Social benefits of humility: Initiating and maintaining romantic relationships

Previous research has highlighted the social nature of humility. In three studies, we provide evidence that humility facilitates the initiation and maintenance of romantic relationships. In Study 1, very humble potential dating partners, relative to less humble partners, were rated more favorably and were more likely to elicit intentions to initiate a romantic relationship. Study 2 was a conceptual replication of Study 1 that provided evidence that participants find humble potential dating partners more attractive than arrogant dating partners. In Study 3, we examined perceptions of humility in participants in proximal or long-distance relationships. We found that humility buffers against unforgiveness in long-distant relationships. Although long-distance relationships were associated with greater unforgiveness, this effect was only present when partners were viewed as having low humility. Together, these findings highlight the social benefits of humility in initiating and maintaining romantic relationships.     

Being known, intimate, and valued: global self-verification and dyadic adjustment in couples and roommates

We contend that close relationships provide adults with optimal opportunities for personal growth when relationship partners provide accurate, honest feedback. Accordingly, it was predicted that young adults would experience the relationship quality with relationship partners who evaluated them in a manner consistent their own self-evaluations. Three empirical tests of this self-verification hypothesis as applied to close dyads were conducted. In Study 1, young adults in dating relationships were most intimate with and somewhat more committed to partners when they perceived that partners evaluated them as they evaluated themselves. Self-verification effects were pronounced for those involved in more serious dating relationships. In Study 2, men reported the greatest esteem for same-sex roommates who evaluated them in a self-verifying manner. Results from Study 2 were replicated and extended to both male and female roommate dyads in Study 3. Further, self-verification effects were most pronounced for young adults with high emotional empathy. Results suggest that self-verification theory is useful for understanding dyadic adjustment across a variety of relational contexts in young adulthood. Implications of self-verification processes for adult personal development are outlined within an identity negotiation framework.     

A dyadic assessment of forgiveness in intimate relationships

This study investigated forgiveness by examining couples’ recollections and perceptions of specific incidents of transgressions in their relationships. The results replicated previous research but also produced some novel findings. Results showed that more positive attributions and relationship quality independently predicted higher internal forgiveness, whereas expressed forgiveness was related only to relationship quality. Overall, the sample was negatively biased in their perceptions of their partner's forgiveness, but those participants who tended toward a positive bias were happier with their relationships as were their partners. Results are discussed in terms of prior research and theories of forgiveness and related social judgments in intimate relationships.     

Optimism in close relationships: How seeing things in a positive light makes them so

Does expecting positive outcomes--especially in important life domains such as relationships--make these positive outcomes more likely? In a longitudinal study of dating couples, the authors tested whether optimists (who have a cognitive disposition to expect positive outcomes) and their romantic partners are more satisfied in their relationships, and if so, whether this is due to optimists perceiving greater support from their partners. In cross-sectional analyses, both optimists and their partners indicated greater relationship satisfaction, an effect that was mediated by optimists' greater perceived support. When the couples engaged in a conflict conversation, optimists and their partners saw each other as engaging more constructively during the conflict, which in turn led both partners to feel that the conflict was better resolved 1 week later. In a 1-year follow-up, men's optimism predicted relationship status. Effects of optimism were mediated by the optimists' perceived support, which appears to promote a variety of beneficial processes in romantic relationships.     

Friend support of dating relationships: Comparing relationship type,friend and partner perspectives

This study assessed the role of friends in dating relationships, comparing on–off and noncyclical relationships. Participants (N = 460) reported on the friend most familiar with their current or recent dating relationship. We examined friend support of and influence on the dating relationship and the influence of the dating relationship on the friendship. Participants' friends (N = 98) completed a similar survey to compare participants' and friends' perceptions. On–off partners reported less support for the dating relationship than did noncyclical partners. On–off partners also reported greater openness, whereas friends reported greater frequency, of communicating about the dating relationship. Friends also felt the relationship changed the friendship more; friends of on–off partners in particular reported more positive change to their friendship.     

Giving up and giving in: the costs and benefits of daily sacrifice in intimate relationships

This research provided the first empirical investigation of how approach and avoidance motives for sacrifice in intimate relationships are associated with personal well-being and relationship quality. In Study 1, the nature of everyday sacrifices made by dating partners was examined, and a measure of approach and avoidance motives for sacrifice was developed. In Study 2, which was a 2-week daily experience study of college students in dating relationships, specific predictions from the theoretical model were tested and both longitudinal and dyadic components were included. Whereas approach motives for sacrifice were positively associated with personal well-being and relationship quality, avoidance motives for sacrifice were negatively associated with personal well-being and relationship quality. Sacrificing for avoidance motives was particularly detrimental to the maintenance of relationships over time. Perceptions of a partner's motives for sacrifice were also associated with well-being and relationship quality. Implications for the conceptualization of relationship maintenance processes along these 2 dimensions are discussed.     

Predictors of romantic relationship formation: Attachment style, prior relationships, and dating goals

This prospective study ( N = 90) investigated the early formation of romantic relationships within an attachment-theoretical framework. Specifically, it tested whether general attachment to romantic partners was predictive of single individuals' progressing from not dating to dating and from not dating or casual dating to a committed and exclusive relationship when simultaneously considering desire for starting a committed relationship, prior dating involvement, and self-perceived physical attractiveness. Attachment avoidance, but not anxiety, was predictive of not entering into committed dating relationships even with rival predictors included. The transition from not dating to casual or committed dating was mainly predicted by prior dating success with some support for a potential additional role of the desire to form a committed relationship.     

A comparison of concurrent and retrospective trajectories of commitment to wed

How well do dating partners recall the development of commitment to wed and what factors modify recall? Motivations underlying recall suggest retrospections should demonstrate one of two patterns, developmental change or amplification. A random sample of 464 partners in heterosexual relationships graphed changes in commitment to wed monthly for 8 months and then graphed them from memory. Results supported the developmental change hypothesis; retrospective reports of commitment initially were lower than concurrent reports and increased more steeply over time. This effect was moderated by changes in relationship stage, with advancement showing accuracy of recall, maintenance showing developmental change, and regression showing amplification. Accuracy of recall depends upon relationship history, which has implications for relationship outcomes and reliability of retrospective reports.     

Of lust and love: Beliefs about the role of sexual desire in romantic relationships

Little is known about the beliefs that men and women have about the role of sexual desire in romantic relationships, despite the interpersonal and individual significance of those beliefs. Three experiments conducted with students from a university in the midwestern United States examined both the perceived consequences of sexual desire for romantic relationships and beliefs about the association between sexual desire and romantic love. Men and women believed that dating partners who desire each other sexually are more likely to experience romantic love and other “positive” interpersonal events and less likely to experience “negative” events than partners who do not desire each other sexually, regardless of their level of sexual activity (Experiment 1). Similarly, partners who are romantically in love were viewed as more likely to desire each other than were partners who love or who like one another, and desire was perceived as equally likely to occur in loving and liking relationships; that is, sexual desire did not differentiate these two affective syndromes (Experiment 2). In couples with a mismatched sexual desire pattern, the high-desire partner was perceived as more likely than the sexually uninterested partner to be in love, satisfied, committed, happy, and jealous, whereas the low-desire partner was viewed as more likely to terminate the relationship and to be unfaithful (Experiment 3). These results suggest that sexual desire is viewed as an important feature of romantic love, and that its presence or absence in a dating relationship is believed to have implications for the emotional tenor and interpersonal dynamics of that relationship.     

Responses to verifying and enhancing appraisals from romantic partners: the role of trait importance and trait visibility

An experiment assessed when people respond more positively to verifying and enhancing appraisals from romantic partners. Two‐hundred and fifty‐eight individuals comprising 129 dating couples participated in this research. Couples privately rated their self‐concept on traits that were either high or low on trait visibility, rated how important each trait was to them, and rated their partners. A computer program ostensibly compared their self‐ratings with appraisals from their partners on traits they selected as being high or low in personal importance, and participants received either verifying or enhancing feedback. Confirming predictions, people believed their partners understood them more when they received verifying feedback, but felt their partners saw the best in them when they received enhancing feedback. Additionally, people responded more positively to verifying appraisals on important, less visible traits, and enhancing appraisals on important, highly visible traits. Results are discussed in terms of preferences for enhancing and verifying feedback in romantic relationships. Copyright © 2005 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

Strategies of influence in close relationships

In this study, we examined how close relationship partners spontaneously influence each other while they discussed an existing problem in their relationship. According to theories of social influence, people in important, self-defining relationships should experience the relationship itself as a potent source of influence. Thus, they are likely to rely on the relationship as a source of power and to use influence strategies that reference relationship norms and values. Consistent with this reasoning, dating partners who were subjectively closer to their partners/relationships were more likely to reference the relationship in their influence attempts than those who were less subjectively close. Furthermore, referencing the relationship was an effective influence strategy. Greater referencing was associated with opinion shifts during discussions for both agents and targets of influence, with each compromising toward the other's position. In contrast, greater use of negative coercion as an influence strategy (e.g., derogation of the partner or punishment) was associated with less compromise.     

Assessment of relationship thinking in dating relationships

In a series of five studies a method of assessing relationship thinking and its role in close relationship dynamics was developed. These studies were carried out with college students who responded to questionnaires. Studies 1 and 2 focused on identifying items representing the content and frequency of relationship thinking about participants' present dating relationships. Studies 3 and 4 examined personal characteristics, general relationship schema, and subjective conditions that were related to relationship thinking. Study 5 identified the ability of relationship thinking to predict individuals' perceptions of an interaction with their partners. Results uncovered three types of relationship thinking: partner, positive affect, and network. Relationship thinking was related in expected ways to several personal characteristics, subjective conditions, and general relationship schema. Relationship thinking was predictive of perceptions of distress-maintaining and relationship-enhancing interactions with the dating partners. The findings suggest increased attention to the social cognitive aspects of close relationships.     

Benevolent cognitions as a strategy of relationship maintenance: "don't sweat the small stuff".... But it is not all small stuff

To maintain intimate relationships in the face of negative experiences, many recommend cognitive strategies that minimize the implications of those experiences for global evaluations of the relationship. But are such strategies always adaptive? Suggesting otherwise, 2 longitudinal studies spanning the 1st 4 years of 251 new marriages revealed that the effects of benevolent cognitions on relationship development depended on the initial levels of negativity in the relationship. Cross-sectionally, the tendency to make positive attributions or otherwise disengage global evaluations of the relationship from negative experiences was associated with higher levels of satisfaction in marriages characterized by more frequent negative behavior and more severe problems. Longitudinally, in contrast, such strategies only demonstrated benefits to healthier marriages, whereas they predicted steeper declines in satisfaction among spouses in more troubled marriages by allowing marital problems to worsen over time. These findings highlight the limits of purely cognitive theories of relationship maintenance and suggest that widely recommended strategies for improving relationships may harm vulnerable couples by weakening their motivations to address their problems directly.     

Level of commitment,mutuality of commitment,and couple well-being

Interdependence theory identifies level of dependence and mutuality of dependence as two key properties of interdependent relationships. In ongoing relationships, these structural properties are subjectively experienced in terms of commitment–dependence level is experienced as greater or lesser commitment level, and mutuality of dependence is experienced as greater or lesser perceived mutuality in partners’commitment levels. We examined the associations of these variables with couple well-being using data from two three-wave longitudinal studies. One study examined partners in dating relationships and the second study examined partners in marital relationships. Consistent with predictions, both level of commitment and perceived mutuality of commitment accounted for unique variance in couple well-being: Couples exhibited greater adjustment to the degree that the partners were highly committed to their relationship and to the degree that their commitment levels were mutual. Mediation analyses revealed that the association of mutuality of commitment with couple well-being is partially mediated by negative affect (e.g., anxiety, guilt) and partially to wholly mediated by trust level; perceived mutuality of power is not a reliable mediator of this association.     

Perceptions of the physical attractiveness of the self, current romantic partners, and former partners

This study examined ratings of physical attractiveness of the self and former and current partners. A total of 304 participants completed measures of attractiveness, relationship satisfaction, love dimensions, self-esteem and sociosexual orientation. Consistent with previous work, results showed that participants rated their current partners as more attractive than themselves and their former partners. However, results also showed that former partners were rated as more attractive than the self on a number of bodily characteristics. Finally, results showed that ratings of former partner physical attractiveness were associated with passion for the former partner, self-esteem, sociosexual orientation, and attributions of relationship termination. These results are discussed in relation to the available literature on positive illusions in intimate relationships.     

The Effects of Perceived Dysfunctional Family-of-Origin Rules on the Dating Relationships of Young Adults

This study examined the effects of perceived dysfunctional family-of-origin rules on the dating relationships of young adult offspring. A sample of 322 students from three universities completed self-report questionnaires measuring dysfunctional family-of-origin rules, current dating behaviors, dating anxiety, relationship satisfaction and commitment. The results indicated that dysfunctional family-of-origin rules were positively related to dating anxiety, and negatively related to advancement in dating stages, relationship satisfaction, and commitment in the dating relationships of young adults. There also was a tendency for young adults from families with dysfunctional rules to date later and less frequently than young adults from families with more functional rules, although they dated about the same number of partners. Implications for future research and clinical interventions are discussed.     

Attributions of responsibility for date and stranger rape

This study examined the effects of the victim-perpetrator relationship on college students' attributions of responsibility for rape. In addition, the rape specificity of these attributions was investigated. College females and males read one of six scenarios that depicted a rape or a proposition, and that varied according to the victim-perpetrator relationship (steady dating partners/acquaintances on a first date/strangers). Then they rated seven responsibility attributions for the rape or proposition. Results indicated that most forms of victim responsibility were stronger for the rape and proposition on a date than for the incidents between strangers, and the findings concerning the perpetrator's responsibility were mixed. The pattern of both victim- and perpetrator-responsibility attributions suggests that both a rape and proposition on a date, compared to incidents between strangers, elicit stronger sex role and sexual attributions. Moreover, male subjects, in comparison to female subjects, gave higher ratings to several responsibility attributions, and these, also, are linked to sex role and sexual considerations. Further, the data revealed that only the perpetrator-responsibility attributions were stronger for the rape than the proposition.This research was supported by the University of Connecticut Research Foundation Grant No. 1171-000-22-00215-35-760. The authors thank Laurin Hafner for his help with the data analysis.     

Causal attributions of married couples: when do they search for causes? What do they conclude when they do?

In this study, we examined when and whether married people engage in attributional activity or form causal attributions to explain their partners' behavior. We used an indirect probe to better approximate naturally occurring cognitive activity. We also examined the content of spouses' causal attributions, using both direct and indirect probes. Spouses were asked about frequent as well as infrequent relationship events, and about partner behaviors that had positive or negative impacts on the recipient. Husbands in unsatisfying relationships reported more attributional thoughts than did happily married husbands, whereas wives in the two groups did not differ. Behaviors having negative impacts elicited more attributional activity than did positive behaviors. Behavioral frequency and impact interacted in ways contrary to predictions. Finally, distressed couples were particularly likely to report distress-maintaining attributions and were particularly unlikely to report relationship-enhancing attributions, compared with their nondistressed counterparts.