Self-control and accommodation in close relationships: an interdependence analysis

Accommodation refers to the willingness, when a partner has engaged in a potentially destructive behavior, to (a) inhibit impulses toward destructive responding and (b) instead respond constructively. A pilot study and 3 additional studies examined the hypothesis that self-control promotes individuals' ability to accommodate in response to a romantic partner's potentially destructive behavior. Dispositional self-control was positively associated with accommodative tendencies in all 4 investigations. In addition, Study 1 (a retrospective study) and Study 2 (a laboratory experiment) revealed that "in-the-moment" self-regulatory strength depletion decreased the likelihood that an individual would accommodate. Finally, Study 3 demonstrated that self-control exerted a significant effect on accommodation even after the authors included commitment to the relationship in the model. Implications for relationship functioning are discussed.     

Difficulties in interpersonal relationships associated with personality disorders and axis I disorders: a community-based longitudinal investigation

A longitudinal study was conducted to investigate the association between Axis I and Axis II psychiatric disorders, interpersonal relationships, and global functioning among men in the community. Structured clinical interviews assessing Axis I and Axis II psychiatric disorders, global assessments of functioning, and questionnaires assessing social support, social conflict, and loneliness were administered to a community sample of 95 HIV+ and 45 HIV- men. The questionnaires were readministered 1 year later. Results indicated that (a) Personality disorders (PDs) and unipolar depressive disorders were associated with loneliness, social conflict, and low levels of social support after HIV status was controlled statistically; (b) PDs were associated with interpersonal and global impairment after HIV status and co-occurring Axis I disorders were controlled statistically; (c) Axis I disorders were associated with global impairment, but were not associated with interpersonal difficulties after HIV status and PDs were controlled statistically; (d) PDs, but not Axis I disorders, predicted increases in social conflict and global impairment after HIV status was controlled statistically; (e) PDs continued to predict increases in global impairment after both Axis I disorders and HIV status were controlled statistically; and (f) HIV+ men reported more loneliness, less social support, and had a higher prevalence of substance use disorders than HIV- men. The present findings are of particular interest because they suggest that PDs are associated with loneliness, social conflict, and a lack of social support among men in the community, whether or not Axis I disorders are present.     

Toward the analysis of close relationships

Two central questions are addressed: (1) How does one distinguish among relationships differing in closeness at any single point in time? (2) How do relationships change over either a short or a long time span? The first question suggests looking inside the Person-Other “intersection.” Findings from several empirical studies are described. The second question leads to discussions of short-term and long-term temporal processes. Regarding long-term pair processes, it is proposed that research can be stimulated by recognizing a five-phase sequence which extends from (a) initial attraction, to (b) building a relationship, (c) continuation, (d) deterioration, and (e) ending; transitions between adjacent phases are considered. The importance of theoretical models is emphasized throughout.     

Seventy years of research on personality and close relationships: substantive and methodological trends over time

The present review is based on a quantitative analysis of the abstracts for 477 studies published since 1932 on the topic of personality and close (romantic) relationships. This approach enables a "bird's-eye" view of the content and methods that have characterized research in this area and an examination of publication trends over time. Results showed that 60% of all published studies in this area relied exclusively on cross-sectional and self-report methods; that nearly all used convenience samples, though more than half used nonstudent samples; and that more than one-third relied exclusively on data from individuals rather than couples. Few studies appeared to include elaborated networks of constructs in either the personality or relationship domain or to attempt to integrate an elaborated model of personality with an elaborated relationship model. Examination of trends over time revealed a mixed picture, with increasing use of the least informative designs balanced by evidence of increasingly complex conceptual models.     

Reasons for,and consequences of,revealing personal secrets in close relationships: A longitudinal study

This investigation examines whether individuals’ reasons for keeping secrets predict whether they eventually reveal those secrets and whether individuals can accurately anticipate the outcomes of revealing. Respondents (n= 342) first reported on a secret they were keeping and then returned 2 months later to report whether they had revealed it and, if so, what happened when they did. Findings indicated that participants’ reasons for keeping a secret predicted whether they revealed it. The results also indicated both accuracy and inaccuracy in secret tellers’ expectations of the outcomes of revealing a secret. Finally, despite some demonstrable inaccuracies in the forecasted outcomes, participants’ retrospective accounts after revealing suggested that participants typically believed that they had accurately predicted the consequences of revealing.     

亲密关系中的自我扩张

自我扩张理论认为, 人们通过将他人的资源、观点和认同纳入自我来实现自我扩张, 增强完成目标的效能感。该理论作为动机领域的新热点, 研究多以亲密关系为背景。现有研究主要采用实验法和问卷法, 以自我扩张动机和将他人纳入自我为基点展开, 内容涉及择偶、关系质量、不忠、关系破裂和维持等方面。未来研究需进一步考察不同亲密关系类型、关系与非关系中自我扩张的运作机制, 以及亲密关系双方自我扩张的相互作用。     

Self-monitoring and close relationships

Three types of close relationships have received attention from theorists and researchers interested in self-monitoring: friendships, romantic relationships, and marriage. Our review of this literature was organized around three phases of relationships: initiation, maintenance, and dissolution. Across the three types of relationships, consistent differences between high self-monitors and low self-monitors emerged concerning the structure of their social relationships (segmented vs. integrated), the basis for choosing friends and romantic partners (activity-based vs. person-based), and the orientation taken to romantic and marital partners (uncommitted vs. committed). Across all three types of relationships, however, little is known about the processes and consequences involved in the dissolution of close relationships for high self-monitors and low self-monitors. Relatively little is also known about the processes used by high self-monitors and low self-monitors to maintain their friendships and marriages. In addition to addressing these deficiencies in the literature, theorists and researchers interested in self-monitoring and close relationships need to develop sophisticated, causal models that can account for (a) interaction exchanges in the relationships, (b) dyadic as well as individual levels of analysis, and (c) temporal and situational changes in the course of close relationships.     

The anxiety buffering function of close relationships: mortality salience effects on the readiness to compromise mate selection standards

This research examines the utility of a terror management approach to understanding the motivations and emotional consequences of compromise in mate selection. One hundred and sixty‐eight undergraduates completed a self‐esteem scale and a scale tapping ideal mate characteristics, and were then assigned either to a mortality salience, physical pain salience, or neutral condition. Half of the participants rated their readiness to compromise ideal mate standards and the remaining half completed a neutral scale. Then, participants completed a scale tapping their emotional state. Mortality salience led participants to significantly compromise their mate requirements. This effect seemed to be most pronounced among high self‐esteem participants who also experienced the greatest amount of guilt when compromising under mortality salient conditions. Low self‐esteem participants who compromised under mortality salient conditions reacted with higher levels of shame. The results are discussed in terms of the anxiety buffering functions of close relationships. Copyright © 2002 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

Intelligence and personality in mate choice and marital satisfaction

This research examined how intellectual and personality similarity or complementarity between a couple relates to their marital choice and marital satisfaction. Eighty-one couples were tested using the WAIS-R and the MMPI and the Locke-Wallace Marital Adjustment Scale. As predicted, couples showed significant similarity for some IQ variables. However, the prediction that IQ would have a relationship to marital satisfaction was not borne out. Couples show some significant similarity on some personality variables but for different variables in the 39 Clinic couples and the 42 Non-clinic couples. A strong relationship was found between couples in both samples on the Pd scale. As far as marital satisfaction is concerned, similarity or complementarity in personality variables does not appear.     

Detached and antagonistic: Pathological personality features and mate retention behaviors

Basic personality features have been found to be associated with a variety of romantic relationship outcomes including the strategies that individuals employ to retain their romantic partners. In the current studies, we were interested in determining whether pathological personality features were associated with mate retention behaviors. We examined the associations between the pathological personality features captured by the PID-5 and mate retention behaviors across two samples (i.e., an undergraduate sample and a community sample). Pathological personality features reflecting negative affect, detachment, and antagonism were associated with mate retention behaviors such that individuals who possessed these features were less likely to provide benefits to their partner and more likely to inflict costs on them. Discussion focuses on the implications of these findings and how they can influence the tactics that individuals employ to maintain their romantic relationships.     

Borderline personality disorder features and mate retention tactics

The purpose of the present study was to examine the association between features of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and mate retention tactics as a means of examining an evolutionary perspective on the association between BPD features and interpersonal problems and violence in romantic relationships. Two-hundred twenty-five college student participants completed the Personality Assessment Inventory for Borderlines (PAI-BOR; Morey, 1991) and the Mate Retention Inventory-Short Form (MRI-SF; Buss, Shackelford, & McKibbin, 2008) embedded within other measures. There was a strong association between BPD features and cost-inflicting mate retention tactics, including the specific tactics of vigilance, punishing mate's infidelity threat, intrasexual threats, and sexual inducements for both men and women. There were also gender-specific associations for additional tactics. These results contribute to our understanding of problems in romantic relationships among men and women with BPD features, including violence, and to our understanding of impulsive sexual behavior among individuals with BPD features by showing how these behaviors are used as extreme, maladaptive attempts at mate retention.     

Emotional communication in close relationships

Emotional communication patterns characterizing interactions between partners in close relationships were investigated by asking 29 couples who were married or living together to engage in a videotaped discussion of a problem they were having in their relationship. In a later experimental session, partners identified specific communications that they believed had an important influence on the discussion and then rated the communications in terms of the feelings the communicator intended to convey and the recipient's reactions. Partners attempted to reciprocate both the positive and negative feelings that they perceived their partner to express toward them. However, only negative feelings were actually reciprocated. This was because subjects were sensitive to differences in the negative feelings their partners reported expressing and interpreted those feelings correctly, but they were inaccurate in perceiving their partners' expressions of positive feelings. Men (but not women) interpreted their partners' failures to express love as an indication of hostility, whereas women (but not men) interpreted their partners' lack of hostility as an indication of love. These and other results were conceptualized in terms of a general model of emotional communication. Parameters of the model pertaining to the hostility of partners' communications were often related to women's satisfaction with their relationship and their beliefs about relationships in general. However, they were unrelated to men's satisfaction and general beliefs. This suggested that women are generally more adversely affected by overt expression of hostility than are men.     

Positive illusion in close relationships

The literature regarding self-other comparisons suggests that self-enhancing perceptions are prevalent, including forms of “illusion” such as excessively positive self-evaluation, unrealistic optimism, and exaggerated perceptions of control. Concepts from optimal distinctiveness theory served as the basis for two experiments examining whether illusion functions similarly when the context of evaluation involves a relationship. In both experiments participants rated themselves, the best friend, and the average other—or their own romantic relationships, the best friend's relationship, and the relationship of the average other–using scales measuring positivity of evaluation, optimism regarding the future, and perceptions of control. In both experiments, participants exhibited centrality-based differentiation, rating targets more favorably to the degree that the target was more central to their social identity. Patterns of differentiation differed for the two contexts: In the individual context, participants differentiated themselves and their friends from the average other. In the relationship context, participants differentiated their own relationships from the relationships of friends and average others. Also, participants rated individuals as more controllable than relationships. Participants in Experiment 2 provided information regarding potential predictors of illusion. Analyses of these data suggest that favorable centrality-based differentiation may be partially accounted for by impression management, global self-esteem (particularly in the individual context), and commitment level (particularly in the relationship context).     

Attitude alignment in close relationships

On the basis of principles of balance theory and interdependence theory, this research examined a phenomenon termed attitude alignment, or the tendency of interacting partners to modify their attitudes in such a manner as to achieve attitudinal congruence. The results of three experiments generally were consistent with the proposed model. First, tendencies toward attitude alignment were greater to the extent that attitudinal discrepancies were salient. Second, alignment tendencies were greater to the extent that an issue was central to the partner; there was also evidence that the degree to which an issue was peripheral to the self affected alignment processes (e.g., for changes in centrality of issue, with regard to persuasion methods). Third, degree of alignment tended to be greater in dating-partner interactions than in stranger interactions and tended to be greater among couples with high adjustment than among those with low adjustment.     

Push-you-pull-you: the boundaried self in close relationships

Based on Amoebic Self Theory, the authors propose that the salience of different threats to the self affects the extent to which an intimate relationship partner is pushed away (excluded) or pulled closer (included). When social threat is salient among persons in relationships, it is hypothesized that partners will attempt to defuse the resulting sense of interpersonal vulnerability: offending partners may be pushed away, whereas offenders themselves may draw closer. When spatial-symbolic threat is salient and the relationship's capacity to function as an identity marker is jeopardized, it is hypothesized that the partner--regardless of his or her role--will be pulled closer to maintain the perception that the relationship is secure. Self-report responses to hypothetical scenarios and perceptions of behaviors during a role-play were generally consistent with these hypotheses, suggesting that both an intimate partner and the relationship with that partner can be incorporated into the self.     

Understanding in close relationships: An interpersonal approach

Understanding plays a cardinal role in relationships. People desire and need to understand their relationship partners and, importantly, they need to feel understood by others in daily life. In this chapter we suggest that these needs are reflected in people's need to know and be known by others (understanding as knowledge) and their desire to be responsive to others' needs and experience others as responsive to their needs (understanding as responsiveness). We review empirical findings showing that a lack of understanding has important ill-effects and that the presence of understanding has a multitude of beneficial effects for people in relationships, both for their personal and relational well-being.     

A longitudinal analysis of personality structure and adolescent substance use

Within the context of a prospective longitudinal research design, the structure of personality and initial levels of drug use were used to predict, multivariately, later drug use among male and female adolescents. The findings indicated that personality and belief measures of nonconventionality provide a significant increment in the prediction of later drug use beyond a level achieved by knowing initial usage rates. In addition, other personality and belief measures yield further increments in the prediction of subsequent drug use. Developmentally, the results revealed a differentiation of drug use patterns across the year's time, with one pattern primarily reflecting alcohol use, and a second pattern primarily reflecting use of marijuana and ‘hard’ drugs. While both patterns were related to measures of nonconventionality, certain personality features distinguished between them. Emergent use of marijuana and ‘hard’ drugs was related to depression, mistrust and attractiveness, while emergent alcohol use was related to generosity, ambition, agility and cheerfulness. These results were cross-validated in two samples of subjects. Implications of the findings for adolescent psychosocial development are discussed.     

Knowing your own mate value: sex-specific personality effects on the accuracy of expected mate choices

Knowing one's mate value (mate-value accuracy) is an important element in reproductive success. We investigated within- and between-sex differences in this ability in a real-life speed-dating event. A total of 190 men and 192 women filled out a personality questionnaire and participated in speed-dating sessions. Immediately after each date, participants recorded who they would choose as mates and who they expected would choose them. In line with evolutionarily informed hypotheses, results indicated that sociosexually unrestricted men and more agreeable women showed greater mate-value accuracy than sociosexually restricted men and less agreeable women, respectively. These results have important implications for understanding mating behavior and perhaps the origin of sex differences in personality.