Both sides of the story: Narratives of romantic infidelity

We applied a narrative identity approach to the study of romantic infidelity. In Study 1, participants provided narratives of the moment they discovered their partners' infidelity. In Study 2, participants were prompted for narratives of their unfaithful actions. In both studies, measures of personality traits, forgiveness, empathy, and self‐esteem were administered. Narratives were coded for themes of redemption (bad beginnings, positive endings) and exploration (engaging with the experience's emotional implications). After controlling for relevant covariates (e.g., story length), participants who formed redemptive stories of their partner's infidelity evinced higher levels of forgiveness and lower levels of empathy (Study 1), whereas participants who disclosed redemptive stories about their own infidelity demonstrated decreased forgiveness (Study 2). Across studies, exploratory narratives corresponded positively with conscientiousness.     

Positive illusions about a partner's physical attractiveness and relationship quality

The present research examined the existence of positive illusions about a partner's physical attractiveness and its relations to relationship quality. Positive illusions were assumed to exist when individuals rated their partner as more attractive than their partner rated him or herself. In two Dutch community samples of 117 and 203 married or cohabiting heterosexual couples, both partners rated their own and their partner's facial and bodily attractiveness. In Study 2, both partners completed three measures of relationship quality. Both studies found evidence for the existence of positive illusions about a partner's physical attractiveness. Moreover, Study 2 found clear positive illusion actor effects for relationship quality. This association differed by age of couples.     

A good story: Men's storytelling ability affects their attractiveness and perceived status

Three studies examined gender differences in the effect of storytelling ability on perceptions of a person's attractiveness as a short‐term and long‐term romantic partner. In Study 1, information about a potential partner's storytelling ability was provided. Study 2 participants read a good or poor story supposedly written by a potential partner. Results suggested that only women's attractiveness assessments of men as a long‐term date increased for good storytellers. Storytelling ability did not affect men's ratings of women nor did it affect ratings of short‐term partners. Study 3 suggested that the effect of storytelling ability on long‐term attractiveness for male targets may be mediated by perceived status. Storytelling ability appears to increase perceived status and thus helps men attract long‐term partners.     

A dyadic assessment of forgiveness in intimate relationships

This study investigated forgiveness by examining couples’ recollections and perceptions of specific incidents of transgressions in their relationships. The results replicated previous research but also produced some novel findings. Results showed that more positive attributions and relationship quality independently predicted higher internal forgiveness, whereas expressed forgiveness was related only to relationship quality. Overall, the sample was negatively biased in their perceptions of their partner's forgiveness, but those participants who tended toward a positive bias were happier with their relationships as were their partners. Results are discussed in terms of prior research and theories of forgiveness and related social judgments in intimate relationships.     

The effects of brief prayer on the experience of forgiveness: An American and Indian comparison

The present study offers a cross‐cultural examination of the effect of prayer on forgiveness. American (n = 51) and Indian (n = 100) participants either prayed for their romantic partner (prayer condition) or described their romantic partner's physical attributes (control condition). Prayers were self‐guided and lasted 3 minutes. Pre‐test and post‐test measures of retaliation were completed. Results showed that participants in the prayer group showed statistically significant decreases in retaliation motives from pre‐test to post‐test and the magnitude of this change was not different across cultures. Control groups in both cultures showed no change. Because of the religious diversity present in the Indian sample, the robustness of the effect of prayer on forgiveness was tested across Christian, Hindu and Muslim Indians. Religious affiliation did not moderate the effect of prayer on forgiveness in this sample. Results suggest that a brief prayer is capable of producing real change in forgiveness and this change is consistent across American and Indian cultures and across three different religious groups in India. Brief prayer for others that enhances forgiveness may be useful for individuals in close relationships, in certain counselling settings and for people in many different walks of life.     

Attachment styles and relationship quality: Actual,perceived, and ideal partner matching

Attachment dimension matching in dating relationships and how matching relates to relationship quality were investigated. Across 2 studies, individuals preferred similar but more secure partners (lower anxiety and lower avoidance) as reflected by their ideals. In Study 1, greater similarity between the self and perceptions of the partner's anxiety predicted more positive relationship outcomes (e.g., relationship satisfaction, trust). Similar results were found for ideal–perceived partner avoidance similarity, whereas ideal–perceived partner anxiety similarity was less important. Study 2 involved both partners in the relationship and indicated that relationship outcomes were predicted by the actor's and partner's attachment dimensions as well as by ideal–perceived partner similarity and self–perceived partner similarity.     

Responses to comparisons in romantic relationships: Empathy,shared fate,and contrast

Individuals who empathize and share outcomes with their partner are likely to react more positively to upward comparisons (UCs) than downward comparisons (DCs). Three studies examined responses to comparisons in romantic relationships. Participants reported more positive affect following UCs than DCs; positive affect was also predicted by empathy and shared outcomes. Relationship‐maintaining responses were predicted by empathy and shared outcomes: Participants who felt boosted by sharing their partner's success were less likely to report distancing themselves from the partner following UCs, and participants who felt concern for their partner's failure were especially likely to help the partner following DCs. Our findings suggest that individuals respond functionally to these comparisons by focusing on protecting the relationship rather than protecting the self.     

Identity Cues: Evidence From and for Intra‐Individual Perspectives on Positive and Negative Stereotyping1

Traditional stereotyping research has adopted an intergroup perspective: Comparisons are made between ways in which targets belonging to different social groups are stereotyped. We adopt an intra‐individual perspective and examine how a single target, belonging to multiple social groups, is stereotyped differently based on identity cues. Participants interacted with a partner (a research confederate) in a series of e‐mail exchanges. The partner used e‐mail addresses that subtly cued either the partner's gender identity, the partner's ethnic identity, or neither identity. This subtle identity cue led participants to stereotype their partners in very different ways, biasing recall in directions consistent with the positive and negative stereotypes associated with the different identities cued. Applications of the findings to the problems that stereotypes create are discussed.     

The unique and combined benefits of accuracy and positive bias in relationships

An experiment investigated the independent and combined effects of receiving feedback from romantic partners that varied in both accuracy (i.e., profile agreement) and positive bias, as compared with one's self‐perceptions. Both members of 55 romantically involved couples were randomly assigned to receive either high or low levels of accurate or positively biased feedback ostensibly created from a comparison between their self‐ratings and their partner's appraisals. After receiving this feedback, participants rated how positive and intimate they felt in their relationships. As expected, both accuracy and positive bias in partner feedback had independent positive effects. Importantly, positive bias and accuracy were found to operate additively; participants who received feedback that was simultaneously positively biased and accurate rated their relationships particularly positively.     

Whose personality is better,mine or my partner's? Self‐enhancement bias in relationships

Previous research has documented self‐enhancement and relationship partner‐enhancement motivations, but not examined whether individuals view themselves or their partners more favorably, overall. The authors conducted three studies that revealed a general tendency to favor oneself over one's partner in direct self–partner personality comparisons. This illustrated a motivational precedence of self‐enhancement over partner‐enhancement goals. In Study 1, participants rated self‐only traits more favorably than partner‐only traits. In Studies 2 and 3, participants rated desirable traits as more characteristic of themselves than their partner, particularly when traits were more relevant to personal than relationship success. The authors also found that this self‐favoring bias was weaker (typically nonexistent) among those with higher relationship satisfaction, lower self‐esteem, or lower self‐deceptive tendencies. The authors discuss practical, theoretical, and methodological implications.     

The reciprocal cycle of self‐concealment and trust in romantic relationships

We propose that perceived partner concealment, self‐concealment from one's partner (i.e., keeping secrets from one's partner), and trust in one's partner form a reciprocal cycle in romantic relationships. In Study 1, participants in a romantic relationship (N = 94) completed a two‐time point survey within a span of 8 to 10 weeks. Results revealed that perceived partner concealment was associated with a loss of trust in partner, and low trust in partner was associated with an increase in self‐concealment from one's partner. Furthermore, the association between perceived partner concealment and self‐concealment from one's partner was mediated by trust. In Study 2, couples (N = 50) completed daily records for 14 consecutive days. Multilevel analyses indicated that on the days the individuals reported more self‐concealment, their partners reported lower trust in them. Moreover, on the days the partners reported lower trust, the partners also reported higher self‐concealment. These findings suggest that self‐concealment in romantic relationships can create a reciprocal cycle that involves loss of trust and more self‐concealment between partners, which would slowly deteriorate the relationship well‐being. Copyright © 2012 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

Vengefully ever after: destiny beliefs, state attachment anxiety, and forgiveness

Two studies examined how destiny beliefs (that potential relationships are or are not "meant to be") interact with state attachment anxiety to predict forgiveness tendencies. In Study 1, participants experienced an experimental manipulation of attachment anxiety (vs. security) before indicating the degree to which they would forgive a series of hypothetical partner offenses. In Study 2, participants reported every 2 weeks for 6 months (14 waves in total) on offenses enacted by their partner and indicated the degree to which they forgave the partner, both concurrently and 2 weeks later. Consistent with predictions, results revealed Destiny Beliefs x State Attachment Anxiety interaction effects: Strong (relative to weak) destiny beliefs predicted reduced forgiveness tendencies for individuals experiencing state attachment anxiety, but such beliefs were not associated with forgiveness for individuals experiencing state attachment security. Results from Study 2 suggest that this interaction effect was significantly mediated through trust in the partner.     

Mutual liking and meta‐perception accuracy

The present study investigated the underlying mechanism yielding a positive correlation between dyad members' mutual liking and meta‐accuracy (i.e., dyad members who like each other tend to be accurate in judging how their partner sees them). Two pilot studies were first conducted to confirm the presence of the positive correlation. The main study was conducted to test several possible explanations for the observed positive correlation. In the main study, each participant took part in a series of brief interactions with an unacquainted opposite‐sex partner three times. In each interaction, participants rated their liking for the partner, evaluated their impression of the partner on 15 items, and finally inferred the partner's impression of them on the same 15 items. The meta‐accuracy was operationally defined as the correlation between the partner's impression and the participant's inference. Neither of the two types of unilateral liking (i.e., participant's liking for the partner nor the partner's liking for the participant) predicted meta‐accuracy. However, when both members found the partner likeable (i.e., mutual liking was present), the within‐dyad average meta‐accuracy tended to be high. The implications of these results for meta‐perception research are discussed on the basis of Brunswik's lens model framework. Copyright © 2008 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.     

Forgiveness in marriage: putting the benefits into context.

The current longitudinal study examined the consequences of spouses' tendencies to forgive their partners over the first 2 years of 72 new marriages. Though positive main effects between forgiveness and marital outcomes emerged cross-sectionally, spouses' tendencies to forgive their partners interacted with the frequency of those partners' negative verbal behaviors to predict changes in marital outcomes longitudinally. Specifically, whereas spouses married to partners who rarely behaved negatively tended to remain more satisfied over time to the extent that they were more forgiving, spouses married to partners who frequently behaved negatively tended to experience steeper declines in satisfaction to the extent that they were more forgiving. Similar patterns emerged for changes in the severity of husbands' problems, such that husbands married to wives who frequently behaved negatively reported sharper increases in problem severity to the extent that they were more forgiving but reported more stable problem severity to the extent that they were less forgiving. These findings question whether all spouses should benefit from forgiveness interventions and thus highlight the need for further research on the most appropriate targets for such interventions.     

Effects of reciprocity on attraction: The role of a partner's physical attractiveness

Two studies examined whether expectations of reciprocal desire had a greater impact on people's desire for a potential partner the more the partner was physically attractive. Study 1 showed that a reciprocity manipulation had a greater impact on participants' desire for attractive, relative to moderately attractive, and relatively unattractive potential partners. In Study 2, after learning of a potential partner's desire, desire for highly attractive, relative to attractive, potential partners increased to a larger extent. Mediation analyses showed that this effect was due to the participant's initial expectations of reciprocal desire. In contrast, after learning of a potential partner's lack of desire, participant's desire for highly attractive and attractive potential partners decreased to a similar extent.     

How partner‐satisfying decisions benefit relationships: An experience sampling study

Sometimes, individuals must choose between acting in a way that satisfies their own desire or acting in a way that satisfies their partner's desire. What are the consequences of choosing one over the other for individuals' well‐being and relationship? Using experience sampling data (934 reports by 106 participants) that assessed daily decision conflicts in relationships, we examined consequences of partner‐satisfying decisions. A higher proportion of partner‐satisfying decisions predicted more perceived needs fulfillment and marginally higher perceived relationship quality over the course of a week. Additionally, immediately after the partner‐satisfying decision, participants reported feeling closer to their partner, and reported more positive and less negative affect, even when controlling for the quality of the relationship.     

Relationship Quality with Parents: Implications for Own and Partner Well‐Being in Middle‐Aged Couples

Relationships with parents have significant implications for well‐being throughout the lifespan. At midlife, these ties are situated within both developmental and family contexts that often involve the adult offspring's spouse. Yet, it is not known how ties with aging parents are related to psychological well‐being within middle‐aged couples. This study examined how middle‐aged wives’ and husbands’ views of the current quality of relationships with their own parents (positive and negative) are linked to their own and their partner's psychological well‐being. Using a sample of 132 middle‐aged couples from Wave 1 of the Family Exchanges Study, we estimated actor–partner interdependence models to evaluate these dyadic associations while controlling for each spouse's marital satisfaction. Both actor and partner effects were observed. With respect to actor effects, wives who reported more negative relationship quality with their own parents had elevated depressive symptoms and lower life satisfaction. Husbands who reported more negative relationship quality with their own parents had lower life satisfaction. In terms of partner effects, husbands had lower depressive symptoms and greater life satisfaction when wives reported more positive relationship quality with their own parents. Finally, the link between wives’ positive ties with parents and husbands’ lower depressive symptoms was intensified when husbands had less positive relationships with their own parents. Findings suggest that relationship quality with wives’ aging parents has implications for both spouses’ well‐being and may serve as a critical social resource for husbands.     

Meta-accuracy about potential relationship partners' models of others

We investigated whether people can determine which partners are best able to confirm their self-views. Results suggest that people are able to determine the valence of a potential romantic partner's model of other (i.e., they are meta-accurate). Previous research indicates that people expect to have their specific negative and positive self-views confirmed by partners whose model of other matches the valence of their self-view. In the present study, participants generally sought feedback that was congruent with a partner's model of other. However, men who held positive self-views were not meta-accurate; rather, they sought positive or negative feedback from partners regardless of the valence of the partner's model of other. These gender differences are discussed in terms of differential socialization patterns. Results suggest that people may choose relationship partners who are able to confirm their self-views.     

Forgiveness, feeling connected to others, and well-being: two longitudinal studies

In two studies, the authors investigated the associations between interpersonal forgiveness and psychological well-being. Cross-sectional and prospective multilevel analyses demonstrated that increases in forgiveness (measured as fluctuations in individuals' avoidance, revenge, and benevolence motivations toward their transgressors) were related to within-persons increases in psychological well-being (measured as more satisfaction with life, more positive mood, less negative mood, and fewer physical symptoms). Moreover, forgiveness was more strongly linked to well-being for people who reported being closer and more committed to their partners before the transgression and for people who reported that their partners apologized and made amends for the transgression. Evidence for the reverse causal model, that increases in well-being were related to increases in forgiveness, was also found. However, changes in feelings of closeness toward the partner appeared to account for the associations of forgiveness with well-being, but not vice versa.     

Couples' Disease: The Experience of Living with a Partner with Chronic Depression

This study is concerned with the impact of chronic depression on partners. Thirteen male and female participants who lived with a partner with chronic depression were interviewed. Data were analyzed using thematic analysis. Findings highlighted a need for caregivers to be more centrally involved in their partner's care, given that they face stigma, shifts in role identity, and uncertainty, which all potentially threaten the level of support they can give their partner. In this sense, depression might be described as a “couples disease,” suggesting that couples therapy and group support for partners should be more widely available to help reduce the burden on partners and potentially prevent relationship breakdown.