To know you is to love you: the implications of global adoration and specific accuracy for marital relationships

Despite the strong positive feelings that characterize newlyweds, many marriages end in disappointment. To understand this shift, the authors argue that although newlyweds' global relationship evaluations may be uniformly positive, not all spouses base their global adoration on an accurate perception of their partner's specific qualities. Two longitudinal studies confirmed that whereas most newlyweds enhanced their partners at the level of their global perceptions, spouses varied significantly in their perceptions of their partners' specific qualities. For wives, but not for husbands, more accurate specific perceptions were associated with their supportive behaviors, feelings of control in the marriage, and whether or not the marriage ended in divorce. Thus, love grounded in specific accuracy appears to be stronger than love absent accuracy.     

Projection of responsiveness to needs and the construction of satisfying communal relationships

This research tested a social projection model of perceived partner responsiveness to needs. According to this model, people project their own care and supportiveness for a partner onto their perceptions of their partner's caring and supportiveness. In 2 dyadic marriage studies, participants' self-reported responsiveness to the needs of a spouse predicted perceptions of the spouse's responsiveness to the self more strongly than did the spouse's self-reported responsiveness. These projected perceptions of responsiveness, in turn, appeared to promote perceivers' relationship satisfaction. These effects were independent of individual differences in attachment, self-esteem, depression, and communal orientation. A daily-diary component suggested that people projected their own chronic responsiveness as well as their daily enacted support onto perceptions of the specific benefits received from their spouses. A 3rd study found that experimentally manipulated feelings of difficulty in recalling examples of own support provision reduced perceptions of partner responsiveness. Results suggest that projection of own responsiveness is an important determinant of perceived social support and is a means by which caring perceivers maintain satisfying and subjectively communal relationships.     

How the head liberates the heart: projection of communal responsiveness guides relationship promotion

In 5 studies, the authors tested predictions that (a) people project their own felt communal responsiveness onto partners, perceiving partners to be just as caring and supportive as they are, and (b) projected perceptions guide perceivers' orientation toward further promotion of communal relationships. In Study 1, a manipulation of felt communal responsiveness toward a partner affected perceptions of the partner's responsiveness to the self, which in turn predicted evaluation of the partner. In Study 2, a manipulation of responsiveness toward a new acquaintance biased perceptions of the acquaintance's responsiveness to the self, which in turn predicted attraction and warmth toward the new acquaintance. In Studies 3 and 5, participants' own felt communal responsiveness toward a friend appeared to bias their perceptions of the friend's communal responsiveness, which in turn predicted self-disclosure, evaluation of the friend (Studies 3 and 5), and support provision (Study 5). Initial projected perceptions of a friend's (Study 3) and of a spouse's (Study 4) communal responsiveness also predicted longitudinal changes in perceivers' communal responsiveness. Results suggest that those who care for partners often project that care and that this projection guides their relationship promotion.     

Commitment, pro-relationship behavior, and trust in close relationships

The present work advances and tests an interdependence-based model of the associations among commitment, pro-relationship behavior, and trust. Findings from two longitudinal studies revealed good support for model predictions. Commitment-inspired acts such as accommodation and willingness to sacrifice provide diagnostic information regarding a partner's pro-relationship motives. Individuals come to trust their partners when they perceive that their partners have enacted pro-relationship behaviors, departing from their direct self-interest for the good of the relationship. The results of mediation analyses are consistent with a model of mutual cyclical growth in which (a) dependence promotes strong commitment, (b) commitment promotes pro-relationship acts, (c) pro-relationship acts are perceived by the partner, (d) the perception of pro-relationship acts enhances the partner's trust, and (e) trust increases the partner's willingness to become dependent on the relationship. Auxiliary analyses revealed that self-reported attachment style does not account for substantial variance beyond the features of interdependence that form the basis for the present model.     

Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: how perceived regard regulates attachment processes

The authors proposed that personal feelings of self-esteem foster the level of confidence in a partner's regard critical for satisfying attachments. Dating and married couples described themselves, their partners, how they thought their partners saw them, and how they wanted their partners to see them on a variety of interpersonal qualities. The results revealed that low self-esteem individuals dramatically underestimated how positively their partners saw them. Such unwarranted and unwanted insecurities were associated with less generous perceptions of partners and lower relationship well-being. The converse was true for high self-esteem individuals. A longitudinal examination of the dating couples revealed that the vulnerabilities of lows were only exacerbated over time. A dependency regulation model is proposed, wherein felt security in a partner's perceived regard is suggested as a prime mechanism linking self-esteem to relational well-being.     

人际感恩对关系维持的影响

尽管关系维持策略对形成良好的人际关系和增强个人福祉有着重要意义, 但也增加了个体被拒绝的风险和痛苦。以往研究已经发现人际感恩一方面能在关系面临威胁时激活威胁缓冲策略修复人际关系, 另一方面也能在威胁解除时激活关系增强策略建立和促进人际关系, 但人际感恩也增加了使用非适应关系维持策略的可能。此外, 自我评价和他人评价有助于解释人际感恩的关系维持功能。未来研究应从二元互动视角考察人际感恩的关系维持功能; 从多元评价视角考察自我评价和他人评价在人际感恩对关系维持的影响中扮演的角色; 并结合多种研究方法拓展人际感恩的关系维持功能研究。     

When accuracy hurts, and when it helps: a test of the empathic accuracy model in marital interactions

This study tested predictions from W. Ickes and J. A. Simpson's (1997, 2001) empathic accuracy model. Married couples were videotaped as they tried to resolve a problem in their marriage. Both spouses then viewed a videotape of the interaction, recorded the thoughts and feelings they had at specific time points, and tried to infer their partner's thoughts and feelings. Consistent with the model, when the partner's thoughts and feelings were relationship-threatening (as rated by both the partners and by trained observers), greater empathic accuracy on the part of the perceiver was associated with pre-to-posttest declines in the perceiver's feelings of subjective closeness. The reverse was true when the partner's thoughts and feelings were nonthreatening. Exploratory analyses revealed that these effects were partially mediated through observer ratings of the degree to which partners tried to avoid the discussion issue.     

Eye of the beholder: the individual and dyadic contributions of empathic accuracy and perceived empathic effort to relationship satisfaction

This study examined links between two distinct facets of empathy-empathic accuracy and perceived empathic effort-and one's own and one's partner's relationship satisfaction. Using a video recall procedure, participants (n = 156 couples in committed relationships) reported on their own emotions and their perceptions of partners' emotions and partners' empathic intentions during moments of high affect in laboratory-based discussions of upsetting events. Partners' data were correlated as a measure of how accurately they were able to read what the other was feeling and to what degree they felt the other was trying to be empathic at those moments. The perception of empathic effort by one's partner was more strongly linked with both men's and women's relationship satisfaction than empathic accuracy. Men's relationship satisfaction was related to the ability to read their partners' positive emotions accurately, whereas women's relationship satisfaction was related to their partners' ability to read women's negative emotions accurately. Women's ability to read their husbands' negative emotions was positively linked to both men's and women's relationship satisfaction. Findings suggest that the perception of a partner's empathic effort-as distinct from empathic accuracy-is uniquely informative in understanding how partners may derive relationship satisfaction from empathic processes. When working with couples in treatment, heightening partners' perceptions of each other's empathic effort, and helping partners learn to demonstrate effort, may represent particularly powerful opportunities for improving satisfaction in relationships.     

Attachment and information seeking in romantic relationships

Testing predictions derived from attachment theory, this research investigated how adult attachment orientations are associated with selective exposure to information about the self, one's partner, and one's relationship. The results of two studies revealed that (a) more avoidantly attached individuals have limited interest in knowing their partner's intimate thoughts and feelings, (b) more anxiously attached individuals selectively prefer information on intimate topics pertaining to their partner and relationship and focus on information that highlights their own as well as their partner's shortcomings, and (c) regardless of attachment orientation, individuals express interest in learning about the negative relationship behaviors and characteristics of their insecurely attached partners. These findings suggest that selective information seeking may have important effects on relationships and may help explain how attachment orientations affect important relationship outcomes.     

Expressing gratitude to a partner leads to more relationship maintenance behavior

We proposed that expressing gratitude would increase positive perception of a relationship partner, thereby increasing comfort in expressing relationship concerns, which is a form of relationship maintenance. Study 1 (n = 159) showed a relationship between naturally occurring expressions of gratitude and comfort in voicing relationship concerns. Study 2 (n = 178) provided longitudinal evidence for direction of effects because Time 1 gratitude expression predicted Time 2 comfort in voicing relationship concerns, controlling for baseline comfort in voicing relationship concerns. Study 3 (n = 225) showed that expressing gratitude to a friend did increase voicing relationship concerns, compared with positive thought and neutral control conditions. In Study 4 (n = 74), we explored the mechanism through a longitudinal, experimental design and found that participants assigned to express gratitude reported higher comfort voicing concerns and more positive perception of partner than did control participants. Moreover, positive perception of partner mediated the relationship between condition and comfort in voicing relationship concerns.     

He said,she said: a quasi-signal detection analysis of daily interactions between close relationship partners

In everyday life, close relationship partners enact behaviors through which they may influence each other. To understand how these exchanges affect partners, previous research has emphasized the enactors' reports, the receivers' perceptions, or the congruence of the two. We developed a strategy based on classic signal detection theory that combined elements from these three approaches in a naturalistic daily experience study. Members of 58 heterosexual dating couples reported daily on their own behaviors and their perceptions of their partners' behaviors. Results showed that an enactor's beliefs about his or her behavior and the perceiver's interpretation combined to affect daily mood and relationship satisfaction. However, different patterns of results emerged for positive and negative behaviors, such that the enactor's perspective accounted for independent effects of negative behaviors. Results show the value of simultaneously considering the perspective of both parties in social interaction.     

To have and to hold: gratitude promotes relationship maintenance in intimate bonds

This multimethod series of studies merges the literatures on gratitude and risk regulation to test a new process model of gratitude and relationship maintenance. We develop a measure of appreciation in relationships and use cross-sectional, daily experience, observational, and longitudinal methods to test our model. Across studies, we show that people who feel more appreciated by their romantic partners report being more appreciative of their partners. In turn, people who are more appreciative of their partners report being more responsive to their partners' needs (Study 1), and are more committed and more likely to remain in their relationships over time (Study 2). Appreciative partners are also rated by outside observers as relatively more responsive and committed during dyadic interactions in the laboratory, and these behavioral displays are one way in which appreciation is transmitted from one partner to the other (Study 3). These findings provide evidence that gratitude is important for the successful maintenance of intimate bonds.     

Self-Concept and School Achievement: Interaction Dynamics and a Tool for Assessing the Self-Concept Component

This article briefly reviews a large body of research done within approximately the past 25 years and points out that not only is there a consistent and moderately strong relationship between self-concept and academic ability but that these two variables are highly interactive and reciprocal. Although it is easy enough to see the achievement side of this interaction, it is difficult to see the self-concept component because that involves hidden feelings and personal perceptions. In an effort to help school personnel know which behaviors to look for as possible indications of self-concept status, a self-concept inventory designed to be used informally, reflecting behavior that previous research has associated with positive or negative feelings about the self, is proposed as a tool that can help guide one's perceptions when trying to identify and understand the general nature of a student's self-concept dynamics.     

Causal chunking: memory and inference in ongoing interaction

We propose that people simplify their perceptions of their interactions by organizing them into discrete casual chunks. Once formed, these chunks presumably influence the extent to which people are aware of their influence on others, as well as their impressions of others. We anticipated that people would form self-causal chunks (e.g., my action causes my partner's action) when they possessed an offensive set and other-causal chunks when they possessed a defensive set. We also expected that a self-causal chunking strategy would make salient people's influence on their partners and thereby discourage them from concluding that their partner's behaviors reflected underlying dispositions. In contrast, we anticipated that an other-causal chunking strategy would obscure people's influence on their partners, thereby encouraging them to infer that their partners' behaviors reflected underlying dispositions. We tested these hypotheses by inducing participants to develop either a defensive or an offensive set prior to interacting with another person in a simulated arms race. After the interactions, we assessed the manner in which participants chunked their interactions, as well as their impressions of partners. The results supported our predictions. The implications of these findings for understanding conflict and misunderstanding in interpersonal relations are discussed.     

Regulatory Focus and the Interpersonal Dynamics of Romantic Partners’ Personal Goal Discussions

Guided by regulatory focus theory, we examined how romantic partners’ chronic concerns with promotion (advancement) and prevention (security) shape the interpersonal dynamics of couples’ conversations about different types of personal goals. Members of 95 couples (N = 190) first completed chronic regulatory focus measures and then engaged in videotaped discussions of two types of goals that were differentially relevant to promotion and prevention concerns. Participants also completed measures of goal‐ and partner‐relevant perceptions. Independent observers rated the discussions for support‐related behaviors. Highly promotion‐focused people approached their partners more, perceived greater partner responsiveness, and received more support when discussing goals that were promotion‐relevant and that they perceived as less attainable. When partners’ responsiveness to promotion‐relevant goals was low, highly promotion‐focused people reported greater self‐efficacy regarding these goals. Highly prevention‐focused people perceived more responsiveness when partners were less distancing during discussions of their prevention‐relevant goals, and greater responsiveness perceptions reassured them that these goals are less disruptive to the relationship. These findings suggest that chronic concerns with promotion and prevention orient people to their relationship environment in ways that are consistent with these distinct motivational needs, especially when discussing goals that increase the salience of these needs.     

Why do(n't) your partner's efforts at self-improvement make you happy? An implicit theories perspective

People often try to improve their interpersonal skills to satisfy romantic partners. However, when and why a partner appreciates these efforts is an important but underaddressed question. The present research explored how people's theories that interpersonal abilities are either fixed entities or can be changed incrementally affect their responses to relationship partner's efforts at self-improvement. Study 1 validated a new measure for these theories and showed that, compared to the former entity theorists, the latter incremental theorists were less likely to attribute recalled instances of partners' negative behaviors to dispositional causes and perceive these behaviors as fixed and stable. An experiment that induced these different implicit theories (Study 2) and a longitudinal study (Study 3) further demonstrated that perceptions of partners' self-improvement efforts led to greater increases in relationship security and quality among incremental than among entity theorists. How implicit theories may shape the interpersonal dynamics of self-improvement is discussed.     

Putting the partner within reach: a dyadic perspective on felt security in close relationships

The authors argue that felt insecurity in a partner's positive regard and caring stems from a specifically dyadic perception--the perception that a partner is out of one's league. A cross-sectional sample of dating couples revealed that people with low self-esteem feel inferior to their partner and that such feelings of relative inferiority undermine felt security in the partner's regard. Three experiments examined the consequences of reducing such perceived discrepancies by pointing to either strengths in the self or flaws in the partner. Low, but not high, self-esteem participants reacted to new strengths in the self or faults in the partner by reporting greater felt security in their specific partner's positive regard and commitment and more positive, general feelings about their own interpersonal worth. Thus, putting the partner more within the psychological grasp of low self-esteem people may effectively increase felt security in the partner's regard.     

Gender differences in the value of contributions to intimate relationships: Egalitarian relationships are not always perceived to be equitable

Little research has directly addressed the role of gender in perceptions of self vs. partner's contributions to a relationship, despite the fact that partners in heterosexual relationships often disagree about whether their relative contributions result in an equitable relationship [N. W. VanYperen and B. P. Buunk (1990), A Longitudinal Study of Equity and Satisfaction in Intimate Relationships, European Journal of Social Psychology,Vol. 20, pp. 287–309]. The primary purpose of this investigation was to systematically examine the association between gender and the perceived value of several different types of contributions made by each partner to a committed relationship. We considered both the gender of the perceiver and the source of the contributions (self vs. partner). A sample of 212 men and 348 women (most of whom were college students; 87% white) were asked to judge the value of their own and their partner's hypothetical contributions to a marital or long-term cohabiting relationship. The results indicated that men and women generally agreed about the value of the contributions made by themselves and their partners. However, gender differences in the perceived value of many contributions depended on whether the contribution was made by self or partner (e.g., men attributed more worth to their partner's sexual faithfulness than to their own, whereas women believed that both partners should receive equal value for this contribution). These perceptual differences suggest that at times it may be difficult for partners to agree about the equity of their ongoing relationships. Special gratitude goes to Pepper Schwartz for her contributions to an earlier draft of the paper. The authors also wish to thank Elaine Hatfield and Alicia Thompson for their comments on an earlier draft of the paper and Dennis Johnson who contributed to the idea for the study.     

When is being known or adored by romantic partners most beneficial? Self-perceptions, relationship length, and responses to partner's verifying and enhancing appraisals

An experiment tested the hypothesis that relationship length moderates preferences for both verifying and enhancing appraisals from romantic partners, particularly for people with negative self-perceptions. One hundred and three romantically involved couples participated in this research. Participants with both negative and positive self-perceptions were randomly assigned to receive either verifying or enhancing feedback ostensibly created through comparison of their self-ratings and their partner's appraisals. The critical test was for those with negative self-ratings who received verifying feedback. For these participants, results revealed that those in longer relationships felt their partners were seeing the best in them more than did those in shorter relationships, whereas the opposite pattern of results was observed for those who were enhanced. Individuals with negative self-ratings who were verified also reported greater feelings of intimacy in the relationship when in long-term relationships. The importance of relationship length in moderating responses to partner's appraisals is discussed.