The discourses of intimacy: adding a social constructionist and feminist view

Though most people desire intimacy in their primary relationships, it is more elusive than not. I argue that people's assumptions about intimacy interfere with their creation of it. Using a social constructionist and feminist perspective, two prevailing discourses of intimacy that shape our ideas about intimacy are identified and critiqued. Both tend to direct attention away from an assessment of particular interactions to a global assessment of the capacity of an individual or a relationship to provide intimacy. An alternative is proposed in which intimacy is conceptualized as built up from single intimate or non-intimate interactions that can produce a variety of experiences, including connection and domination. My critique of the two discourses of intimacy rests fundamentally on the belief that they obscure crucial distinctions that a discourse of intimacy as meaning-making would reveal, in particular, that there are politics nestled in the heart of intimacy.     

Facilitating marital intimacy through self-disclosure

Abstract

Intimacy is one of several interpersonal dimensions which describe the quality of a marital relationship. An operational definition of intimacy is presented. Evidence that a lack of intimacy is associated with nonpsychotic emotional illness, marital maladjustment and family dysfunction is reviewed. A technique is described which facilitates marital intimacy through self-disclosure. Evidence is presented that cognitive self-disclosure is a major determinant of a couple's level of intimacy. The assumption is made that facilitating cognitive self-disclosure will increase intimacy with subsequent improvement of neurotic symptoms and marital maladjustment. A case is presented which demonstrates that a structured technique for selfdisclosure of relevant assumptions in a reciprocal manner to a supportive listener can facilitate a couple's level of intimacy. The role of self-disclosure, modeling and cognitive restructuring as therapeutic factors are discussed.     

What we do and don't know about sex offenders' intimacy dispositions

Despite the significant role attributed to intimacy deficits in the etiology of sexual offending, current understanding of sex offenders' intimacy dispositions remains limited. The present article reviews the theoretical and empirical literature in order to better define the intimacy dispositions of sex offenders, and understand the role of intimacy in sexual offending. Research on sex offenders evidences a marked fear of intimacy and a low involvement in practices that can lead to intimacy, which suggests a poor inclination for the experience of intimacy. Moreover, scarce available data show that aspects of intimacy increase sex offenders' susceptibility to adopt sexually abusive behaviors. Although research has suggested that intimacy deficits contribute to sexual offending behaviors, no common operationalizable definition of intimacy has yet been put forth. Consequently, our understanding of the components of intimacy and their specific etiological role in interpersonal functioning and in sexual offending lacks theorization and evidence-based research. The present article proposes to answer the following question: what are the intimacy deficits in sex offenders identified in the scientific literature, and what is the role of these deficits in sexually offending behaviors?     

Intimacy, loneliness and sexual offenders

As part of a general theory of sexual offending, it is suggested that the failure to achieve intimacy in relations with adults produces emotional loneliness, which leads to an aggressive disposition, and a tendency to pursue sex with diverse partners in the hope of finding intimacy through sexuality or through less threatening partners. The development of intimacy and its benefits are described, as are the consequences that befall those who fail to achieve it. The history of sexual offenders illustrates why they fail to develop the attitudes and skills necessary to attain intimacy, and why this failure leads to sexual abuse. Finally, suggestions are made for the modification of programs for the assessment and treatment of sexual offenders, in order to include problems of intimacy and loneliness.     

Between two intimacies: The formative contexts of individual experience

While it is essential that we live as self-defined individuals, independently negotiating with an independent reality, this experience is not exhaustive of our reality. Such experience is importantly contextualized by two other kinds of experience, each an experience of intimacy. First, independent individuality depends upon a process of childhood development in which identity is formed through a familial intimacy in which the child lives from a non-reflective, bodily sense of a sharedness of identity with another (typically, but not necessarily, the mother). Second, independent individuality finds its healthy development in the establishment of new intimate bonds; these adult intimacies, unlike childhood intimacy, are bonds between persons who themselves have developed the sense of independent individuality and thus have experiential characteristics significantly different from those of childhood intimacy. From a developmental perspective, each of these two forms of intimacy is something good in itself but also something whose good resides in its enabling of something else, childhood intimacy facilitating the transformation into independent individuality and adult intimacy facilitating a transformative engagement with one's own limitations.     

The association between intimacy goals and plans for initiating dating relationships

This research examines the association between the strength of an individual’s intimacy goals in dating and preferences for dating partners, relationship initiation strategies, and contexts in which to pursue dating. Two studies demonstrate that intimacy goal strength positively corresponds with preferring partners who have strong intimacy and are warm and open, similar in attitudes and interests, and securely attached. The strength of intimacy goals also positively corresponds with the perceived use and effectiveness of emotional involvement as a strategy for initiating dating and negatively with meeting potential partners at campus parties. Data collected at a 4‐month follow‐up indicate that a stronger focus on intimacy goals is associated with entering a dating relationship for men, but not for women.     

The development of adolescent sexual intimacy: implications for counseling

This paper proposes a perspective for understanding the development of adolescent sexual intimacy. A "transitional stage" is described in which adolescents, driven by a variety of developmental needs influenced by external forces such as peers and family, experiment with sexual behaviors. The completion of the transitional stage results in the adolescent's ability to achieve "relational" sexual intimacy, which is also described. The problems and implications for counseling associated with the biophysiological and family dynamic influences on the development of adolescent sexual intimacy are discussed.     

Narcissism and Dependency in the Obsessional-Hysteric Marriage

Marriages in which one partner is an obsessional neurotic and the other an hysteric lead to certain patterns of difficulty and conflict that are functions both of the character structure of each and of their interaction. The central dynamic task of marriage is the development and integration of constructive and viable patterns of intimacy. Both the obsessional and the hysteric have serious problems with intimacy and introduce into the marriage distortions and limitations of experience which restrict or even bar intimacy. This paper will examine some of the interpersonal and transactional dynamics considered especially important in such relationships.     

Friendship and Reasons of Intimacy

Reasons of intimacy, i.e. reasons to care for friends and other intimates, resist categorization as either subjective Humean reasons or as objective consequentialist reasons. Reasons of intimacy are grounded in the friendship relation itself. not in the psychological attitudes of the agent or in the objective intrinsic value of the friend or the friendship. So reasons of intimacy are objective and agent-relative and can be understood by analogy with reasons of fidelity and reasons of prudence. Such an analogy can help us to understand which objective agent-relative reasons we have and which, such as deontological constraints, we do not have.     

Homophobia, perceived fathering, and male intimate relationships

This study examined the relationships among homophobia, perceived fathering, and male intimacy with significant male and female best friends. A questionnaire, administered to 130 adult heterosexual males, included McDonald and Game's homophobia measure (ATHMS), eight intimacy scales, and four scales measuring subjects' recollections of their fathers' parenting styles. Correlations of ATHMS and individual intimacy scales revealed a significant relationship between homophobia and intimacy in male-male relationships. Homophobia was related to male-female intimacy on those measures which reflected subjects' perception of their female partner's sensitivity to them. Although homophobia was related to perception of the father as enforcing sex roles, none of the perceived fathering variables were directly related to intimacy with males. The findings provide evidence for a direct relationship between male homophobia and lack of intimacy in friendships between men.     

Intimacy expectations in same-sex friendships: a prototype interaction-pattern model

A prototype interaction-pattern model of intimacy expectations was proposed. The central tenet of this model was that people develop knowledge of the patterns of relating that are likely to produce intimacy in a same-sex friendship. Further, it was posited that these interaction patterns are structured as prototypes, such that some patterns of relating are regarded as more likely to create a sense of intimacy than others. Support for this model was found in 6 studies. Interaction patterns depicting self-disclosure, emotional support, and the like were considered more prototypical of intimacy expectations than patterns depicting shared activities and practical support. Regarding gender, women rated intimacy interaction patterns higher than did men, particularly prototypical patterns. However, women and men agreed that prototypical interaction patterns were more indicative of intimacy in a friendship than nonprototypical patterns. Implications for the controversy over whether women's friendships are more intimate than men's are discussed.     

Predictors of intimacy in couples' discussions of relationship injuries: an observational study.

The interpersonal process model of intimacy (H. T. Reis & P. Shaver, 1988) proposes that self-disclosure and empathic responding form the basis of intimate interactions. This study examined this model in 102 community couples who completed intimacy measures following videotaped discussions about relationship injuries occurring both within and outside the relationship. Observational assessments of self-disclosure and empathic responding, as well as their respective components, were related to self-reported ratings of post-interaction intimacy. Men's own disclosure and empathic responding predicted their feelings of intimacy, whereas women's intimacy was predicted by their partner's disclosure and empathic responding. Self-disclosure and empathic responding appear to be important behavioral determinants of intimate feelings, but the manner in which they influence intimacy differs according to gender.     

Migration for love? Love and intimacy in marriage migration processes

According to Australian regulations, the right to marriage migration applies only to genuine relationships. Marriage migration couples must demonstrate to state agents the authenticity of their romantic attachments in order to achieve a positive outcome in their applications. This article examines how love and intimacy in the context of Australian immigration regulations are interpreted by Thai women who originate from a non-Western culture. Drawing on interviews and ethnographic work with 15 Thai women marriage migrants, this article illustrates the ways in which the practical actions of caring and sharing are mobilized as important strategies for expressing real love and intimacy in marriage migration processes. Thus, although these women narrate their migration experiences as based on love and intimacy, such narratives are not free from global economic and structural inequalities. Women's constructions of love and intimacy presented here can transform over time in response to new personal experiences, changing social contexts and fluctuating circumstances in the processes of marriage migration.     

Multiple approaches to the treatment of violent couples

Abstract

The relationship of the discrepancy between couple's actual level of intimacy and desired level of intimacy and marital adjustment was explored using data from 185 randomly selected couples who completed the Personal Assessment of Intimacy in Relationships and the Marital Adjustment Test. Multivariate and univariate regression analyses indicated that the discrepancy between actual and desired intimacy of husbands and wives was highly predictive of marital adjustment (R²=.665). Particularly interesting was that couples with low intimacy scores who did not desire more intimacy had good marital adjustment. The relationship between intimacy and marital adjustment was curvilinear, and wives' marital adjustment was more affected by intimacy than husbands'. Implications for marital therapy are discussed.     

The role of intimacy and social support in health outcomes: Two processes or one?

That intimacy and social support are related to an individual's health and well-being has often been noted. The present study had two goals. First, we intended to establish whether intimacy and social support were related to mental and physical health in a large, representative community sample. Second, we sought to determine whether intimacy and social support make unique contributions to predicting health, as a step toward developing a model of the relation between these processes. Results strongly supported the initial hypothesis that intimacy and social support were both related to health status. We also found that the effects of intimacy on well-being were mediated by social support, but that the effects of social support were not mediated by intimacy. We therefore concluded that the health-promoting benefits of intimacy most likely occur because intimate relationships are likely to engender higher levels of social support. Distinguishing unique and shared prediction effects is a generic concern for disciplines that study variables that are naturally correlated in real life, such as in the field of personal relationships.     

Adult attachment and perceptions of closeness

An online sample of more than 150,000 participants was used to examine whether—in addition to predicting how much intimacy people want—attachment styles also predict how people define and perceive intimacy. Results indicated that, as compared with relatively secure individuals, people with high levels of attachment anxiety required more time, affection, and self‐disclosure to construe a relationship as “close.” Additionally, anxious individuals perceived less intimacy in relationship vignettes than did their less anxious peers. In contrast, highly avoidant individuals required less time, affection, and self‐disclosure to define a relationship as “close,” and they perceived more intimacy in vignettes than did their more secure peers. These findings indicate that people who are relatively anxious not only want more intimacy in their relationships, but they are also less likely to perceive intimacy, as compared with their less anxious peers. Conversely, people high in avoidance not only want less intimacy, but they are also more sensitive to its presence, as compared with their less avoidant peers.     

Barriers to Intimate Sexuality: Concerns and Meaning-Based Therapy Approaches

Despite the voracious need for intimate connection, Western society does not promote intimacy, particularly with regard to partner sexuality. Obstacles to sexual intimacy that are discussed include: Media portrayals of sexual and gender role stereotypes, performance-oriented sexual standards, the invisibility of the elderly as sexual beings, and the glamorization of nonrelational sexuality and clandestine affairs. Unfortunately, the sex therapy literature, too, tends to focus on depersonalized and goal-oriented models of sexuality. Paradigms which can overcome barriers and promote intimate sexual connections are required. This article calls for humanistically based changes, in the media and in sex therapy, to satisfy the need for sexual intimacy.