachment appeared to interfere with comfortable intimacy, especially among men, who viewed their partner as avoiding sex and who applied more insistent pressure to have sex.     

The Meta Marriage: Links Between Older Couples' Relationship Narratives and Marital Satisfaction

Drawing upon a relatively understudied population and a unique observational task, the current study sought to examine how older couples' interactional behaviors during a relationship narrative task were associated with marital satisfaction over time. Using observational data from a sample of 64 older, higher‐functioning married couples, we analyzed a series of Actor–Partner Independence Models (APIM) to explore how couples' interactional behaviors during a relationship narrative task were associated with spouses' marital satisfaction both concurrently and one year later. Analyses revealed that spouses' behaviors (e.g., expressions of positive affect, negative affect, communication skills, engagement) were associated with their self‐reported marital satisfaction both at the time of the narrative and with changes in marital satisfaction. We found particularly robust evidence for the role of husbands' negative affect during the narrative task in predicting changes in both spouses' marital satisfaction over time. Our results indicate that researchers and clinicians should carefully consider the influence of development on the associations between spouses' behaviors and marital satisfaction. Further, those seeking to improve marriages in later life may need to consider the meaningful role that gender appears to play in shaping the marital experiences of older couples.     

Relationship Conflict and Restoration Model: A Preliminary Exploration of Concepts and Therapeutic Utility

The article examines preliminary results of the reconciliation cycle presented as part of the Relationship Conflict and Restoration Model (RCRM). This model is an integration of attachment theory, contextual family therapy, and narrative approaches. The model was implemented in a workshop format with 5 couples. Implications from this workshop are presented regarding the relationship between the primary constructs of the reconciliation cycle. Initial impressions indicate that the constructs of justice, empathy, trust, forgiveness, and grace are related to a couple’s overall experience of intimacy, offering support for the model. Implications of the RCRM are discussed.